Locks key

by Locks key

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How is Loxy going to react to this!!!! I thought flopping down in my bed. His love for me is strong. Just like her love for him.
"Ughhhhhhh!!!!" I screamed throwing my pillow at the door.
"Moth!!!!! You almost hit me. You need to be more careful." Loxy scolded coming into the room.
"Heh heh . . . . . . "
"You must be hungry. I'll go get mum. Then we can go to the hive!" She squealed jumping in excitement.
"Oh for pete's sake. Lets go." I grumbled.
"Don't be so mad. You'll at least be able to see Bumble." She said smugly.
"Who's he?" I asked sticking out my tounge.
"Never mind. Let's go already!!!" Loxy squealed.
"Mom. Can we go to the hive?" Loxy asked.
"Sure. Momma's gotta stretch out these old wings." Chrsanthamum said.
"Yay!!!!!!" Loxy cheered.
"Wooohooo." I said bluntly following my mom and sister out the door. The hive was the last place I wanted to be in a million years.

Author's Note:

Hello this is me. The author of this beloved story to most. I see some dislikes so please tell why and maybe I can fix it. Anyways hope you enjoy. I would also like feedback on the Pipsqueak crush. Who do you think will end up winning the stallions heart?

Comments

[Locks key]

Hey. Please comment and reccomend to friends. Please. No one reads much of my newly made story.

[Tennis Match Fan]

How is Loxy going to react to this!!!! I thought flopping down in my bed. His love for me is strong. Just like her love for him.

How is Loxy going to react to this?! I thought, flopping down on my bed. His love for me is strong. Just like her love for him.

I think you would also do well to space lines.

Instead of:

"Hi!" said Pinkie.
"Hey!" Apple Bloom waved.
"Chicken!" Football screamed.

It would be:

"Hi!" said Pinkie.

"Hey!" Apple Bloom waved.

"Chicken!" Football screamed.