My life, dignity, and voice were all stolen from me, and these Equines think themselves my betters. I aim to prove them wrong. Social consequences be damned, I WILL HAVE MY PANTS!
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Chuckle had escaped
Whelp...... at least he ain't a demented little toy running around with a lust for bloodshed (yet)
Keep it up
Huh. She actually took him being intelligent surprisingly well.
At what point can we expect him to quote Optimus Prime and tell someone freedom is the right of all sentient beings?
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Wait until he gets his first taste of human flesh. Our little canabal is all grown up!~
Looks like that little brat can't even pronounce 'minute' right.
And everyone died! The end! :D
am i a bad person if i said i want Chuckie to go crazy and horribly maim Diamond Tiara
OH GOD CHUCKIE ESCAPED AHHHHHH!!!! Oh wait wrong chuckie, mah bad folks mah bad.
3889333 I don't know, why don't we try asking Discord if wanting a girl whose worse crime is being a HORRIBLE pet owner and slightly bitchy to be horribly maim is wrong.
This also sums up my feels on the fic so far.
3889333 no, most people here want that
3889333 no, you're good
*reads it in like three minutes*
Dammit, now what am I going to do for the next 13 hours?
so good but yet short...
dinky is a lot more mature then i thought she'll be
derpy took it too hard, but in a good way... this human is an ALIEN!!! panic attack
3889333 and get his soul in a doll ( Hi I'm Chuckie wanna Play?)
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I have only this to say, to maim is one thing but I would much rather her learn a lesson by getting mauled and chewed on a little, instead.
I can see a certain scenario occurring due to Chuckies escape and Mr. Williams boredom... Only time will tell if i'm right.
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
THIS. Motherfucking THIS
That's why I had downvoted original story(but I'm reading it anyway). Because a main character is content with being oficially animal. I'm not even going to brag about how princesses could make him citizen anyway upon meeting him and talking with him, but fuck it.
Intelligent being from another world no matter if looking similar to some dumb home pets should be considered a person, maybe not a citizen but treated like an emigrant or even ambasador of the entire new world(who cares if a human is not a politician? Such thing would ensure that he will be safe in a face of law even more, come on Tia and Luna can't bend a rules a little for some poor sod stuck on their planet?)
Edit: Good for Chuckie. I hope he will find some food. Starving animal like that is moronic and cruel thing(though Diamond probably don't know that she is actually hurting him, being a stupid spoiled brat and all.)
3889333 Not only one but I don't want it. He would end up killed. Better if someone notify ponies responsible to take care of animal cruelty. I'm sure he can find a better home than that.
This is getting really good.
Peter walks in and gives diamond da finger, that would make my day
Bah ha ha ha, an Alien! What a great way to describe yourself and scare the shit out of everyone in the bloody room. Chuckie escaped, oh no! Cause none of us saw THAT coming... Okay, I definitely did. But what could happen? A starved and angry Human on the loose, this is gonna end well...
This story is fairly entertaining, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.
But ... I seriously still can't get over the fact that this guy wore a mismatched suit and (ugh) fedora to a casual get-together. And then he slept in it.
I mean, what kind of person does that? Jeez.
3893848 The kind that just came from a much more formal get together and really likes suits. He slept in it because he was much more intoxicated than ought to have been.
Ah cliffhanger, my old nemesis. We meet again.
3893848 What's wrong with Fedoras? Fedoras are awesome!
I'm really liking this story thus far, but I did spot a few grammatical/spelling issues...
First, I think there should be a comma between 'morning' and 'momma', to indicate that Dinky is speaking to her; wishing her, specifically, a good morning. 'Momma' should also be capitalized since she's using it like a nickname rather than a term of endearment, at least, that's how I see it.
I believe there should also be a comma before 'though' and a semicolon after it, but I'm not 100 percent on that. Can we get a second opinion up in here?
And there should be another comma between 'Thanks' and 'Mr. Human' for the same reason as the first one: she's directly addressing him.
Same as above: 'mom' should be capitalized.
I believe there would be a comma between 'poor' and 'mind scrambled' as they're both being used as adjectives to describe the mare. Also, I think there should be a hyphen between 'mind' and 'scrambled', since, in this case, I believe it's being treated as one word to help describe the aforementioned mare.
And I think there should be a comma between 'finished' and 'her', to help cement that first she did this, then she did that. As it reads right now, someone could go: "When she finished her eyes..." Wait, was she eating eyes? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I believe you're missing a 'the' between 'off' and 'notepad'.
And I think that "whose" should be used instead of "who's", since neither of the contractions that I can see "who's" being ("who is", "who has") seem to fit. http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/who
I also feel that 'I believe' should have a comma on either side of it, since it feels, to me, more like an aside comment than a part of the sentence.
Another bit I'm not 100 percent about, then again, anytime I think a semicolon should be involved, it automagically goes into 'unsure' territory for me.
I think there should be a comma after 'after all' and a semicolon before, where that comma is now; I believe you were trying to both say "I was tempted to just let her cry" and "after all, I need these ponies to understand..." as seperate sentences, but have them together at the same time.
And I think you meant that 'see' to be a 'she', or maybe 'seeing as how she'.
I believe there should be a comma between 'much' 'i', separating "Not much" from "I guess".
I also believe another comma should go between 'response' and 'I', instead of doing this thing, he did another.
First, I think a comma should go after 'finally'. Second, the sky is blue. Finally, I think you get my drift.
First, I think you meant to use the 'your' form, instead of the 'you are' contraction.
Second, I'm not quite 100% sure what you were trying with this sentence, but I think you were going for something along the lines of: Hey, you try having someone suddenly scream in your face with no warning!
For the umpteenth time, I think a comma wouldn't be out of place between 'hair' and 'the', as he's doing something, then getting a response.
I think you meant for there to be a double quote (") just before "I know if you really wanted to hurt us..."
And I also think there should be a comma between 'table' and 'facing'
I am also considering a name change to either Comma_Cancer or Comma-Chameleon for ragging on you so much about commas. Comma, comma, comma, comma, Comma-Chameleon.
Comma between 'Okay' and 'momma', and 'Bye' and 'Mr. Williams', again, because she's directly addressing them. Also, I think 'Momma' should be capitalized.
I think there should also be a comma just before 'too'.
As near as I can determine, 'lied' isn't the right word to use here. I think it should be "laid down". But whether to use 'Lie' or 'Lay' is a common issue and I recommend this little article on it http://web.ku.edu/~edit/lie.html
If Dinky had fallen into his lap earlier, I could probably buy the use of 'literally' here; it'd be stretching it, but I could still buy it. But seeing as how this opportunity hasn't actually descended unto the tops of his thighs, I have to contest the use of 'literally' in this case. Maybe 'practically' would be a better choice; or you could restructure it slightly so you could use it, like: "... and now the opportunity was literally just outside these walls.", or "... the opportunity was literally all around him", or something.
A quick Google search as told me that 'personhood' is one word, not two, or even a hyphenated word, just one whole word.
I think you meant that 'of' to be an 'or', and I also think 'or at least recognition" should have commas on either side, because like the 'I believe' one I used above, it feels like a small aside. Kind of like in this example: "Without my key, or a sturdy stick, I couldn't get into my house,"
Also, I think you meant 'thought' there, at the beginning. Missing a 't'.
I think there should be a comma before 'though', but I'm honestly unsure if there should be a comma, semicolon, or straight-up colon after it.
You typed two 'I's for I'm, just a small typo; and 'otherworldy' is one word if Google is to be believed.
I think there should be a comma after 'now', and 'manservant' is one word.
I think "stain free" should be hyphenated
.
and you used 'by' where I think you meant to use 'my'.
and I think you might have hit the 's' key instead of the 'd' when you typed out 'settles'.
I believe a comma should go after 'then', mostly because of the same reason as the 'after all' case above
Missed the period after 'Mr'.
'Schoolhouse' is one word.
You have 'on' there twice.
I think you should have a comma in front of 'Miss Cheerilee', because, again, she's directly addressing her.
Also, the 'e' and 't' in 'minuets' seem to have decided to switch places, maybe they're square-dancing and didn't tell anyone?
I think the period in 'Mr. Williams' up there sucked in a little too much helium and started floating, became an apostrophe.
And I also think there should be a 'humans' and 'I'.
I think there should be a comma before 'Diamond', for reasons you can probably guess at.
I also think there should be a colon after her name, instead of a comma, she seems to be citing a rule, or at least paraphrasing it. It also probably wouldn't hurt to italicize it, if she is directly citing a rule.
I'd recommend throwing an apostrophe at the end of 'jus', so that people know it's part of the accent. When I first saw it, I thought it had been misspelled until I saw that it was Applebloom saying it and I figured out what you were going for.
Same thing as above with 'an' here; also, I think 'half starved' should have a hyphen in it.
I do believe ther should be a comma after 'well'.
But I take no shame in pointing out that I mostly singled this out because I deeply wish for her to starve for a few days to truly understand the pain and desperation she put Chuckie through... little bitch. Karma, karma, karma, karma, Karma-Chameleon
So... Chickie... either he had an operation while Dinky wasn't looking or is a giant baby chicken.
Got an extra space between Dinky and the comma... and this reminds of Pinky and the Brain for some odd reason.
OK, now that I got that moderately exhausting list out of the way...
I really like your story, I wish I could use more words to say that after that word-o-lith I threw at you above, but, really, that's... it. I like it thus far.
Your character isn't an unrepentant jerk or nauseatingly weak, the ponies haven't (or haven't been in a position to) forcibly stripped him (something I find nauseating), and the writing doesn't have one foot in the grave and the other in Hell!
Please keep up the good work.
EDIT: Fixed a small issue I left when I wrote this at 2AM.
EDIT-THE-SEQUEL: Found one more little thing and added it.
3899777 oh god, calm down grammar Hitler, it's not that important, LET IT GO!
3899777 oh god, calm down grammar Hitler, it's not that important, LET IT GO!
how long did it take wo write this chapter, and when do you think you will be don with the Next?
3940723 I hope to have the next chap up by Sunday.
3941270 yes!!! now i am really happy!
MORE FUCKING CHAPTERS NOWmoustache:
Diamond Tiara is EVIIIIL!
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33.media.tumblr.com/e01396f259f09b75966865adbfc23c92/tumblr_mvi7wlub591rop03zo1_400.jpg
3917264 how else are the editors and writers supposed to learn if they cant spot where they went wrong?
Uh oh, Chuckie has escaped...
No suit I've ever heard of over the price of $50 is machine washable.
Even a cheap suit ($150-ish) is dry clean only.
There's no way a $400 suit is anything but dry clean only.
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God damn it, every time i hear chuckie, i think of the freakishly terrifying mouse thing from chuckie cheese.
And i just imagined it running around in ponyville.
5711362 When I hear Chuckie I see a Demon Baby Doll with a knife.
this is a surprisingly well executed story. The characters are believable, the concept is interesting and the way you use humans as feral beasts really messes with you. It makes you want to help them and take care of them, but if they were just a random rat that was starving I wouldn't give a flying crap about them.
Weel played
3889333 no, you are a morral and sensible person
HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! That was good! Made my day!
Ooooh crap, that is not good.
Crazy human... named Chuckie, half starved...
He'll totally end up near Peter :P
Nice chappie!
3889333
Yes you are, because he should also rape her before and after maiming her: pinkiecrazy:
I sympathize with chuckle :( poor guy.
But if he get's anywhere near me though while growling and trying to pick a fight with me who (not to brag) is a superior human, I'll immediately sock him six feet under.
RUN CHUCKIE! RUN LIKE THE WIND!
how did i only now look at the writers name. And was assaulted with memories of a jester with a high pitched voice!