Awsome

Great job

Finally! You are back!

Glad I could help on this one dude.

Ouch I hope Scott will recover that punch from applejacks sister

As James was beating the living crap out of those two morons i was thinking of one of the many fight musics for one punch man in the background XD

Cool.

That was awesome/epic read. But again please don't make Scott weak again who mostly let all the fighting to his brother and was always just getting hurt,Please let him know how to fight to please.

Dude dont let people rush you, work at your pace. As always an awesome chapter keep it up. Also LOL Twilight is a tentacles kinda girl. 😀🐙

Is this a parody of HiE stories? I honestly can’t tell, but if this is supposed to be serious than we have a lot of problems here. Everything is so exaggerated that I can’t take any of it seriously.

First of all, there are way too many violent overreactions so far in this story. How many is too many? When the recipient or one who cares about the recipient has to be kept from responding in a believable way in order to not derail the story in six different directions with any response other than indifference. Seriously, there’s patience and then there’s whatever bullshit is going on with James. The lack of reaction to all this shit that Scott goes through is worse than how one would react if it happened to a total stranger.

If you want to paint Scott as unfortunate or clumsy that’s fine, but don’t overdo it and find a means of expressing it that won’t result in his brother looking like an uncaring skunk for the sake of not completely derailing the story with reactions to this shit.

Next, I don’t know if you misrepresented parts of the brawl, but at a couple points the wording made it sound like James caught Earth Pony punches straight on. If this is the case, then combining the very concept of Earth Ponies with the mention of them being bigger and buffer than James, I don’t care what kind of martial arts he’s studied and mastered, his wrist would be broken from the first attempted catch and the brawl goes the opposite direction from there.

Also, using his practice of martial arts to explain why he’s so good at fighting. Yeah, there’s a reason they’re called Martial ‘Arts’. It’s making a show of fighting, and no matter what those dojo masters might say, you show me a martial artist who says he’s never been defeated in a straight up brawl with hardened punks and I’ll show you a martial artist whose never been in a straight up brawl with hardened punks. Can’t be defeated if you never participate, after all.

Finally, this chapter’s all over the place. Too much happens too quickly and everything is glanced over, seemingly for the purpose of jamming as many wtfs into as few words as possible. Is that what this is? Wtf the story? There’s clearly no flow here and it leads me to wonder what you as the author is trying to make of this.

Again, if this is a parody none of these criticisms mean anything as I don’t know the first thing about critiquing a parody, but again I don’t know if it is or not because there’s no mention of it being so on the story’s front page. If this isn’t a parody though, then these are just the surface of what is a host of problems.

hey it be awhile. i like jame fight the two goons and beat their ass. now do you have plan on next chapter where jame learn of Macarena painful past and try fix it better?

a very nice and detailed fighit, love the story so far keep upthe good work

Yes, please! continue the story

“Guess y’all weren’t kidding about how ya earn them trophies via fightin.” Applejack replied.

“I studied Taekwondo, Judo, Jeet Kune Do, Karate, and Kickboxing,” James replied. He followed up by walking towards the cream-colored mare and the young colt. “You both alright?”

I don't recall any point in the story of Applejack knowing about his martial arts training until later. 🤨

9386416
When is the next chapter going to be?!

Update?

Update?

Nurse Sweeetheart

Why only 3 "e" and not 10? More letters — more fun, yeah?

for the mto be a certain

What?!

changing.into

Dot instead of space? Yep, it's definitely better.

Twilight and barb look

Character's name from a small letter? You just don't respect them, are you?

Sorry to be the bad guy but I see alot of editing to be redone go slower in editing it to many error s double words some very confused scents but mostly I see how how she she but I'm not eating the story just helping to make it smoother to read

God damn those two punks got utterly rekt!
I felt like it was a dbz fight was going on whilst reading it.
And this is only the third chapter.
Man this story is getting me all giddy to keep reading... which is what i'm gonna do right now and keep on reading. :3

“Oh, don’t worry I can fix that,” Twilight said, as she channeled her magic through her horn. James looks back at the TV and the crack in the screen was no longer CRACK.

Umm... What? You misted an Error here. It should say

don’t worry I can fix that,” Twilight said, as she channeled her magic through her horn. James looks back at the TV and the Cracks in the screen was no longer There.