At The Drop of A Hat

by Tchernobog

Masterweaver

Applejack grumbled something under her breath as she trotted down one of Applewood’s many roads and glanced up at the rising moon. The sound of her hooves could barely be heard over the general chatter, small groups of ponies headed home or to parties or... whatever Applewood ponies did. Great Great Great Uncle Applewood had always been a bit of a loonie, according to Granny Smith, but at least he was a fun loonie.

Kind of like Pinkie, she supposed.

...heck, Applewood might be the connection between her and her fourth cousin five times removed. He’d left a lot of seeds lying around, after all.

“If only Pinkie were here.” Applejack sighed, staring up at what few stars survived the wild light pollution. “Or Rarity, she’d be helpful too. Twilight would come up with a plan. Fluttershy...”

A rat skittered out of an alleyway and into the gutter. The farmpony rolled her eyes. “Yep, Fluttershy could at least ask the rats for directions.” She sat down, rubbing the back of her head. “Celestia’s fetlocks, Ah miss those girls. And my family. And all of Ponyville. Ah just wish... Ah just wish Ah had a friend around here...”

Suddenly, her ears perked. The familiar fwompsh fwamph of agile wings came from the air behind her, and a tomcoltish voice was calling her name. Applejack turned around, forcing the smile tugging at her lips to disappear. “Well, look what tha cat dragged...”

She narrowed her eyes. “...oh.”

Lightning Dust landed and shrugged. “Yeah, I know. Sorry. Rainbow’s still off fetching your hat.” She shook her head. “That thing survived a tornado when we first met... I still can’t believe it ever popped off your head.”

Applejack rose an eyebrow. “Yeah, about that...”

Lightning Dust sighed. “Yeah, yeah. I apologize for nearly killing you. And your friends. I... was irresponsible and immature and it took my own mother kicking me out of the Wonderbolts to realize that.”

“Yer... mother?”

“Spitfire.” Lightning Dust gestured at her face. “I’m told I have her eyes.”

“...ooooooh.” The farmpony winced in sympathy. “Yeah, Ah can see how that would hurt a lot. Family’s pretty much mah thang, even earned mah cutie mark for it.”

“It’s not all bad,” Lightning Dust muttered. “I’m still a bundle of talent and I can reapply... in, well, another six months. If I raise the money. Speaking of which, you wouldn’t have a spare thousand bits, would you?”

Applejack lidded her eyes.

“...yeah, didn’t think so.” The pegasus rolled her eyes. “Meh. Another few rounds being a stunt double and I should have the money anyway. Assuming my luck holds out.” She kicked at a loose cobblestone. “The coat and mane makeup they put on me sometimes.... Anyway, that isn’t important. What is important is... well, I figured, even if we met on bad terms, I could help you. In some way. I dunno, I...” She sat down. “I just wanted to do something.”

Applejack looked the pegasus up and down. She was surprisingly withdrawn for a former wonderbolt-to-be, her wings drooping as one hoof rubbed a fetlock and her eyes glided over the ground.

The orange pony gave out a long, resigned sigh. “Okay, okay. Ya want ta help? Tell me everythang ya know about DeMule.”

Lightning Dust’s gaze snapped to her, wide eyed. “DeMule?! THE DeMule?!”

“...um. Yes?”

“And your hat.... was it, like, special? And I don’t mean personally, I mean like one in a million kind of special.”

Applejack brought her hoof to her muzzle. “Well... he did say something bout it being in tha original run... and that ninja gal mentioned an Illinois Bones. All Ah know is it’s been in mah family fer generations.”

“Spawned a thousand imitators...” Lightning Dust murmured. “How many hats like that do you have?”

“A lot, but this one was.... it always felt different.” The farmpony raised an eyebrow. “Are ya going somewhere with this?”

“You wouldn’t happen to be related to Applewood, would you?”

“...distantly,” Applejack hedged. “Why?”

Lightning Dust stared at her for a few moments longer.

Then she took a deep breath. “Okay, this next bit is going to seem a bit weird to you, but I kinda have to get this out of my system okay?”

“Uh--”

The pegasus prostrated herself before the farmer. “Ave quæ petasus gerit! Quae Dei et Domini nostri Inhabitant! Quando amoris et amor consumitur consumit texente antiquos gloria nostra dabit! Faciamus evigilare faciatis dea Arachne!”

Applejack stared at her for a moment. “...hon, all I got out of that was something about love, blankets, and spiders.”

“Yeah, had to make sure.” Lightning Dust stood, brushing herself off with a slight blush. “See, after... you know, I was kind of in a bad place. Mentally. And, uh... I got a little desperate, and there were these apparently nice ponies and... I joined a bit of a kind of cult, okay?”

“What does any of this have to do with mah hat?”

“Erm.” Lightning Dust giggled awkwardly. “See, the cult--which I am no longer part of-- believed there was a sleeping spider goddess that was passed down through some bloodline. And when she awakened, great things would happen. The current incarnation of the sleeping spider goddess would always wear a special hat, designed to look rather... ordinary, to be honest, so only the cultists would be able to identify her and... and keep her safe.”

Applejack groaned. “Oh, you have ta be kidden’.”

“See, the thing is, um... it used to be just a bunch of weirdos gathering for saturday night chants and a bit of bowling on the side. We kinda lost track of the bloodline after Applewood, but it was still a local myth... then DeMule came along and things got nasty. I got out quick after that.” Lightning Dust smiled awkwardly. “Aheh.”

There was a method to handle situations like this. Applejack brought a hoof to her chest, inhaling deeply. Then she reached out slowly with a long exhale.

“Right. Crazy coincidence. Okay, so assuming DeMule is really a leader of this cult gone bad... what does he want?”

“Well, I’d think he would want to awaken the goddess.”

“How?”

Lightning Dust shrugged helplessly. “Illinois Bones was the last of the incarnations to be taught about their heritage, and he inscribed the instructions to awaken the goddess on the base of a zebra statue, or so the legend goes. Apart from that, part of the chant translates to ‘when love consumes and love is consumed...’”

She paused. “Er, are you and Dash a thing?”

“No.” Applejack paused. “Well, she kissed me, so maybe. Why?”

Lightning Dust bit her lip. “Um.”

“...wait. When ya say love is consumed, do you mean metaphorically or--?”

“I don’t know, but DeMule is certain it’s literal.”

The farmpony blanched. “He wants me to eat--?!”

“Yeah.” Lightning Dust glanced away. “He’s really wrecked the cult.”

“I’d say he’s purified it,” came a new voice. The pegasus barely had time to react before a familiar black-clad pony slammed into her and knocked her out. “And here I thought pegasi thought in three dimensions.”

Applejack backed away quickly, trying to get out of range. “YOU!”

The pony gave her a salacious smirk. “All hail the goddess.” Then she lunged.

Author's Note:

Hail she who wears the hat! She who houses our god and lord! When love is consumed and love consumes, the ancient weaver will bring about our glory! Let us awaken the goddess Arachne!

Comments

[Tchernobog]

As the one who is simply posting these chapters, not writing them, lemme just say this first:

[Keradon]

This story has reached the point where Graham Chapman has walked into my skull to utter this:

musingsonmatters.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/graham_chapman_stop_that_silly.jpg

[SHL]

I will say this: DA FUCK????

[Budding Clover]

Lol

This is giving me serious Llolth flashbacks.

[Lilith Evanson]

Ahahaha!!!

[wzium]

4062192
It's actually very accurate reaction XD I know how you feel.

It's getting interesting :) It could turn out to be really good or really bad, nonetheless this story definitely attracted my attention :)

[JetstreamGW]

What.

[Lightning Bearer]

bbook.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/oly1.64176.1377011330image.gif

[DawnBerry]

[DawnBerry]

I have a feeling that I won't have a single bucking idea what this story is doing until the last chapter is written. (I honestly think that the writers are just throwing in whatever pops up to mind to keep the story going )

[Painbow Bash]

I always wondered what would happen if a writer decided to steer this fic off the rails, well knowing is half the battle I guess. (the other half is fighting giant spider goddesses).

[Masterweaver]

4075859

Believe it or not, this is actually more rail compliant then my first five ideas.

[Gamble]

i am suddenly flashing back to watching The Big Lebowski: a lot is being thrown at me and leaving me with no idea what all is hitting me. ie: What?

[Happy_McDull]

Author, why are you randomly putting cult crap in this?
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130913055640/mlp/images/6/6f/I_have_no_idea.gif

[Brandon Sky]

Yes, let us praise Lord Helix! ...Er wait, PRAISE THE SUN! ...Man, I'm bad at this cult thing. XD

[AppleTank]

5117975
Spider Goddess, idiot.

[survivor]

24.media.tumblr.com/f6f52c0bf806cc5460423d134d29526d/tumblr_n5xltnVziS1qclmb0o1_500.gif

[socky_dude]