Your grammar and spelling is a weapon. It is dangerous and intimidating.

5206112 I don't know if that a good thing or a bad thing but thank you. ^^

much better than last time but still the rare fuckup from spellcheck

5206134 it was neither a compliment or an insult. I was saying your grammar and use of certain words is wrong. I definitely encourage you getting an editor.

I find this story interesting, but please get an editor as I find the story hard to read sometimes.

5206662 okay I'll get right on that.

5213676 Thanks I'll look in to that.

Then he did this, Then he did that. I need you to do me a favor and get a proofreader and an editor. Please, this is a fic about Warmachine and i NEED to read this. Doing so at this point is like rubbing quicklime in my eyes. Please you need to fix the grammar and wording, then this fic will be golden.

6049530 This. The story concept and actual plot of it is good but you really need an editor and proofreader. I know there are groups for that. Pls do it.

If I remember correctly, Asphyonxius has some really nasty spells in his reputire, plus he can use souls to power them along with focus

I look to the tall metal figure that had a large hole in its shoulder that was spewing out blue fire. Just before it got back up and went after the monster through the window I hear it yelling. "Get back here you ugly bugger!"

Oh...my...god...THIS IS AWESOME!!!

Wow, so Sunbutt studied dark magic from the book and tortured a dragon while doing so. What a cunt.

7560943
I doubt it was her, I don't see her leaving something that important unguarded and in such a place. But I could be wrong.

8408148
you're on the right track

5206134
If it wasn't so annoying, it would be funny. So to answer your questuon, it's a bad thing. The guy was trying to point out a fault in your writing as gently as he could, but grammar and conveyance are about as essential to a story as it gets, and you needed to acknowledge that.

I can't help it after she said that I lost it andlaughed.

I couldn't help it. Her sheer self-righteous arrogance was more than I could take. After she was done speaking, I burst out cackling not unlike a corny cartoon villain and/or an obnoxious twelve-year-old.

If it wasn't for the genuine cringe and broken english, this had the makings of a very enjoyable read.

8930872
yeah my grammar sucks. Can i use that "I burst out cackling not unlike a corny cartoon villain and/or an obnoxious twelve-year-old" line?

Why did this dude fight that monster? It was none of his business.

His personality is kinda bland, there is no gravitas, presence or charisma. You need a matching personality to go with a awesome backstory, if not it doesn't work.

Less Gary Stu and more self serving intelligence.