• Published 2nd Mar 2015
  • 2,500 Views, 58 Comments

SUPER SIRENS!! - Eyeswirl the Weirded

Showdown between the Rainbooms and the Dazzlings! And then some other crud.

  • ...

She Really Should Make Some Brownies.

Something weird was going on at CHS.

Well, that is to say, something weird was going on at CHS that Adagio couldn't safely ignore. Every time she talked to people, something would get her attention, she'd turn away from them, and when she looked back, they were gone.

So annoying!

At first, she had assumed they were ding-dong-ditching her without a doorbell (or a door) somehow, but nobody could run away that fast in complete silence. Just poof, gone. Soon, she was walking through the school with not another soul in sight, not a sound but that of her own heels against the floor tiles. And then shouting.


Stepping around a corner a second later, Aria was giving her a deadpan look. "'Assemble'? Seriously? I can't believe you just quoted that stupid movie we made."

Sonata joined them from a different hallway. "I've been trying to get a sequel in the works, but no luck so far. Can you believe nobody is on board for Naked Ninja Space Sirens Vs. The Great Chocolate Octopus?"

"Yes," answered Adagio, "and more importantly, where is everyone?"

Crossing her arms, Aria scoffed. "Hello? We're right here."

"Everyone else, you dope."

Sonata scowled. "Dope? Dope?!" She pointed an accusing finger at Aria. "You musclin' in on my turf, suckah?!"

As ever, Aria's delivery was a calm deadpan. "No."

Possibly not having heard that response, Sonata took up a fighting stance, hopping back and forth as she boxed the air a few times. "Ohhh, you wanna fight for the title, huh? You wanna fight the champ, chump?!"


"You wanna be daddy?! You wanna wear the daddy-pants, huh?!"


Adagio closed her eyes, pulling at her own hair. "Urrrgh, shut up, both of you!"


While it was nice when people listened to her, Adagio had a bad feeling. She slowly opened her eyes to see no signs of her cohorts. It had happened again, and this time was the last straw. She shouted to the ceiling of the library. "Alright, that's it, whoever's doing this, come out so I can make you disappear!"

A deep, bellowing voice sounded from somewhere nearby.

"Ohh, I don't think you will."

Glancing around, Adagio tried to imagine how she'd use one of the nearby books as weapons. You could bitch-slap someone to death with The Grapes of Wrath, right? "Who are you? Show yourself!"

The speaker chuckled ominously. "I am the one you are destined to be with; the one who will be with you for the rest of your life..."

"A name would be nice. No, more importantly, are you the one making everyone vanish?"

It laughed again. "I am! None but I must be allowed to lay eyes on you, and none but I must be allowed to bask in your presence."

The sentiment would be flattering if Adagio weren't furious about Aria and Sonata being disappear'd. "I will be the one to decide that, now bring everyone back this instant!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Adagio."

Part of her dreaded asking. "And why not?"

"I ate them."


"I said I ate-"

"Shut up, I heard you the first time!!" She shook her head in disbelief. "You killed and ate everyone?! Why?! How?!"

"It is simple, my dear. I did it so we could be together. I did it because I love you."

Adagio scoffed. "Everyone loves me, what makes you so special?" Granted, it rarely seemed to be for anything other than certain details of her anatomy with most people, but love was love and she wasn't too picky these days.

"But I love you more, I love you THE MOST. Do you love m-"





Adagio stomped impatiently. "Just show yourself already!!"

The voice chuckled. "Very well... my love. Turn around."

Nabbing the nearest book from the nearest bookshelf, Adagio spun around and threw it with full force, impacting... nothing. Nothing but a chair that wasn't hurting anyone (because they were all disappear'd), several feet away.

"Now I'm behind you again."

She shot a leg directly backward, hoping to strike true with the spikes of her heel, but didn't feel an impact.

"Give up?"

"Come out so I can murder you!!"

"I think you'll find that difficult, Adagio, for in a sense, I am already dead."

"Then this little relationship was doomed from the start; I'm not a necrophilliac."

"Dead cells."

"Wha-? That doesn't-..."

She made a few unlikely connections. People disappeared when standing behind her. The killer was behind her at all times. It claimed not to be alive.

"...You're my hair?"

"Yes," answered Hair, "do you love me now, Adagio? I love you so much..."

Shoulders slumping in tired irritation, Adagio couldn't even bring herself to facepalm. "You murdered and ate everyone so that I would love you? That made sense in your planning phase?"

"Now there is only the two of us!"

"I prefer to be adored by many, you imbecile, not even accounting for my dead friends."

"I am hundreds of thousands of hairs! I AM many!"

"But still only one voice. And an ugly one at that!"

"Woah, hey, this coming from-"

"My voice healed a week after, thank you very much."

"..." Hair opted to try a different strategy. "Please, I just want to hold you..."

"You already hang against my body every minute of every day."

Hair had not considered this. "...We will ALWAYS be together!"

"Of course we will, you're attatched to my head, you idiot!"

Hair was silent for a moment. "No one can be allowed to get closer to you than me!"

"That's already guarenteed, you're literally growing out of my skin!"

"Please love me, Adagio, I love you so..."

Adagio angrily crossed her arms, refusing to look Hair in the non-existent eyes. "And all the time I spend brushing and washing you means nothing from my end? Thanks a lot."

Hair sounded nervous. "N-no, wait, I didn't mean it like-"

"Hmph. If you expect a relationship out of a lady like me, you're going to have to put a lot more thought into your-"

Aria, wearing an eight-foot stack of pancakes on her head, danced a jig just slightly to Adagio's side. "Ohh, just kiss already."

Raising an eyebrow, Adagio gave her a skeptical look. "Weren't you eaten by Hair a short time ago?"

Aria shrugged, which made her shoulders turn into bicycle helmets. "I'unno. You've been talking to your own hair the last few minutes, have you really not figured out that this is a dream by now?"

Adagio scowled, pointing at Aria with an oven-mit-clad hand. "Watch your tone, young lady. Just because I'm asleep, doesn't mean I won't take you over my knee! Or exercise the right to berate my own hair!"

Rolling her eyes, Aria hackey-sacked the pancake stack straight up into the spinning sky. "Pfft, what, with those padded gloves? I'm shakin'."

"No," replied Adagio as she pulled a spiked flail from her frilly, white apron, "with this!"

Her eyes growing to the size of dinner plates, Aria stopped her jig, hands protectively over her posterior as her mouth turned into a zip-lock bag.

"Aha," cried a giant bee with Sonata's face for a head, flying in from above, "see, Dagi? You DO think of yourself as our mother!"

"Lies!!" She glanced at the bowl on the tabletop behind her. "Now help me stir these coconuts and I'll let you lick the frying pan."


And then Adagio woke up, lying in her bed and staring up at the ceiling in silence as she tried to remember when the last time she made brownies was.

Under the covers to her left, Sonata stirred, her eyes slowly opening. "Mrr... Mornin', Dagi. You sleep okay?"

Adagio lightly tussled her hair. "I should be asking you that. No more nightmares?"


The fluffiest siren nodded, turning to her right. "And how about you?"

Sitting up and stretching, Aria dozily nodded. "Yea, yea, I'm okay now."

Shaking her head, Adagio huffed. "I keep telling you two not to binge on horror flicks, green soda, and cinnamin sticks before-well, ever, actually."

"Sure," Aria snorted, "thanks mom."

"And quit calling me that!!"

Sonata giggled. "Sure thing, mummy!" Her smile vanished as Adagio leaned in close, her eyes narrowed and her voice a low growl.

"...Don't make me get the flail."

Author's Note:

I think I'm just gonna use this "story" for all my most absurd, most ridiculous, most utterly bananas ideas involving the EQG world. The ones short enough to fit into one or two chapters, anyway. Stupid will ensue. It is now safe to lock up your stuffed animals.

I'm leaving it marked 'complete' because I don't know if I'll ever actually update this again. Got another one in mind already, but part of me hopes I'll never get around to it and finish one of my more coherent stories instead.