Tales of the Slaves to Armok: God of Blood and (not at all) Friendship

by Timemaster

"Lord" Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts, "Master Axeman", "Changeling Human" V

"Lord" Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts, "Master Axeman", "Changeling Human"

Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts looked at his map, a few tiles away from the nearest city, which was on top of some tall mountain, and a few drops of sweat pelts the paper.

"It's hot," the Lord observes, "I would rather be somewhere cold, not climbing some mountain."

Looking at his map, there seemed to be only one city located in the frozen tundra that is always near the cap of each regenerated world. After skimming further, the Lord noticed that there was, indeed, several necromancer's towers in the tundra, too. Perhaps, the Lord reasoned, there is a necromancer's slab somewhere around there. The Lord looked at his backpack, which was leaking blood from lots of stuff, and smiled at his son's corpse. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts stretched his now immortal body and set out to 'The Hive', one of those necromancer's towers. There better not be more of those bug-horses, Urist thought, but if there is, then there must be a slab that turned them that way. The Lord looked around as he walked and thought, am I going to grow chitin?

The Lord stopped and pulled out his description.

"Lord" Urist Of the Divine TwinkleButts, "Master Axeman", "Changeling Human"

A medium-sized creature prone to great ambition.The folk of men is a lost one. They built mighty cities and roads, fortresses and castles, but they have all been burnt down or buried and forgotten. Having had an intrepid mind, they invented stuff. Be sure to stay away from their forgotten crypts, lest you be exploded with technology of a long lost past.
His hair is extremely long. He is wiry. His nose bridge is convex. His dark brown eyes are round. His pupils are red. His slightly flattened ears are very short. His lips are thick. His Lips are green. His quite short eyebrows are low. His nose is upturned. His hair is jet-black. His skin is made of chitin. His skin is pitch black. His beard is extremely long.
He has slain many false deities and only worships Armok. He has killed two-hundred forgotten beasts. He is quite young, 30. He has eaten five hundred humans, two-hundred goblins, fifty forgotten beasts, a dozen bug-changeling-ponies and a thousand war elephants.

"So I'm black?" Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts asked noone in particular, "Cool."

The Lord then put away his description and went back to walking, not a single care in the world, for Armok was always watching and protecting from his throne.

Armok: Best God Ever, I mean seriously how could anyone not worship him.

Armok took a large dump in his living toilet and then wiped his butt with the Toilet Paper God. When the best god ever flushed, he smiled as the sewage was blasted out the back of his house and onto the house of Odin, god of fuck-all. As Odin was asleep, though, Armok did not get the pleasure of hearing his womanly shriek.

Armok went back to the dinner table without washing his hands and began eating God Flesh Drumsticks. He stared at the jar again, smiling at Urist stupidnames' travelings, as he also clipped his yard-long nails.

[SMACK]

Armok stood up, hearing his neighbor, stupidhorsegodwhoheisabsolutelynotattracedtoinanyway's, door slam open. Great lord Armok, king of lower god realm, duke of upper god realm, duke of True Earth, duke of God's God's realm, and archduck of Duck God's God's God's realm, ran like a little, constipated, poodle straight to the window facing their house. Looking out, Armok watched as the sexyhorsegodofstupidhorses stared into the jar. Armok stared at her staring at the jar for a full five minutes, panting at what God's God's Judge will do to him if he was caught messing with another God's God's jar of worlds. Armok has already had fifteen quadrillion sexual harassment strikes, five-thousand assault charges, and thirty-five thousand charges of God-killing—if Armok gets one more he may be bunked down to the lowly God status!

Happily, though, Assholesungod exited the house, too, and distracted his horsewife, who then put the jar into her Pocket God Dimension. Armok sighed and closed the curtains.

"YES!" Armok screeched in his home.

"I hope he isn't raping a minor god again," Horsegodofstupid said to her husband, who just nodded in agreement. They both went inside after that, hoping no more horrific sounds penetrate their safe home.

"Lord" Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts, "Master Axeman", "Changeling Human"

Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts stood on top of a small gang of changeling-ponies. The Lord gathered a small sample of their blood for later drinking, and continued on towards the necromancer's base a few tiles away. From where the Lord was, he could see a vague outline of a base, but the constant heavy snow obscured any detail. The Lord sighed and sprinted towards the base, which was the only real thing out here in the tundra that he could see.

In an hour, The master axeman finally reached the outskirts of the base. Crossbow Changeling Shot a bolt at the Changeling Human, but it was blocked by his <<Copper Shield>>.The Changeling-Human threw a Changeling Blood Sample at the Crossbow Changeling, shattering the skull and lacerating the brain. The Changeling Blood has lodge firmly in the wound! The Crossbow Changeling died. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts looked at the side of the wall, which looked climbable. Using his vast strength and stamina, the Changeling Human managed to climb to the space above the Crossbow Changeling's corpse. The Lord jumped from the wall, onto the corpse, and managed to not break his legs. The Lord grabbed the corpse and threw it at the iron-bar secured door in front of him, smashing the door open. Walking straight in, the lord saw that there was about five-hundred of these changelings, and he would have felt fear...

Except that all of them were unarmed and naked.

The Lord stood upon a pile of corpses, five hundred disembodied heads in his backpack. The Lord then went to a door with strange insignias on it. The Human Changeling Pushed, but was unable to bust the door open. The Lord then backed away from the door and pelted it with the five-hundred heads. After about two-hundred, the door waned and fell into the floor, revealing a giant mother changeling with a giant, fire-hot, horn that was pointed straight at him. The Beast charged at him faster than any beast he had seen before, impaling the Lord through the shoulder that then proceeded to melt Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts from the inside-out. With his will, the now dying Lord sliced off the beasts' horn, allowing him to stand on his own. The Beast fell unconscious from losing its horn.Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts dropped his <<Copper Shield>>, for his arm fell off, melted to bone. The Lord then noticed something amazing about the descripiton of the beast's horn.

Chrysalis' Horn:
A complex horn that, unlike any other changeling's, is able to wrap a body, dead or alive, in a chrysalis to make them into a drone.

Without questioning anything, Urist threw his son's body, which was covered in demon blood, out and jabbed it with the horn. Instantly, his son was encased in a blood-red chrysalis, and the Lord watched with tears as his son was being brought back, albeit with chitin for skin. The Lord decapitated "Chrysalis" with his axe. Queen Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, creator of the Changeling-Griffon Alliance, and loving ruler, had died!

The Lord hugged the red chrysalis for some time, happier than he ever has been...

Urist of the Divine Urist, Forgotten Beast, has awakened! With a quizzical eyebrow movement, Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts watched as his son grew holes throughout his body, two demonic horns on his head, and a long, deadly, tounge. Before the Lord could say anything, Urist of the Divine Urist stabbed him in the head with Chrysalis' Horn. The Chrysalis' Horn has lodged firmly into the wound!....

"I, The Greatest Artificial Demon of all Time, will start The Age of Death, and nobody shall get in my way!"

Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts has died!

Armok

"The Fuck? This shit again?"

Armok stared at the screen, his mouth agape. With a snap of his fingers, the save file of Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts before his demise was created. With a single, red, tear Armok put his save file into a much larger jar—the jar of Armok's Heaven, where warriors can fight indefinitely or rest forever.

"Don't worry Urist of the Stu—Divine TwinkleButts, at least you had fun by losing, right? Kinda sucks how your kid was the one who got you, but at least it wasn't a stupid horse."

Armok then went into another jar, and with a smile, pulled out a new character to plunge into this world. This time, though, it was a child...

Author's Note:

Hope you guys enjoyed it!
I wish I knew how to end this better, but, hey, I tried.

Comments

[Pokonic]

Pony Fortress: Tales of Friendship and Magma

[Timemaster]

4674120 There will be magma. Dwarves love magma. I love dwarves. Magma.

[Permanganate]

Well, Dwarf Fortress never ends well for the characters involved, so I don't know what I was expecting. Still, the story isn't marked Complete, so there must be more...

[Timemaster]

4674255 There will be more, for there will always be Armok.

[Snake Staff]

Now we move on to Fortress Mode. Arnok demands more pony blood!

[Timemaster]

4675829 One day friend, but not now.

[RedvsBlue327]

A child huh? No difference than from that of an adult as what I can recall, except that in fortress mode, you're not allowed to have them perform manual slave labor.

[Timemaster]

4676218 Huehuehuehue

I miss the days when I could breed merpeople and then let them die before butchering them.