From Rainbow Dash's POV 2
I was going to Twilight's house. The new Daring Do book had come out. When I finally got there, Twilight reminded me that I owed her some bits from the last time we went to sugarcube corner. To my dismay, I ran into Pinkie Pie. We are friends its just that she seems extra wierd lately. She keeps talking about bronies, whatever they are. Last week she told me to check out anthropology. I later found out that its a study of humans. That must mean Lyra sung it. That was wierd since she doesn't sing. Sure she can play a lyre like its no ones business but shes a terrible singer. "Hey Rainbow Dash!" It was Pinkie. I knew that I couldn't run so I said hi. She told me to grab some extra bits. I asked why. "Because the script says so duh..."
I flew quickly back to my house. Its more of a mansion but it feels good to call it a home. I grabbed a bag with about 14 bits in it. I only needed 10 but Pinkie said I needed extra. I went to Twilights place and gave her the bits. I was on my way but I felt thirsty. I had the money for a drink (thanks to pinkie) so I went to buy one. On my way there, I saw a filly. She was up pretty high and I went to see what she was doing. She was crying. And her wings. No she couldn't. She was gonna jump! I just coudn't believe what I was seeing. She looked really familar. It couldn't be though...
While I was lost in my own thoughts,she'd jumped. I was about to fly and get her but something amazing happened. She her body was on fire! And it was there was lightning bolts all over her body. The strange thing was, she wasnt burning. Was this like my Sonic Rainboom? This filly, was amazing. It was almost like she and I had the same blood running through us. But that woud be impossible. She couldn't be. My Lightning Rider.
She was almost at the ground. Lost in my thoughts again, I hadn't noticed. I was almost too late. Almost.
I flew faster then I've ever done. Anyone who was below was in for a treat.
Berry Punch was drinking again. She liked to look up when she was drunk. There was the biggest explosion of rainbows and fire. She proceeded to spill her bottle. "Gosh Colgate was right..."
I thought she would be grateful but she was screaming. Telling me to put her down. Let her die. No freaking way on Equestria would I put her down. At least until she was safe. Her voice. It just made me happy. Like I'd heard it before. I held onto the hope that it was her.
I finally got a good look at her. She just looked lost. Her cyan eyes were innocent and screamed "Help me". I assumed her coat was yellow since it was covered in dirt. The only hint of yellow was were she had been crying. Her mane was only 2 colours. Light blue and red. It looked like my mane. Her tail was mostly red with blue tips.I was about to swear and scream at her. Then I remembered that she was a kid and she might be her...
I just calmly asked her why. What she said had shocked me. She was homeless. She had no family. "D-Do you at least recognise me?" She slowly shook her head and asked why. I allowed one tear to fall.She doesn't know who I am. I don't even know if it is her but nevertheless I would protect her. "So I'm guessing you need a home huh? Well your in luck! I just happen to have some spare rooms and I guess I could spare a couple. You also have alot of talent. With the right training, you could be amazing. bet living on the streets did you some good though. I'll bet your an awesome fighter. I just happen to be the best flier in Equestria. That thing you did, its alot like something that I did a long time ago.Granted I wasn't trying to die but, looks like the results are the same." I motioned to her flank and she saw her cutie mark. Overwhelmed by the happiness I'd given her and getting her cutie mark, she ninja hugged me. I was a little surprised but I welcomed it. "Wait, you don't have a name do you?" She shook her head. "Well I've got the perfect one, Lightning Rider..."
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- k12314 · 69k words · 339 23 · 9.1k views
- Tricondon · 29k words · 57 4 · 3.7k views
- maxxxxxx · 20k words · 161 16 · 2.9k views
- SkyPieIsTheBest · 1k words · 33 3 · 2.2k views
- DustyFolio · 12k words · 92 12 · 2.8k views
- Hopeful_Ink_Hoof · 5k words · 72 3 · 2.5k views
- TheEngineer · 64k words · 77 8 · 3.2k views
- Wheller · 12k words · 30 5 · 1.8k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.114 seconds
Total duration
1,008 users online
430,258 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
5602523 whats impossible?
As Xarsor Said, Terminal Velocity would rip off Rider's fur and skin before he even hit the ground.
This story is okay, i like it.
But, y'know. Get facts right.
5602753
5602523
Okay but by that logic so would have Rainbow's whenever she did it in the show. Also Lightning is a girl
5602761
Well remember, It's a show.
Not really supposed to be realistic.
Just saying.
5602767 exactly and my fanfic follows the same logic as the show
Well this surprised me. 36 people have seen this and only 2 have commented. On revenge, in the first 10 minutes, it had 10 comments. Is there nothing I can improve on? Come on! I'm trying to be a better author but I can't if you don't tell me what I can do better?
sorry for raging its just blah I'm gonna have some tea. I'm british BTW.
You want to know what you can improve upon? Really?
Okay. 1.) Lighting Rider is a stupid name for a pony, 2.) If she doesn't know her name, how is she still alive? Surely at some point somepony somewhere asked her name and she made up a lie. Unless you want us to believe she survived from birth all alone. 3.) Wow, Rainbow Dash just invites you (your character is obviously a self insert) to live with her, 4.) Apparently your so awesome that you can do your own version of a sonic rainbow even though your wings are tied up....except that it's cooler 5.) What the f is a ninja hug? 6.) GET AN EDITOR 7.) Write out numbers. 8.) Pinkie breaking the fourth wall jokes are best used carefully, you're not there yet 8.) PACING 9.) Read other stories, look what they do well...look at yours. See the difference 10.) Your dialogue sounds unnatural.
5603891. 1. okay first off, so is black cod. I mean are you implying the actual fish or call of duty. I chose the name because I made the character before I gave her a name. 2.It's because before this she was shy. The first and only time she actually opened up to someone while she was homeless,,it was diamond tiara. Yeah and her character doesn't change much from the show. So you can see why. She didn't survive from birth. She was about 7 when she lost her memory and something happened. In this fic she is around 10. In most fics after this, she is 12. 3.Okay did you not even read the fic? Lightning Rider clearly reminds her of someone she's met before.4.. Well her wings are tied up so she can't open them to stop. She as high as she can be where the oxygen is extremely thin. Why doesn't she just stay there until she runs out of air to breathe? Because she's a kid and that's the cheapest suicide that she could think of. Basically she just chose the first thing she thought of.5. A ninja hug is when your just talking to someone, and you hug them super fast unexpectedly.6. I have an editor. 7.I don't follow you. On Twitter. 8.This is only my 2nd fic. Trust me I'll get better.9. Your basically calling me a bad writer. 10.Take a look at 8 again.
5606934 I encountered a bunch of bad fics yesterday and went around criticizing them without being nice about it. I'll try to be more diplomatic this time around.
1.) It's meant to be the fish, and I'm not writing stories where my main character has that name.
2.) You didn't answer my question of how she doesn't know her own name, if she has amnesia you need to tell the reader that
3.) That's a bad reason for anyone to invite a pony THEY JUST MET to move in with them
4.) Rainbow Dash can do a sonic rainbow when she tries really hard, suggesting that pulling off that kind of feat takes effort. Lighting Rider apparently can do a lighting flash boom whatever without trying because all she's doing is falling. Can you see how that's a little hard to believe, even given cartoon logic.
5.) ok
6.) There are a lot of mistakes in this; grammar and punctuation. Your editor is not very good.
7.) you say something like Rainbow went to get 10 bits. It should be ten bits.
8, 9, and 10.) Yep. I'm saying your fics are bad and if you want to get better those are three things you can work on. No one is going to give you a pass because this is only your second story.
5607466 okay I'll answer this in the morning caus it's 12 and I'm tired
5610214 what exactly was wrong with the story
5607466 Im just gonna answer one question. The one about inviting someone they just met into their house. My Little Dashie did that. So did Past Sins. Granted, Past Sins and a good reason. So did an anime by the name of Zatch Bell. Heck, it was the thing that set the show into motion! And no, I am not trying to compare my story to My Little Dashie or Past Sins. I'm just saying, they did it there and nopony said anything.
5962549 Delayed response...okay.
Whatever, if that was the only thing wrong with your terrible story then you'd have a point. But it's just one in a laundry list of faults that make this NOT GOOD AT ALL!
5607466 Okay chill out. I'll reply to all of them.
1. In a world were its okay to call someone Fluttershy, I think you can let Lightning Rider pass.
2. You answered your own question there. And thanks. I'll make sure to remember that. I just think that what I know, is what everybody else should know. I understand that that's stupid, but I'm just like that.
3. Already talked about this.
4. Dash wasn't trying to make a Sonic Rainboom the first time she did it. If you've read my latest fic, I touch on that exact matter. She can't actually do it, no matter how hard she tries.
5. And 6. Already talked about.
7. I understand that. My editor said that it seemed it but wonky but I kinda needed it for the plot to start. I won't really use them that much in the future.
8. Okay great. Hopefully, my later fics will have better pacing.
9. Mine looks different? In what way exactly? If you're trying to say it's bad, just say that. Not every fic can be perfect.
10. Okay thanks. I'll try to touch up on that.
Anyway, thanks for your help. This'll surely make me a better author.
Why is it labeled incomplete? Also, will there be a sequel?