A Raccoon in a Pony World

by Bookish_Devil

Sly Cooper in: The game begins

Canterlot statue garden.

It has been a long time sense I last moved. I have been stuck standing here, trapped in stone. My only entertainment being tour groups and the rookie guard orientation. Hardly anything happened in this prison yard with no walls. The most eventful thing to happen in the last century was when Celestia’s nephew … oh what was his name Blue Balls? Eh, close enough. When he came through the garden with a bucket of paint and a brush. He ended up being caught while painting several, shall we say graphic images onto some of the statues.

Some of the other prisoners took to calling Discord, Dick face after that. I never did which ended up being a blessing. I may not have all was been branded a criminal or a villain or even a raccoon but everyone one earth learns certain rules about how to act. In this case, prison edict. In your typical prison, they’re three individuals you don’t start shit with: The warden, the person who has been in the longest, and the biggest bull in the pen. Simply put Celestia, myself, and Discord.

Most of you are probably wondering how I ended up here, I get to that eventually but for right now I more interested with what is happening with Discord. I watch as another school tour group go past all of us some are ignored others are made examples of over the last twenty years or so my statue has fallen out of vogue, but Discord. He always draws a crowd.

The former emperor of Equestria was always was a real entertainer even in stone he shocked and awed the crowd. This tour was different though, this time the his visage inspired an argument. Three little fillies were at the base of his statue arguing about what he represented. I watch as their argument becomes louder and more sincere and little hairline cracks began appearing all over Discords stone shell. Their teacher shut them up and moved the tour along.

I spent the rest of the morning watching as the cracks spread along Discord’s form flaking off in places revealing different parts of his mismatched body. Finally, the stone fell away from his eagle talon of a hand and with a snap and a flash of light he was free.

“Eh, finally more than an eon standing like that.” He began contorting his body in all sorts of impossible ways at one point he tied his body up into one big knot before flashing next me. “Ah, my favorite thief how did they manage to catch you anyway?”

I groaned. Thinking out what I wanted to say. “I tried to use an old cliche to find what you wanted.”

He leaned in before asking. “Which one?”

“That females hide things they don’t want found in their lingerie drawers. ”

He frowned at that. “How did that end with you in stone?”

“Celestia doesn’t have a drawer. She has a freaking walk-in closet that would but a Las Vegas sex shop to shame.” I say in an exacerbated tone.

Discord was taken back at this. “Do I even want to know?”

My mental tone goes smug and devious. “What I saw makes me wonder if she wasn’t pulling things from earth.”

“How would you know that?” He asked actually interested.

“D batteries. Pony tech tends to use crystal batteries. Now as interesting as this conversation is and I hate to impose but if you would be so kind?”

He gives me his trademark grin. “I suppose I do owe you something for the attempt, and for sharing that little tidbit.” He snaps his claws and my statue glows. Nothing happens. He starts stroking and pulling at his goatee. “Odd that should have let you out.”

I sigh. “Go have your fun and when you are on the throne again if you wouldn’t mind making another attempt.”

He gives me that smile you see on kids’ faces when they are told what they want to hear. He jumps up and hugs my statue. “I knew there was I reason I liked you always so flexible and practical. Never trying to stop my fun. Ta-ta see you later.”

With that, He teleported away leaving me to think about how all of this came to be.

---

It had all started innocently enough. I got a ticket from a buddy of mine who was working for an corporate vender trying to bring eroge to America or some BS like that. All I really knew about his job was he spent a lot of time on the phone speaking in Japanese. We got in on a Thursday and our room was covered until the Monday morning check out mostly by said company.
Anyone who has ever gone to one of the bigger conventions knows that Thursday is rather pointless for actual convention activities unless you had a free pass to enter the dealer’s rooms before the general-public was admitted. When you get that, many collectors and artisans in one room the air becomes charged. Some dealers make a profit before the convention even opens selling to other dealers. The real high-end stuff never makes it to opening day.

I watched two men haggling over a first Japanese printing of Dragon Ball signed by Akira Toriyama; he even had the providence to verify the signature. At another both two dealers debating how they could try to charge for a mint copy of Final Fantasy 7 and what they would take at bare minimum.

One booth really drew me in this guy was making working copies of eye-wear from different shows and games. His sign said he was integrating Google Glass displays to make semi functional replicas. While the price had come down over the years the tech was not that cheap. I was about to leave when something caught my eye. He had a set working in a Sly Cooper mask. I had chosen this costume for the masquerade ball and these would look great with what I brought with me.

“How much?” I asked him holding up the eye mask.

He looked it over quickly before saying. “Eh that’s an old one made that two generations back so $300.”

Dam that was better than I was expecting. “Sold. Can you show me where the ports are on it?”

He nodded and for the next fifteen minutes, I got a quick lesson on how to use them.

Friday came and well nothing really happens at the convention until the opening ceremonies. Which I skip you go to one opening ceremony you been to them all. Instead, I spend my time getting ready. I was wearing grey slacks, blue knee high boots, and a blue shirt with a yellow collar. I started putting on detail pieces a blue newsboy cap with a pair of grey ears, a yellow belt with Sly’s emblem as the buckle with a tail tied to it, a red thigh pouch and backpack, and blue gloves with yellow wrist covers. I pick up my cane and was almost to the door when I remembered, my new mask.

I go over to my nightstand and unplug both my mask and phone. I tuck my phone into the pouch and put on the mask. The weight of it feels good and the leather it was made out of felt cool on my skin. I turn it on and start heading for the door. I feel a little charge of energy, nothing much I reach for the door handle expecting a shock nothing happens.

“That was a little anticlimactic.” I say I turn to face the door and make sure it closes. With a click, the door locks and disappears.

---

I pull myself out of my reminiscing long enough to notice several guards hauling something into the gardens. It’s Discord. How long was I out. They couldn’t have gotten him that quick.

I reach out with my mind. ‘What happened?’

I can feel him pout a bit so I ask. “Celestia and Luna again?”

“No.” He finally volunteers. “Six new bearers of the elements of harmony.”

“Elements of harmony?” I ask.

He perks a little at my confusion. “You never figured out what hit you did you?”

“No idea. I heard a noise spun around in a defensive stance and boom. One trippy light show later, I’m a statue. You know what happened after that.”

“Yeah, I don’t from you for a week and then I end up in stone as well.”

We sit there both of us sulking over our failures at some point I fell asleep.

---

When I came to I felt a strange tingling sensation and it was dark. Looking out across the garden, I watch as three beings creep forward. All of them are wearing black body suits and seem to be trying to be stealthy but failing in different ways.

One of them was skipping causing her bright pink tail to bounce up and down. Not to mention she was walking down the middle of the road.

The small one actually seemed to know what he was doing. I heard him actually use common sense, something so rare in this world it might as well be a super power. He was eating ice cream and walking next to the pink bouncing tail.

The third was the worst. She looked like a bad Solid Snake cosplay. Eye patch, bandana, and darting quickly from place to place. It was pathetic. So much bright pink and purple exposed how did she even think she could sneak like acting like this?

As the three of them got closer to my statue, I felt the sensation grow stronger. Slowly as the crept closer small cracks spread across my body, I turn my thoughts towards Discord. ‘Looks like I’m up. I would try to let you out but you know I really don’t have much in the way of magic.’

I feel him groan and I get and begrudging. ‘Your right. Good luck maybe the crime spree you cause will spark enough chaos for me to get out.’

I was about to respond when the cracks grew more and I lost whatever connection I had with the other statues. I watch as they freeze in the garden, the all strike stupid poses and pretend to be statues. A lone night guard walked past all of us I could see him subtly shake his head. It was obvious he knew who the three of them and didn’t care what they were up too.

He left and they all started moving on. After they crossed in front of me, the stone began falling off turning to dust before it hit the ground. What little magic the world gave me came rushing back. Stealth, stamina, agility, and dexterity this world made me better than Sly was in the games. The only real magic I could cast was the equivalent of a smoke bomb.

I spun my now freed cane in my hand and debated following them. With a shrug, I started after them. I kept hearing the purple one talking something about time and the Star Swirl the bearded wing. Hearing where I think they’re headed I dart up to the rooftops and follow them. What is it with ponies and never looking up. They have both flying enemies and their own civilians can fly so why do they never look up?

I dart in front of them getting far enough ahead to be able to keep them in sight but not be heard I say. “Map.” My right eye starts to display words. ‘No information available.’ “Access network.” New words appear. ‘Scanning… Scanning… No networks detected’ “Auto-map.” ‘Command confirmed beginning Auto-map.’ The display darkens and I know its recording everything it sees and making a map out of it.

I watch as they keep heading my way. I think I could track them with my eyes closed. I still don’t get why the guards are ignoring them. I mean bright colors, hushed but still too loud voices, and they are wearing what looks like black neoprene suits. Most of these ponies walk around naked and the guards don’t wonder why these three are dressed like burglars from a C movie. I watch them jimmy a window and fail to sneak through it I give them two minutes before I jump over to the other building and enter via a clerestory window so I can keep to the rafters. I watch as they walk right past the wing they were talking about earlier. Rather than follow them around I hop down to the ground and let myself into the wing.

Comments

[Zman537]

Huh.... I actually approve of this. GJB.

[the one guy on the left]

Could use some work but looks promising we will be watching you.

[TheNomad]

I really like it, keep up the good work.

[Ninetails]

sees title some made a story of him clicks to see FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK its not rocket racoon ah well reads

[Distrance]

Spoilers!
oi59.tinypic.com/o6jkua.jpg

[Writing Quill]

GAAH SLY COOPER I USED PLAY THAT GAME THE TIME

[Vesperia]

Continue please

[IkioStar]

There. I don't really see why there was a need for all the errors. I think you would benefit from a proofer. It would be for the best.

[Lion Tale]

Sly Cooper, Rocket Raccoon.

I was really expecting option be, but I guess this works equally as good.

[Zaralann]

Nice!

[Rhodesm96]

3998586 I thought it'd be the same thing.
This will be just as good though, I expect.

[Ninetails]

4001722 It is but still

[Bookish_Devil]

4001754 4001754
Really? Why would you think Rocket Raccoon with that cover art?

[Ninetails]

4001907 Didn't see cover art i only saw the title and was kinda like holy shit its either rocket raccoon (unlikely but possible) or sly as they are the best coons evar

[Little Wood]

Yay!
BTW, Sly Cooper is best raccoon.
I have all the games for PS2.

[bloodwolf432]

Please grab an editor or at the very least look over your chapter again.

[QWERTY]

I almost read this until I realized it wasn't actually Sly Cooper in Equestria and instead another installment of the League of Self-inserts Humans Acting Villainous. You are such a tease with that image and title.
Seriously though, bronies keep doing that; writing one or two chapters of Sly/MLP and then dropping there babies faster than a bad father. It would be nice to see one take of the ground.
As for this story, well looking at the comments has lead me to believe that this is poorly written, which, when combined with the fact this is one of dozens of stories of its kind now, has turned me away from reading it. Get an editor, and update frequently, and you may have yourself another reader.

[Bronzer]

4003151
Actually, it is well-written and quite entertaining.