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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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4110751 Yeah thanks and I will definitely try to do just that
4110488 I will try my hardest to keep producing a good story thanks to all the great feedback
AT first I was a lil confused as to what was going on, but I stuck through, and that ending...is came down liek a ton of bricks on Jupiter!
Prologue indeed! =p
4117829 So I need to try and be more descriptive when explaining what is happening? thanks for the feedback.
4117842
No prob! I mean I like the mystery bit and such! So like next chapter I'd assume we'd be kinda where we were? I'd say it's a good way for backstory as to what his Dad did and how he met Celestia and such.
Now this is a prologue, and I'm glad to see you have improved alot. Although I'm confused on one thing. The elements of harmony came from the tree of harmony which was retreived by the alicorn sisters. So where did the father get those stones from? Is it because blaire sent them away after taking the throne, that would make sense, I geuss. Well either way good job and continue on improving.
Very nice. I will look forward to Jesse taking his father's place in the future. That is the name in the description I do believe.
I loved so far and can't wait to see what happens next to them all .And I hope Jesse makes a herd with all of the main six , Luna Zecora and Celestia.
How is she around the same height and a foot taller at the same time
oc garbage.
4343499 comment garbage
4914434
Yup comment garbage disposal is here where is it sir?
Kay. Nice, I've read this story a little. Let's see how much it's changed.
Wow. You managed to fit an entire arc in a single 3k word chapter. However, I'm not impressed. That's certainly not a good news for this story at all. The pacing is blindingly fast. And it doesn't include the exposition about half the size of the chapter. You simply put too many things in here in too little words that it's all over the place.
As of now, it's pretty hard to read this. You need to slow things down a bit... okay, A LOT to make this chapter work. You can't just make a paragraph work of exposition detailing several months has past. It just doesn't work that way. Not this early in the story. Not when you're still in the process of introducing the tone and the main protagonist of your story.
he's the rave master
stayclassy
I like it!
I very much like it this is going in my library
4117647 I honestly find this prologue very interesting. It may be short, but it shows the hero entering, the climax, and then the ending all in one chapter. Granted there's more to this story, but I like the different direction it took. The only pet peeve I have is this chapter should have been it's own story, and have its own chapters. I would have liked to see some of the training Harold went through, and to make this story more invigorating, have him and Celestia gather reinforcements to start a rebellion against Blaire, and take down his rule little by little. This is just me, but that's what I feel this chapter could've been, a prequel to an otherwise interesting read.