Chapter 5 [Re-Written]
Apologies Aren’t Always Enough
Chapter 5- ReWrite
By: SadisticFluttershy
The Cutiemark Crusaders returned to the exact location of where they had left Sunset earlier to get help from the police. Upon arrival in the police cruiser, the first thing they found after stepping out of the car was Sunset’s body. All around her was her blood still oozing out from her body.
The crusaders were absolutely shocked on what they saw. Their friend covered in her own blood. Sweetie Belle immediately ran over to her with tears in her eyes. Falling down to her knees, she shook the unconscious Sunset over and over again in hopes that she would wake.
“Sunset? Sunset? SUNSET, WAKE UP PLEASE!!” Sweetie Belle screamed in horror, shaking the seemingly lifeless Sunset.
Sunset didn’t respond. Sweetie Belle put her ear by Sunset’s mouth to hear no breathing. Sweetie Belle looked at Sunsets face to see her eyes closed and her cheeks damp from fresh tears. This made Sweetie Belle cry even harder than before.
The other two crusaders had tears in their eyes as well and wrapped their arms around their friend. The two police officers behind them were about to call in for an ambulance as one was just arriving to the scene.
Sweetie Belle was mumbling something to herself but enough where her other friends could hear. “We shouldn’t have left her. We should’ve stayed and fight those Diamond Dog meanies and then Diamond Tiara. We shouldn’t have left Sunset!”
“Sweetie Belle” Applebloom started, “We could’ve been killed too. Sunset saved our lives and-” Applebloom said before being cut off by Sweetie Belle.
“And for what huh? Sunset shouldn’t have been in this situation! We should have stayed! I don’t care if I would’ve ended up dead but at least I would’ve died trying!”
“Sweetie..” Scootaloo whispered.
“Sweetie Belle shook her head, tears freely falling to the ground beneath her. Her hands rolled into tight fists, shaking rapidly ready to hit something.
“Diamond Tiara will pay. All of them will pay. YOU HEAR ME DIAMOND TIARA? YOU WILL PAY!!” Sweetie Belle screamed in rage.
Applebloom and Scootaloo were startled at the sudden outburst from their friend.
They’ve never seen so much anger in her before, but they couldn’t blame her after all. Sunset was technically their friend even though she said they weren’t. Both knowing Sweetie, she’d do anything to make things right, even if it meant putting herself in harm's way.
The ambulance came to a stop next to the crusaders and the workers began to immediately gather what they needed and rushed to Sunset. One of the workers put his index and middle finger to Sunset’s neck and had a weak pulse.
“She’s got a weak pulse, but she’s alive. She’s barely able to breathe on her own. She might have a chance but I can’t be sure.” The first responder said as he began working on Sunset putting some of his medical equipment on her including a portable IV.
The other responders carefully picked up the unconscious girl onto the gurney as the responder who was working on Sunset managed to patch up the spots that Sunset was slowly bleeding from before then.
Both the officers and the crusaders watched as the girl was loaded on the ambulance and drove away to Canterlot City Hospital. One of the officers walked over to the crusaders.
He placed a hand on Sweetie Belle’s shoulder. Sweetie Belle looked up to him with tears in her eyes. “Is she going to be okay officer?”
The officer sighed. “I sure hope so kid. She didn’t look good at all, but you know what the medic said. She has a chance to live. We’ve just got to pray.”
Sweetie Belle nodded. “Can you take me and my friends home if it’s not too much trouble? I need to get away from here. I want to go home”
The officer nodded with a sad smile. “Sure thing.”
And with that, the officer escorted the crusaders to his squad car and took the girls home.
******
At Canterlot City Hospital, an unconscious Sunset Shimmer had just been admitted to the hospital with life threatening injuries. According to the ambulance attendants, she had deep gashes in her sides, chest and midsection. The front doors slammed open as the wounded teenager was taken on a gurney through the hospital hallways. The doctors tending to the girl began shouting orders to have her taken to the ER.
“Patient’s name is Sunset Shimmer. According to her student ID she goes to Canterlot High and is seventeen years old,” shouted one of the nurses.
“Get me her medical file stat and call her parents ASAP!” ordered the doctor.
The nurse nodded. "Of course, Doctor. I'll get right on it." She rushed towards the front of the hospital and began typing on the computer. Soon, Sunset’s medical and emergency contact data was presented on the computer screen. She sent her findings to the ER station for the team tending to her. She found only one name on a list of contacts labeled “Adoptive Mother“
The nurse picked up the phone and dialed the number on the screen
The phone line was ringing for a few moments before a voice could be heard on the other end. “Ms. De Lis? This is Canterlot Hospital. It’s about your daughter…”
About half an hour had passed when Sunsets mother, ran through the open double doors of the hospital and stopped at the front desk wearing a pink and white dress. She was quite tall and had beautiful long pink hair and a body that screamed “model maker”.
However, her face was completely drenched with tears, ruining her mascara. Following behind her was a man, dressed in a tuxedo with a monocle and had light blue hair and mustache.
“Where’s my Sunset? Is she okay? What happened?” Fleur asked quickly.
The nurse looked up from her computer screen.
“She’s currently undergoing surgery in attempts for her life to be saved. She was barely alive when she came in and from what I could tell, it wasn’t good. It’s a fifty-fifty on either death or survival.”
“But she has a chance of surviving right?” Fleur asked.
Fancy placed his hand on his spouse's shoulder.
The nurse gave a small smile. “It’s possible. We have our best people working on her. She’s in good hands, believe me she is.”
Fancy Pants took a step forward. “Can you tell us where the ICU wing is? Or where they are exactly?”
The nurse nodded. “Of course. You will go down all the way down that hallway to your right, from there, go right and then left. There will be
a row of chairs along both sides of the wall. It’s a double wide hallway, you can’t miss it.”
Fancy shook her hand and said thank you.
******
As the two sat in the chairs closest to the ICU Doors close by, Fleur was quietly praying that Sunset would come out alright. Sunset was her only child and even though they weren’t relate together by blood. She just prayed that their bond they held together would let Sunset survive.
Fancy Pants held Fleur in an loving embrace, assuring her that Sunset would be okay, but wasn’t sure himself.
“Honey, I’m sure Sunset will come out of this and make it through. She is strong”
Fleur looked up at Fancy with teary eyes. “I really hope you’re right honey.. I just.. I wouldn’t know what to do if she were to….” Fleur couldn’t say another word as she broke down into tears.
Fancy Pants shushed her as she cried. Fleur laid her head on Fancy’s shoulder as his left arm was wrapped around her. Minutes past and
Fleur managed to regain her composure. “I can’t afford to lose her Fancy Pants. She’s my entire world. For me to lose her, I just… I wouldn’t know what to do then. Ever since I was a little girl
I’ve always dreamed of having kids of my own knowing the rewards of being a parent.”
Fancy wasn’t sure what to say next other than to squeeze her in understanding.
***Downtown Canterlot, three years ago***
Fleur was shopping one day at the Canterlot Shopping Plaza downtown. Coming out of from one of the stores she was at heading to another one just down the block when she heard a loud clang from a nearby alley.
Curious, she slowly walked towards the alley, peering her head around the corner. Due to it being nighttime, she couldn’t really see anything. She knew her curiosity wouldn’t leave her alone until she investigated. Walking down the alley she found a large box that could easily fit a bank safe. Looking closer, she found that the flaps were closed. ‘Is there someone there?’ Fleur thought. But why would there be a random box that was huge! It just didn’t make sense. Fleur quietly stepped towards the box carefully to not make a sound. Upon nearing closer, she could hear muffled sounds coming from inside. ‘Do I hear…sobbing?’ Fleur wondered.
She reached out a hand and quietly pulled one of the flaps from the box open. Inside, she could see a girl with red and yellow fiery hair, a ripped up pair of jeans, the boots she wore had holes in them and the shirt she had on was ripped beyond repair and a leather jacket that was in some decent condition. She was sitting in the corner of the box with her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapping in front of them with her head down on her knees.
The cries Fleur heard shattered her heart.
Fleur wasn’t sure what to do right now. Here in front of her was a girl. A teenage girl to be precise. Clearly homeless due to the condition of
her clothes and the shelter she had from the outside world and in an alley for crying out loud!
Fleur swallowed hard before opening her mouth to speak. The cries from the girl continued but seized a little bit hearing a stranger speak.
“Excuse me young lady… are you okay?”
The girl lifted her head off of her knees and stared at the woman who stood before her. What she saw was a tall woman who had on a simple red t-shirt and blue jeans and wore a pair of black boots. On top of her shirt she wore a leather jacket, much like the one she had. Her hair was pink and stretched from her head down to her middle back. The girl looked in the woman’s that spoke genuine concern. She wasn’t sure what this woman wanted but she was here for a reason.
The girl sniffed “Who are you?” she asked
“My name is Fleur De Lis. But my friends and family call me Fleur. What’s yours?”
The girl had heard that name before when she lived in Canterlot back in Equestria. The pony Fleur was just beginning her modeling career back in those days and she took Canterlot by storm.
“I’m Sunset Shimmer.” Sunset replied.
Fleur smiled. “Nice to meet you Sunset.” Her smile faded and was replaced by a look of worry. “Why are you out here by yourself?”
Sunset looked down, wanting to avoid the gaze in Fleur's eyes. “I… I don’t have a home. I live out here by.. myself.”
Fleur gasped. “You live out here alone? You are far too young to be out here on your own!”
Fleur took a seat next to the girl, trying to resist scrunching her nose due to the stench coming from Sunset. She definitely needs a bath.
Sunset sighed, her crying having stopped a while ago.
“I have nowhere to go. I have no choice but to live out here. No one wants me.”
Fleur took Sunsets hand in her own. “Sweetheart, how could you say such things? Look at you! You’re young, beautiful, clearly intelligent considering you have shelter and at least you’re wearing clothes.” A thought crossed Fleurs mind.
“How long have you lived out here Sunset?” Fleur asked, hoping to get something out from the girl.
Sunset looked up, her eyes wide. “I’ve been out here for three years. I have lived out on these streets for three years ever since I ran away from the orphanage here in town.”
Sunset knew that was a lie. It wasn’t like she was gonna tell this woman that she was from a magical land of talking ponies and was the student of a god and when she didn’t get what she wanted that she fled through the portal to this dimension. At least Fleur bought it when her expression was of shock after telling her how long she’s been out here. Clearly not focused on the orphanage part.
“Three years? Oh my gosh. It’s a true blessing that you’re still alive. Most don’t make it out here. Due to some of the people here that can be absolutely cruel and how cold our winters get.” Fleur said.
Sunset nodded in agreement.
There was a silence between them for a few good moments before Sunset felt her other hand being taken by another hand but wasn’t her own. Instead, Fleur was holding both of her hands. ‘What was it this woman wanted?’ Sunset thought. ‘It’s not like she-’
“Sunset. I can’t stand to let you be out here by yourself any longer. You do NOT deserve to be out here. You deserve to be with someone that cares about you and will take care of you.”
“I know you don’t really know me, but I want you to come home with me. I want to be that person that takes care of you and love you. You need someone to look after you. Even if you managed to be out here for this long and still be alive, your luck will run out. Please Sunset, make the right decision here.”
Fleur was basically begging the girl at this point. She didn’t want Sunset to continue to live like this.
Sunset didn’t say anything yet. She could only process in understanding what this woman was implying.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” Sunset muttered
Fleur looked at Sunset in the eyes. Sunset studied the woman’s eyes as one of one being serious. “I promise you Sunset, that no matter what, I will be there for you. What I said was no joke. I could never make something like that up. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.”
Sunset sighed. “Alright, I’ll trust you. But promise me one thing.”
“Anything darling.”
“Don’t turn your back on me.”
“Never.”
The two shared a hug and Fleur went home that night with Sunset in toe.
******
Several hours had passed. Both Fancy Pants and Fleur were waiting anxiously in hopes of good news. The more time that passed, the tighter Fleur’s chest would get. She was beginning to doubt as if Sunset had survived. They arrived at the hospital at two in the afternoon and was now currently eight o'clock in the evening.
All the waiting they’ve endured have finally come to an end as Fleur and Fancy Pants heard the double doors of the ICU open. The two got on their feet as the surgeon approached them at his own pace.
The two turned pale upon seeing the blood on his gloved hands, uniform, and even a little bit on his mask. His cold expression didn't show any good signs and only increased their fears.
He walked up them; they held their breaths. "Doctor, how is she? How's my Sunset? Is she going to live?" asked Fleur, doing her best not to jump the man and shake him for answers.
There was a long, haunting silence as the surgeon lowered his mask. Both Fancy and Fleur, held their breaths in hopes of good news.
The mask was now hanging around his neck. He looked at them, staring in their eyes. A lifetime had gone by before he finally spoke.
“She’s going to make it.”
Fancy Pants and Fleur sighed in relief as tears of happiness overcame Fleur as she hugged the surgeon.
“Thank you so much doctor! You are truly a lifesaver.” Fleur said happily through her tears.
“We were close to losing her, but doing what I do best, I wasn’t going to let her go. She really is a fighter and refused to die. We managed to
stable her and proceeded with a blood transfusion which we were able to put back all the blood she had lost in the incident. Like I said, she’ll be fine. She’s very lucky to be alive.”
Fancy Pants shook the man’s hand in gratitude before asking,
“Can we see our Sunset?”
The man shook his head.
“Not at the moment. She’s still in the ICU for observation. She’ll be moved to a private room on the third floor in the morning once she's a hundred percent stable enough to start the healing process.”
Fancy Pants and Fleur were both equally disappointed they couldn’t see their daughter after her successful surgery. They knew however, that their prayers and bond with her had saved her life. They’ll get to see their daughter first thing tomorrow morning.
“Thank you doctor, for everything.” Fleur said, her tears finally stopped.
The man smiled and nodded, said goodbye and walked back to the ICU.
Fleur looked at Fancy Pants.
“I’m going to stay here overnight, you can go ahead and get some rest at home.”
Fancy shook his head.
“Not a chance. I want to see Sunset too in the morning. I’d sacrifice everything for her.”
Fleur nodded, smiling warmly at him. The two embraced as they passed out in the lobby.
******
The next morning, Fleur and Fancy Pants were awaken by a gentle shake on the shoulder.
Fleur looked up to find Nurse Redheart up above her.
“Just thought I’d let you know your daughter was moved to the third floor in room 304. She’s still sleeping but you can go and see her.”
Fleur smiled “Thank you.”
The nurse gave a smile and nodded. Fleur and Fancy got up from the chairs and made their way to the third floor.
*****
As Fancy Pants and Fleur reached the third floor, they stood outside room 304. Fancy looked over to his side and looked at his fiance’. She looked nervous.
“You’re nervous aren’t you?” Fancy asked.
Fleur shook her head. “No.. not really dear. It’s just.. I don’t know what to expect once we walk in there.”
The hallway was silent for a few moments before Fleur felt a hand rub her shoulder. Turning towards his gaze, she saw him smile.
“I expect you to walk in there and see Sunset. I’ll stay behind and wait for you to call me to come inside as well. Well? Go on darling. I’m sure
she’ll be very happy to see her momma.”
Fleur nodded, smiling. Fleur took a deep breath before turning the knob on the door inward and walked inside closing the door behind her.
Taking in her surroundings, the room was dark. Curtains that hung on above the window were closed shut, blocking out any light. There was several pieces of furniture around the room save for the occupied bed and nightstand that had a lamp sitting on top of it.
Fleur quietly walked over to the bed and sat down on one of the chairs next to it. There infront of her laid a sleeping Sunset Shimmer. Her chest rising and falling which each steady breath she took.
Fleur examined her daughter from all the wires and other contraptions that was hooked up to her. An IV was stuck in her left arm, several wires were poking out from underneath Sunsets garment that was hooked up to a quiet, steady beeping heart monitor for her vital signs. Her face was pale due to being weak. Fleur wasn’t sure how long she had been staring at her daughter before blackness overtook her.
Fleur woke up a few hours later in the chair she had taken next to Sunset’s bed. She was alone with her. She noticed Fancy wasn’t there so she pulled out her phone to check for any messages. There was one from him.
‘Dear, I went ahead and left the hospital so that you could be alone with Sunset. I had to go back to work but I’ll be home later on tonight if you plan on coming home. I understand if you want to stay there for the night if they allow you to. If not, I’ll see you then’
Fleur responded with a quick, ‘okay and thanks for letting me know’ before putting her phone away. She took a glance at her daughter, still sound asleep. Her chest rising and falling nice and easy. It assured her that Sunset was going to be fine.
Fleur took a hold of Sunset’s hand in her own, rubbing the top of her hand with her thumb. Sounds of mumbling could be heard from Sunset.
“No… I don’t wanna go to school… it’s… too early.”
Fleur smiled. She got up and kissed her forehead and sat back down again.
“Come on mom… five more minutes.” Sunset grumbled in her sleep.
She gently shook Sunsets arm. Sunsets eyes opened weakly. The first thing she saw was the ceiling above her in a dim lightning. She felt something gripping her hand lightly. She turned her head to the left, and in front of her was her mother.
“Mom? Is… that you?” Sunset asked, her voice sounding dry and cracked.
Sunset’s mom nodded in response. She took out the water bottle she had gotten earlier and insisted that Sunset drink some water to
relieve the dryness in her throat.
Sunset opened her mouth allowing Fleur to gently pour water into it. After a considerable amount, she capped the bottle again setting it on the table next to her.
“Feel better?” Fleur asked Sunset with a smile.
Sunset nodded.
“Good to hear.”
Sunset tried to sit up in her bed but a sharp pain in her abdomen protested causing Sunset to grunt as she laid back down on the bed.
This alarmed Fleur.
“Please, don’t do that. You will re-open the stitches from your surgery.” Fleur told Sunset.
Sunset was confused. ‘Stitches? When did I?’ Her eyes widened. She had realized something.
“Mom… what happened?” Sunset asked.
“Well” Fleur began “I don’t know much, but I was at work when I received a call from the hospital saying you were here in the ER. I told my
boss that you were here and she allowed me to come here immediately.”
Sunset nodded in acknowledgement that she was listening.
“I almost lost you today Sunset. You would’ve died if it weren’t for the people that saved you.”
Sunset didn’t know what to say. ‘Almost lost my life?’ She thought. That’s when the all too recent memories came flooding back to her. She remembered being in a fist fight with the brothers who were ordered to kill her. Even though she had won, Diamond Tiara stabbed her multiple times before leaving her to die.
“I… I almost… died?”
Fleur’s eyes began to water.
“Yes. Like I said, I almost lost you. I can’t even imagine what mine or Fancy’s lives would be if you were to leave this earth because of someone who wanted nothing more than to see you dead.”
Sunset smiled weakly. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
Fleur wiped some of her tears away. Something in her mind was wondering, ‘Who could do such a thing to Sunset? She’s a sweet, caring, loving girl who would go out of her way to take care of others before herself’.
“Sunset. I must ask you… who did this to you? Who put you in this bed?”
“Do you really want to know? Because even if I tell you, she’s gonna get away with it. I don’t remember much after I was stabbed other than calling in an emergency before I lost consciousness.”
Fleur looked at Sunset in the eyes. “Tell me who did this to you. I assure you, she will not get away with attempted murder.”
Sunset sighed. “It was a student from CHS named, Diamond Tiara.”
Fleur was a bit surprised at hearing that name being the one who put her daughter in such a state. She didn’t know what to say other than in her mind ‘That damn girl is going to pay’. What could she do?
“Mom?” Sunset called out for her mom.
Fleur snapped back to reality. “Oh um. What is it dear?”
“Do you think I should tell the girls that I’m here?”
Fleur pondered this. “I don’t know sweetie. That’s up to you if you want to let them know. I honestly don’t know if they would show up or not even after what happened.”
Sunset sighed, “I know what you mean. I haven’t taken their apologies hardly. I know they regret what they did but deep down somewhere in all of them there’s a place for me in their hearts.”
“Well, like I said sweetheart, it’s up to you if you want them here.”
Sunset wasn’t sure if she wanted her former friends here. After the anon-a-miss incident being solved, and even after they all apologised to her after being so doubtful and turning their backs on her she still wasn’t sure. She had told them they would have to earn her trust again but none was forgiven. Still, it would bother her if she didn’t tell them because they’d find out eventually. That does it. Sunset was going to tell them. She grabbed her phone from the table next to her bed and sent a message involving her five former friends.
‘Hey, I’m not sure if any of you would want to talk to me or even bother with me but I’m sure you might’ve seen the news about a girl being stabbed and they wouldn’t say who. The suspect still on the loose for attempted murder but anyway, that girl was…. Me. I was the one who was nearly stabbed to death. I’m here at Canterlot City Hospital. If you want to come and see me.. You can but I don’t expect any of you to show. -Sunset Shimmer’
Sunset tapped the send button and it sent the message.
Sunset turned her attention back to her mom. She remembered about the crusaders. Sure they were Anon-A-Miss, but she did save their lives from the Diamond Dog brothers and Diamond Tiara. “Do you know where the crusaders are?” Sunset asked.
Fleur shrugged. “I don’t know dear. I still kind of hate them for what they did to you. After learning their responsibility for this against you, I couldn’t stand them. They caused you so much pain, so much anxiety. It just pains me is all.”
Sunset nodded. “I understand where you’re coming from. But remember, I saved their lives. Part of me was still mad at them for what they did but I wasn’t about to watch three little girls die because of me. If anyone that should’ve died… it should’ve… been me.”
Sunset’s mother squeezed her daughter's hand. “Don’t say that Sunset. YOU are a hero for saving their lives. But you do not deserve death over it. I know what you’re thinking and I want it to stop right now. Your past is in your past. What’s in front of you now is your future. A chance to grow stronger than you ever could imagine. This near death experience can only make you stronger Sunset. You just have embrace it.”
Sunset considered this. “You’re right. I should embrace it. I now realize just how strong I really am. I’ve been blasted by a Rainbow tornado,
my friends and I beat the sirens at the battle of the bands and I’ve proven to everyone that I’ve changed!”
“That’s right Sunset. You’ve been through so much. I’m glad that you are finally embracing change once more.”
Before anymore words could be said, Nurse Redheart entered the room.
“Sunset Shimmer?”
Sunset put her gaze on Redheart. “What’s up?”
“A group of girls are here to see you. They told me that they were your friends?”
‘Were my friends’ Sunset said in her thoughts.
Even though Sunset sent a group text to the girls who betrayed her, she made her decision to allow them to come see her in her condition. They’d find out anyway.
“Send them in.”
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Alright guys, Chapter 5 - RE WRITTEN is up!
Sorry it took so long. :(
I took my time with this cause boy, it was difficult.
7699683 Well worth the wait, though.
I actually like this rewrite better than the old draft. Story would have ended then and there.
Alright let's get the apologies going.
Yes. I prefer this ending. It leads to more, and is less soul-wrenching -- not to mention more fleshed out. It gives the characters more time and chance for redemption and allows more character development for both parties. This is good!
7707305 I am glad to know you liked this re write of chapter 5!
How come just now I'm noticing this? Anyway, I hated this rewrite. Feels to me like this story lost whatever uniqueness it had and it become just another typical Anon-a-Miss on the pile of millions of other stories like it.
7714861 I'm sorry you feel that way, but it was my decision to make. The other readers here say otherwise.
You need to understand something here. Yes taking the story to another direction instead of where it was originally going is a big gamble. However, I was having a large amount of writers block that way and the story would end up shorter then what I have planned now. Think of it this way, some of the Anon-A-Miss stories I've read have either had Sunset kill herself or be attacked by someone. Either way it kind of was the same thing. The last thing I want to do is copy someone else without realizing it.
Now here's the thing. The plan for Chapter 6 is basically continue where it was left off from the ending of Chapter 5. What I'm trying to do is make the story more realistic then it was before. The story will go into a better depth of the crime committed by Diamond Tiara and how Sunset reflects the actions of her friends as well as the entire school and what she's going to do from there when she recovers enough to go home.
The point is, if it were you on that hospital bed with 3 areas of stitches because you had to protect those that you didn't want to be around and someone else wanted you dead but before you were abandoned by your friends because they couldn't give you the benefit of the doubt? If it were me, I sure as well would be doing some thinking and take actions against them. But in this case, Sunset is gonna try to do her best to accept their apologies but as she's said already, she'll need more than a plain old sorry. When you lose trust, it takes a long time to get that trust back. Now Diamond tried to kill her but obviously, Sunset lived. Now it's time for Karma to do her bidding on Diamond Tiara. Which now gives me an idea to do a first person perspective of how she's feeling after nearly killing Sunset.
Think of this story as like a movie or something. Every movie has a story setting, locations, characters, who the protagonist and antagonist are which are the good guys and bad guys. Sunset is the Protagonist and the crusaders are the Antagonists. However, there are more than just one protagonist and antagonist. Which is what I've been trying to set here for readers to see.
Honestly mate, give it a chance. You may change your opinion. If you don't want to continue to read this story after the CH5 Re-Write, then see ya round.
7715620 It was just my opinion though, it is your story and you can do whatever you want with it. And that's okay despite what anyone else thinks.
I hadn't even recieved a notification about this chapter. Good to see though. As for the direction the story is taking... I personally don't mind at all.
That said, I will be waiting for further chapters.
7715620
I'm glad Sunset lived, and glad even if she treis to forgive her exfriends doesn't mean everything fine.
They hurt her so bad and fell for the same trick as before, being the cell phone bit.
i mean they fell for it when Sunset tricked them all those years ago, but a second time.
Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.
Those girls have alot to be ashamed for, as well as the kids who beat her up and injuried her leg and the one who tripped her in the hall.
I like to see Sunset transfer to another shcool really, because it not jsut the Rainbooms she lost trust in but the other kids inthe school.
And they are hypocrites, Who sent the info on the students to the site but the very classmates of that school!
I just remembered that this story existed. I was prepared to get all depressed over Sunset dying, only to discover that you had rewritten everything to spare her. All I can say is, thank you so much. I believe that I said in the past that this would be a great story if it weren't for the fact that we knew ahead of time that Sunset was going to die, and now it is. Don't listen to what the haters say, you made the right choice.
7739833 I appreciate you saying that mate.
Glad that you liked the re write of chapter 5. It wasn't an easy decision to make but my hand was full of cards and eventually, I had to play them.
7740006 awesome story, and man i was afraid that Sunset is gonna die!
But i'm glad you made the rewrite of chapter 5!
also, i got a summary for next chapter if your interested
7777109 Well. I kind of had CH6 planned out already but if you want me to look over with what you have, shoot me a PM.
I hope that little bitch gets whats comming to her!
Jeeze talk about a intense chapter! XD
7830032 Oh she will.
Working on it.
7853334 Don't do the PC crap thing.
Everyone, please raise your hooves if you're getting impatient with chapter 6 not being out?
Reply to this. Give me some motivation! I want to know who's waiting for it!
-Shy
7909709
It has only been a few months, put the gun and the puppy down.
Feel free to comment on this comment next year.
Please make the next chapter soon.
7921348
Make more chapters soon.
7936871 You need to chill like an ice floe.
If you can't be patient for this, how are you going to respond to something more serious?
7938099
Look I do have patience after all I'm a writer myself on fanfiction.net and I haven't updated some of my stories for at least a year. I can wait for a long time.
Ya'll need to chill.
7938282
Okie dokie then.
7909709 I am definitely interested in seeing where this goes now! Can't wait!
More please.
I would think Sunset was quite a handful sometimes. After all she's a very driven person who doesn't care much for adjusting herself.
wait... was the main 5 all lurking around the hospital? cause it took a span of 5-6 mins for all of them to get there and speak to the nurse, and then have the nurse go up three floors, back down and then have the girls come up.
that or they used pinkie powers
Dialogue is a bit off for the hospital staff. The front nurse wouldn't know anything as to Sunset's chances, just that she was there and currently in surgery. The doctor would say the surgery was a success and that she was being moved to intensive care but would likely avoid anything that would be theoretically actionable on the off chance that Sunset suffered from complications.
Hold up, I thought Sunset just lived with Fleur. When did Fancy Pants get in on the mix?
8397904
I don’t know about you, but if I had a falling out with my best friend, realized that he wasn’t really the one responsible for what the falling out was over, see that someone got stabbed on the news, then get a text from my friend saying that he got stabbed and was in the hospital, I wouldn’t care if an entire police battalion was following me for erratic driving, I would be going as fast as my car could go without dying to get to the hospital.
Bloody hell this doctor is a Deus Ex Machina!
He deserves a bloody reward!
I have so many things to say that is wrong with this chapter. Not story wise, just how it's put together.
First off is what kind of mickey mouse police force do they have there.
No cordening off the area, no questioning of witnesses, and wasn't the diamond dogs still there unconscious???
Second is how the hospital sequence went. That front nurse wouldn't know squat on sunsets chances, plus she would be in major crap letting out that info. It's the doctors job to inform the parents/loved ones/family. Also wasn't red heart a school nurse?? Did she suddenly change jobs?
Lastly it's your timing sequences. Nothing too to bad but at the end there where she texts and not even a minute later they are suddenly at the hospital? They weren't informed by the cmc?