On cue, the window at the center behind the altar shattered as a large golden object crashed through it, straight at me. It turned at the last moment, flipping and attaching itself to my head as the momentum dragged my body clear off the floor. I backflipped as more of my body was covered in gold, and slid several feet after landing as the plates covering my limbs finished aligning themselves. I stood, and the heads-up display lit up the faceplate in front of me as the sensory feedback switches in the armor synced up with my electrical patterns. The metal wings on my back splayed out, and I gave them a few experimental flaps as I got accustomed to the new joints. I stretched out my body, checking my range of motion and the mobility of the armor pieces, and then set myself in a combat pose.
5068173 While there are Petty Officers in the Navy, there is not a rank of "Petty Officer". So, which is he: Petty Officer Third Class (E-4), Petty Officer Second Class (E-5), or Petty Officer First Class (E-6)?
5068390 Not sure, I was Army. A Sergeant (in the Army) is an E-5, in would be in charge of a fireteam (~five men) to a squad (~ten men) of men, using the infantry specialty as a base (as that was my experience). E-5 according to the Navy is Petty Officer Second Class. For the most part, it shouldn't matter, unless you are going to have scenes of him from before his time in Equestria.
Even then, I really hope you aren't going to have this power-armor be designed and produced by him without some serious explanation. While being a nuclear engineer *cough*POG*cough* is a challenging job and requires a lot of book-smarts, designing and producing power-armor is an entirely different field of study and requires a nearly completely different knowledgebase. I'm concerned that you might have stumbled into a plot-hole in this regard.
There isn't going to be much from before, but I'm fairly confident that a nuclear engineer could figure out the armor. There is going to be further explanation, but I actually work with a guy who used to be a nuclear engineer, and I have no doubt he would have been able to do this.
5068479 If he's got the proper knowledgebase from which to work, than I could see it. However, just being a nuclear engineer doesn't mean that the person can produce power armor (not saying that s/he couldn't figure it out, only that it would take more years to produce anything from the venture).
Actually, the armor itself(the realistic kind, not the Iron Man kind) is mechanically rather simple. Last I saw, they were using joints that were mostly hydraulic-based, along with a framework to attach to the wearer.
The real tricks are the programming and the power source. Even the most basic of exo-suits need a huge amount of power to function, and they have to conform to the movements of the human body perfectly. One wrong line of code, and you end up with Justin Hammer's test run in the beginning of the second Iron Man movie.
I've already solved both of those problems here, so once I've published the next chapter or two, it should at least be believable by the standards of the world the story is in.
By the way, sorry this took so long. I was just starting my work shift when you commented, and I forgot about it until now.
The sex is good and the character isn't a complete jackass. But then you had to go and... ruin the ride with all of the sudden meta - knowledge and his change from "Average Joe" to "Captain Badass".
To start, why would the Princesses keep Guards around who couldn't physically restrain anything? Even the unicorns would be required to undergo intense physical training so him being able to beat the seven BEST ponies in the entire GUARD is ludicrous in the extreme.
Second, if he's a nuclear engineer and has a military rank, why the hell is he doing odd jobs in Ponyville and not enlisted with Royal Guard or other Armed Forces where his skills actually apply?! And where the hell was he keeping the armor? The sword you explained was a gift from Luna but then instead of having him fight to retrieve it, you just magically conjure Iron Man Armor from nowhere.
Thing is, if your OC is going to be superior, then make him superior from the start. Otherwise all you've got is another lousy Human in Anthro - Equestria clop fic where the human has sex with everyone and is better at everything than everyone and is the biggest damn hero of all time.
why would the Princesses keep Guards around who couldn't physically restrain anything?
Because they have been at peace for so long that the Guard hasn't needed to restrain more than a drunk civil, much less actually wage war. This means they are trained to fight civilians, not trained warriors. That means that their standards are what we would call "sub-par".
Even the unicorns would be required to undergo intense physical training so him being able to beat the seven BEST ponies in the entire GUARD is ludicrous in the extreme.
Actually, that's 100% false. The Royal guard have been repeatedly shown to be utterly incompetent when it comes to real emergencies. Talk to anyone who served in any military. There have been zero times where they reacted appropriately and effectively in the show. Most of us don't even consider the Royal Guard a military at all. A sailor (especially those who have a lot of contact with US Marines) can easily be taught how to deal with multiple attackers. If the human was Army or USMC, I would have been embarrassed if he hadn't taken down several of them at the same time as we are trained to deal with multiple, trained fighters at the same time.
On your second set of questions, as a former soldier in the US Army, you are completely off base. First: you cannot enlist in a foreign nation's military, nor serve with them without authorization from USHIGHCOM (though the latter is acceptable only in extreme circumstances, determined by a court-martial). To do so is treason, a capital crime and even more serious under the laws of the UCMJ, and you therefore lose your citizenship. This is not a joke, or something taken lightly. Second: nothing that a US Navy sailor, who's rating is a nuclear engineer (assumption being that he's a Machinist Mate [SS or SW wouldn't really matter in this situation]), is applicable to anything that the Equestrian Guard would have. Beyond the basic training that all sailors receive, there is nothing that he would have learned that he could apply, or even pass on without Congressional approval (great, he knows how to maintain a nuclear engine onboard a US Navy Aircraft Carrier or Sub, all of which Equestria does not posses). Third: while I agree that the power armor is a stretch, it is not outside the realm of reason (we are already producing rudimentary power armors right now). The ASVAB scores required to get into any of the nuclear ratings is over 250. That's extremely high (in fact, one of the highest across all branches). That score is just the minimum required to apply for the rating, much less actually get assigned to it. Being that intelligent, combined with the training and experience of a nuclear engineer, added on to the potential for mixing tech and magic, and it isn't a complete destruction of suspension of disbelief (if handled well). It only stretches it.
In conclusion, leave if you wish, but know that none of your points are correct based on real life facts. The Royal Guard ones are pretty much the only debatable ones, only because the Guards' role is not fully defined by the show.
5098600 Talk to any sailor in the Navy (my father was US Navy). They aren't Petty Officers. They're Chiefs (as in, they get to live in the Chiefs' quarters, go to the Chiefs' mess). Major difference between the two. In fact, more so than any other branch.
5098626 Really, and you are still willing to call a Chief a "Petty Officer"? Get a camera, and record yourself doing that. I'd love to see how fast the Chief straightens your ass out. Following that logic is the same as saying a Sergeant Major is a "Sergeant". Here's a hint: they aren't.
5098673 Then you aren't a sailor in the Navy. You have no idea what you're talking about. It may be a part of their "official" title, but they don't go by it, nor are they called it. They are senior to Petty Officers, and have significantly different responsibilities. To confuse the two shows that you really don't know what you're talking about.
Hmm... I liked some of the setup on this story, and from a technical standpoint your writing is good. But I think this point is where the scales tipped too far for me and I've lost interest in Zephyr as a character.
He just doesn't really seem to have any flaws that drive him. He's good at everything that I've seen so far, resolves emotional conflicts with magical music or a few words and winks, knows martial arts and (apparently) magic and enough engineering to make a suit of powered armor, and nearly everyone seems to want to have sex with him the first time they meet him. The only drawback you've shown to any of his powers or skills at this point is that using his musical magic makes him sad until he resolves it by having sex.
Thanks for sharing your story, and it's been entertaining to read up until this point, but this is where I bow out. Good luck!
Still, as this is generally clop with plot, I'm letting most of this slide. Besides, Ironpone.
I really don't care he's a Gary Stu. I really don't care there's no fucking way he could've built that suit in Equestria. I really don't give two fucks that he's a chick magnet. Duke Nukem was obnoxious about himself, this guy is nice.
I want to see him defeat gods.Make it happen.
Also, I want to see a car he builds. Or a hoverdrone. Have him give Vinyl some tips - boxer engines are a nice thing, for one. Have him build her a manual shift gearbox, something. Fun times. ;]
That... Explains a lot. And HOLY SHIT!!!!! HE IS THE INVENCIBLE IRON PEGASUS!!!!
So basically iron Pagasus? Not bad.
5067046
5067048
Oh, it gets better. Just wait.
Ah…what happen? when did he turn into Iron Man?
How being a nuclear engineer explain the armor, seriously I'm a bit confused right now
The navy does not have sergeants it has petty officers
....IRON Man?
ok... didn't see this coming at all...
ah well, Let the awesomeness commence!
btw....what does it mean...ring and this string?
Now that is a suit up scene I'd like to see! XD
5067715
It's a magic trick. When done correctly, it looks like the ring has vanished from its place on the string.
5067066
It's coming, don't worry.
5067302
Fixed. Thank you.
5068173
While there are Petty Officers in the Navy, there is not a rank of "Petty Officer". So, which is he: Petty Officer Third Class (E-4), Petty Officer Second Class (E-5), or Petty Officer First Class (E-6)?
5068345
Which one would be most appropriate?
5068390
Not sure, I was Army. A Sergeant (in the Army) is an E-5, in would be in charge of a fireteam (~five men) to a squad (~ten men) of men, using the infantry specialty as a base (as that was my experience). E-5 according to the Navy is Petty Officer Second Class. For the most part, it shouldn't matter, unless you are going to have scenes of him from before his time in Equestria.
Even then, I really hope you aren't going to have this power-armor be designed and produced by him without some serious explanation. While being a nuclear engineer *cough*POG*cough* is a challenging job and requires a lot of book-smarts, designing and producing power-armor is an entirely different field of study and requires a nearly completely different knowledgebase. I'm concerned that you might have stumbled into a plot-hole in this regard.
5068436
There isn't going to be much from before, but I'm fairly confident that a nuclear engineer could figure out the armor. There is going to be further explanation, but I actually work with a guy who used to be a nuclear engineer, and I have no doubt he would have been able to do this.
5068479
If he's got the proper knowledgebase from which to work, than I could see it. However, just being a nuclear engineer doesn't mean that the person can produce power armor (not saying that s/he couldn't figure it out, only that it would take more years to produce anything from the venture).
So now Zephyr is Equestria's version of Tony Stark except he is not rich.
5068499
Actually, the armor itself(the realistic kind, not the Iron Man kind) is mechanically rather simple. Last I saw, they were using joints that were mostly hydraulic-based, along with a framework to attach to the wearer.
The real tricks are the programming and the power source. Even the most basic of exo-suits need a huge amount of power to function, and they have to conform to the movements of the human body perfectly. One wrong line of code, and you end up with Justin Hammer's test run in the beginning of the second Iron Man movie.
I've already solved both of those problems here, so once I've published the next chapter or two, it should at least be believable by the standards of the world the story is in.
By the way, sorry this took so long. I was just starting my work shift when you commented, and I forgot about it until now.
5068093
Ok I come up soon
Awesome can't wait till the next part.
I have officially lost interest in the story.
The sex is good and the character isn't a complete jackass. But then you had to go and... ruin the ride with all of the sudden meta - knowledge and his change from "Average Joe" to "Captain Badass".
To start, why would the Princesses keep Guards around who couldn't physically restrain anything? Even the unicorns would be required to undergo intense physical training so him being able to beat the seven BEST ponies in the entire GUARD is ludicrous in the extreme.
Second, if he's a nuclear engineer and has a military rank, why the hell is he doing odd jobs in Ponyville and not enlisted with Royal Guard or other Armed Forces where his skills actually apply?! And where the hell was he keeping the armor? The sword you explained was a gift from Luna but then instead of having him fight to retrieve it, you just magically conjure Iron Man Armor from nowhere.
Thing is, if your OC is going to be superior, then make him superior from the start. Otherwise all you've got is another lousy Human in Anthro - Equestria clop fic where the human has sex with everyone and is better at everything than everyone and is the biggest damn hero of all time.
5073222
Because they have been at peace for so long that the Guard hasn't needed to restrain more than a drunk civil, much less actually wage war. This means they are trained to fight civilians, not trained warriors. That means that their standards are what we would call "sub-par".
Actually, that's 100% false. The Royal guard have been repeatedly shown to be utterly incompetent when it comes to real emergencies. Talk to anyone who served in any military. There have been zero times where they reacted appropriately and effectively in the show. Most of us don't even consider the Royal Guard a military at all. A sailor (especially those who have a lot of contact with US Marines) can easily be taught how to deal with multiple attackers. If the human was Army or USMC, I would have been embarrassed if he hadn't taken down several of them at the same time as we are trained to deal with multiple, trained fighters at the same time.
On your second set of questions, as a former soldier in the US Army, you are completely off base. First: you can not enlist in a foreign nation's military, nor serve with them without authorization from USHIGHCOM (though the latter is acceptable only in extreme circumstances, determined by a court-martial). To do so is treason, a capital crime and even more serious under the laws of the UCMJ, and you therefore lose your citizenship. This is not a joke, or something taken lightly. Second: nothing that a US Navy sailor, who's rating is a nuclear engineer (assumption being that he's a Machinist Mate [SS or SW wouldn't really matter in this situation]), is applicable to anything that the Equestrian Guard would have. Beyond the basic training that all sailors receive, there is nothing that he would have learned that he could apply, or even pass on without Congressional approval (great, he knows how to maintain a nuclear engine onboard a US Navy Aircraft Carrier or Sub, all of which Equestria does not posses). Third: while I agree that the power armor is a stretch, it is not outside the realm of reason (we are already producing rudimentary power armors right now). The ASVAB scores required to get into any of the nuclear ratings is over 250. That's extremely high (in fact, one of the highest across all branches). That score is just the minimum required to apply for the rating, much less actually get assigned to it. Being that intelligent, combined with the training and experience of a nuclear engineer, added on to the potential for mixing tech and magic, and it isn't a complete destruction of suspension of disbelief (if handled well). It only stretches it.
In conclusion, leave if you wish, but know that none of your points are correct based on real life facts. The Royal Guard ones are pretty much the only debatable ones, only because the Guards' role is not fully defined by the show.
What rank of petty officer? There are six of them, from third class to Master Chief.
5068345 You're missing Chief Petty Officer(E-7), Senior Chief Petty Officer(E-8), and Master Chief Petty Officer(E-9).
5098573
Those would be referred to as "Chief", not "Petty Officer".
5098573
Not that high, I can tell you that much.
5098587 They are referred to as chief, but are still technically a petty officer, it's even in the their title.
5098600
Talk to any sailor in the Navy (my father was US Navy). They aren't Petty Officers. They're Chiefs (as in, they get to live in the Chiefs' quarters, go to the Chiefs' mess). Major difference between the two. In fact, more so than any other branch.
5098613 I was a sailor in the navy. Regardless of what you call a chief they are still a petty officer, it's in their title, just as I said earlier.
5098626
Really, and you are still willing to call a Chief a "Petty Officer"? Get a camera, and record yourself doing that. I'd love to see how fast the Chief straightens your ass out. Following that logic is the same as saying a Sergeant Major is a "Sergeant". Here's a hint: they aren't.
5098648 I'm sure they wouldn't get mad if I called them a chief petty officer, it's just their full title.
5098673
Then you aren't a sailor in the Navy. You have no idea what you're talking about. It may be a part of their "official" title, but they don't go by it, nor are they called it. They are senior to Petty Officers, and have significantly different responsibilities. To confuse the two shows that you really don't know what you're talking about.
Wow. I did not see that coming.
Iron Pony! Now with magical kickass beams
Hmm... I liked some of the setup on this story, and from a technical standpoint your writing is good. But I think this point is where the scales tipped too far for me and I've lost interest in Zephyr as a character.
He just doesn't really seem to have any flaws that drive him. He's good at everything that I've seen so far, resolves emotional conflicts with magical music or a few words and winks, knows martial arts and (apparently) magic and enough engineering to make a suit of powered armor, and nearly everyone seems to want to have sex with him the first time they meet him. The only drawback you've shown to any of his powers or skills at this point is that using his musical magic makes him sad until he resolves it by having sex.
Thanks for sharing your story, and it's been entertaining to read up until this point, but this is where I bow out. Good luck!
Okay, so there's clearly no foreshadowing.
Still, as this is generally clop with plot, I'm letting most of this slide. Besides, Ironpone.
I really don't care he's a Gary Stu. I really don't care there's no fucking way he could've built that suit in Equestria. I really don't give two fucks that he's a chick magnet. Duke Nukem was obnoxious about himself, this guy is nice.
I want to see him defeat gods. Make it happen.
Also, I want to see a car he builds. Or a hoverdrone. Have him give Vinyl some tips - boxer engines are a nice thing, for one. Have him build her a manual shift gearbox, something. Fun times. ;]