• Published 26th Feb 2014
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He Who Walks The Graves - The Zealot

When the ignorant find knowledge they are dangerous. One man understands this, and so seeks to educate the nation he once fought for, and to bring down it's tyrant ruler.

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Chapter 8: ... Candy Clouds of Lullaby

He Who Walks The Graves
By: The Zealot
Chapter 8: … And Candy Cloud of Lullaby

“... but Goddamn, that was a bad war.” I finished my long winded explanation of World War 2, it seems something similar was going on with the pony nation of Equestria and another nation, apparently inhabited by Gryphons.

“Hmm, Reaper, I have a question: what is this ‘god’ you keep bringing up? I've never heard of anything like that.” Luna asked me after a few seconds of silent thought, Celestia looked over at her and back at me, nodding in her mutual curiosity.

“What is God? Now, that is a very interesting question that requires a slightly long-winded explanation and an understand of my world. As you know, Humans have no magic, as such we use science to explain much of what goes on in the world. However, there are things that scientists, as we call those in the practice of science, haven’t been able to explain. The beginning of our universe is one such example, and because Humans have such a great fear of the unknown groups of people created a sort of omnipresent benevolent being that created everything and made Humans in his image, God. Or at least, that’s the Christian/Jewish view of God, I believe. This gave birth to religion, which is the practice of worshiping one or many gods. Across my world there are many different religions, all of them with some kind of holy scripture, that being a sort of ‘rule book for worship’, now, here comes the funny thing. In almost every holy book there is one basic rule ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill’, makes sense, right? Well, thing is, people seem to think that, even though their holy book specifically says no killing, that it’d be fine to murder another group of people because they don’t follow the same religion.” I finished in just under a minute, all those times watching Yahtzee did make talking fast easier.

The two princesses looked at me with faces of shock, horror, and sorrow. However, telling them what I had only brought on more questions. “But, if this ‘religion’ says not to kill others, then why would they possibly think it would be alright for them to? That just doesn’t make any sense!” Celestia pointed out, waving a hoof about to make her point.

“Ah, but such is the way of Human life. I myself agree with you, Celestia, however, if someone were to bring up such a point their words would be buried under the thousands of madmen who are only using religion as a mask so that they might feel the thrill of battle. Truly, we Humans are both magnificent and utterly repulsive creatures.” I leaned back in my seat, a sad smile on my face as I finished what I was saying. I had told them first, of course, of the many good things that Humans can, and have, done. Although, with the good must come the bad, which is how we had come to the topic of war, and then unto the one we conversed of now.

“Truly Reaper, yours sounds to be a world so unlike our own, yet I cannot help but be intrigued. I would love to talk for longer, but this breakfast has gone on for long enough, and my sister and I have much work to do.” Celestia said a few moments after I had finished, taking a few seconds to think over what I had said. She stood from her chair, along with her sister, and walked out of the dining hall. Luna, however, stayed at the table.

I stood from my chair as well, replacing my helmet to it’s proper place and unfolding the bandanna from my collar. I looked to Luna, “Yae but I am left with she who is of night, mistress of the moon and caller of darkness. Something in you still needing answers, dear princess?” For a time I had spoken as I normally would, but with my lectures now over, I stepped threw myself back once more into the way of speaking I had decided to be appropriate in times such as these, it fit well yet still added a flair that I had not yet seen matched.

“I was just wondering, you say so much of how your species is constantly at war and, well, I was just wondering if perhaps you could teach our guards in the strategy and tactics of your people. Yours seem to be the kind who spend a great deal of time refining warfare, and we, thankfully, are not.” She had answered my question with one of her own, clever girl. Well, I doubt I’d be much help with war, my race aside.

“Luna, while I do appreciate the chance I’ve ne- hmm, actually… yes, yes I can do this. It’s the least I can do after the hospitality you and your sister have shown me. Just arrange a time for me to introduce myself, and then I’ll get started on some plans.” I was going to say I’d never fought a day in my life, but for some reason it felt like a lie. And truly, tactics and strategy couldn’t be too hard, perhaps I could actually help in this war of theirs.

With a nod and smile of gratitude Luna walked out of the dining hall, down a different corridor than her sister before her. I would need to study up on this war, what the ponies had for fighting, and then come up with some strategies that might actually work. I had a long day ahead of me.

[1189 Y.R.S. 9:12am]


I walked out unto the guard courtyard. That was, of course, the area in which the guards bunked, trained, and learned of their missions. I walked in to find them playing some kind of soccer game, interesting to see it working with hooves and quadrupedal creatures.

I walked to the outside of the field as they were walking back to start a new round, speaking up over the din of the victorious and those not so fortunate. “I do hate to be the ender of this game, but I believe I am to introduce myself to you all. I’ll give you all a minute to do whatever, come meet me over by the central yard.” My voice, of course, gained their attention. After a few moments of surprise over my appearance, and what I asked of them, they all released a long sigh and nodded their heads. Eh, not my fault that the time the princess scheduled was during their game.

Five minutes later I was standing in the center of the courtyard, about twenty ponies in front of me, looking up at me from where they were standing.

“Really? Only twenty? Coulda' sworn I saw more of you.” I said, just a tad confused as to where the majority of the ponies had gone.

“Well, uhm, sir, we’re the commanders. Princess Luna told us to expect somepony who would teach us some new stuff, we were just kinda surprised at seeing you, is all.” On of the guards, a rather bland light blue guy, said. I will give him props for his voice, sounded like Commander-fucking- Shepherd.

“Well, alright then. Anyway! I am to teach you lot some new tactics and strategies from my home to, hopefully, help you in winning this war of yours. As is this is just a time for me to introduce myself and get to know you all, the actual lessons will come later.”

An alabaster pony raised one of his fore hooves, I pointed over at him, signaling him to speak. “Sir, what exactly give you the right to teach us anything? I’m sure we have good enough military tactics.” He said, sounded young, not very experienced.

“Catch-22.” I said, simply.

“Catch-22? What’s that?” He asked.

“Oh? You want to know?” I asked in turn.

“Well yes, I believe so.” He replied.

“Well, I can’t tell you.” I said, with a shake of my head.

“And why not?!” He demanded, stomping a hoof down.

“Because you want to know about it.” I replied, clasping my hands behind my back and nodding my head.

“Ugh! Fine, I don’t want to know then.” He said, exasperated.

“Do you want to know what it is? Catch-22, I mean.” I asked him.

“Uhm, yes, sure.” He said, trepidation present in his voice.

“Well, I can’t tell you.” I stated, sadly.

“But why not!?” He asked, exasperated and distressed.

“Catch-22.” I replied.

“Catch-22?” He asked.

“Catch-22.” I replied, with finality.

We all stood there for a moment, the other guards looking from me back to the commander who asked of me what Catch-22 was. “And that,” I said, looking over all of the commanders, “is why I have the right to teach you lot anything.” I said, nodding my head. They all just kind of stood there, awestruck.

Looks like I have a lot of work to do.

[1189 Y.R.S. 1:32pm]


“So what you’re saying is that the armor your guards wear is made out of gold? Celestia, no offense to you or your sister, but that is fucking stupid.” I face palmed as well as I could while wearing a helmet and just shook my head with a sigh.

“Well, gold is very resistant of magic, it’s perfect for blocking any kind of magical attacks.” She replied, calmly.

“Alright, that’s cool, but you are fighting an enemy with no kind of magic, at all. They use spears, and swords, and bows, and trust me, gold is shit as armor against anything like that. Let me show you,” I motioned for one of the guards to come over to me, “alright, take of your chestplate.” he did what I asked, albeit a bit confused.

I lifted the chestplate in one hand, bringing the other back, I punched it right square in the center, actually breaking through to the other side of it. “That is why you don’t make armor of gold. It is the weakest metal in. The. World. Also, this design is really shit, you’re leaving the whole underbelly exposed and- you know what, I’ll draw up some designs and give them to you to look over later.” I threw the new useless chestplate back at the hooves of the guard, looking from it to me with a terrified expression.

I turned back to Celestia and saw a pensive frown on her face. “Yes, I suppose you are correct… I never took into consideration that we were fighting non-magic users. I will definitely accept any help you give us, thank you Reaper.” She said, sighing once again, presumably at how she had messed up.

“Good, good, now, to the point I actually came here to discuss. I am to be a teacher of sorts to these guards, these soldiers. Now, you and your sister can not fight, for obvious reasons, but I can. They look at us and they see their superiors, and eventually they might decide they don’t want to fight a war that is not theirs. But, by having an officer on the field, well, not only does it inspire moral, it also creates a bond between leader and subordinate.” I paused now, letting what I had said sink in, Celestia seemed to understand what I was saying, as she motioned for me to continue.

“Celestia, I need a team.”

[1189 Y.R.S. 3:12pm]

Author's Note:

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm late. Get off my case, God. Anyway, there is a pretty blatant reference in here, as well as a (hopefully) more subtle one, tell me if you find 'em. Now, I'm going to go and try to fit in a song to my next chapter. Oh, and in case you're wondering, I got Dark Souls, which is why this took so long.