- Member Since 21st Feb, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 4th, 2016
Trillionaire Doge
Such Brony. Many Fanfic. So Author Wow
Trillionaire Doge
Joined 21st Feb, 2013 ·
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4110751 Yeah thanks and I will definitely try to do just that
4110488 I will try my hardest to keep producing a good story thanks to all the great feedback
AT first I was a lil confused as to what was going on, but I stuck through, and that ending...is came down liek a ton of bricks on Jupiter!
Prologue indeed! =p
4117829 So I need to try and be more descriptive when explaining what is happening? thanks for the feedback.
4117842
No prob! I mean I like the mystery bit and such! So like next chapter I'd assume we'd be kinda where we were? I'd say it's a good way for backstory as to what his Dad did and how he met Celestia and such.
Now this is a prologue, and I'm glad to see you have improved alot. Although I'm confused on one thing. The elements of harmony came from the tree of harmony which was retreived by the alicorn sisters. So where did the father get those stones from? Is it because blaire sent them away after taking the throne, that would make sense, I geuss. Well either way good job and continue on improving.
Might want to delete the old chapters and replace them with the finished reworks, to make things let confusing for new readers.
Oh I see now, for a second I was confused as I thought you had just done work on the prologue, didn't realize it was a complete re-write. Well guess I'll see how this redo goes.
To be honest it still felt odd at some lines, but overall it was great. Continue the good work.
p.s: here's a tip when it comes to exposition, you can always say this happen, and this happen to this character, but the most important question to have is why did this happen, what does this character feel. Take a look into the nostagia critic review of the avatar movie and you will understand what I am saying.
Just a minor fix 6 centuries is 600 years, of you want 6000 it's millennium.
4121766 thanks for the heads up can't believe I didn't notice that
Good follow up for your reworked prologue.
i read the old one and liked it now i like this on better
4122503 thanks man I try my hardest
4123409 I hoped that this one would be better than the first one and am glad to hear that
Interesting development.
Good chapter.
Very nice. I will look forward to Jesse taking his father's place in the future. That is the name in the description I do believe.
Well, this is about to get interesting. BTW, where is Luna?
4136017 This is before Nightmare moon returned the next chapter will be a nightmare moon arc
4136025 And I was about to say nevermind because I just read the second chapter. I didn't think that was the case because Twilight was already in Ponyville and already knew her friends. I guess Celestia did things differently this go around...cool. Anyway, the next few chapters ought to be very interesting. Carry on.
It's difficult to read but I powered through.
Interesting story, but no grammar.
4142111 sorry about that I will fix that in the later chapters
4141979 what do you mean hard to read? I'd like to know so I could fix it up for any later chapters
4142115 By that, spet means it's, well, literally hard to read.
4142116 yeah I got that I was wondering exactly how. Is it bland, not descriptive enough, uninteresting characters or just straight out hard and painful to read
4142119 Straight out hard. You have a good start, an interesting story, and the Canon characters are acting the way they would, but the grammar is, no offense, horrible.
4142126 okay thanks for clearing that up. I'm currently searching for a proof reader or editor to help with these mistakes but so far I've been the only one going through and grammar is not really my strong suit
4142134 I'd love to proof read and edit!
4142144 well if you are up for it I don't think I'm in the position to have any good reason to decline so if I may I'll take you up on that offer.
4142162 Ok.
I've always wanted to proof read stories.
4142168 well next time I get close to finishing one I'll shoot you a message and we can talk or something. I've never done this before either
4142177 Alright. Just to let you know, I go to multiple schools, so I won't be on as much as your average student.
4142183 yeah that's fine I'll just message you and wait
Just like the sword changed when his father used it with the Elements of Harmony, the same will apply to Jesse. We will wait an see how many mares will fall in love with him.
4142195 oh you can bet your flank on that much my friend
4142200 Bet on what? The sword and the Elements or more mares falling in love with Jesse?
4142208 that is for you to think about while I sit back and continue to work (probably both to be completely honest so you hit it head on)
I have one and only one complaint about the story so far...
... The name "Blaire" is possibly the least intimidating or impressive villain name I've ever read. It makes me think of the 'rich girl' from Facts of Life, not a world-destroying villain.
4142260 this May be true to some degree but it was the most fitting out of all the names I had typed into the story. I may go back and change the name to something more villainous but right now I'm fine with it. And if that's your only complaint then it pleases me to know that the story is better than the villains name
Nice chapter.
majhost.com/gallery/BionicleBoy3333/Ponies/Reactions/131595314606.png
I'm just joking, don't take it seriously.
4151706 My heart is shattering into millions of tiny little pieces
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/012/073/7686178464_fdc8ea66c7.jpg
4151710 I couldn't stop laughing for twenty seconds. Damn, that's funny.
I used that image mainly because I couldn't find any thread to which I can test out my newly earned weapon. Gonna bookmark that, for later use...
Love the comparison of Goku and Frieza, at the end.
Lou and behold, the amount of care put into it. I think Jesse and Twilight have different definitions of the word 'special'.
I kinda miss the idea were Jesse's smell attracted the mares.
JesseXTwilight. Nice.
this is really good I enjoy this not only the clop but how love driven it was
4161719 do you remember something along the lines of
I wonder what those stones could've been and how blood affected them...
One down, five to go.
If I am reading this right, based on Celestia saying that his father not reaching this level of bonding, Jesse will have to form a very close bond with all six element bearers. A very close, emotional (and hopefully intimate) bond.
Oh, and thank you JustYourNotRegularBrony for the fine job in editing. I look forward to the next chapter.
4163027 Sorry I must of skipped a few lines
Pinkie Logic. Never question it.