Star Horse Episode IV: A New Hope

by That Canadian Guy

The Imperial Chase

Far above the atmosphere of Trotooine, the double-sunned desert planet, the incredible silence and peace was shattered by the sudden entry of a small, Rebel-commandeered councilor's starship. The Rebels were flanked by an approaching Imperial Star Trampler, whose weapons and speed greatly outperformed the smaller ship. Laser beams hissed through space soundlessly and impacted upon the steel hulls of both cruisers, the Rebel craft being shaken like a rattle in comparison to the soundless, smooth approach of the incredibly calm death machine.

At the speed of light, a single enemy shot cracked against the damaged hull of the Rebel craft, very nearly puncturing the outer shell and violently rattling the ship. The crew on board struggled to keep from being thrown about as the starship recovered from the shot and righted itself.

Panicked and anxious, a purple and green-chromed droid in the shape of an infant dragon made his way down a crowded hallway packed with galloping Rebel officers as the laser fire continued to bombard the cruiser violently. "Ugh...Aloysius? Aloysius, where are you?" he shouted anxiously.

Another blast literally sent the ship spinning, and another robot, this one an R2 droid, suddenly fell down the flipped corridor, giving off an alarmed electronic screech as it descended. The dragon managed to grasp the android's metallic wing before it could fall past him, keeping as best of a grip as he could on the wall as well. "There you are! I was worried about you!" the dragon laughed and gave a silent sigh of relief.

The little droid beeped interrogatively.

"I said I was worried about you."

The little droid beeped again.

“I said it was me!”

The little droid beeped again.

"Aloysius, somebody else already did that joke."

Seeing that his joke was finished, the R2 droid gratefully whirred out a full response as the dragon pulled him up onto the side of an open doorway. “You're welcome, you rascal,” the taller of the two chuckled as he straightened the little trashcan-looking robot and put it back on its feet.

Slowly, the Rebel ship righted itself. “Whoa...careful...” the dragon cautioned his friend as they lowered themselves slowly to the silver floor.

His attention was caught by a sudden, metallic clamp from outside the ship. Suddenly turning his head toward the ceiling, he listened quietly. A louder clamp sounded off, followed quickly by a slight shudder from their ship. Immediately, the lavender robot identified the sound as a docking clamp in action.

“Oh, crud...” he muttered.

He pulled his friend aside as a troop of Rebel soldiers, laser blasters on hand, marched past the two of them toward the side entrance to the ship.

Silently and swiftly, the soldiers lined up and took crouching positions in front of the door, prepared for the inevitable battle that would emerge.

A silent second passed.

A screeching cry broke the silence, the sound of a laser slicing through the metal airlock door at a frightening pace. The soldiers tensed and readied their blasters.

As soon as the laser had fully cleared the door, the metal exploded inward, laser fire quickly following suit. The Rebels valiantly fired back, but several were struck down by enemy fire.

The dragon panicked and ran for cover. Aloysius flapped his wings and followed his companion down the corridor.
…..................................................

As soon as all the Rebels had been shot down, the stallions filed into two perfect lines and backed up against the walls to make passage for their mistress. Trotting in with frightening elegance, the tall, black suited pony strode into the body clustered hallway. Her cape flowed behind her as she walked, and her helmet, which shone like glass, reflected her ominous tone and expression.

Her helmet's respirator hissed once – a sound of nightmarish quality which could strike fear in the hearts of even the most fearless of ponies.

Surveying the scene, she said, “Who decorates around here? It's all so...white." Unlike what one might expect, she spoke in a surprisingly high, almost squeaky female voice. "You'd think that they'd be a little more creative with their colors around here - you know, them being Rebels and all." she paused, then continued more cheerfully, "Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to add 'Mediocre Decor' to their list of offenses.”

Turning back to the mouth of the corridor, the armored mare then cheerfully bounced over the bodies and pranced toward the captain's area.
….....................................

The dragon suddenly realized his partner was not with him, and turned to look for him.
…...........................................

A trio of Imperial soldiers marched into the captain's area and confronted their mistress, who was busy strangling the captain. The first of the three saluted and said quickly, “Lady Vader, the Death Stable plans are not in the main computer.”

Vader shook her head and said to the captain, “You can't get past me, pal. I've dealt with kids tons of times before. Now just tell me where the plans are, and I might even let you come to the Death Stable Grand Opening party.”

“It (gag) might help if you'd (hack) let me breathe...”

Vader loosened her grip and let him fall.

“Smart aleck,” she murmured as he straightened up.

“This is a councilor's ship, ma’am. We're on a diplomatic mission, and we have no transmissions,” he captain groaned, rubbing his neck.

“Hm...” she turned away and thought. “We'll just have to see.”

Then she lifted her hoof slowly, and the captain felt his esophagus slam shut again. He scrabbled madly at his throat for a moment before fainting and collapsing onto the floor.

Vader released her mental grip on his throat and knelt down so she could speak to him. “That was a pretty clever lie, pal, but you missed something pretty obvious.” She patted him on the back and giggled. “You kinda need an ambassador on a councilor's ship, silly!”

Then she straightened up and commanded, “Okay, guys, I want you to search the whole ship for the plans. Bring me every passenger on board ALIVE, you hear? I don't want to make any more of a mess than the one we've already made, so don't get sloppy.”

The troopers saluted and marched back out of the cockpit area.
…...........................................

Meanwhile, the poor protocol droid was searching for his lost buddy. Turning to look in an engine passage, he muttered, “Aloysius! Come on, now, where'd you go?”
He suddenly saw his owl buddy a bit farther along the passage. The dragon-droid remained silent, however, as he noticed someone inserting a data card into the little guy's head. “Princess?” the dragon asked in disbelief.

The hooded figure stood and shushed him with a hoof, then moved behind a large tanker. After a moment, the smaller droid pushed out his third leg and slid down the corridor toward his friend.

“There you are, buddy! I was wondering where you'd run off to!” the dragon chirped happily. The little droid beeped and flew down another hallway.

“Hey, where are you going? Don't run off again!”

The princess watched as they left and tried to make her way to the escape pods, but an enemy trooper saw her and shouted, “There she is! Hit her with a stun ray!”

She tried to run, but one blast managed to hit her, knocking her out.

As she crumpled, he gestured toward his fellows and whispered, “Alright, let's get her out of here.”

The three troopers lifted her up and walked her out.
…...........................................

Aloysius had rolled into the escape pod room and was activating a pod. “Hey!” the protocol droid yelped as he started to enter. “You can't go in there! You're not permitted!”

The droid twisted its head around and beeped at him.

“What are you talking about? You're not going to get me in that thing for some 'secret mission', I'll tell you that much-”

A laser shot hit the wall above the dragon, startling him.

“Oh...this is really, really stupid...” the robot moaned as he climbed in.

As soon as he was inside, the hatch slid shut. The escape pod blasted out of the chute and fell into Trotooine's atmosphere.
…..............................

“There's another one,” an Imperial gunner on the Star Trampler said.

“Yeah, but it's empty. Nothing to worry about,” his superior added, noticing his eagerness to shot the pod down.

“You sure?” The gunner turned to look at his boss.

“Yes, I'm sure. That trigger hoof of yours is good in a battle, but don't overkill, okay?”

“Alright.”
….....................

Back inside the rebel ship, the princess was being marched into Vader's chamber. “Ah, Princess Applejack,” Vader said cheerfully as she pulled Applejack's hood down to reveal an orange pony with blonde hair dressed into well-woven buns on the side of her head.

She was most definitely not happy.

“Ah'm guessin' you weren't expectin' me?” the princess sneered defiantly.

“Oh, of course not! I knew you'd be here to join the party sooner or later.”

“Well, Ah hope you're ready for the Senate's reply when they catch wind of this. They ain't gonna be very pleased with your attacks, Ah'll tell ya that much-”

Vader interrupted the princess in an agitated tone. “You know, you're not exactly guilt-free either, your highness. We all know you've got the Rebel's plans here; I'm trying not to be a meanie about it. Now, come on, tell me what you did with the transmissions.”

AJ played dumb. “Ah've got no idea what you're talkin' about. Ah'm here on a diplomatic mission to Alderreins, not some-”

The armored pony lost a bit of her temper.

“I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU!” she screamed at the princess. “I'VE HAD TO CHASE YOU ACROSS THE GALAXY TO CATCH UP TO YOU, AND I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH ANY MORE REBELS STICKING THEIR NOSES IN MY PLANS!” Applejack shrunk back at Vader's raging outburst.

The frightening Sith angrily barked, “GET HER OUT OF HERE.” The Stalliontroopers bowed quickly,, then marched Applejack out of the room. Vader furiously marched toward another sector of the ship.

An Imperial officer walked up to her and said, “Why did you keep her here? This will only cause the Senate to sympathize with the Rebellion-”

“TOUGH BEANS. I CAME HERE FOR THE PLANS, AND DIPLOMATIC COMPLICATIONS AREN'T GOING TO SLOW ME DOWN. I'M TALKING TO HER ONCE WE GET BACK TO THE DEATH STABLE.”

“But you'll never get anything out of her!” the officer protested.

Vader stopped and said in calm, quiet fury, “I'LL FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH THE PRINCESS. YOU CAN JUST KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF.”

Another officer marched up and saluted. “Lady Vader? During the fight, an escape pod was jettisoned off the ship. My associates and I are not sure what happened, but I believe that, since there were no life signs aboard, the plans were stored inside before being launched.”

“Well, that's a clever intuition.” The Sith mare thought for a moment, then said, “If you're right, I'll make sure you're given a pay raise.”

“Thank you, ma'am.” The officer saluted happily, then ran off.

Vader turned to her associate and said, “Send a troop down to the planet and have them recover the pod. The game just got serious.”

“Yes, ma'am.” the officer saluted and turned back toward the exit.

“Oh, um...Firebrand?”

The officer stopped for a moment. “Yes, Lady Vader?” he said, slightly confused.

“I'm sorry that I yelled at you back there. Sometimes I get a bit insensitive when I'm angry.”

“Oh, that's alright, ma'am. Being yelled at is kind of my job around here, anyway.”
…................................

Comments

[That Canadian Guy]

4011125
What is "to many Star Wars crossovers"? You seem to be missing a word, sir. Besides, I write what I feel is fun to write. Please read it in full before judging me.

[Toffee Bean]

4011135 What word am I missing and don't let others change what you like doing.

[Three-Patch-Problem]

No Jar Jar Binks....... I felt a disturbance in the force, as if thousands of fans cried out in relief.

[That Canadian Guy]

4011274
(reads comment)
Impressive.
Most impressive.

[That Canadian Guy]

4011202
Thank you. I think I over-reacted...
Please accept my most humble apologies, sir.

[Toffee Bean]

4015396 I do in %110.

[Three-Patch-Problem]

4015392 Achievement unlocked:Too much AWESOME!!!

[That Canadian Guy]

4015742
No...that can't be true! That's impossible!

[Three-Patch-Problem]

4015869 Search your feelings you know it to be true!

[That Canadian Guy]

4016161
Hee hee...hold on, um... (clears throat)
(James Earl Jones voice)
If this is a social website, where is the moderator?

[Three-Patch-Problem]

4016368 Ha. These aren't the droids you're looking for.

[That Canadian Guy]

4020842
Well, the reason I picked her was that she just...fit.

[Follow Focus]

Well that was fantastic :D

[That Canadian Guy]

4306045
(GASP) REALLY!?!
OHMYGODTHANKYOU!!!!!

[That Canadian Guy]

4306045
Oh, by the way, do you have any suggestions or ways I might be able to improve? I'm planning on cleaning this up a little more as I go on.

[Follow Focus]

4317201 Well I find it hilarious how you have converted the mane six into Star Wars (Princess Applejack is best princess :D) I guess I'm just curious if this is a copy paste fic (Star Wars with ponies) or is it going to divert from the Star Wars plot at any point? Other than that I would just say have fun with it! If you enjoy writing it then I will enjoy reading it! :D

[That Canadian Guy]

4317253
Oh, definitely! I actually have quite a few divergent plans, most of which will be introduced here and expanded upon quite heavily in Empire Strikes Back.
Anyway, thank you!

[BringBackSonicSatAM]

Seems less like a Pony version of Star Wars and more like a Pony version of Blue Harvest.

"Join the Dark Side. We have cookies."

[That Canadian Guy]

4408629
Um...
I watched Blue Harvest, and that's not from that episode.
Plus, this is far less satirical than Family Guy's version. If you want Pony Star Wars satire, try Mare Wars.