"How do I do that?"
Cricket asked the question of Fluttershy, who had volunteered to assist him in the execution of today's task. He had intended to figure things out himself, but after studying the manual he had purchased today, he realized that, in all honesty, he was completely and utterly out of his depth. The guidebook used units of measurement that he was only vaguely familiar with, and used terms that he had never heard in his life. However, he was determined that today, he would do something that he had never done before. Something that, quite possibly, no commoner changeling like himself had attempted in centuries...
Today, he would cook.
Fluttershy had seemed surprised when he had asked her to assist him, but had seemed... incredibly happy to assist. However, it seemed she had not realized just how little he actually knew about this topic. Her look of confusion at his question spoke volumes about his total ignorance on this topic. He knew it was something so simple, so basic, that it should be obvious. After all, if it wasn't, why wouldn't this "cook book" explain the terms in greater detail?
With a sigh, (Ex)Commander Mole "Seven Tricks" Cricket, youngest changeling to ever gain that title, former military commander of the changeling swarm, famed for his skill in a wide number of fields, and considered by many to be a prodigy, asked, "How do I boil water?"
In any other circumstance, Fluttershy's look of astonishment would have been priceless, but right now, it just served to embarrass Cricket further. After a moment, she seemed to grasp the enormity of the task at hoof, then said, "First, you take that pot over there," she said, pointing at the pot in question, "and fill it half full of water from the sink. You, ah, do know how to use the sink, right?"
Cricket nodded. The first time he had encountered indoor plumbing had been startling, he had to admit, but now the wonder of water shooting out of faucets held no terrors for him. He followed her instructions, then said, "Alright. What's next?"
Fluttershy nodded, then said, "Place the pot on top of the stove," she said, pointing at the appliance in question. He was given to understand that it was a bit on the small side, with only a single "burner" (whatever that was), and a small "oven", but it was sufficient for a single pony, he had been told. When he had done so, she continued, "Now, turn the little knob on the front of the stove until the word 'Medium' is on top." Taking the knob gently in his teeth, he began turning it.
Fwoosh.
The next few minutes were nerve-wracking, and in hindsight would be amongst the most embarrassing in Cricket's life. It took five minutes for Miss Fluttershy to convince him to let them both get out from behind the table he had flipped over and pushed her behind, to shelter the two of them from the Tartarus-spawned fire-spewing machine-monster that he had unwittingly placed in his house. He'd had a difficult time believing, afterwards, that it was supposed to do something like that (Later on, he was told that had been more spectacular than would be considered normal. Apparently, there'd been a build-up in the gas line, and it had resulted in a rather spectacular first run. Fluttershy did confirm, afterwards, that the flames really shouldn't get that close to the ceiling. Even she had been more than a little startled).
Once things were under control, the next step seemed simple enough, impossible as it seemed: watch the pot until bubbles came out of the water. Yeah, right, and how was that supposed to happen? There wasn't any air in the water... was there? And yet, within a short time, that was exactly what happened. Obviously, this was some sort of sorcery. He'd need to ask Twilight Sparkle about this later: she'd know what manner of magic was causing this.
"Now," Fluttershy said, smiling, "You pour the baby carrots into the pot, and let them boil for about fifteen minutes, until they get nice and tender." Cricket nodded, then did so. He felt kind of bad for the parents of these baby carrots, but then, they were vegetables, so they really weren't grade-A parent material in any case. While Fluttershy stated that he really didn't need to watch the stove the entire time, he wasn't going to take any chances. He didn't trust this thing after the stunt it had just pulled...
After that, Fluttershy had him take the pot of carrots (using potholders. Apparently, the pot would be hot) to the sink, then pour the water into a strainer, so there would just be carrots with no water.
She then had him take the pot back over to the stove. Turning the heat to medium-low, he put a half-cup (she explained that it wasn't just any old cup, but the measuring cup. He didn't get the difference, but he'd take her word for it) of butter into the pot, and watched as it melted. Then, he added a half-cup of brown sugar (apparently, there was also "white" sugar, which most folks just called sugar) to the mix, as well as three tablespoons (let's not even go there. Seriously. Teaspoons, tablespoons, and serving spoons would confuse him for weeks to come) of honey, and stirred.
Now came the tricky bit: he had to add the carrots to the mix, and stirred until they were all evenly coated. Once done, they had to cook for another five minutes. And then... they were done. Sweet Baby Carrots.
After it cooled a little, he served two bowls to Miss Bunny Wunny Cuddlewumpus and Angel Bunny. While Miss Bunny dug in with gusto, Angel seemed hesitant, but after a moment, tried a little bit, then dug in as well. Apparently, it was a success (Angel was notorious for his finicky eating habits).
"Well," Cricket said, "I guess that's not bad for a first try."
Fluttershy giggled (she was so cute when she did that), then said, "Well, we all have to start sometime. Let me know, the next time you plan on cooking: I'll be happy to help."
I'm finally feeling well enough to write, so here, have a chapter!
I enjoyed this greatly.
Considering his reaction to modern cooking (and modern plumbing, apparently) I'd love to see his reaction to more modern things.
My sister once had a roommate that seriously asked "when do you know when the water is at a boil?" so I can believe this level of naivety.
I'm kind of hoping that Twilight tries to explain why water bubbles up by explaining waters' molecular structure, and more importantly, that water is basically MADE OF AIR. (That is, oxygen and hydrogen.)
You're gonna go far kid.
3831435
That’s nothing. I knew a gal once who had this roommate, and I’m not making this up because I wouldn’t even think this could happen, who once emptied a can of soup into a saucepan, put the saucepan in the microwave (with the handle sticking out through the door and preventing it from closing), and then wondered why it wouldn't work.
This is the “how do i shot web” of cooking.
3831751 I don't know that still implies some level of cooking knowledge
3831602
His response would be, "So.... Magic."
3831760
It implies a level of cooking knowledge in the way that walking implies a level of fitness knowledge.
When you put stuff in the microwave, it becomes cooked. Much like, when you walk, it makes you thin. On their own, neither statement is incorrect, but each is a gross oversimplification of the actual processes at work. A gross oversimplification which requires no actual knowledge to understand.
Someone should draw Mole Cricket and Fluttershys faces as the burner is turned on for the first time... Would make a great cover for the fic
3831776 I like to think that there would be a long awkward pause beforehand. With cricket noises in the background, for spectacular double-layered comedy.
Wow. That was funny with how little he knew. That's a good chapter.
My only question is how he managed to live so long in the crystal empire without learning how to cook, let alone know what cooking was...
Another good story dude. Here's my two cents.
Loved the oven gag with the whole gas buildup thing.
The carrot parents thing just felt a little weak to me.
Every other gag was smooth and filled the space quite nicely.
That's all I got.
3832365
He fed raw carrots to his pet, and he himself does not need to eat food. He understood the basic concept of cooking: you did something to food, and it became "tastier", but he'd never had a reason to do it before.
Naw... Wad a sweet wittle stowy
I do believe you have missed out the "r" in Fluttershy at the beginning of an early paragraph, but otherwise this is great!
You're having fun with these chapters, aren't you?
Bunny Wunny Cuddlewumpus and Angel Bunny sitting beneath a tree laughing at Cricket and Fluttershy embarrassingly sitting in a tree.
A college friend of mine did not know how to open a can of instant noodle's, he also managed to burn a pot of water (instructions where add a spoon full of oil to a small amount of hot water).
3834962 >>>A collage friend of mine did not know how to open a can of instant nudle's,
So, your friend is 'an artistic composition of materials and objects pasted over a surface, often with unifying lines and color' and he has managed to find plurals of the action of 'walking quickly with the head bent forward' in a tangible physical form stored within a hollow metal cylinder?
Definitions of 'collage' and 'nudle'.
3834630
I'm having fun, period . The day this quits being fun, I'm going to have to find a way to make money off of it.
3835560
Good point. But what I meant was that you were having more fun with that chapter than some of the ones prior.
3835757 Yeah, that one was more silly than a few of the ones before. I was having a lot of fun with that one .
3835214
My only defense is that it was 2am when I wrote that and that my auto correlation function can give stupid options sometimes. You did not need to be so trollish at pointing out the mistakes.
He and Fanon-Luna have much in common. Can't wait to read him reacting to a toaster.
It has always been my head canon that Changelings do need to eat food to survive. I felt that they could not produce magic of their own, and so had to siphon off said magic from a host. Kind of like them being magic batteries, needing charging to get more powerful.
My reasoning behind this is the though 'If they didn't eat, why do they have mouths?'
I'd have thought the bunnies would prefer their carrots raw, but tastes vary, I guess...
This chapter was awesome.
You REALLY need to work on canon FIM stories. Like, for the show. Or more to the point, WE need you to work on canon FIM stories.
I'd totally hit that.
3893831
[Insert bad sex joke here]
All jokeing aside I also prefer that version of what a Changeling is but this version is also good.
This whole story is good.
Heh. Looks like she didn't even explain the basics of what 'boiling' actually is
3893831 The closer they are to other beings, the less energy they have to expend when transforming. It would take extra energy to create a mouth, assuming they actually transform and don't just use illusions.
3893831 i read one story...where changelings could sort of eat, but they could not digest food properly, so they would always need to vomit after eating! made it rather awkward for them to keep up their disguise during a dinner date...
Should be “somewhere”
Recently I found orange and black sparkling sugars
Dear gods