Nightmare Moon won. One thousand years of chaos rocked the planet to its core. And now six brave young ponies must gather a force strong enough to stop the powerful Alicorn before it's too late.
A look on the ability of true friends to come together no matter the circumstances and the fact that one event ending differently can change everything.
Feel free to leave criticisms. I always want to improve.
Rated Teen for some possible objectionable content in the future.
Cover pic credit to Crappy Unicorn on DeviantArt
Chapters (7)
objectionable?
Short, but interesting enough. Not noticing mistakes, either. Mustache of approval
Quite... interesting. We'll see where this goes.
I dunno, it's not bad, but... It could definitely use some work. You lack polish or any real descriptive terms, and everything seemed a bit abrupt, with things just happening with little to no explanation. Definitely want to look out for that in the future.
Battle against who? I'll join Luna :)
416594 Some death maybe. Trying to avoid spoilers.
416599 Thank you, I try.
416755 I will try my best to make it better. Thank you for the constructive criticism.
445476 If you plan on doing death, OC's make good 'cannon fodder'. It's what I do when my friends bug me, such as a certain pony named Lisp...
445481 Lol I'll keep that in mind if I'm feeling like some revenge.
Well isn't this interesting...
I appologize profusely for the wait. School came in full force and hit me in the face. Luckily however, I should be able to write a good deal of the next chapter during school, seeing as to my testing over the next week.
dear, brony tapitlightly
epic story , but u made the first chapter a little boreing
love your faithful pegasister,
awesome1924
it was ok but it does need more detail, you need to put your reader in twilights place, not just let them read it as if they are watching from overhead. thats why we write stories, so that the reader can know what the main character is thinking, or feeling. that's what seperates books from movies that's what makes them worth reading. but it shows promise and i would really like to see what you can do next, although a tip befpre i go. you cant do a captivating battle scene without alot more detail. hope i helped.
2208712
The problem is I much prefer a third-person point of view. It gives a slightly less personal but vastly more knowledgeable twist on it. I personally prefer to write in third.
another way to do that is to change the first person point of view, like from twi to flutter between chapters or paragraphs, im actually writing a story like that at the moment