Ch6 - Battle for Fillydelphia Part 3 (Improved version)
My Little Medic
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Chapter 6
Battle for Fillydelphia
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Part 3
Nearly a hundred pulses echoed as Twilight massaged her aching head and spit pebbles from her mouth. With a bit of effort, she pushed herself up and opened her eyes, only for her to gape at the scene. Every pony lay on the street between rubble and broken glass, some bleeding noticeably. Unlike the little unicorn, these ponies weren’t toughened by years filled with trainings and struggle, nor were they safeguarded by a protection spell that worked only on shrunken ponies. Not wasting a moment, Twilight galloped, only to bend her foreleg in pain, just now noticing that it was bleeding from cuts and glass embedded it in. With help of her levitation and a quick healing spell, she was back in shape and ready to help her fri– “Soarin!”
“Calm d-down, I’m f-fine...”
Twilight turned around before smiling widely as she pushed away the rubble and pulled Soarin’ to his hooves, the glass pieces levitating aside from the beaten Wonderbolt. The little mare grabbed her tail nervously and started to pat it, her ears dropped at the sight of her bleeding friend. Soarin’s right wing was bent to the side and it was missing many feathers while the right side of his head was covered in bruises as he kept his right eye closed. “You look terrible… what, how, why?” Upon noticing hoof straightened to the right, Twilight looked in that direction, only to flinch as three heads emerged from the building, slowly descending towards them. She knew that Quarray Eels were dangerous from Soarin’s notes. Even if not capable of digging themselves into a solid rock or even ground, they used holes and tunnels made by other species, ready to ambush bypassers.
The ponies panicked, struggling to get back to their hooves, some stumbling upon the rubble. With a rush of adrenaline, other Wonderbolts grabbed whoever they could while ignoring their own pains, Soarin’ helping despite broken wing. Twilight followed suit and levitated ponies away from the advancing monsters. As much as she wanted to check on Soarin’s eye, it would have to wait.
Suddenly, a loud cry captured her attention as a young colt ran away from several smaller monsters, most likely the children of the big ones.
Twilight grit her teeth with rage as her mane started to smoke, her horn shot deadly beams of magic, striking the worms one by one, sending them flying away from the terrified pony. “Green Apple!” she shouted at the sight of a full-grown Quarray Eel advancing towards him, her beams and fireballs not even slowing him down. With a solid rush of adrenaline, she pulled the colt with her levitation and to her horror, he flew above her head, only to slam into fragment of the wall with a crack. Yelps of pain reached Twilight’s ears as she looked at Green Apple with a terrified expression, walking backwards from the young pony she just hurt.
“Twilight!” Soarin’ shouted while galloping towards her. “Behind you!”
The little unicorn, still shocked from having hurt the earth pony she just slammed against a wall, was captured off guard, turning slowly towards a humongous mouth as each of it’s teeth was the size of her neck. Muscles refused to move, eyes and mouth opened widely and a terrified scream escaped Twilight’s mouth. Out of reflex she mastered over the years, she cast a barrier around herself, only for it to break like a glass upon the impact. Twilight charged her horn again, preparing a teleportation spell as her legs still refused to heed her call, only for the rays of the sun to be blocked by a humongous body as it descended upon her. Twilight could no longer scream, nor she could see anything as she felt worm’s hard skin pressing against her. The street's surface cracked as her back sank into it.
The monster slowly raised his neck as Twilight took greedy breaths, desperate for air and too tired to move while trapped in a unicorn shaped hole, hardly able to focus any magic. The humongous mouth opened, ready to swallow her whole. The time slowed down as the jaw of the beast dug into the street, gathering the rubble like a shovel with Twilight’s shrunken body on top of it. The sunlight once again started to fade as the mouth slowly closed, only for Soarin’ to jump into it as he got in Twilight’s line of sight. “S-Soar…in’,” she murmured with a tired voice as all she could see was a weak smile and a blue hoof heaving her out of the beast’s mouth.
Shocked, Twilight rolled and focused on the mouth of the beast. Her teeth grit, she focused every bit of her magic, struggling to open the giant’s mouth. It slightly opened, but her victory didn’t last long as the monster overpowered her levitation with ease. Even if at this size she could levitate nine tons, the Quarray Eel’s mouth was stronger.
It gulped.
"No!" Tears slid from Twilight’s eyes as she collapsed. She could hear her name yelled by Wonderbolts’ rookies who were busy fighting against the small worms, and could see rubble falling from monster’s mouth as it prepared to eat Twilight as it did with Soarin’. The teeth reflected the rays of the sun.
Twilight closed her eyes while Ace Lottery and Clashing Strike flew to her rescue, racing with the advancing mouth. Time seemed to stop for everypony as the mouth was but meters away from the weakened unicorn. The Wonderbolts, separated by hundreds meters from saving her, were suddenly passed by a yellow beam of magic. Their wide confused eyes could only stare as it struck the giant’s mouth of the monster, pushing it away from Twilight. The magic was so forceful that it sent the beast hurtling into a pile of rubble, sending plumes of dust skyward as it’s body made contact.
The Wonderbolts’ looked around as just two words escaped their opened mouths, “Princess Celestia!”
Upon hearing this name, Twilight raised her head and opened her eyes, looking up at the sky as the sight of her mighty mentor captured her attention. She could see another beam of magic striking against the monster’s head, pressing it deeply into the ground. Twilight could only stare in amazement as the small worms flew to the sides, levitated away from the fighting ponies.
Blinded by a flash, Twilight rubbed her eyes before opening them as a golden horseshoe captured her attention, though it wasn’t decorative golden regalia her mentor always wore but full plated armor. Slowly raising her head, she looked up at the long and strong legs of her mentor as the armor covered them up to the knee. Instead of the decorative neck piece was a battle armor protecting the alicorn’s neck and chest. On Celestia’s head was a helmet with the top resembling a crown and a hole for horn. Under the helmet, Twilight could read worry and fear.
The princess knelt with her muzzle almost touching Twilight’s head as healing magic streamed from her horn. “Twilight, how could you…” She carefully levitated her student back to her hooves and nuzzled her neck. “I didn’t allow you to become a medic to risk your life like that, you’re too important to me.”
Twilight wished nothing more than to embrace her mentor’s muzzle, but resisted the urge as she pointed her hoof at the unconscious worm. “Soarin’, please…” She passed around her mentor’s hooves and galloped while charging her horn as mouth of the monster slowly opened. Suddenly, Twilight stopped, her hooves immobile. She looked back at her mentor whose horn was lit and plead with her eyes. “Soarin’ was eaten by it, I have to help him!”
Celestia didn’t speak but nodded instead, only to disappear in a flash. Twilight looked around in confusion. “Princess, where are you?” With a shake of her head, the little unicorn ran towards the unconscious Quarray Eel. She would find her mentor later, but now her friend needed her. Twilight’s gallop stopped the moment another flash of teleportation blinded her lightly, only to look at the scene in front of her with wide eyes. “P-Princess… you…”
Celestia shook the monster’s acids from her body while her transparent mane gained a few more colors to decorate it, disgust apparent on her wet regal face. She quickly wiped the liquid from her eyes and carefully placed Soarin’ on the ground before disposing of the acid that covered him.
Twilight ran towards her friend who breathed heavily, her horn ready to heal his burn marks, but her mentor’s armored hoof stopped her with a light touch to her horn. Twilight looked at her mentor in confusion who just smiled at her.
“Save your strength, you will need it,” Celestia said as she send wave after wave of healing magic into the Wonderbolt, restoring his fur back to it’s former glory. Everypony gathered around while keeping their distance from their ruler as the healing process dragged for one minute. The aura around Celestia’s horn vanished as the princess nodded to her student. “This is as much I can do, I believe that his wing and eye require more professional assistance.”
Twilight nodded as she focused, sweat fall from her head as the small mare guided her magic to heal the wing, bone by bone. Soarin’ screamed in pain which caused Twilight to flinch as Celestia gave her a curious glare.
The princess examined her student for a moment, until realization struck her. “Twilight, did you…?”
She nodded in response. “I did. I was afraid that I would not be strong enough to help everypony, so I…”
“I understand,” Celestia said with a proud smile. Spending time in her student’s company helped her learn how uncomfortable the idea of returning to her normal size was for Twilight, a huge change of environment she got used to after so many years, but today she also learned that her student wouldn’t hesitate to dispel the shrinking spell if the situation called for it. Her thoughts were interrupted by more yells of pain coming from the injured Wonderbolt as she noticed the struggle in her student’s eyes. Even the small increase of size proved enough to make the delicate operation so much harder.
After the healing process of the wing was done, Celestia decided to interfere. “Twilight,” she said, catching her student’s attention who looked back at her with no longer so tiny eyes. Celestia kept her emotionless mask on, but inside she felt conflicted as the situation felt somewhat awkward. She knew that her student was still far smaller than she should be, not even the size of her head, and yet she seemed far to big. Twilight was always so small, perfectly sized to sit on a hoof or a muzzle, a little pony she loved and taught for so many years, a pony that was no longer so tiny. Was it alright to shrink her again, wouldn’t it be better to keep her at this size? Celestia shook her head and spoke, “I understand how fun it is to adventure and challenge yourself everyday for you, but maybe it is about time to move to a new height?”
Twilight took a step back, caught off guard. She rubbed her chin in contemplation before looking away from Celestia, her attention focused on Green Apple who was looking back at her from the surrounding crowd. She could see a grateful smile on his face, but even more visible was the bleeding mark on his head. Twilight quickly looked away, focusing on Soarin’s wounded eye. How was she going to heal it at her current size?
“Don’t look down,” Soarin’ said as he opened his working eye and give his friend a pained smile. “We all sure got a solid beating today, didn’t we?”
Twilight’s mouth quivered and tears formed in her eyes as she charged her horn and pulled the battered pegasus with her magic.
Soarin’ yelped and crashed into the little mare against his will.
Twilight could feel her back rubbing against the rubble, sharp broken glass scratching her legs and back side of her head. She felt the soft fur pressing against her face as she was being crushed by twelve times her own weight. Twilight cursed in her mind for once again forgetting about her raw power as she now experienced the consequences. Already used to being crushed on daily basis, she just embraced pegasus’s neck and spoke with muffled voice, “Soarin’, I… I…” her tears mixed themselves with the fur. “Why did you let this monster eat you? I could have just teleported outside, but you would…”
Soarin’ hardly could breath as he slowly stood, his little friend attached to his neck like a scarf… made of chains. He closed his eye and waited patiently for the hug to end.
After several seconds of pouring her emotions, she released her friend and landed on her rear hooves. She spread her forelegs and lit her horn as healing magic fixed her recently acquired scratches. Once presentable enough, she walked towards her mentor.
To Celestia’s and the crowd’s surprise, Twilight bowed to the ground in front of her hooves. “Princess, I beg you, return me to normal, please.”
“To normal? What you want from me is to shrink you and it is far from normal.” Celestia stated, looking down at her humble student, begging her for something she was going to do anyway, feeling sad at Twilight’s unnecessary humiliation.
“No, being your little pony was normal. With my raw power, I should stay small, it is fairer and safer for everypony.” Twilight spoke, still bowing.
Celestia sighed, knowing full well that her student was making unnecessary excuses. “Twilight, there is no need to beg me, I understand how important it is for you, so please, stand,” Celestia said warmly as Twilight stood and wiped a few tears from her eyes, now smiling back.
“But before I shrink you, can I look at you at least for a moment?” Noticing Twilight’s cheerful nod, Celestia admired her student for several seconds, a strong proud mare she has become after years of hardship. Not wanting to delay any longed for her student’s sake, she lit her horn. “Now Twilight, listen closely.”
Twilight exposed her ears and listened carefully as the good student she was as Celestia lectured. “When I cast the shrinking spell on you, you need to send your own magic into it, and you need to stop when you return to your usual size,” Celestia warned, “but beware, your magic has improved admirably since you were just a filly, if you don’t stop the flow of your magic in time, you will end up far smaller than before.”
Twilight beamed, a big smile on her face. “Princess, does this mean that I can make myself even smaller!?” she said as Celestia was taken aback at her student’s enthusiasm.
“Yes my faithful student, but I hope that you are not planning to…”
“But Princess, my magic and physical condition has greatly improved, it is only fair if I make myself even smaller to compensate,” Twilight argued as Celestia shook her hoof and gave Twilight a disapproving glare.
“It is best if you return to the size that everypony is used too,” Celestia ordered authoritatively as Twilight left a long disappointed ‘awww’ before lowering her head and nodding, and moment later Celestia cast her spell while Twilight powered it.
Everypony in the crowd looked in confusion as a powerful aura of magic surrounded Twilight who was becoming smaller with every second, leaving a tiny unicorn the size of a large rat.
Celestia looked down at the small unicorn as the aura of magic faded, and the tiny mare looked back at her with a smile. Something that, for Celestia, and most likely for her student, was normal.
With Celestia once again being a humongous giant from her perspective, Twilight turned to Soarin’ before teleporting onto his nose, and this time the Wonderbolt didn’t flinch. “Would you open your eye?”
Soarin’ bit his lips, the pain growing worse the more he opened his right eye while the vision was blurry, black and white dots covering half of his view.
Twilight didn’t dare to look away as liquid slid from pegasus’s eye, but it was not beyond saving. Steeling her legs and with determined expression, she looked at her mentor. “Princess, this may take a while.”
Celestia nodded. “I understand, though I would like to ask, where are Spitfire and other Wonderbolts?” She asked, her voice level and patient.
Twilight’s eyes opened widely as she pointed towards the largest building in the area, or rather what was left from it. “I am not sure, but the rendezvous point was on top of that building and–”
“Say no more,” Celestia said as she shook her hoof. “The guards will arrive soon and you did all you could, now it is time for me to play my part.”
Twilight wanted to stop her mentor, to say how dangerous it is to go alone, but it was too late as Celestia reduced the distance from the building with quick teleportation. With her ears dropping slightly, Twilight murmured, “Please, stay safe, Princess.” She turned to Soarin’s eye as the pegasus struggled to keep it open and began the healing process. As tiring as it was now with her size reduced, she found the surgery much easier to perform, and there was no place for mistakes, or else her friend would end up blind on that side.
Fleetfoot looked at the gathering point in confusion, blinking rapidly. The building itself was still standing but barely as it was littered with holes. Her hawk-like sharp eye quickly picking up several worms of different species lying unconscious in various locations, a few in front of the building, some hanging from holes in it, and at least three on the roof, alongside at least a few hundreds of the small ones. Among the killed or unconscious monsters one figure stood tall. “Princess Celestia!”
The Wonderbolts quickly landed on the building, only to jump to the sides as the surface of the roof cracked upon the impact. Carefully walking towards their ruler with the sick Wonderbolts on their back, they saluted. Fleetfoot went ahead of the team and said, “Your Highness, what are you doing here without an army?” as she looked towards the sky, searching it for any sight of life and added. “This is a war zone!”
The proud alicorn kept looking at the sick Wonderbolts. Not wasting a moment, she cast a barrier around them, one by one, as they just looked at one another, blinking their eyes. Noticing their curious looks and opening mouths, she spoke first, “Health bubble, hopefully the infection didn’t spread yet.”
Celestia spread her wings proudly as her horn flashed in bright aura, only for everypony on the roof to disappear.
***
“So, how’s your eye?” Twilight asked, waving her hoof while anchored on Soarin’s muzzle with her hind legs. Her head was aching from today’s activity, but she hid her exhaustion behind a sheepish smile.
“Much better,” the Wonderbolt responded with few blinks of his right eye. “My vision is still a bit blurry, but–” he paused upon noticing a bright flash of teleportation few meters in front of him as Celestia and entire team of Wonderbolts were now present. “Are you seeing what I am seeing?”
Twilight turned around and waved, but her smile vanished at the sight of Wonderbolts covered in suppurating blisters, their fur more green under damaged uniforms. Twilight walked to the edge of Soarin’s muzzle and stood on her rear hooves to take a better look.
“Spitfire!” Soarin’ shouted, causing Twilight to fall off his muzzle as he ran towards his captain.
After shaking her head, Twilight galloped, feeling her heart beating with increasing speed. With a flex of her legs, she jumped, landing on Spitfire’s leg who was now lying on the ground. She was about to run to captain’s chest when a bubble appeared around her, causing Twilight to flinch. The little unicorn knelt with ear pressed against the fur as she heard the strong beating of Spitfire’s heart. With a sigh of relief, she wiped sweat from her head and lit her horn, but the aura around it vanished as Twilight looked around, quickly noticing two more Wonderbolts with a similar disease.
Her ears curled, Twilight looked towards her mentor who approached slowly, kneeling in front of the captain. The little unicorn could see the giant horn descend towards her, but she didn’t budge, letting it touch her tiny horn as a little portion of magic transferred into it. Twilight’s legs bent as she bit her lips, headache striking with full force. The transfer dragged on for several seconds, but she held her ground, her horn red and hot.
Celestia raised her horn slightly, giving her student a moment to breath as she took the armor from her hoof and carefully placed the tip of her hoof on tiny mare’s shoulder. “I can restore your reserves, Twilight, but even you cannot endure using your magic without break. Please, do not strain yourself.”
Twilight nuzzled her mentor’s hoof with side of her head and nodded. “I will try… but magical surgery won’t be enough. How I can purify them from this sickness? I am not educated and experienced enough to heal poison and illness on that level.”
Celestia chuckled before placing her horn on Spitfire’s belly. “Then allow me to assist and guide you. First lesson, purifying the veins from hostile organisms’,” Celestia said as she sent her magic into the area around the Wonderbolt’s heart while her student approached, observing the healing process with highest interest before mimicking the healing technique.
“W-what happened?” Spitfire asked while massaging her head, resisting the urge to vomit as she gulped.
“Ma’am,” a familiar voice reached her ear and a glass of water was placed in front of her. “Do not get up just yet, Captain, your body is still recovering.”
“Captain?” Spitfire asked before shooting Fleetfoot a smirk, “I thought you wanted to take that role since I was incompetent.” She coughed.
“Not after todays display,” Fleetfoot responded as several veterans nodded their heads, but her cheerful smile was replaced with serious one as she pointed her hoof accusingly. “You have proven yourself today, Captain Spitfire, saving two of our teammates and leading us out of a jam, and I also admit, I made a big oversight, which made me realize that I am not yet leader material. But please, do not rest on your laurels.”
Lighthoof nodded. “I agree. After today’s event, I am ready to jump into a fire if you order me too, but do not take it for granted, Captain. For the past year you were stuck in paper work and ordered us around rather than give us a good example, making us doubt your leadership, so please, do not separate yourself from your team.”
Spitfire put a hoof on her mouth and chuckled before coughing, feeling pain in her stomach as Lighthoof caught her before she could fall, carefully placing her on a soft white cloud. The eyes of her team looking at her with worry and guilt. She looked back with a smile, at her dear team filled with hot-blooded daredevil pegasi, but they were her pegasi, and it warmed her pained heart to see trust and faith in their eyes. Spitfire knew she could not take this trust for granted. ”Don’t worry,” she said with her nose raised, “I will keep showing you blockheads how much better I am as leader and Wonderbolt until you will engrave it into your brains!” Noticing salutes and renewed resolve, Spitfire smiled. It would still require some work to get her team together, but it was a great start.
***
While the Wonderbolts were busy aiding their captain and those who were unlucky enough to end up inside a monster's stomach, and rookies looked at Soarin’ with shining eyes. Twilight was stuck between the tips of Steel Blade’s wings.
“I am unsure if I should be proud of how well you did on your first field mission, or terrified of the mess you've gotten yourself into,” Steel said and nuzzled Twilight before turning his head to the side and sneezed. “Is it really true, that you increased your size to handle your responsibility?”
Twilight nodded. “It is true, though I had a little trouble with my power,” she said and pointed towards Flutter Bolt. “I tried to push him away for rubbing my neck and… his head got stuck in the ventilation shaft.”
Steel Blade laughed and said, “Remind me to never rub your chin if you ever dispel shrinking spell from yourself. I do not want to end up with my head stuck in the moon.”
Both ponies laughed as Twilight freed herself and climbed onto Steel’s wing. The moment the laughter ended, Steel Blade gave Twilight a saddened smile, turning around as he pointed towards Celestia who was now talking with Spitfire. “Still, even your new size would not save you if it was not for your mentor.”
“But… I could always teleport away…”
“Oh really? Did you teleport when that monster,” Steel said while pointing his hoof at unconscious and restrained Quarray Eels, “landed on you? Do you have any idea how much fright you gave Wave Chill when she saw you disappearing under the humongous mass of that monster?”
Twilight shivered before nodding. “Fair enough,” she said as her hind legs started to move back and forth as she was still perched on the edge of Steel’s wing. “Still, how did my mentor know I was in trouble? Why would the princess risk her well being by coming to this dangerous area?”
“I am not sure I can answer all of your questions, but while I was hauling ammunition, I noticed an army of guards heading towards the city with the princess in the lead. Celestia noticed me too and asked what I was doing here. The moment I told her that you were in the city area, assisting the Wonderbolts, she flew ahead of the army and teleported. And good thing she did.”
“Tell me about it,” Twilight said and massaged her shoulder. “Where is Spike by the way, I thought he would be with you?”
“I found him sneaking into the cart filled with ammo,” Overwatch said as she approached, two red roses levitating next to her head. “He is far too young, a battlefield is not a place for him, not to mention that he would eat half of the ammo.”
Steel Blade nodded before stopping Overwatch from leaving just yet with a question, “Who are those roses for?”
Overwatch said with a smirk, “Oh, it is a ‘thank you’ gift for a very brave pony and great friend, now, if you'll excuse me.” She left as fast as she arrived as her two friends looked at her with mixture of curiosity and confusion as they scratched the back of their necks.
***
“That’s all I needed to know,” Celestia said as Spitfire finished her report. “I am proud of your team’s accomplishment, and as I once swore to four centuries ago, I will not interfere in the Wonderbolts’ affairs in term of leadership, but I expect of you to win back their trust so situations like this won't repeat itself.” Celestia’s cheerful smile turned into one of authority, her eyes half closed. “And I am going to put aside the fact that you brought my student into a battlefield considering the circumstances and all the lives she saved, but if something happens to her during a mission, I will hold you responsible.”
Spitfire bowed in respect and said, “I understand, Your Highness,” only to feel the earth tremble under her hooves.
“The enemy is approaching,” a Pegasus guard shouted and pointed towards the cloud of dust with his spear as at least twenty guards created a defensive formation between the attackers and the princess.
Spitfire’s and Lightfoot’s eyes opened widely, their mouths agape as three Tatzlwurms approached with great speed.
“I blew up their mouths from the inside with explosive rounds!” Spitfire yelled, forgetting that she was in presence of royalty as Celestia looked at her with the side of her eye. The captain pointed her hoof and added, “I made a hole in its stomach, what does it takes to get rid of those things?”
“What are your orders, Captain?” Fleetfoot asked while every Wonderbolt gathered behind the guards, battle ready despite their bruises and exhaustion.
Spitfire pointed towards the cart filled with ammo. “Get your gear on, we will need–”
“That won’t be necessary.”
Every Wonderbolt and guard turned to Celestia who walked proudly towards the attackers, taking firm steps, as her wings spread. “One Tatzlwurm is very dangerous, three are out of your league. Not only are they agile and perceptive, with their high regeneration, whatever wounds you inflicted upon them are most likely healed.”
Not bothering to look at the Wonderbolts and guards, Celestia added, “You have exceeded my expectations. Now it is my turn to handle this threat in a less lethal manner.”
Spitfire did as she was told, observing the princess who rushed into the battle despite protests from her guards, only to feel something bumping into her. With shake of her head, she got to her hooves and turned around. “Soarin’?” she said while noticing a red rose in his mouth. A blush quickly spread across her face, and so did on confused lieutenant as they both looked at one another in awkward silence. After few seconds Spitfire decided to speak first, “Is that rose, for me?”
Soarin’ looked around before nodding hesitantly. “I… guess so… Sorry for bumping into you, Captain, I had to stumble on the rubble,” he said while wondering how the heck a rose ended up in his mouth.
Unbeknown to the Wonderbolts, Overwatch chuckled from her observation spot behind a chariot. Steel Blade sat next to her as he tilted his head to the side and whispered, “Seriously?”
Overwatch’s observed the scene while her horn was no longer surrounded by green aura before she smirked and whispered as well, “I owe him big time for everything he did for Twilight. And I am going to repay him by any means possible.”
Steel Blade raised his eyebrow. “By pushing them at one another and levitating roses into their mouths?” he said, only to be grabbed by his head as his muzzle was pressed against Overwatch’s.
“I’m going to get those two together before Twilight’s work as medic is complete, mark my words.”
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No feedback so far. It is a bad sight. I hope I didn't failed with this chapter.
If there is something wrong with it, I am always open for advices and criticism.
Well, I wouldn't worry about the lack of feedback just yet. t enjoyed it. I'm glad this arc is wrapped up though, and look forward to seeing more interaction between Twilight and the wonderbolts.
That being said, as good as this is, I still want to see Celestia Vs nightmare moon wrapped up in the main story even more!
I think you should always wait 24 hours before noting a lack of feedback, to give everyone on Earth a fair chance to read your story at whatever time they wish.
All thing takes time to react.
Also, the Ebola virus is now in West Africa. We need to rally up to get public awareness about it. I was not aware until recently, but now we have to raise awareness. Help WHO and Africa
Squee!
Seriously that- that's all I can think to say that i haven't already.
Is good. i like. Imah read tiny librarian now.
Feedback? Well it's an awesome story and you have mastered The Art of The Cliffhangers. But that aside, I only tend to comment when there is something specific that I noticed.
Twilight's desire to get even smaller seems less like "I want to challenge myself." and more like she's running away from her power... still. Celestia really needs to send her to therapy. At this rate, her "I'll become big again when I've pushed my limits" bit will be an absolute lie to Celestia's face - because she'll have no idea how to handle herself at full size, which - if her desires are any indication - will keep her too afraid of reaching her proper size ever.
4642522
Thanks.
4643073
Have fun, just do not rush through it to fast.
4643240
Most cliffhangers are unintentiona, I just find those locations to be good for a break between chapters.
4643240
That, or she just find it unfair to be so much more powerful than others and shrink herself to not get above them.
Yea, kind of like domino reaction or circle.
It's there, and the story's good, but this chapter is riddled with mistakes: spelling, grammar and sentence flow. Sorry to say it, and I know this is going to sound harsh, but it doesn't look like five people have read through and corrected the story at all. Which is a shame, because yesterday's chapter of Ponyville's Tiny Librarian was really solid, so you do have editing talent at your back. In my opinion, an editor is merely an early-access reader unless they're a grammar nazi, no matter how many you have: one grammar nazi will bring a chapter like this up to a much higher quality than ten more lenient people (and will probably get it done quicker, given that there's some coordination overhead, though a second pair of eyes doesn't hurt).
4644674 I'd already read most of it. I was talking about reading the new chapter, which, by the way, can be summed up by this Rainbow Dash Quote:
Awesome! -Rainbow Dash, 2012
.
4644674
Which, as I said, is being afraid of herself still. On a psychological level. There's no "Maybe she just thinks it's nicer to others this way", speaking from a sapient mental health perspective it is never so simple as the first thing that's said or comes to mind, she exhibits such a fondness for her state and wishing to advance it that her entire foray into miniaturization smacks of being afraid of who and what she is with the way you've written her.
That comment she made was a dealbreaker. Celestia should have realized it wasn't healthy.
I've spent some time with micros and macros, so maybe it's just for that sort of reason that you've written it out in this manner. But whether you meant to or not, after examination I believe Twilight's mental well-being deserves some attention here.
4644847
That is because: "Ponyville's TIny Librarian is main story edited by my top editors, they take weeks to finish one chapter, but it is high quality.
"Tiny Medic is a sidestory what people who read it offered to edit it. It can be uploaded much faster but in exchange for quality (I cannot distract my best editor from the sequel to edit this sidestory).
There was one person who edited chapter 4 quite well and I hoped that he would help out with chapter 6 and 7 too, but he complained that the fight over FIllydelphia is dragging far to long and he lost interest in it, I am afraid he won't assist me any longer.
The editors I pointed out in author notes were all who worked on this story, but not all worked on every chapter. Chapter 6 was edited by 2, maybe 3 people, I am unsure. Anyway, unless you can find someone who can fix those mistakes for me, I have tied hands (I tried to find editor in editor's/proofreaders group and it failed, so I am counting on volountiers from the fans of this story).
I just happen to have a ton of snacks, drinks, and food around, plus a good laptop and a comfy space.
Well, let's get to it!
On the street? Isn't that the worst place to be?
I think you mean: ..embedded in it.
Like I said, not the best place to be.
Is she starting to evolve?
Twi, I know it's accidental, but you're a medic, not someone who goes and levitates ponies into hard objects
Im sad and scared for Twi now.
Worms, start running.
Did you mean: I didn't allow you to..
YOU ARE A PRINCESS, YOU'LL PLAY YOUR PART!!
It's dangerous to go alone. Here, take a Twiny.
Did you mean: ..filled with holes as if..
Only Tia can do that.
Was that for Steelie?
Where the hell did he find a rose in a battlefield?
That ship just sailed so hard.
derpderpderpderpderpderpENJOYTHISTHINGCOMMANDERderpderpderp
The story is excellent, really.
I have to say, though, that I'm not liking Twilight or the Wonderbolts. That isn't due to any flaw in your storytelling, you didn't make them completely out of character, they just rub me the wrong way. We have the Wonderbolts being trusted to save ponies when they can apparently mutiny at any point. We have Twilight who is barely willing to try to get over her fears of herself even when trying might just save lives. I could go more into detail about both, and I might, but I just figured I'd give at least a little feedback today while I try to make a bigger response out of it.
4645613
In Twilight's defense, she faced her fears to help others, after all, she removed a bit of shrinking spell from herself. It is just that, while she can do more when bigger, her magic surgery become much more painful and less accurate while she is having trouble with using correct ammount of magic because she have so much of it.
Basically it is on one side, she is willing to increase her size to help those in danger, but on another she is unsure do she would cause more harm than good by doing so.
As for Wonderbolts, I am unsure they are out of character that much. In the show Wonderbolts often screwed up (Spike, Rarity, Rainbow Falls), do not see that some of their recruits put others in danger (Wonderbolts Academy) and are willing to give up on their own team mates just to win (Rainbow Falls again). While I do not try to make them look as bad as show presented them, in my headcanon they are flawed organization.
Sorry if you do not like the way I present them, but the only way to overcome character's flaws is by having them, and for Wonderbolts to improve, they first need to have issues that need to be adressed.
I hope you won't give up reading the story despite not liking the way Wonderbolts act in it?
4645915
I know, but if I used words "large cat" to often, one would think she is the size of a tiger, heh. But yea, Twilight would be one large cat.
Also, thanks for pointing out the mistake, I fixed it.
4645490
It's not that they wanted to lie there. Also, should it be "lay" or "lied" in this sentence, i am unsure?
4645490
Fixed.
4645490
Nearly.
4645490
WIth weights she always levitated, she just do not know the limits of her magic, especially when her size is bigger than usual.
Fixed.
That would actually look really funny.
Fixed. It seems that my editors missed tons of stuff. If you find more, tell.
Only with elements, and it backfired badly.
Soarin: How should I know?
Overwatch smirked.
Glad to hear, and sorry for all the grammar mistakes and typos. Also, did you read last chapter in My Little Medic ( where Celestia encounter Nightmare Moon?)
4646021
Okay, I worded it poorly.
Also, Twilight's problem with being unable to control her power comes because she isn't even trying to be able to control it. I feel as though she's kind of being greedy, using her fear to never try to grow. At the same time, I know that fear can be difficult to overcome. So maybe it isn't just her that's causing this, but Celestia as well. She should know better than to simply let her student fail to confront her fear in any meaningful way.
Celestia is a horrible teacher, as usual.
As for the Wonderbolts, they shouldn't be trusted to save people. That's my biggest problem with them, both in the show and here.
As for me giving up the story? Heck no. It's a good story, even with the flaws that I find in the characters. The only way you could get rid of me now would be if you gave Twilight a spell that made them all big breasted humans, or made her secretly Discord's daughter, or something else that's just outlandish and a bad idea.
4646096
It should be 'lay'
Also, I think 'every pony' should just be one word.
No problem. That is part of the reactions job. Or activity if you will.
There wasn't a Nightmare Moon appearance in the previous chapter in Medic. What?
I think you meant in Librarian?
where the egg
Dear Commander X5;
While I have greatly enjoyed your work, I'd like to take this opportunity to hand out what feedback I can see.
Firstly, the way your characters talk is a little strange. Twilight doesn't like to use contractions. At first I figured this was simply a Twilight quirk, but now I realise a lot of characters do it too. E.g.
“Calm d-down, I am f-fine...”
Keep in mind this is Soarin' talking. It seems oddly formal and out of character, especially for someone like Soarin.
Secondly, perhaps it's just that I've read too much of your work in too little of a time, but is your Twilight somehow oddly static? She overcomes obstacles by being hugely determined, but then, this seems to be how she overcomes every obstacle. It's kinda difficult to articulate I suppose, so perhaps I'll finish that thought another time when it sounds a little more coherent.
Lastly, your characterisation of Twilight is missing one critical component. After all this growth and development, if you told me this Twilight Sparkle was still a cute little filly (as in still a kid), I'd totally buy it. You're missing Twilight's snark. Twilight from the show is quite snarky and it's hilarious. Without that, she just seems to be a kid forever.
Just my two cents. Apologies if I sound too critical, but next time I'll try to shower you with justly deserved praise. Cheers!
4649982
Can you give me some examples, because I am unsure what do you mean.
Changed to:
“Overhere!” Soarin shouted with tired voice before coughing. “I am f-fine...”
I hope it is better now.
Well, she grow up on adventures, training and excersize while often playing with her foalsitter, so the way she act seems a bit immature. I hope it is not that bad in Ponyville's TIny Librarian"
Also, i am unsure i can add snarky Twilight into this since she developed diferently.
4649335
Or it is hidden someone in rubble in rich residence or mother took stolen eggs already and now they are out here for vengence, or the colletioner who bought the egg ran away with it somewhere, no one knows yet.
4650026
What TinyPlaidNinjas means by contractions is substituting "I am" with "I'm," "they are" with "they're," "it is" with "its" and so forth. Both ways are correct, however, not using contractions is more formal. To put it into other words, Applejack would use contractions, and Rarity would't.
So in the example sentence
“Calm d-down, I am f-fine...”
would become
"Calm d-down, I'm f-fine..."
Well, I liked the situation with the worms, but the situation with the Wonderbolts....not so much. Even they're completely outside military purview, and Celestia had promised to stay out of their leadership disputes, I really can't say that I'm happy with the way it resolved.
Everyone involved has said nothing but things about how Spitfire has to regain her team's trust and respect, but what about the team needing to get hers back? If they had raised these concerns in normal training, or at any other time, it would be one thing, but to turn on the chain of command in the middle of a combat situation where the lives of hundreds--if not thousands--rests solely on their shoulders and their ability to be quick and efficient is beyond a simple betrayal. That shows a level of negligence, hubris, and self-absorption that's almost unforgivable.
If I was Spitfire, I would never take any of them into a life or death situation again unless I had no other choice. They all just proved that when the chips are down and she needs someone to have her back, they don't, and not only that, they're willing to risk the lives of everyone they're trying to protect in order to satisfy their own bruised egos.
4650026 Those worms are seriously OP.
5127542 2 op plz nerf
--SYA, The Horse
5695243 Nerf? Please Blood and Bones is nerfed! Those worms are fucking OP! (I fucking hate/love that stupid mod pack)
4650026 I think he meant you use "I am" a lot compared to "I'm" it does feel a bit weird but I've learned to mentally rewrite some sentences as I read to come off smoother.
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120505031425/random-ness/images/8/83/TakeThis.jpg
okay now i think rather then being a changeling overwatch is cadence's long lost sister
shes a shipper, oh yes its truuueeee!
Heh, I wanna see Soarin work his way out of this one...