“Aaaah!” Blue Blood yelled as he tried to cover his face from the sight, “Aunty! Why is That thing doing here!? And why is Rarity here as well!? Get them out of the castle! I Do Not Want To See Them!” he ordered the mare.
4057097 Yeah, a lot of fans seems to dislike Blue Blood. I'm not a big fan of the spoiled colt either. Love the short videos, that's a great touch. You get five moustaches for that. Have a nice day, buddy.
This really needed a proofreader. The story is pretty good so far, but good lord the grammar is atrocious to the point where certain parts are practically unreadable. Wrong words being used, words being capitalized seemingly at random, it's just insane.
Another issue I've noticed is characterization. For the most part it's fine, but there are certain points where all of the great characterization just goes down the drain. The biggest example is the part with Blueblood. He shows up out of nowhere, acts like a completely one-dimensional cutout (seriously, at worst he was a slight jerk. This story is taking his faults to ridiculous, out-of-character levels), and then gets sent to the freaking dungeon, with the princesses and Rarity being happy about it. Why was this part added? It brought absolutely nothing to the story, and just felt incredibly jarring with how out-of-character everyone was for that random moment.
Finally, there was this gem:
"You know like, use your magic on something, anything to let them think second thoughts on taking over your world."
Yeah, because obviously the first thing us horrible, monstrous Humans would do upon meeting a peaceful alien race filled with new cultures and other such things we could learn about would be to immediately attack them and try to take over their world. I gotta ask, is Marcus naturally that stupid when it comes to people, or did he have to practice?
Other than those issues, however, everything else has been fun to read. I look forward to continuing.
Great chapter.
4046882 Thanks.
It was great! I'm really loving this story and loving what happened to Blueblood
4047621 Glad you're enjoying.
My hate for the stuck up prince is shown.
4057097 Yeah, a lot of fans seems to dislike Blue Blood. I'm not a big fan of the spoiled colt either. Love the short videos, that's a great touch. You get five moustaches for that.
Have a nice day, buddy.
I love this story honestly one of my favorites. But your killing me with this Markus acting clueless lol
4059374 Glad you like the story. We might change his 'Clueless-syndrome' on the next part, for a good reason.
This really needed a proofreader. The story is pretty good so far, but good lord the grammar is atrocious to the point where certain parts are practically unreadable. Wrong words being used, words being capitalized seemingly at random, it's just insane.
Another issue I've noticed is characterization. For the most part it's fine, but there are certain points where all of the great characterization just goes down the drain. The biggest example is the part with Blueblood. He shows up out of nowhere, acts like a completely one-dimensional cutout (seriously, at worst he was a slight jerk. This story is taking his faults to ridiculous, out-of-character levels), and then gets sent to the freaking dungeon, with the princesses and Rarity being happy about it. Why was this part added? It brought absolutely nothing to the story, and just felt incredibly jarring with how out-of-character everyone was for that random moment.
Finally, there was this gem:
Yeah, because obviously the first thing us horrible, monstrous Humans would do upon meeting a peaceful alien race filled with new cultures and other such things we could learn about would be to immediately attack them and try to take over their world. I gotta ask, is Marcus naturally that stupid when it comes to people, or did he have to practice?
Other than those issues, however, everything else has been fun to read. I look forward to continuing.