The tales of bad oc land.

by Dat Juan Pon3y

A place?

Author's Note:

This is my first fanfic and it will most likely SUCK. I am not a good writer at all. AT ALL. So if you could help me out here and tell me what you honestly think of it, i can know whether i should just end my writing before i burn somepony elses eyes, or continue as normal.

Blade kept walking, as he always did. He would have stopped, except for the fact that he was in a very creepy forest. It wasn't the forest he was afraid of though, it was the Unicorns. Not too long ago, a group of Unicorns surprise attacked him and almost had him captured. And he would have been, if his mane wasn't as sharp as his blades. The encounter made a lot of noise and he knew more would be there soon to recover the dead bodies.

Oh right. You're wondering about blade huh? Well if you could stop for a minute and let me type, maybe I could fakin tell you! ANYWAYS... Blade grew up in a very, very cruel place. It is nothing like the place you and I live in. In that place, Unicorns are considered gods, Pegasi kings, earth ponies peasnants, yada yada yada. Oh right. And the alicorns are beaten, tortured, and if they are lucky, they get to spend their entire life as a slave until their 13th birthday, which on they are killed in public.

Blade was raised in a dojo where the best of assassins were made. Ever heard of any? Exactly. They are masters of killing and stealth, and are the coldest of the cold hearted. Blade was no different from any of the other assassins, except he is an alicorn. He is a great flyer but does not know many spells ( Considering his sensei is a earth pony he is doing extremely well ) and is always on the run. Now back to the story.

Blade knew he couldn't stop or he would risk getting found. And if he got found... NO. I WILL NOT THINK LIKE THAT. Blade forced himself to concentrate on more walking and less publically dying. after a couple hours or so he saw something glimmering up ahead. It looked like a portal of some kind. Blade stayed there for less than a minute before hearing somepony say
"MDG OUT!"'
( an MDG is a magic disabling grenade.) Blade only by reflex jumped through the portal before the grenade exploded, closing the portal and leaving the unicorns behind.

Blade took a look around before he quickly put his utility belt into a saddle bag and covered his wings so they were no longer visible.i cannot let anypony know i am an alicorn. He thought to himself. I need to either find a place to hide or keep running. When he was finished, he took a good look at his surroundings. He was stunned when he saw the happy community of Ponyville.

Comments

[Roarin Thunder]

Oh right. You're wondering about blade huh?

No, I'm not interested in your character. He sounds cliched and boring. By the way, you're supposed to have names with capital first letters.

Oh right. You're wondering about blade huh? Well if you could stop for a minute and let me type, maybe I could fakin tell you! ANYWAYS...

Never talk to your audience. Show don't tell. Give me details not banter if we're supposed to be interested in your character.

Blade grew up in a very, very cruel place. It is nothing like the place you and I live in. In that place, Unicorns are considered gods, Pegasi kings, earth ponies peasnants, yada yada yada.

Sorry, but we've heard of this kind of stuff before and the whole "yada yada yada" bullshit needs to stop right there. This kind of shit is annoying and makes things even more painful to read, but you probably need those extra words because this character doesn't seem able to reach the thousand word minimum.

Oh right. And the alicorns are beaten, tortured, and if they are lucky, they get to spend their entire life as a slave until their 13th birthday, which on they are killed in public.

You're still talking to us and I find myself uncaring that your character may as well be dead on his thirteenth birthday. Oh and alicorns aren't supposed to be so easy to find or make for that matter. So... What the fuck is with that anyway?

Blade was raised in a dojo where the best of assassins were made. Ever heard of any?

No, but I'm sure you'll find an edgy way to tell me.

They are masters of killing and stealth, and are the coldest of the cold hearted. Blade was no different from any of the other assassins, except he is an alicorn. He is a great flyer but does not know many spells ( Considering his sensei is a earth pony he is doing extremely well ) and is always on the run. Now back to the story.

Who gives a shit about his alicorn self? Oh, and stop talking to us. It's distracting.

Blade knew he couldn't stop or he would risk getting found. And if he got found... NO. I WILL NOT THINK LIKE THAT. Blade forced himself to concentrate on more walking and less publically dying. after a couple hours or so he saw something glimmering up ahead. It looked like a portal of some kind. Blade stayed there for less than a minute before hearing somepony say
"MDG OUT!"'
( an MDG is a magic disabling grenade.) Blade only by reflex jumped through the portal before the grenade exploded, closing the portal and leaving the unicorns behind.

Gosh, I hope he get's found so that some other character can be the main character. Also, they have fucking grenades? If this ends up anywhere near Ponyville, it'd be graveyard of the past, right? Cause no grenades existed in the time of Ponyville and stuff.

Blade took a look around before he quickly put his utility belt into a saddle bag and covered his wings so they were no longer visible.i cannot let anypony know i am an alicorn. He thought to himself. I need to either find a place to hide or keep running. When he was finished, he took a good look at his surroundings. He was stunned when he saw the happy community of Ponyville.

WHAT THE FUCK?! How did he end up there of all places?! Goddamn these self inserts to hell! Anyway, fuck this chapter. Every single piece of this is just wish fulfillment. I wish all the new authors would take their precious time to do some research before taking a shit like this on site! Ugh. Still a second chapter to go... Goddamn.

[Dartagnen]

4804351 Hold up, man. This is the guys first story. Give him a chance. It's not like he is not trying to at least entertain us. Stop being so hard on him.