Sentinel HQ, U.S.A
1200 hours
January 8th, 2062
A year has passed since the events of New Baghdad. With Johnathan Irons dead, and Manticore destroyed; Atlas was slowly but surely loosing (losing) its ground. Joker defected from the corporation as well, spilling every inch of intel he could get his hands on from Atlas before making a Chuck Norris style getaway to the Sentinel Task Force.
After New Baghdad, Jack Mitchell got promoted to captain while Gideon was promoted to Major; replacing Cormack who received the rank of Lieutenant Colonel after his death; honored with a Purple Heart and various awards of courage and honor. Mitchell was also given a new high-tech prosthetic arm from the task force; thanks to the techies who managed to create a blueprint based on Mitchell's old prosthetic arm with modifications to avoid the flaws of his old one. So basically, he could cut his arm again and get a new one straight away.
It was a regular day at the Sentinel HQ main hangar bay. After three days of R&R, Jack Mitchell, Gideon, Joker, and Ilona were testing a multitude of gadgets, weapons, and equipment before loading them into their transports; consisting of two War-birds and two heavily modified Razorback VTOLs with their basic amenities. They are about to go on a presumably months-long covert op; their mission is to search and destroy the remaining Atlas infrastructure throughout Europe.
"Damn, look at all of this stuff" Joker smirked while loading his Atlas 45, cocking it. "That's a lot of shit for us, we never carried this much gear before" he glanced at the stacks of various weapons, ammo, and gadgets in front of him "Kingpin even asked us to carry some spare exos and their spare-parts, just in case"
"Yeah it’s a bit unusual travelling with this much personnel. Minus us, we have 24 extra guns on our side" Mitchell said while testing a fly drone "But hey I am not complaining" he put the drone down and picked up a sniper drone or the WASP; quickly disassembling and reassembling it.
"Still falling in love with toys?" Gideon smirked while checking his Specialist type exo suit; making sure all of its features are working properly and stuffing more ammunition to his vest's pockets.
Mitchell chuckled as he tested the drone's control system, weapon system, and cloaking system. When all seems to be working properly, he put the drone down, and grabbed his IMR assault rifle with a target enhancer attached to it.
"Ammo's not going to be a problem" Gideon said while picking up his own IMR. "Besides this thing printing ammo each 30 seconds; we are going with a shit-ton of weapons, ammo, and supplies. Plus, some techies managed to install solar panels on our VTOLs and equipment; so fuel and exo batteries are not going to be a problem as long as the sun shines. And they also managed to fit the Razorbacks with cloaking devices like our War-birds, tuned down the engine noise, and with 50,000 25 mm depleted uranium rounds for their rotary cannons and twelve shots of anti-tank missiles..." he paused with a smile of satisfaction “don't worry mate, this going to be a walk in a park".
"Bad ass, fuckin' bad ass" Joker chuckled
"What do you think about them?" Ilona spoke up, while glancing at the three other VTOLs with Sentinel operatives doing final checks of their exos, weapons, and equipment.
"These guys have been the best of Navy SEAL, MSOR, and Green Beret operatives for most part of their careers. If I am right, we have a former NSA deep-cover agent with us; his name's Ramirez I think." he glanced once again at the operatives; more specifically to an operative who was cleaning his MK14 assault rifle "back during our times with the KVA they are the ones who managed to destroy most of their forces effectively compared to other forces." Mitchell continued. "Well, except for Atlas"
"And they know how to use their tech, bad-asses to be short. Overall we have a good back-up when shit goes down" Joker added "Oh, Kingpin also mentioned that all team leaders acts as Captain to avoid shitty chain of command issues." he paused "And the pilots are also former SOARs"
"Oh really?" Mitchell asked with a sarcastic tone "I thought I was the only Captain here" he smirked, getting chuckles from the others.
"Sounds like we have a helluva team on our disposal" Ilona commented.
With that, they sorted their gear and hauled them into their Razorback.
"We good to go?" Mitchell asked the pilot of their Razorback, Sergeant John Reeves, call-sign Viper 6-2.
"Yes sir, we are good to go" the pilot said while looking outside of the cockpit's window; getting thumbs up from the rest of the pilots.
"Kingpin this is Viper 6-2, requesting permission for take off" he spoke through his radio, seconds later the radio crackled to life.
"Permission granted Viper 6-2; good luck team" Kingpin's voice echoed through the radio, with that said the pilot started the engine with the other three VTOLs following suit; signaling their granted permissions as well. And in a matter of seconds, the four VTOLs punched their throttles to maximum speed; not aware of their impending fates.
12 hours later
0000 hours
Somewhere over Europe
Operation Subtle Dagger
Mitchell's P.O.V
Jack Mitchell was shooting his way through the Korean's People Army with his best friend Will Irons, all went exactly as what happened before. Even the scene where Will's arm got clamped on the closing hatch of the explosive-rigged Havoc Launcher went with every inch of detail, Mitchell could see the desperation on the face of his best friend as he attempted to save him; and he knew exactly how it ended.
"It's okay. I will see you on the other side"
Will Irons' final words echoed in Mitchell's abstract dream; jerking him out of his sleep and startling Gideon and the others.
"Oye, you okay mate?" Gideon asked with concern in his voice "You have been sleeping like this lately"
Rubbing his eyes, he nodded "Yeah, I am fine. Just had a dream, that's all"
"You may wanna buckle up" the pilot said "We've got a shit-ton of storm-clouds in front of us"
"Can we find an alternate route?" Ilona spoke up.
"No, ma'am; if we do we will be torn apart by Atlas air defense systems, this is our safest route" the pilot replied.
"I hope you are right pilot" Gideon said while fastening his seat-belt.
Mitchell fastened his seat-belt; bracing himself for a bumpy ride. Suddenly, the vehicle started to shake violently and soon; all was black.
Princess Luna was running her night court as usual, with piles of paperwork and documents stacked in front of her. She actually has no problems on reading and signing them all day; but if only they were not filled with more and more complaints she would keep on reading without throwing every piece of paper to the trash bin.
"Lulu? Is everything okay?" An all too familiar motherly voice echoed from the door; revealing her sister, Princess Celestia with a gentle smile on her face.
Luna sighed and walked over to a balcony "I just don't understand, ever since Tirek was defeated and Twilight became a princess; everypony should be basking on happiness, not giving more and more complaints!"
Celestia smiled and walked towards her sister, draping a wing on her "Sister, it is true; since those events our subjects have been truly happy, but things like these; will keep on existing forever. To show us that even with our royal status, life is not perfect"
"Thank you sister" she smiled while giving her sister a hug; which she returned, after a moment they let go of each other "Mind if I ask you what are you doing at this hour?"
"I can't sleep any longer sister, it's nearly dawn anyways" Celestia replied with a smile "So, I guess I could help my little sister with the last hours of her night court" she smirked.
Luna was about to say something until her eyes caught four strange creatures flying at the distance "Sister, do you see those...creatures?" she said while pointing her right hoof at the creatures.
"Yes, I see them Lulu" Celestia's face changed into a stoic but curious type of expression.
"Should we bring them down? You know, just in case..." Luna trailed off, however; Celestia nodded and concentrated her magic at the creatures, followed suit by Luna who swiftly but gently grabbed the creatures from the sky and placing them gently on the castle gardens with little resistance.
"Quickly, get Shining Armor and round up a platoon of guards" Luna nodded but before she could teleport away; she heard her sister spoke up again "But try not to cause too much panic this time, we don't know what these creatures are;but we can't assume they have ill intents for us."
"I will sister" with that, she teleported away to the castle wing which housed the guest chambers where Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and her friends are sleeping, unaware of the arrival.
15 minutes earlier...
"Oye, quit your dozing" Gideon said as he slapped Mitchell on his face; waking him up in an instant.
"The hell just happened?!" he asked.
"After that nasty turbulence , you, Ilona, and Joker fell unconscious and the VTOLs' system started to fail; but thanks to the emergency reboot system, we are saved...for now at least" Gideon replied. "But after the mishaps, we can't make any contact to Kingpin or any satellites orbiting the planet; but don't worry the rest of the VTOLs and our team are still in one piece."
"Good to hear, but where are we now?"
"Well, that's the problem" Viper 6-2 replied. "After the events, it's as if we entered another world or something like that; why? the star constellations don't look like anywhere on Earth, and we were flying across a remote jungle with no civilizations for miles; but now if you look to your right..." he said while opening the doors of the Razorback for a moment; long enough for the four to peek outside, before closing them again "We are flying over a mountain with a city and a large castle; indicating civilization." he concluded.
"Bullshit" Joker commented, but before any of them could respond; the four VTOLs got encased in a combination of blue and golden energy field, pulling them down swiftly but gently; all efforts to escape were pointless, so they relented but instead of crashing they were placed gently on a beautiful garden on the castle. As soon as they touched the ground, the energy field disappeared.
"Everybody report in!" Gideon barked through his comms.
"Aegis team reporting; we are in one piece and ready to go sir"
"Hunter team checking in; same here we are 100% and ready for action, sir"
"Phantom team standing by; a bit dazed but that won't stop us. Waiting your orders, sir"
Gideon sighed with relief before continuing "Good, now I am going to recon this place; to make sure everything's safe. Stay with our VTOLs and form a defensive perimeter, communicate through private comms only, is that clear?"
He received affirmative responses from his team "Gideon out."
Then he turned to his team mates "attach suppressors to your IMRs, we are rolling out" who immediately complied.
"What do you think we are dealing with here boss? First contact situation?" Joker asked.
"No idea" Gideon replied. "But we’re not waiting to find out" with that, the signature sentinel faceplate slide down their faces.
"Sir, you are NOT going to believe this!" The leader of Aegis team, Captain Matthew Mcknight, spoke to Gideon "we've got unicorns with huge ass spears surrounding us!"
Wasting no time, the pilot opened the Razorback's door; revealing a platoon of unicorns with levitated spears in their magic grip; brandished at them.
"Fuck me..."
sort of reminds me of my story
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/244202/atlas-corporation
5593425 yeah, I read your story too. Quite interesting begining with Irons. But remember, we've got different settings here
I like this lets see where it leads and how far you are gonna take it
5593564 glad you like it hope you stick with me till the end
Honestly, there is little to no description of anything. So it is really up to the reader to come up with what it all looks like.
Show, not tell.
As it reads now, it is a giant list of what happened, little more. A good editor should be able to help a lot however.
5594429 Thanks for the feedback, greatly appreciated.
But, do you mind to go into more detail? I don't really catch your meaning.
5594449 No problem and I'll try to explain as best I can.
The setting isn't filled in at all. Just a cold open to people talking in a hangar. What does it look like, is it hot or cold, describe what the people are wearing/doing/looking at to breathe some life into it.
Basically it comes across that you are relying on the reader to know the key who/what/where/when/why to the story. Suppose I was talking to someone who had never seen the Mona Lisa. Would it make more sense to say something like, "it is a painting of a smiling lady," or show a photo of it? One way, sure yeah it is a smiling lady that everyone thinks is nice. The other, people see the detail that went into it and why it is a masterpiece.
Make your story feel alive. There are a ton of great stories on here that you could page through and get great examples. Honestly, reading some of the top rated ones and learning from it is some of the best advice I could give you. Keep your writing style your own, BUT see how things all flow together into a great story and use it in your writing.
Two great stories that are great references for detail:
'The Keepers of Discord' by Hoopy McGee
'Hard Reset' by Eakin
5594511 Ah, thanks; I understand now
5594518 Glad to help.
Finally! A CoD AW fanfic. Been looking for months for something like this! Keep up the good work!
5594518
Will you update soon? It's only been a day, sure, but it feels like a year. Plz don't let this story become one of those single chapter incomplete stories.
5599278 dude, chill. I am working on it
5599894
Kay.
5599894"A year has passed since the events of New Baghdad. With Johnathan Irons dead, and Manticore destroyed; Atlas was slowly but surely loosing its ground" It should be along the lines of, " A year had passed since the events of New Baghdad. With Johnathan Irons dead, and Manticore destroyed; Atlas was slowly but surely losing its ground"
"So basically, he could cut his arm again and get a new one straight away."
Don't ever break something down like that. If you have to bring your desciption to such low levels you should use a better description.
"They are about to go on a presumably months-long covert op; their mission is to search and destroy the remaining Atlas infrastructure throughout Europe." With the majority of the story you're writing in past tense and yet here we have present tense. What it should read as is, "They were about to go on a presumably months-long covert op; their mission was to search and destroy the remaining Atlas infrastructure throughout Europe."
"Damn, look at all of these stuff" I'm pretty sure this one explains itself as well as this one "That's a lot of shit for us; never carry this many stuff before"
"But hey I am not complaining" when using dialogue there's an unspoken rule that says people usually talk with conjugations in their sentences. Which of these sounds more natural,
A. Jeff looked at her and said with a loving twinkle in his eye, "Bitch, if I don't got my money by Friday you's dead."
Or
B. Jeff looked at her and said with a loving twinkle in his eye, "Bitch, if I do not have my money by Friday you is dead."
Anyways, I think I've made my point sufficiently. If you need more just ask.
You have my attention!
need work with the POV's
I like the story so far, but you are going a little too far into detail about the task forces.
Feels good to be reading this again.
Also, the images in your Author's Note aren't showing, except for the MSOR one.
8340087
Now that you said it, I may have to find a new source of the image . Thanks tho!