My Little Pony Dimensions

by PhantomSage21098

Prologue: Secret Evil

Friendship bonds us all together, we wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for that.

---

The moon shines brightly over the town in the human world. On a dark road with only the streetlights lit, a single hooded figure was walking down the sidewalk, he was alone, or so he thought.

"Jacob," a voice whispered from behind, he sharply turned around, reacting to the voice. He saw nothing but darkness. He turned back around and proceeded down the sidewalk, then he finally arrived at his destination; a nice looking two-story house. The figure thought everyone in the house was asleep, so he walked across the yard quietly, walked up on the porch, and opened the door. The house was dark, like 'I can't see a stupid thing in front of my face' dark. He walked across the living room, toward the stairs.

Suddenly the lights came on, "Jacob!" A voice came from behind, it made the figure froze in fear, and looked behind him. A woman was sitting on an armchair, cross-armed, with a disappointed look on her face. The figure groaned inward and removed his hood, revealing his face, a dirty blonde-haired, white skin boy. "You'd said you be back by nine." the woman said, as she got up from the chair.

Jacob sighed and said, "No, I said I'd be back later, mom." He started walking toward the stairs, but his mother stopped him.

"That is what later means." She said, but he ignored her and continued up the stairs. "YOU'RE GROUNDED, YOU HEAR ME, YOUNG MAN!? AND YOU CAN FORGET GOING TO YOUR SISTER'S PARTY TOMORROW!!"

Jacob made it to the top of the stairs, there was someone hiding behind the door to someone's room. Jacob took notice, "Hey sis, happy 10th birthday. I guess I'm not coming, so save me some cake, would ya?" He said as he entered his room. Inside, there was such a collection of movies, books, and games. There was a wall of photos of a high school with a stallion statue in front of the building. Jacob inspected the wall, and added a new photo to it, the photo was of the statue. "I have a feeling that there is something special about that school. Maybe I'll attend it one day." He said and went to his wardrobe to put on his pj's. After a few minutes, he climbed into bed and collapsed asleep.

Midnight and all were well. Except for smoke. And where there is smoke, there is fire. Jacob was awoken by the smell of it and got out of his bed. He rushed out the door and he heard his mother screaming at the bottom of the stairs. He ran into his sister's room to get her, but she was nowhere to be seen. He checked the closet, no luck. She must have gotten out before the fire spread. Jacob rushed out of the bedroom door but came face-first into a fist. The one who punched him was a man in a black hood. Not only was his hood black, but his skin was also too, and I mean black. The man was holding a gun, and it was pointing at him. "Who are you?" Jacob asked the man.

But all he said was, "I'm someone you will know." Jacob was confused by what he said, then the man pulled the trigger. A loud bang resounded in the area, and then a splitting headache.

---

in the past

Friendship is Magic Part 2

A hooded unicorn mare crossed a rickety bridge leading to an abandoned castle. She heard voices from the other side of the bridge, then she lit up her horn and undid the ropes leading to the castle.

Return of Harmony part 1 & 2

In the gardens of Canterlot Castle, the statue of Discord, all cracked, burst apart and he was free. Hidden behind a statue column was a hooded stallion, watching the Spirit of Chaos dance with glee.

Later in Ponyville, the stallion trotted towards a tree that had some homing touches, when the stallion opened the door, he saw a little purple dragon mopping the floor.

"Hello, little one." The stallion said in a stoic voice and it startled the dragon, making it jump a bit and turned to face him.

"Oh, sorry I didn't hear you come in. Welcome to Golden Oaks Library." the dragon said.

"That is quite alright, I'm looking for the reference guide to the Elements of Harmony." The stallion said, walking over to a nearby bookshelf.

"I know where that is, but why do you want that one?" The dragon asked, but the stallion shot a beam from his horn, putting the dragon to sleep.

"That's for me to know, and you not to find out." The stallion said coldly.

A few hours later the stallion looked from bookshelf to bookshelf, without taking out the books, and was about to check the last one until... "We're here finally, now will you please, please go in." A feminine voice came from outside.

"Curses," he growled then evaporated into mist and slid out an open window.

Canterlot Wedding Part 1 & 2

On the streets of Canterlot, the hooded stallion trotted to the castle, then he accidentally bumped into a unicorn stallion with a shield symbol on his flank, and a mare with wings and a horn and a gold-encrusted crystal heart symbol on hers.

"Oh, so sorry. I'm in a hurry." The hooded stallion said calmly as if he didn't care. Then he went off.

A few minutes later, in Canterlot castle the mare the hooded stallion bumped into earlier was wearing a white wedding dress. The mare walked towards the door and used her magic to open it. And who was there? The hooded stallion. The mare was surprised. "Oh, h-hello there. W-w-w-what are you doing..." She began asking but the stallion interrupted her.

"Drop the act Chrysalis, I know that's you." He said, surprising her more. The stallion walked towards Chrysalis making her back up. The stallion closed the door behind him and cast a spell on it. Chrysalis shot a green beam from her horn, hitting the stallion. But no effect. "I don't want to fight." He said,

"Then what do you want?" She demanded.

"I want..." She backed up against the wall, "your help." He said, making Chrysalis confused instead of surprised, "You see, I'm no ordinary unicorn. I'm a mystic."

"Impossible," she said, "the mystics were wiped out long ago. How are you here and-" The stallion put his hoof to her mouth.

"Don't ask, you foal." He interrupted, "I know you're trying to conquer Equestria. Well, you can have it, I just want the Elements of Harmony. Just tell your children not to attack me."

Princess Twilight Sparkle

In Twilight's vision, Nightmare Moon was defeated by Celestia, but what she did not see after her vision ended was after Nightmare Moon was imprisoned, Celestia rushed down the hall and stopped at a door. Crying was heard from the other side, she burst through and found... a unicorn stallion dead on the floor and a hooded stallion standing by a crib, he was holding a little crying foal in his magic and his mouth was unnaturally wide open, wide enough to... swallow the child. "Who are you and what do you think you're doing!?" she shouted, prompting the stallion to close his mouth.

"Give me the elements, or else you'll never see this little one again." He spoke.

Twilight's Kingdom

In a hidden chamber, seven thrones stand in a circle, and each one was a different color. Five figures sat in five of the seven thrones, and one of them was getting impatient. "How much longer? Do you expect him to wait another thousand years?!" Shouted the first.

"We are sorry, brother," said the second, "but, we'll do better next time."

"There won't be a "next" time if we're caught by Tirek." Said the third.

"Even after all this time, we've only gathered a small amount of magic from the Elements. Our progress is only at one percent." Said the fourth.

"But we still need a sixth. We can't use one of us, the reason why is that the Elements are too powerful for one to handle." Said the fifth.

"And that's why he sent each of you to-" the first began, but his sentence was cut short by a headache, he raised his hoof to his cranium, groaning in pain, and his eyes shut tight. The others got up from their thrones and trotted to their so-called brother and helped him.

"Is it another vision, brother?" Asked the fifth.

The first was gasping in pain, "Yes," he said, "it is." His eyes opened and they were glowing white. "I see... us. We have Element's Cutie Marks." They gave a confused look "We have them in our grasp... oh we'll have company. It's the newly crowned princess and her friends, including new faces." They all smiled because of that. "They think they can stop us." He laughed. "Who is this? Wait that's Frostbite, but why would... and who is..." then a confused look came upon their faces. "The vision... it changed. I'm in the town. I see someone on the floor looking up at me... a boy... Wait. Those eyes. I've seen those eyes before..." he shook his head and his eyes stopped glowing. "The prince is alive!" He shouted in rage.

"Alive? But how?" Asked the second.

"I do not know. All I do know is the human boy I saw had eyes that looked just like the young, crying prince. They were turquoise." Said the first. "Prepare the gateway, it is time to end this. Prepare the army."

Author's Note:

This is my first story. Please don't hate this. My feelings will be hurt if you do.
stay tuned for the rest of this story. Things will start to unfold as the story progresses, there are a few pieces of the puzzle in each chapter. If there are any smarties out there, you can piece them together. My friends, you will be amazed at what mystics can do.

BTW, I'm doing what Scott Cawthon does in his games. Leaving clues.

may Celestia watch over you all.

Edit for more sense and grammar corrections.

Comments

[Karibela]

Not entirely sure what's going on here... needs some explanation to why it keeps jumping to different episodes n' that.

[PhantomSage21098]

5985264 pay close to the clues I left behind. Figure out what he is after.

[Flying Fantasy Horse]

This premise looks entirely unoriginal, and the fact that you literally stole a character from Pen Stroke is the deal breaker.

Coupled with several grammar mistakes, I don't see this going anywhere good.

Downvoted.

[PhantomSage21098]

5985977 I'll take her off. Jerks. I wanted her to be in this story.

[Flying Fantasy Horse]

5986005

It's best if you do. While this is a fan fiction site, you still want to maintain some level of originality.

And please refrain from calling your readers, who are the only people giving you a chance here, jerks.

[PhantomSage21098]

5986011 I'll ask pen stroke, if I can add just her. That hooded stallion in not one of the children of nightmare.

[Golden Flare]

Other than a quite a few typos, this is a good story so far, I can't wait to see the next chapter

[PhantomSage21098]

5988007 I'm in progress of it, but that will take time. I can't rush perfection. Did you figure out what comes next?

[Golden Flare]

5988030 The only thing I can guess is that Jacob arrives in Equestria

[PhantomSage21098]

5988068 egg-xatcly, but that's a surprise. But there is more. But I'm not telling. I'm doing what Scott Cawthon does in his games.

[Golden Flare]

5988275 Fair enough

[Golden Flare]

Nightmare Cronicles book 1 Prince of the night

1. "Cronicles" is spelled wrong, it should be, "Chronicles"

2. (I used both bold and italic to separate the two errors) The "b" in "book" should be capitalized and there should be a colon at the end (Ex. ":" )

3. The "n" in "night" should be capitalized

The moon shines bright over the town in the human world. On a dark road with only the street lights lit, a single figure hooded figure was walking down the sidewalk, he was ><alone, or so he thought.

Delete the extra, "figure" and there's one space too many in between "was" and "alone".

"Jacob" a voice whispered from behind, he sharply turned around, reacting to the voice. He saw nothing, but darkness. He turned back around and proceeded down the sidewalk, then he final arrived at he destination. A nice looking two story house. The figure thought everyone in the house was asleep, so he walked across the yard quietly, walked up on the porch, and opened the door. The house was dark, like 'I can't see a stupid thing in front of my face' dark. he walked across the living room, toward the stairs.

1. At the end of, "Jacob" there should at least be a comma, or three periods, like so, "Jacob..."

2. "he" should be, "his"

3. The period after, "destination" should a colon instead, which at that point, you should lowercase the "A"

4. Uppercase the "H" in, "he"

Suddenly the lights came on "Jacob!" a voice came from behind, it made the figure jumped in fear, and looked behind him. A woman was sitting on an armchair, cross-armed, with a disappointing look on her face. The figure got up to his feet and removed his hood, revealing his face, a dirty blonde haired, white skin boy. "You said you be back by nine." the woman said, as she got up from the chair.

1. Missing a comma at the end of, "on"

2. The "a" should capitalized when using an exclamation point at the end of a piece of dialogue

3. "disappointing" should be "disappointed"

4. Wait, when did he fall down?

5. Replace "you" with "you'd"

6. Same as #2

Jacob sighed and said "No, I said I'll be back later, mom." he started walking toward the stairs, but his mother stopped him.

1. Missing a comma

2. You can use, "I'll" but in my opinion, "I'd be back later" sounds better to me

3. Same as before with the capitalization

"That is what later means." she said, but he ignored her and continued, and went up the stairs. his mother shouted "YOUR GROUNDED, YOU HEAR ME YOUNG MAN. AND YOU CAN FORGET GOING TO YOUR SISTER'S PARTY TOMORROW."

1. Captialize the "s" in "she"

2. It would make more sense to write it as, "he ignored her and continued up the stairs."

3. "his mother shouted" seems a bit redundant since her dialogue was already on that paragraph

4. "YOUR" should be "YOU'RE"

5. At the end of, "MAN." should have this instead, "MAN!?" and at the end of "TOMORROW." should have an exclamation point or two, like so, "TOMORROW!" or "TOMORROW!!"

Jacob made it to the top of the stairs their was someone hiding behind the door to someone's room. Jacob took notice, "Hey sis, happy 10th birthday. I guess I'm not coming, and save me some cake would ya?" he said as he enters his room. In Jacob's room, there was such a collection of movies, books, and games. Their was a wall of photos of a high school with a stallion statue in front of the building. Jacob inspected the wall, and add a new photo to it, the photo was of the statute. "I have feeling that there is something special about that school. Maybe I'll attend it one day." he said and went to his wardrobe, to put on his pj's. After a few minutes, he climbed into bed and collapsed into sleep.

1. Put a comma after "stairs"

2. "their" should be "there"

3. Replace "and" with "so"

4. Capitalize the "H" in "he"

5. Replace "In Jacob's room" with "Inside"

6. Same as #2

7. "Statute" is spelled wrong, remove the 3rd "t"

8. Same as #4

9. Remove the comma from, "wardrobe"

I'm gonna stop it here for right now, there's a lot to go through, and my parents still need my help.

[PhantomSage21098]

6190484 I did some modification to the tittle. Also fixed the typos.

[PhantomSage21098]

6190484 I might need a new cover art, like what you have. If I can get a cover art that matches this, it'll be perfect.

[Golden Flare]

6194387
1. That's good

2. What do you mean, like mine?

[PhantomSage21098]

6194424 I mean you have cover arts that matches your stories. Should I just stick with the old one or ask a devientartist for help?

BTW what do you think of the title?

[Golden Flare]

6194631
1. That's up to you, if you want to change your cover art, then more power to you, it's your story, after all

2. I like it, especially since it (somewhat) matches up with the story so far

[PhantomSage21098]

6194779 I've been inspired by the new game that is coming out. It is call Lego dimensions, it is the ultimate crossover game. That is why. I'll just modify the description.

[Golden Flare]

6195044 That's not a bad idea, go for it

[PhantomSage21098]

6195063 thanks. Can you please find the rest of my mistakes? I just want this to be perfect.

[Golden Flare]

6197497 Okay

[Golden Flare]

Prologue: secret evil

Capitalize the "s" and the "e"

Midnight, and all was well. except for smoke. were their is smoke, their is fire. Jacob awoke by the smell of it and got out of his bed. He rushed out the door and he heard his mother screaming at the bottom of the stairs. he rushed into his sister's room to get her, but she was nowhere to be seen. He checked the closet, no luck. She must of gotten out before the fire spread. Jacob rushed out of the bedroom door but came face first into a fist. The one who punched him was a man in a black hood. Not only his hood was black his skin was too, and I mean black. The man was holding a gun, and it was pointing at him. "W-who, who are you?" Jacob asked the man.

1. Capitalize the "e" in except

2. This one didn't look right, try, "And where there is smoke, there is fire."

3. Use, "Jacob was awoken"

4. Capitalize the "h" in "he" and change it to, "He then ran into his sister's room" (the reason I say this is because you're using the word, "rushed" too frequently)

5. Add a comma next to "black"

6. Capitalize the second "w", delete the comma, and add three periods

But all he said was "I'm someone you'll know." Jacob was confused by what he said, then the man pulled the trigger. A loud bang, then silence, and then a splitting headache.

1. Add a comma next to "was"

2. I was confused by this, "I'm someone you'll know" was it meant to be foreshadowing, or did you mean to write, "I'm someone you know" like, he already knows him?

3. This is just to make it look a little better; "A loud bang resounded through the area"

Nebula
Friendship is magic part 2

1. This is supposed to represent someone's point of view? If it is, you should put it in both italic and bold and say it like, "Nebula's Point of View" (other people would have a different opinion on this subject for their stories, but this is how I picture it for this one, I'll understand if you don't agree with me)

2. Capitalize the "m" and "p" in the subtitle (the "I" in "is" is optional)

A hooded stallion crossed a bridge leading to an abandoned castle. He heard voices from the other side of the bridge, then his horn (that means he is a unicorn.) Lit up and undid the ropes leading to the castle.

1. Remake this as, "A hooded unicorn stallion"

2. Add "rickety" in between "a" and "bridge"

3. Remake this as, "then he lit his horn" and delete (that means he is a unicorn.)

Return of harmony 1&2

1. Capitalize the "h" in "harmony"

2. Add "Part" at the end of "Harmony"

3. Space out "1&2" like this, "1 & 2"

In the gardens of Canterlot Castle, the statue of Discord, all cracked, burst apart and Discord was free. Hidden behind a statue column was the hooded stallion, watching the spirit of chaos.

1. Replace "Discord" with "he"

2. Capitalize the "s" and "c" in "spirit" and "chaos" respectively

3. Add "dance with glee" at the end of "Chaos", just to make it look authentic

Gotta go, my stepdad's rushing us out the door to go fishing

[PhantomSage21098]

6198178 "Someone you'll know" means he will meet him in future chapters. So I changed it to make more sence. Deleted the name and put "in the past." Nice thinking for Discord. And be careful if no bears tries to steal your fish.

[Golden Flare]

6198364 Okay, whatever you're comfortable with, and I haven't seen a bear where I live, also, the fishing trip was a bust; it rained to high hell and back (forgive my language)

[PhantomSage21098]

6198548 forgiven. I was just joking about the bear.

[Golden Flare]

6198731 Sorry, didn't know you were just joking

[PhantomSage21098]

6200177 it's alright.

[PhantomSage21098]

6200177 Your almost done flare. Just find the rest of my typos, and I'll give you some credit on my story.

[Golden Flare]

"Hello, little one." The stallion said in a stoic voice and it startled the dragon making it jump a bit. The dragon turned to see him.

1. Add a comma at the end of "dragon"

2. Change it to, "making it jump a bit and turned to face him."

"That is quiet alright, I'm looking for the reference guide to the Elements of Harmony." The stallion said, walking over to a nearby bookshelf.

1. You spelled "quite" wrong, switch the "e" and "t"

"I know where that is, but why do want that one?" The dragon asked, the the stallion shot a beam from his horn, putting the dragon to sleep.

1. Put "you" in between, "do" and "want"

2. Take out the extra "the"

A few minutes later the stallion looked from bookshelf to bookshelf, without taking out the books, was about to check the last one until..."We're here finally, now will you please, please go in." A femmine voice came from outside.

1. Add "and" in between, "books," and "was"

2. A space is missing in between, "until..." and "We're"

3. You spelled "feminine" wrong, replace the second "m" with an "n" and add an "i" in between the "m" and the "n" that you replaced

Canterlot wedding part 1&2

1. Capitalize the "w" and "p"

2. Separate the 1, &, and 2 from each other

A few minutes later, in Canterlot castle the made the hooded stallion bumped into earlyer was wearing a white wedding dress. The mare walked towards the door, and used her magic to open it. And who was there? The hooded stallion. The mare was surprised. "Oh, h-hello there. W-w-w-what are you doing..." She asked but the stallion interrupted her.

1. Add a comma in between "castle" and "the"

2. Change to "mare"

3. You spelled "earlier" wrong (this time, I won't explain how to fix it, 'cause I think I'm starting to sound like a jerk explaining it instead just writing the word)

4. Add "began" in between, "She" and "asked"

"Drop the act Chrysalis, I know that's you." He said, and she was surprised more. The stallion walked towards Chrysalis making her back up. The stallion closed the door behind him and cast a spell on it. Chrysalis cast a green beam from her horn, hitting the stallion. But no effect."I don't want to fight." He said,

1. Change to, "He said, surprising her more"

2. This one is more or less optional, but change "cast" to "shot"

3. A space is missing in between "effect." and "I"

4. Replace the comma at the end of "said" with a period

"Then what do you want?" She demanded

1. Make "do" in italic, or capitalize the whole word, give it more emphasis

2. Add a period at the end of "demanded"

"I want..." She back up against the wall "your help." He said, Chrysalis gave a confused look, "You see, I'm no ordinary unicorn. I'm a mystic." He said.

1. Change "back" to "backed"

2. Add a comma at the end of "wall"

3. Change it to, "He said, making Chrysalis confused instead of surprised,"

4. "He said." at the end is a bit redundant, since the reader already knows it's him speaking

"Impossible," she said "the mystics were whipped out long ago. How are you here and..." The stallion put his hoof to her mouth.

1. Add a comma at the end of "said"

2. You spelled "wiped" wrong

3. Replace the three periods with a dash (I think that's what it's called: - )

"Don't ask you foal." He said, "I know your trying to conquer equestria. Well you can have it, I just want the elements of harmony. Just tell your children to not attack me."

1. Add a comma at the end of "ask"

2. Replace "said" with "interrupted"

3. Capitalize the "e" in "equestria"

4. Add a comma at the end of "Well"

5. Capitalize the "e" and "h"

6. Switch "to" and "not"

That's all for today, my parents kept me busy, so this is all I can do right now, good night

[PhantomSage21098]

6210404 half way there. Keep it up. You have an eagle's eye for finding typos.

[Golden Flare]

6228458 Thanks, and sorry I didn't get back with you on this, had a rough day yesterday, later today, when I'm not piled up with chores, I'll get back to work

[PhantomSage21098]

6233110 ok

[Golden Flare]

6237376 Right now, I can only do a few,

In Twilight's vision, Nightmare Moon was defeated by Celestia, but what she did not see after her vision ended was after Nightmare Moon was imprisoned, Celestia rush down a hall and stopped at a door. Crying was heard it, she burst through and found... A unicorn stallion dead on the floor and a hooded stallion standing by a crib, he was holding a little crying foal in his magic and his mouth was unnaturaly wide open, wide enough to... Swallow the child. "Who are you and What are you think doing!?" She shouted, then the stallion closed his mouth.

1. Replace it with, "Crying was heard from the other side"

2. Lowercase the "A"

3. You spelled "unnaturally" wrong

4. Lowercase the "S" in "Swallow"

5. Lowercase the "W" in "What"

6. Replace it with, "prompting the stallion to close his mouth."

Twilight's kingdom

Uppercase the "k"

In a hidden chamber, six thrones sit in a circle, each one was a different color. Five stallions sat in each, and one of them was impatient. "How much longer? Do you expect him to wait another thousand years?!" Shouted the first.

1. Replace with "stand"

2. Add "and" in between, "circle," and "each"

3. Replace with "Five stallion sat in five of the six thrones,"

4. Add "getting" in between, "was" and "impatient"

[PhantomSage21098]

6238774 thanks. Find the rest whenever your done with your chores. Not being bossy.

[Golden Flare]

6242104 No prob

[Golden Flare]

"we're sorry brother." Said the second "but, we'll do better next time."

1. Uppercase the "w"

2. Change the period to a comma

3. Lowercase the "S"

4. Add a comma at the end of "second"

"Even after all this time, we've only gathered a small amount of magic from the elements. Our progress is only at one percent." Said the fourth.

Uppercase the "e"

"But, we still need a sixth. We can't use one of us, the reason why is that the elements are too powerful for one to handle." Said the fifth.

Uppercase the "e"

"And thats why he sent each of you to-" Said the first, but his sentence was cut short by a headache he raised his hoof to his cranium, groaned in pain, and his eyes shut tight. The others got up from their thrones and trotted to their so called brother and help him.

1. You misspelled "that's"

2. Replace with, "the first began,"

3. Add a comma at the end of "headache"

4. Change to "groaning"

"Is it another vision brother?" asked the fifth.

1. Add a comma at the end of "vision"

2. Uppercase the "a" in "asked"

the first was gasping in pain, "yes," he said "it is." His eyes opened and they were glowing white. "I see... Us. We have the element's cutie marks." They gave a confused look "We have them I our grasp... Oh we'll have company. Its the newly crownd princess and her friends, including new faces." They all smiled because of that. "They think they can stop us. Ah hahahaha... Who is this? Wait that's Frostbite, but why would... And who is..." Then a confused look came on their faces. "The vision... It changed. I'm in the town. I see someone on the floor looking up at me... A boy... Wait those eyes. I've seen those eyes before..." He shook his head and his eyes stopped glowing. "The prince is alive!" He shouted in rage.

1. Uppercase the "t" in "the"

2. Same concept as #1

3. Add a comma at the end of "said"

4. Lowercase the "U" in "Us"

5. Same concept as #2

6. Change to "in"

7. Same concept as #4

8. You misspelled "It's"

9. You misspelled "crowned"

10. Same concept as #7

11. Add a comma at the end of "Wait"

12. Same concept as #10

13. Same concept as #12

14. Change to "upon"

15. Same concept as #13

16, 17, & 18. Same concept as #15

"I do not know. All I do know is the human boy I saw had eyes that looked just like the young crying prince's. They were turquoise." Said the first. "Prepare the gateway, it is time to end this... In fire."

Lowercase the "I" in "in"

[PhantomSage21098]

6245928 it is perfect. Thank you Flare.

[Golden Flare]

6251704 No prob