5684534 AW MAN!!! Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm writing well into the following morning. I keep terrible hours, I'm tired as hell and I get caught out on a missing letter?!
I love the portrait of Twilight--heart rendingly accurate! I've never known what it's like to be in Scoots's position, but it's sweet to see her thoughts and emotions as well. Thank you for a wonderful chapter!
This seems to follow a theme similar to the fic, Fallen Angels, where it explores certain social moors. Keep this going. You've got n excellent pace here, and it is written very well.
ok for people who found that diary entry moving i want you to go back and re-read it but visualise it a an audio diary that scoots is listening to, and she can hear the soft, sad, resined voice of twilight a strong and capable mare who has done so much for her country. But has accepted that she will never be truly happy.
because when i read that part it came more to me as the audio diary i could hear her saying this, and it hurt!!
Unfortunately, I am among those who must keep their romantic desires hidden from society as a whole. Neither my friends, nor my family can know what kind of pony I am. I didn't even know until I came to Ponyville. I am not a mare who loves stallions, nor do I love other mares. I don't even love both. My outlawed version of love is borderline criminal. After all, who in their right mind would allow a love that could corrupt the next generation?
"What does that mean; the next generation?" Scootaloo asked. cautiously, she read on, hoping to get some clarification? As far as she understood it, Twilight was in love with a type of pony that the law considered illegal.
They spend most of their days in certain buildings, and those few hours they spend amongst each other afterwards teases me to no end. When they play amongst each other, the subtle and unintended suggestiveness of it all drives me crazy. It gets easier when others are around me, for I instinctually manage to suppress my desires in public. This comes at a cost however, as I'm often mistaken for going over something in my head relating to brainiac stuff (as Rainbow Dash would put it). At times I wonder, how can I possibly have such feelings for ponies of that particular age range? And when I have these thoughts to myself, I cry inside, screaming how could I not? Why must my love of fillies be considered as polluted as the Everfree?
Scootaloo understood now why Twilight was panicking. She was young but even she understood that somepony as highly respected as Twilight would be ruined and run out of Equestria, should she be found out. But Scootaloo had vowed never to tell anypony, and she never broke a promise... or vow as the case may be. Besides, Twilight had made some interesting points earlier. If love was free, then why was the law containing these things?
I understand of course. To love a foal of any gender is considered morally wrong. It is my duty as an adult to guide the next generation to a better tomorrow. But still. Couldn't a better tomorrow involve unrestricted love? Why must the desires of only a certain few go unanswered? I've saved Equestria thrice over. So why must I be alone? Sure, one could argue that I give Stallions or mares my own age a try, but what would be the point if they couldn't satisfy my true desire?
As Scootaloo read on, she didn't find herself repulsed by Twilight's secret, but instead felt sad for the princess. She had given so much for Equestria. And while she'd been given the privilege of becoming an Alicorn, it was not what she'd asked for. But what she wanted to ask for was out of the question. Scootaloo turned to a few further pages, reading the next entry.
I've been hearing from my friends that their sisters have been the victims of bullying. While such a thing is commonplace in the world, even a small town like this, I find myself caring about one filly in particular. Scootaloo has never known anything but heartbreak, and while Rainbow Dash does her best to brighten up her world, I realise that at the end of the day, she returns home to a place that she may call home, but she doesn't truly believe it. She does not know love in any true sense other than friendship, and while I am the princess of friendship... I find myself wishing I could introduce Scootaloo to a different kind of love.
Scootaloo's eyes widened and her breath got stuck in her throat. No way... she thought as she read on.
That filly is brave and strong. She's endured loneliness the likes of which I don't even want to imagine. In a sense, I feel like we are kindred spirits. She is lonely in every sense of the word. I am lonely as I am now. Hiding behind a mask known as the perfect student. I've a lot to live up to, but I wish I could just let my mane down, and if I had to choose, I'd choose Scootaloo to let it down to.
The filly in question bit her bottom lip as she realised where Twilight was going with this. Her love for fillies and the connection she'd felt between them. Scootaloo realised that Twilight had fallen in love with her. It was a... not bitter pill, but certainly hard to swallow. How could somepony like Twilight love her? And in that way?! It made no sense. She'd understand Twilight falling for another filly; maybe one of her friends, Sweetie Belle or even Applebloom. Sweetie Belle would have been the most realistic choice, given that she'd chosen to study under Twilight in the field of magic. But Scootaloo? What qualities did she have that would make Twilight love her?
I've been monitoring Scootaloo's progress since they began coming to the Library to learn under me. At first, it was uncomfortable. Three fillies placing their trust in me. I wanted nothing more than to avoid letting them down. I hid behind my mask and played the good teacher, trying to keep them interested. And as time went on, I began to feel more at ease with them around. I always noticed how Scootaloo was always the last one to leave. It was like she wanted to stay here. And to be honest, I wanted her to. But what purpose would that serve other than to torture me? I ask myself every day; why do I love Scootaloo? The answer is always the same. I love her because she wants to be loved, and I want to be the one to love her. I'd have settled for wanting to love her as a parent loves their child, but my nature will always get the best of me. It's in my nature to be a monster that parents should lock up their houses to. Twilight Sparkle, inspirational princess by day... disgusting pedophile by night.
Scootaloo couldn't breathe. Everything she knew about Twilight had changed, warped into something... different. Twilight had always been truthful, but hid one important factor. Scootaloo understood why. Ponies had been executed for less. But she didn't want Twilight to be executed.
i was expecting a (if only slightly) sad tragic tale of twilight (and scoots) trying to pull them selfs to gather as friends family and society pull them apart and throw them out...and then i listened to the theme song...were in for a good time arnt we?
rushed? i don't think it's being rushed. love and romance can literally be sparked in the blink of an eye. having it develop almost immediately after you discover someone else loves you is actually a documented thing, even though i can't remember what it's called.
This does not seem rushed at all. If anything, I'm surprised at how slowly it is going; clopfics are generally a lot quicker than this to get to the action.
5689134 Seriously agree. I feel that if she adopts her, probably after the 3rd chapter (I have this feeling that Scootaloo will actually say she loves Twi the next chapter) they can be really close and no one will notice. (Especially if your kissing your "mom".)
5684990 5689231 after rereading the story again (because I have nothing better to do) I read the diary, mentally mind you, in what I think twi's voice should be and true it did make me feel bad for her. To have saved the world not only one but three times over, and live your life alone? That is just cruel, now I know many of us love to be cruel to twi, but this is just... Its not right. Once again I find that scoots ask twi to adopt her after spending more time getting to know her, that way scoots could use wanting to get to know better as a friend cover for what she really wanted to ask.
5690349 Well, I'm just assuming. I think Twilight legit does know that Scootaloo read it. Besides, I don't think Twi would adopt her before knowing Scootaloo's desire. (She called that torture)
5690623 if twi knows that scoot has read some of her diary then we will know in the next chapter, and i was saying scoots initial curiosity could be re interpreted as getting to know a potential mother and eventually reveal her feelings for twi when the adoption is final and she has settled in with twi, if she has not already.
5690703 I thought that it was like a motherly relationship until she started imaging Twilight watching her. Though, I can't wait to see everything unfold!
A few points that you may want to address at some point in the story. -Statutory rape is known to cause long-term psychological problems. Twilight seems to have a good understanding of basic psychology, so you might want to consider what she would do to mitigate those problems. -The reason sex with minors is considered a form of rape is because minors lack the experience, knowledge, and brain development needed for them to consent to sex and actually understand the consequences of what they're doing, and recognize the differences between a crush, love, and lust. Considering how concerned she is about hurting others and the damage this coming out could inflict on her friends, having a conversation with Scootaloo about this would be a good idea. -If a romantic relationship between her and Scootaloo builds up, then what do they do when Scootaloo becomes an adult? It's pointed out how she doesn't feel anything for ponies her own age.
So many of you may think that the thing is being a bit rushed, but truth be told the romance is only a part of the story as a whole.
But a fundamental part of it, and the basis upon which relationships are built. You spent pretty much the entire chapter painting Twilight's fetish as a more than purely physical attraction; it helps set you apart and sets the tone for an emotional story. Also, the entire reason Scootaloo is there is to get to know Twilight better--while finding her secret like that is a big boost, Scootaloo has a point in that she doesn't knows as much about Twilight as she ought.
If Twilight weren't such a high-profile pony, she could probably see a therapist over this. Fetishes can be overcome or worked around (as an alicorn, she should be able to manage those age spells, for instance (might help with the above issue), and even as a unicorn it would have been well within her abilities if she had ever devoted herself to learning them).
Just one little thing I want to point out before I never read this again.
I already found a few stories that picture Twilights new castle as some kind of TARDIS or at least that it shifts with the needs of its residents. That castle is freaking huge to begin with, so the "It is so much bigger from the inside!" is unnecessary.
On the other hand it easily destroys the premise of your story. If Twilight can just wish for a secret room to hide her diary in then Scoots can never find it.
You should get rid of your Dr. Whooves reference there.
5692148 The problem with point one is that all of those cases of stuatory rape, are exactly what they are, statuatory rape.
Nowadays, children don't know anything about sex. Everything about sex is shunned and taboo, hidden by the media, outlawed by the media and society, and looked down upon. Everybody shelters their children, keeping them from the knowledge that they need in order to keep their children as perfect little angels. The issue arises, especially with the recent rampage of teen and early adolescent pregnancies, when the kids start experiencing their own sexuality and desires without guidance.
Nobody teaches them what's wrong or right, because they think kids can't handle it. Why wouldn't they be able to? They spend their lives from the moment they are born learning, taking in everything that they see around them, absorbing the knowledge from their teachers. They learn every trivial piece of knowledge they'll never need except for the single most important factor of animal biology. Sex.
We withhold the knowledge of sex, the pleasure and pain that it can bring, the hardship of pregnancy, and, instead, label it as dirty and wrong and 'only for adults', yet when does puberty start? Anywhere between the ages of 9-12, generally. It's around these times that kids start undergoing changes into sexual maturity, discovering new feelings that they've never had before, without any prior knowledge of what's happening. These kids blossom into young adults with nothing to go on except what their bodies are telling them, and do you know what their bodies are saying?
They're saying that they want to use their newfound sexual desires.
This is where the problem arises. You have a kid with boundless sexual frustration that knows nothing about it, because society deems them unworthy of the knowledge that could protect them or help them relieve that frustration, and somebody older that knows what they're doing (supposedly). That is where the issue comes up.
It could very well become a non-issue as well. Yes, if something bad happens, it is entirely on the adult's shoulders to bear the blame. If the child gets pregnant because protection wasn't used, then it's obvious that the elder wasn't ready either. If they don't take things slow and actually build up a relationship, then it's taking advantage of the kid's lack of knowledge and showing incompetency on the elder's part. There are tons of situations where a child's lack of knowledge can and have been exploited, and all of those are wrong, but who actually took the time to really consider the childrens' aptitude?
Nobody, really. I'm not saying kids are geniouses, but what I am saying is that nobody has given children a chance to prove themselves there in order to gain any real studies on it. Nobody wants to teach their children about sex, or have their children taught by another, so we don't have studies on how their understanding on the subject goes. We take their 'childishness' at face value, ignoring the studies cases where the children have proven far more mature than their parents, and assuming that they can't know about sex until their 'adults'.
We have puritans come cracking down on cases of childhood sexuality like hellspawn, because they can't believe that their sweet, innocent child could ever have these entirely human desires, condemning other people, even other, slightly older children, to jail because they expressed a mutual desire to fornicate, een if both parties didn't understand exactly what they were getting into (in the case of two kids over 3 years in age apart).
Children are more than capable of learning and understanding sexuality, just as they are capable of learning and understanding responsibility. There are children that take care of the house/younger siblings while their mother/father/parents are out working all the time, but nobody takes their maturity into consideration. there are kids that live on their own, not as wards of the state, that take care of themselves and their siblings, finding their own form of income, but they don't matter. Children are immature and incapable of retaining knowledge.
Just as an example, I have been masturbating since I was around 9-10 (the exact age is lost to me), discovered porn when I was 11 (this I remember clearly ), and was able to maintain virginity until I was eighteen, entirely of my own volition. My sex ed classes, if you could call them that, consisted of the teachers showing off various disgusting venereal (sp? Too lazy to phone search it) diseases and how pregnancy could ruin my life with a brief mention of condoms. That's it. I had to figure out why condoms were so important, how it all worked, methods of preventing pregnancy/STDs, on my own.
Society as it is now is trash when it comes to sexuality and it can only be fixed from the younger generations onwards. I don't advocate for teaching literal children (toddlers, prepubescent, babies), because they don't need to know it yet (although it could very much help for the prepubes to have some cursory explanation and proper warnings), but I very much believe that the way we demonize sexuality and steer our children away from it is only detrimental.
If we teach them, help them through these phases, and nuture them towards understanding themselves and the desires of others, then they could very well make their own decisions. Hell, there have been plenty of cases where there was a purely non-sexual relationship between an adult/child.
On to your third point, I will agree here. If Twilight's desire focuses entirely on the fact that Scootaloo is a filly, then that is a major issue. This shows a great lack of maturity on Twilight's (and by comparison, the adult's) part. This is where it is a fetish and not an orientation. If the person is going after children purely for sexual desires, then it is an issue, but assuming that everybody that finds children attractive is a shallow twat like that (not saying Twilight is, since her desires seem to go further than that judging by her journal) is just as equally twat-ish.
For many, their attraction to children is no simply fetishistic in nature, but an orientation (I fall into this category, but I do, also, find some women attractive as well, so I have that going for me). Many have no control over who they find attractive, just as homosexuals and bisexuals find their specific type of person attractive to them. Many also find ways to control this, finding somebody that they can love outside of their primary desire to love and be loved by. They still find themselves attracted to children, just as a married man will find beuatiful women other than their wife (and vice versa) attractive.
Anyway, this went on a LOT longer than I had planned. It's not meant to sway you in any way, as you will likely be set in your own views (however much I disagree with them) as I am in mine, but instead to be used as an informational piece. some food for thought, if you will.
(P.S. If you remind me, I'll try to find those cases that I described above. I'd do it now, but I'm at work on my phone.)
Oh! I completely forgot to comment about the story. Derp.
I'm liking it so far. It does seem to be moving a teensy bit fast as far as Scoot's feelings are concerned (although having her imagine Twilight Pred'ing above her was very much my fetish), but otherwise it's working pretty well.
I'll also agree with dragonjek as far as the relationship aspect goes. That should be very important focal point of the story. I understand wanting to have sex in there, but the budding relationship between the two has to be the focus lest you fall into the trap of being just another clopfic with extra words.
Aside from all that, you could also use a good editing. Nothing super cereal, but I did find several instances of missing letters, lacking capitalization, etc that could be touched up. Celestia help me if I ever become unlazy enough to actually go back and point them out again. The world might explode.
Oh, wow, first time I get a comment deleted, especially after saying I wanted more of the story (and saying it was good), only saying it's too bad you never finish what you begin.
Most people say they will continue or they have circumstances. You delete...
5774232 Your last comment suggested that you weren't going to bother with this story, even though you said it had potential. Perhaps I should have asked if you were still tracking it. Sorry.
Yes I am, and of course I'll continue reading it. I read a lot of story of people who suddenly (and unfortunately) stop writing them after a few chapters.Take it like you want, but most of the time when an author like you have a rate of unfinished fics this high, it's bad omen for each new fics the author begins. And from my point of view, it's not very respectful for the readers who expect more and are left with an unfinished story.
So, I hope you'll continue it until the end, but my experience leave me with little hope.
Need more Scootalight. I love the start of your story, talks about scoots life and about being an orphan, and would like her to stay. I know will eventually have more M-Rated content to the story, but im glad you didnt just jump straight into it, try to be sensual, loving, between them. To many storys have "OH OH ITS SO GOOD"..., bla bla bla This has really good potential.
Dun dun duuuuun!
5684534 AW MAN!!! Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm writing well into the following morning. I keep terrible hours, I'm tired as hell and I get caught out on a missing letter?!
5684556 cdn.makeagif.com/media/3-01-2015/GYlyn8.gif
I wonder if Twilight actually found out.
I love the portrait of Twilight--heart rendingly accurate! I've never known what it's like to be in Scoots's position, but it's sweet to see her thoughts and emotions as well. Thank you for a wonderful chapter!
This seems to follow a theme similar to the fic, Fallen Angels, where it explores certain social moors.
Keep this going. You've got n excellent pace here, and it is written very well.
right that discreption alone gets a like and fave i will be watching
ok for people who found that diary entry moving i want you to go back and re-read it but visualise it a an audio diary that scoots is listening to, and she can hear the soft, sad, resined voice of twilight a strong and capable mare who has done so much for her country. But has accepted that she will never be truly happy.
because when i read that part it came more to me as the audio diary i could hear her saying this, and it hurt!!
i was expecting a (if only slightly) sad tragic tale of twilight (and scoots) trying to pull them selfs to gather as friends family and society pull them apart and throw them out...and then i listened to the theme song...were in for a good time arnt we?![:scootangel:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/scootangel.png)
![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
rushed? i don't think it's being rushed. love and romance can literally be sparked in the blink of an eye. having it develop almost immediately after you discover someone else loves you is actually a documented thing, even though i can't remember what it's called.
This does not seem rushed at all. If anything, I'm surprised at how slowly it is going; clopfics are generally a lot quicker than this to get to the action.
5684584![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
too funny!
I kinda want Scoots to ask twi to adopt her. It will not only let them indulge, twi could help Scoots learn to fly as well.
5689134 Seriously agree. I feel that if she adopts her, probably after the 3rd chapter (I have this feeling that Scootaloo will actually say she loves Twi the next chapter) they can be really close and no one will notice. (Especially if your kissing your "mom".)
I don't normally like these types of stories, but this one is really good. I can however see things going very wrong very quickly.
the feels![:applecry:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applecry.png)
5681439 Your right way involves nothing but futa-twi all the way.![:trixieshiftleft:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trixieshiftleft.png)
5684990
5689231 after rereading the story again (because I have nothing better to do) I read the diary, mentally mind you, in what I think twi's voice should be and true it did make me feel bad for her. To have saved the world not only one but three times over, and live your life alone? That is just cruel, now I know many of us love to be cruel to twi, but this is just... Its not right. Once again I find that scoots ask twi to adopt her after spending more time getting to know her, that way scoots could use wanting to get to know better as a friend cover for what she really wanted to ask.
5690349 Well, I'm just assuming. I think Twilight legit does know that Scootaloo read it. Besides, I don't think Twi would adopt her before knowing Scootaloo's desire. (She called that torture)
5690623 if twi knows that scoot has read some of her diary then we will know in the next chapter, and i was saying scoots initial curiosity could be re interpreted as getting to know a potential mother and eventually reveal her feelings for twi when the adoption is final and she has settled in with twi, if she has not already.
5690703 I thought that it was like a motherly relationship until she started imaging Twilight watching her. Though, I can't wait to see everything unfold!
5690841 nether can i my friend
5690878 I think I read this way too many times lol.
5690893 20 times today, more or less?
Ahem...
A few points that you may want to address at some point in the story.
-Statutory rape is known to cause long-term psychological problems. Twilight seems to have a good understanding of basic psychology, so you might want to consider what she would do to mitigate those problems.
-The reason sex with minors is considered a form of rape is because minors lack the experience, knowledge, and brain development needed for them to consent to sex and actually understand the consequences of what they're doing, and recognize the differences between a crush, love, and lust. Considering how concerned she is about hurting others and the damage this coming out could inflict on her friends, having a conversation with Scootaloo about this would be a good idea.
-If a romantic relationship between her and Scootaloo builds up, then what do they do when Scootaloo becomes an adult? It's pointed out how she doesn't feel anything for ponies her own age.
But a fundamental part of it, and the basis upon which relationships are built. You spent pretty much the entire chapter painting Twilight's fetish as a more than purely physical attraction; it helps set you apart and sets the tone for an emotional story. Also, the entire reason Scootaloo is there is to get to know Twilight better--while finding her secret like that is a big boost, Scootaloo has a point in that she doesn't knows as much about Twilight as she ought.
If Twilight weren't such a high-profile pony, she could probably see a therapist over this. Fetishes can be overcome or worked around (as an alicorn, she should be able to manage those age spells, for instance (might help with the above issue), and even as a unicorn it would have been well within her abilities if she had ever devoted herself to learning them).
5686625 Yes yes, tis quite hilarious, now do be a good sport and expedite your efforts towards the release new chapter would you kindly.
I approve of this ship.
So does my cock.
Omg! I must know what happens when Scoots lets Twilight know!
Just one little thing I want to point out before I never read this again.
I already found a few stories that picture Twilights new castle as some kind of TARDIS or at least that it shifts with the needs of its residents. That castle is freaking huge to begin with, so the "It is so much bigger from the inside!" is unnecessary.
On the other hand it easily destroys the premise of your story. If Twilight can just wish for a secret room to hide her diary in then Scoots can never find it.
You should get rid of your Dr. Whooves reference there.
NightmareShredder![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
5700594 I said it expands upon the rooms already present within the castle, not that it creates new ones.
5702991
Ah well, suit yourself.
I was just in my critic-mode today and thought I tell you about this little flaw. But it seems to be just me.
5703084 It's not so much a flaw as it is an overused redundancy.
Well... That`s pretty good.
good story, hope u update soon
Please continue this
5692148 The problem with point one is that all of those cases of stuatory rape, are exactly what they are, statuatory rape.
Nowadays, children don't know anything about sex. Everything about sex is shunned and taboo, hidden by the media, outlawed by the media and society, and looked down upon. Everybody shelters their children, keeping them from the knowledge that they need in order to keep their children as perfect little angels. The issue arises, especially with the recent rampage of teen and early adolescent pregnancies, when the kids start experiencing their own sexuality and desires without guidance.
Nobody teaches them what's wrong or right, because they think kids can't handle it. Why wouldn't they be able to? They spend their lives from the moment they are born learning, taking in everything that they see around them, absorbing the knowledge from their teachers. They learn every trivial piece of knowledge they'll never need except for the single most important factor of animal biology. Sex.
We withhold the knowledge of sex, the pleasure and pain that it can bring, the hardship of pregnancy, and, instead, label it as dirty and wrong and 'only for adults', yet when does puberty start? Anywhere between the ages of 9-12, generally. It's around these times that kids start undergoing changes into sexual maturity, discovering new feelings that they've never had before, without any prior knowledge of what's happening. These kids blossom into young adults with nothing to go on except what their bodies are telling them, and do you know what their bodies are saying?
They're saying that they want to use their newfound sexual desires.
This is where the problem arises. You have a kid with boundless sexual frustration that knows nothing about it, because society deems them unworthy of the knowledge that could protect them or help them relieve that frustration, and somebody older that knows what they're doing (supposedly). That is where the issue comes up.
It could very well become a non-issue as well. Yes, if something bad happens, it is entirely on the adult's shoulders to bear the blame. If the child gets pregnant because protection wasn't used, then it's obvious that the elder wasn't ready either. If they don't take things slow and actually build up a relationship, then it's taking advantage of the kid's lack of knowledge and showing incompetency on the elder's part. There are tons of situations where a child's lack of knowledge can and have been exploited, and all of those are wrong, but who actually took the time to really consider the childrens' aptitude?
Nobody, really. I'm not saying kids are geniouses, but what I am saying is that nobody has given children a chance to prove themselves there in order to gain any real studies on it. Nobody wants to teach their children about sex, or have their children taught by another, so we don't have studies on how their understanding on the subject goes. We take their 'childishness' at face value, ignoring the studies cases where the children have proven far more mature than their parents, and assuming that they can't know about sex until their 'adults'.
We have puritans come cracking down on cases of childhood sexuality like hellspawn, because they can't believe that their sweet, innocent child could ever have these entirely human desires, condemning other people, even other, slightly older children, to jail because they expressed a mutual desire to fornicate, een if both parties didn't understand exactly what they were getting into (in the case of two kids over 3 years in age apart).
Children are more than capable of learning and understanding sexuality, just as they are capable of learning and understanding responsibility. There are children that take care of the house/younger siblings while their mother/father/parents are out working all the time, but nobody takes their maturity into consideration. there are kids that live on their own, not as wards of the state, that take care of themselves and their siblings, finding their own form of income, but they don't matter. Children are immature and incapable of retaining knowledge.
Just as an example, I have been masturbating since I was around 9-10 (the exact age is lost to me), discovered porn when I was 11 (this I remember clearly
), and was able to maintain virginity until I was eighteen, entirely of my own volition. My sex ed classes, if you could call them that, consisted of the teachers showing off various disgusting venereal (sp? Too lazy to phone search it) diseases and how pregnancy could ruin my life with a brief mention of condoms. That's it. I had to figure out why condoms were so important, how it all worked, methods of preventing pregnancy/STDs, on my own.
Society as it is now is trash when it comes to sexuality and it can only be fixed from the younger generations onwards. I don't advocate for teaching literal children (toddlers, prepubescent, babies), because they don't need to know it yet (although it could very much help for the prepubes to have some cursory explanation and proper warnings), but I very much believe that the way we demonize sexuality and steer our children away from it is only detrimental.
If we teach them, help them through these phases, and nuture them towards understanding themselves and the desires of others, then they could very well make their own decisions. Hell, there have been plenty of cases where there was a purely non-sexual relationship between an adult/child.
On to your third point, I will agree here. If Twilight's desire focuses entirely on the fact that Scootaloo is a filly, then that is a major issue. This shows a great lack of maturity on Twilight's (and by comparison, the adult's) part. This is where it is a fetish and not an orientation. If the person is going after children purely for sexual desires, then it is an issue, but assuming that everybody that finds children attractive is a shallow twat like that (not saying Twilight is, since her desires seem to go further than that judging by her journal) is just as equally twat-ish.
For many, their attraction to children is no simply fetishistic in nature, but an orientation (I fall into this category, but I do, also, find some women attractive as well, so I have that going for me). Many have no control over who they find attractive, just as homosexuals and bisexuals find their specific type of person attractive to them. Many also find ways to control this, finding somebody that they can love outside of their primary desire to love and be loved by. They still find themselves attracted to children, just as a married man will find beuatiful women other than their wife (and vice versa) attractive.
Anyway, this went on a LOT longer than I had planned. It's not meant to sway you in any way, as you will likely be set in your own views (however much I disagree with them) as I am in mine, but instead to be used as an informational piece. some food for thought, if you will.
(P.S. If you remind me, I'll try to find those cases that I described above. I'd do it now, but I'm at work on my phone.)
Oh! I completely forgot to comment about the story. Derp.
I'm liking it so far. It does seem to be moving a teensy bit fast as far as Scoot's feelings are concerned (although having her imagine Twilight Pred'ing above her was very much my fetish), but otherwise it's working pretty well.
I'll also agree with dragonjek as far as the relationship aspect goes. That should be very important focal point of the story. I understand wanting to have sex in there, but the budding relationship between the two has to be the focus lest you fall into the trap of being just another clopfic with extra words.
Aside from all that, you could also use a good editing. Nothing super cereal, but I did find several instances of missing letters, lacking capitalization, etc that could be touched up. Celestia help me if I ever become unlazy enough to actually go back and point them out again. The world might explode.
Keep it up!
Oh, wow, first time I get a comment deleted, especially after saying I wanted more of the story (and saying it was good), only saying it's too bad you never finish what you begin.
Most people say they will continue or they have circumstances. You delete...
You're very good at communication.
5774232 Your last comment suggested that you weren't going to bother with this story, even though you said it had potential. Perhaps I should have asked if you were still tracking it. Sorry.
5775930
Yes I am, and of course I'll continue reading it.
I read a lot of story of people who suddenly (and unfortunately) stop writing them after a few chapters.Take it like you want, but most of the time when an author like you have a rate of unfinished fics this high, it's bad omen for each new fics the author begins.
And from my point of view, it's not very respectful for the readers who expect more and are left with an unfinished story.
So, I hope you'll continue it until the end, but my experience leave me with little hope.
5776977 Fair enough.
as
stallions
Interesting character study with Twilight.
Need more Scootalight.
I love the start of your story, talks about scoots life and about being an orphan, and would like her to stay.
I know will eventually have more M-Rated content to the story, but im glad you didnt just jump straight into it, try to be sensual, loving, between them. To many storys have "OH OH ITS SO GOOD"..., bla bla bla
This has really good potential.
Pfft that picture XD
5778774
This was good, please keep it up.
I thought it was a good pace, really interesting read as well.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
![:scootangel:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/scootangel.png)
Heh, I'm quite enjoying this!