“So now I’m following a talking zebra in a body that turned into that of my favorite toy.” I thought to myself. “Not sure what benefits this could give me at all.” I huffed. “Too many questions to think straight.” I looked at the zebra sporting a mohawk for some bizarre reason and shook my head. “I want to ask her a question, but I don’t like talking to others.”
I was already having trouble walking, with my ‘hooves’ tripping over each other every few steps. It was like walking in high-heels. It was uncomfortable and awkward. Coordinating was difficult and, even if I thought of it as walking on all fours as a human, those were arms and legs, and none of them -except maybe the arms- were relevant to these legs and joint positions.
“Well...At least I’m Silver and not some random creepy thing,” I thought. I looked at my tripping hooves again. “Not sure if this is cool or creepy. Hm. Let’s go with croopy.” I nodded to myself. “Yeah. That seems about right.”
Hopefully, this zebra was taking me somewhere I could get answers. Maybe a library, but the odds of that are astronomical...probably. Eugh. I don’t want to deal with the responsible doing incessant hushing. That’s just aggravating.
The zebra face...hoofed, and turned to look at me.
“I never asked your name. How rude of me. So what are you called, silver pony?” she asked me.
I started to panic. I didn’t know what to say, so I threw a grenade and hoped it was a dud. “Silver.” I tried not making eye contact, but it was hard.
“My name is Zecora, and I come from a far away land not dissimilar to Equestria.”
“Kinda stretching the rhyming there,” I noted.
Zecora gave me a slanted frown. Judging by her rhyme, I was in a place called Equestria, but what was so special about this place? I need to make a question that sounds like I know about this place but want to learn more...but I have NO clue how to do that.
“So what is that town over there?” I asked her.
“I thought you would be from around here,” she started. “That is Ponyville over there. A small community, but none with a better unity.”
It was my turn to frown. “Now you’re just rhyming words with themselves.” I shook my head. “And Ponyville? What kind of stupid name is that? THe person who came up with that name probably also came up with...I don’t know…” I looked about, trying to find the best pun-made name I could think of. “Mane-hatten.”
Zecora gave me a smirk, but I ignored it. Being in the town let me see its full lack-of-glory. I could see lots of colors worming about from afar, but now I can see them up close. They were ponies that looked like Easter eggs. Some even had horns and wings! Unicorns and pegasis, I think. There were also the ‘normal’ ones around, prompting me to reach for my forehead and sigh. Whatever sent me here didn’t modify Silver. Good and bad, I suppose. I guess my luck ran dry when I was given so much money, and now I wish I still had it. I don’t even know what kind of money is used here.
Walking through the dirt streets of this place made me realize just how feudal is was coming to be. Houses with solid walls, with very few being made from bricks. The surfaces of the buildings didn’t look at all like wood or anything ‘modern’, and many of the roofs were covered in a strange tile whose composition sat between clay and straw. All of these ponies, on the other hand, were disturbingly friendly, with many saying ‘hi’ as we passed.
Maybe they’re saying hi to the zebra? I even saw a weird-ass building that looked like a carousel, or a cake, or both. Ponies came out of it...wearing clothes. The hell kind of mini-horse wears clothing? Is it a standard?
I panicked and clutched my head. ”ARE WE BOTH NAKED BARBARIANS?!” I yelled in my head.
Whoever the ponies were talking to, I really couldn’t care. My fucks were so numerous they were destroying this place like a meteor shower. All I know is that the pony there was white and with a purple mane and tail. Not much else...Although, I think she could teach my mother a thing or two in fashion. She spotted me during my thoughts and looked interested in coming to greet me, but was hampered by a new ponies popping up for whatever service she had. Ha.
As for weird buildings, there was the giant tower...thing jutting high above the town. It was...too strange looking to describe. A few ponies with ties...came in and out. Now they’re wearing ties. Next thing you know they’ll be riding in trains. A town hall or another administrative complex, maybe. No one would wear ties outside of that kind of work environment.And then...deep breath...a giant tree. With windows. And a balcony. How. Even with my eyes still burning from the white light, I could see how ridiculous this looked. The tree was still alive somehow.
"Here we are, Silver.
Now wait here for my call,
I must speak with Twilight Sparkle, if you recall."
I dropped my head. "Yes, I do, although I didn’t know the name.” I looked at her with tired eyes. “And please stop being lazy with your rhymes."
She chuckled and opened a door...in the tree. I rubbed my eyes. I flinched in pain from the hooves and wobbled a bit when I set them back down on the ground. I still think this thing was alive through some kind of zombie virus.
My eyes darted around, and I became wary. “Better not have any zombies around here or else.”
"Silver!" an unfamiliar voice yelled.
I shrugged and went inside the tree to witness that it had been refurbished into a library. Not only was I looking for one, but it's like someone threw me against the wall and shoved a book titled ‘Convenient Plot Point’ in my face and shrieking that I read it. The zebra was there with a few books in her saddlebags, talking to a purple unicorn that appeared to be the source of the voice that called me in. Zecora thanked the unicorn, tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a smile, then left. I was left in awkward silence with the purple pony who stared at me with giant eyes. She had quite the unique hair color too, a dark purple with a pink stripe going through it. She even had her own mark! It looked like some sort of red-pink star with five other, smaller, white ones surrounding it. I just scuffed my hoof on the ground as I tried to avoid any form of contact.
"Wow. That's a weird iguana,” I noted when I saw a lizard come in.
That thing looked pissed at what I said and the purple pony tried to hold in a laugh.
I poked it with one of my legs. "It's even purple!” I aww’d. “The scales feel so real too.” I looked up to the unicorn. “It's not fake is it?" I asked her.
The lizard slapped my hoof off and yelled in my face. "I'M A DRAGON!"
I screamed and lost balance, hitting my head against a shelf and knocking several books onto me. The ‘dragon’ stormed away, his head sticking straight up in a ‘huff’.
The pony, who I now know is a female, chuckled at my reaction. “I know It's weird that I have a baby dragon with me.” She ruffled her mane with a hoof. “Some ponies that I've never seen before also seem to confuse him with some type of reptile." She shrugged. “They seem to think that all dragons are these gigantic beasts with wings.” She spoke with a deeper tone briefly. “But he’s still a dragon...although I’m unsure what kind.”
I expected her to help me up, and when I extended a hoof, I found myself levitating in the air and laid gently on my f…hooves. I panicked internally, although it wasn’t something I hadn’t recently experienced.
"What’s wrong?” The unicorn asked. “You look like you’ve never seen magic before."
"Well, maybe that's because where I come from, the only ‘magic’ that exists isn't ‘real’ magic,” I replied sarcastically.
The purple pony’s face lit up, scaring me a little. "Oh? And where is that?" she asked enthusiastically.
Crap. I said something I shouldn't have. Wait, why would I even tell her? I don't know her well enough.
"I’m not telling you," I said sternly.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know you well enough to share that kind of personal information."
She tapped her mouth with her hoof and ceded."Well, I guess that makes sense. Wherever you’re from has a stricter hold on things like that, then,” she hummed. “So, Zecora said she found you in the plains. Are you lost?"
I scrunched up my mouth."Something like that,” I trailed off. I looked up at the rows of books in the shelves and felt myself get a little bit excited. “I know this is sudden, but can I read some of these books? I need to brush up on my...um...history,” I explained nervously.
While she fumbled through the shelves, she started talking again. I don’t want to talk to you!
“You know, I don’t often see ponies coming to the library. It’s strange.”
“Well, that’s a shame. A book can be a portal to several worlds, some filled with an incredible amount of knowledge and adventure. Others can be…” I trailed off to the side. “An empty hole for ignorants to fall in."
“That’s quite an interesting interpretation of them. Aha!”
She pulled a set of twelve books from the shelves, each as wide as my hands were long. Well, used to be long. And to twelve?! Earth’s history was tucked away in hundreds, if not thousands of books. Why was there so little?
“So...is this the whole thing?” I asked hesitantly.
The pony chuckled and put the books on a short wooden table next to bookcases to my left. “No. There’s about a hundred, give or take a few tens.”
HUNDREDS?! I’m pretty sure I was foaming at the mouth and having a stroke after hearing that. I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge the number of the books, and now I’m regretting it!
I groaned loudly. “Might as well get started.” I struggled to lift the first volume, and that was including me being in an unfamiliar body. “HEAVY!” I screamed.
“Let me help you with that,” the purple pony offered calmly.
She lifted them all with no actual effort and set them in a line along the floor next to me for easy picking, then deposited the first book on the table. I crossed my forelegs and looked away, baring my teeth and blushing. The unicorn must have heard me snort because she frowned.
“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been a bit grumpy since you got here.”
“I...don’t really want to talk about it.”
I felt her gaze burning through my skin trying to understand me, but I didn’t want to go deeper in it. I still don’t know where I am.
She hummed pensively. “You know, I could show you Rarity’s Boutique.”
“Her what?”
“Boutique. Clothes Store.”
“Oh. Why do you want to show me that?” I asked.
“Because my friend Rarity is talented when it comes to helping others mares calm down. She knows ALL. The. Right. Things.” She bopped her hoof in the air and descended it with every stop in her speech.
Her saying ‘mare’ felt like someone stabbing my brain with a knife. Ugh. What was her problem?! Leave me alone! I just want to read these books and quickly leave this place try to get back home. I brushed her off and opened the first book, but before I could even start, there she was pulling me with her weird shit.
"Come on! She'll help you out!” she insisted. “I know a pony who needs help when I see it. Oh!” She stopped momentarily before resuming her pulling while my hooves dragged along the wooden planks that constituted the ground. “I forgot to tell you that my name is Twilight Sparkle!"
If I had claws, they’d be peeling off long ribbons of wood with them as I was dragged. That’s when it hit me.
Oh right. No fingers. Damn it.
She let me go, and after a bit of back-and-forth discussion, I decided to follow her to that shop she talked about. If I did this, she would leave me alone to my reading afterwards,, and I was sure this Twilight Sparkle character would never relent on the subject unless I did it. The place she took me to was the weird shop I had seen earlier, and it was full of giant mirrors and mannequins covered in outfits too detailed to describe all at once.
"Huh. I didn't think anyone had an artistic taste nowadays,” I noted whilst batting the bits of an unfinished dress.
"Well, she did make dresses for me and my friends for the Grand Galloping Gala,” Twilight stood up proudly, as though that were supposed to mean something to me.
"The what now?" I asked with apathy on my face.
She looked at me, completely baffled, but didn’t have time to comment on it, the white pony from earlier came by and dropped a few pins she had kept in her mouth on the floor. She looked ‘positively charmed’. The pony ran towards me then started to ‘analyze’ me by circling around me and measure every part of me. It’s very uncomfortable you weirdo.
"Uhh, Rarity, what are you doing?" Twilight asked her.
"Such a unique color, and your mane!” She patted it with her hooves. I pulled at such breeching of personal privacy. She clicked her tongue in disappointment. “Such a strange style too, and yet you haven’t taken care of it at all.” She shook her head. “Where are you from?" she asked me.
"Something that you are not entitled to know. It is personal."
She seemed to take a step back, surprised at my hostility. Silver's voice seemed to make my hostility that much less intimidating, though. I thought that these two ponies understood to leave me alone, but Silver was...unique, shall we say.
"That's quite alright dear. I understand, although I would try to avoid such a hostile reaction next time.” Her eyes lit up suddenly and a massive, open-mouth smile stretched across her face. “IDEA!"
"What?! WHAT’s GOING ON?!” I panicked.
"Relax,” Twilight soothed. “She has an idea for you."
"I've got the idea for a perfect dress!” Rarity gestured towards me.”Come here...what is your name again?" she asked. Her ears perked up to hear me as best as possible.
"It's Silver, Rarity,” Twilight said.
"Wait...a dress?” I backed away, shaking my head fast. “N-no! I don't nee-ah!"
She dragged me to what was evidently a measuring booth and placed me on a pedestal. I dropped my head and growled in anger and frustration. I don’t want to deal with this.
And you don't have a proof-reader/editor? Well written.
318917 Well , I did have English as my first language and I had to study it from pre-school to the 5th grade.And since I like to read in english and talk with my mom in english despite being in a french/dutch speaking country , let's just say that I do my best. Thanks for the compliment.
Keep the good chapters coming.
So, you're from Belgium?
Anyways, I should note that the plural form of 'pegasus' is either 'pegasai,' or 'pegasi.'
Furthermore, if you do an ellipsis (multiple periods), you should always use three dots, like this: '...'
That aside, still like the story.
319101 I know about the plural form of the Pegasi species. Also , I usually do three dot elipsis when I feel that the need for a short silence is needed. I extend them to give a longer feeling of wait or confusion when necessary. And it has been quite needed. Also , the only thing Derry and I have in common is that rage mode. Yeah , I took it from myself. It only happened once. Thanks for the grammatical advice though.
Edit: Wait , how did you know I'm from Belgium just by seeing the languages spoken? Are you STALKING ME?
(No.Not THAT joke)
What joke, i'm curious now?
Lol, are a pervert if you wear a dress. ull be a cross dressing pony, and thats just wrong on a whole different level.
319380 Ignore that. It's a bad joke that's been circulating about the net for quite awhile. I was hoping noone would use it if I pointed that out. Luckily , you didn't get it.
A few typos here and there and some questionable use of language, but overall I would say it's okay.
Well, this is a very cool story you've got there, but seriously, soooo maaanyyyy TYPOS! You forget to get some letters in some places and you keep saying wierd. WEIRDDD...
Oh, also, first comment!
By the way, you can send me your chapters and I'll do my best to correct typos and incorrect use of punctuation.
*wonders if silver is gonna turn out a hater at some point and trip on fluttershy*
dude look like a lad.. er mare!
For some reason things - Ideas, People, Etc - Seem to travel in packs; That I noticed.
Normally (Hm, Is there a "Normal"?) I'd not read a story like this... Uh, Scratch that - I already read "My Little Heartbreak" On occasion.
However, The antagonizing-towards-others factor seems quadrupled here or more compared to those stories.
And back to my main point; There I was, Listening to some music which I usually don't listen to on a website.
Now I'm here, A stone's throw away from listening to some other band.
(Edited to not refer to bands and a particular radio station by author's request)
oh no idea shes in for it now
Perhaps it would be wise not to tell him about Manehattan.
Thus far our protagonist here seems to be a bit of a... NEIGH-sayer!
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I0e7V2hzqI0]
Yeah, i looked it up. One who engages in frequent complaining, negative banter and/or a genuinely poor and downbeat attitude.
he still has yet to meet Pinkie
I'm gettin' this feelin' that English ain't yer first language.
Ah'm assumin' yer character wrote his literature in another language.
Still... your story ain't bad. It's ambitious, awkward and cringe-worthy.
But it ain't bad.
*continues to watch train wreck*
I wouldn't mind ,in fact I'd enjoy getting "Girlied up " LOL
RIP manly pride.
...ah. We see why you're seeking rewrite on this. Oh well, onward ho!
8762972
Yeh. Not pretty, is it?
8763049
Eh, not that bad. At least this story is paced well enough and not just a laundry list of achievements...
8764054
That was the original intent. To not make the character into a mary-sue and not make people think it was a self-insert and/or wish fulfillment. I wanted to give the character depth and devlopment and have the main characters call them out on their absurdity and/or stupidity.
I’m sorry, I didn’t notice the story updated.
Silver of course you have a unique color, you have a metallic sheen.
I cant even see the failed rhyme.
Long is probably land
9011397
Yup.
Wow. I really had lots of poor writing here, eh? Must be leftovers I missed.
Hey! Why u bully Zecora man? Your the the one who come up with her weak ass “””””rhymes””””” so no need make fun over what is presumably your past attempts at rhyming that your just trying to incorporate into a funny comedic moment ha ha I see what you did there, moving on.
I dropped my head, it lined with shame. "Yes, I do, although I don’t know her name.” Shame Zecora’s rhymes held no flame, for I was about to lay down some serious shame on the zebra from the green grassed plains.
“And please Zecora, step up your game, it’s time you stopped rhyming already before I go completely insane, for your rhymes are so horrible that I feel incased within a tomb of burning flame. Without even considering you’re usage of words most tame, it’s time you moved away from a gimmick already considered by most, pretty lame, cause it causes strife to those with knowledge and brain, so please Zecora, a mare most fair and tame, learn to rhyme already, or be run over by doctor Seuss’s steam powered train.”
That took too long to make. But it was so worth it.
Also why was Zecora in a random plain anyway? [Z3C0R4 (Team Harmony): Joined the server]
Must of read a book about convenient character placement
Book titles:
Convenient Plot Point: The book all about being convenient for your plot point!
Rhyming for Zebras: Black and white facts about rhyming for those of the white and black variety.
Forgotten Characters 101: For those characters who exist solely just to introduce some characters to other characters.
The Book’s Booked Book: The book about books and how they effect other book’s booked books. (First Edition. Approved by the comics code authority. Written by Twilight Sparkle. Property of Twilight Sparkle. Don’t touch this book unless you’re name is Twilight Sparkle. Rated 5 stars by ‘Spike’: “It sucked, don’t read unless you’re Twilight Sparkle”.)
This was a fun chapter, personally I would of expanded on his reactions a little bit, because the whole chapter felt a lot like this:
BAM! Here’s Zecora!
BAM! We’re in Ponyville!
BAM! We’re at Twilight’s library!
BAM! Zecora’s gone!
BAM! Spike’s here!
BAM! Spike’s gone!
BAM! Twilight’s here!
BAM! BOOKS!
BAM! “What’s this? A pony trying to read in MY library!? Not on my watch! Come random stranger Zecora dumped on my doorstep (literally)! Onwards to Rarity’s!” Said Twilight Sparkle, renowned nerd, geek, egghead, librarian, scholar, mage, bookworm, introvert (when the plot wants her to be anyway), and workaholic.
BAM! RARITY!
CUT OFF DIALOGUE WITH A JOKE (laugh dam it!) NEXT CHAPTER! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
That’s what it felt like when I was reading, to be fair it was incredibly enjoyable especially due to how well executed it felt (I can see how many errors there could have been, thank god I’m reading this when it’s already been rewritten), I particularly liked the bit with Spike.
Now I know that this is an old story, and that you’ve already rewritten it, but, I think it would be nice if you could just have an one extra sentence dedicated to describing what Silver sounds like in greater detail.
Because to me she well... uh, how to explain this... since she talks like a dude, was written by a dude (I’m assuming at least) and was originally a dude, she (say it with me now) sounds like a dude (to me at least), which feels... off (for obvious reasons of course) . Just one sentence describing her pitch/tone and this issue’s fixed.