The Worst of a Bad Situation

by NLRscout

Crusading with the Crusaders

"Cool? Not to complain, but shouldn't you be scared and run to go tell your parents or whatever? I mean I know I'm not huge or anything, but I pride myself in being somewhat scary and you guys are kind of shitting on it." I half pouted they all looked at me with confused looks. Appleflower or whatever her name was, stepped forward and looked like she was going to speak, but before she could, the orange chicken fluttered in front of her.

"What does 'shitting' mean?" Yeesh. I didn't really care to get into what swear words meant with what I figured was a child in their world so I just went with the universal, 'ask your parents'. She seemed sad for a moment but she shut up so I considered it a victory. However, it was short lived as Applejuice retook her position in front of the Pegasus and started talking.

"Mah sister said you weren't dangerous as far as she knew, but that I shouldn't harass you if I see ya. Far as I see it, I'm not harassing you right?" The oversized bow in her hair bounced adorably when she looked up at me with her question. With a face like that, who could be harassed? Not me.

"Of course not Applejam, I'm just a little surprised you aren't over reacting to me. And your white friend over there is sure quiet, is she okay?" I looked over Applejob's shoulder to look at the unicorn, who had been silent this who conversation. When she saw me look at her, her attention immediately went to something else. I thought it was suspicious but my thoughts were broken because of a certain adorable southern accented voice.

"Mah name isn't Applejam! Its Applebloom! And your right, Sweetie, why aren't you talking?" With everyone's attention on her she visibly flinched and her eyes darted from left to right.

"Rarity said he was an alien and he might be dangerous! She said we need to stay away from him and go get Twilight if we find him!!" She half squeaked, half screamed. Finally someone found me scary. I enternally gained back some of my manliness hearing someone shreak at the mention of me... maybe it wasn't a good thing to be happy about, but moral conundrums aside, I came back to the outside world. I heard her say something about them bringing me back to Twilight, which for some reason I didn't want to happen. So I did the best thing I could imagine to do with a panicking child. Distract them.

"I swear I'm not dangerous, and earlier I heard you girls saying something about a list? I might be able to help you with that, regardless of what it is." I quickly changed the topic from me being possibly dangerous to something they obviously had interest in and there eyes lit up like kids on Christmas morning. Heh, these kids are lucky I'm not actually dangerous, they were pretty easy to manipulate.

"Our list is about what our special talent is going to be!" Applebloom said, and Scootaloo buzzed to her side and said,

"Our destiny!" Then Sweetie ran to the opposite side of Applebloom.

"Our passion!" She yelled with enthusiasm. After that they made a three pony pyramid and at the same time they said,

"And we are... THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!!" They yelled the last part at near deafening levels and I had to cover my ears to protect them from irreparable damage. I liked their enthusiasm, it made it easy for me to see that this was a way to get them to trust me if I helped them. I just had one question,

"...The hell is a cutie mark?" When I said that, gone were the smiles and happiness on their faces, only confusion and surprise.

"You don't know what a cutie mark is?! Its what defines you as a pony!" Scootaloo said. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle just nodded furiously in agreement.

"So what you're telling me, is that, its just what your good at?" They again nodded, "So why don't you silly fillies just do what your good at? Simple as that." They all gave me exasperated looks and tried to explain that they didn't know what they were good at, hence why the list. I asked what did they like to do, they each had their own reply; Applebloom liked drafting and making stuff. Sweetie Belle enjoyed singing, and Scootaloo liked riding her scooter. I knew who was my favorite out of the group. "Well, why don't you just do that? Finding your talent isn't something to be rushed and it all comes in time. But being kids you don't understand that, so what's next on the list?" Their eyes glowed happiness when I offered to help, but I thought it would be something like, 'who can get highest on the swimgs' or some kid shit like that, not 'Cutie mark Crusaders Colorado-ers'. The only reason I knew what the was is because me and a couple friends back in high school went Colorado-ing in the mountains. Nobody got hurt but that was because there was 3 feet of snow and we were only in like, ten foot trees. Considering the lack of snow, I figured I was, 'going to have bad time' as a certain ski instructor would say.

Twenty broken trees, a broken tail bone, and countless bruises later, our crusading was finished. We all laid 'neath our last attempt.

"Well... I guess we ain't Cutie Mark Crusaders Colorado-ers neither." Applebloom said, still regaining her breath from falling twenty feet to her back with a tree chasing her. I looked at her and in the most polite voice I could muster said,

"No fucking shit..." and fell asleep.

Author's Note:

For those of you who are curious as to what Colorado-ing is, it is when you find the tallest tree you can in the middle of winter, climb to the top, and shake it until what you're hanging onto breaks and you fall. Its a quick way to a Darwin award and really dangerous, but damn is it fun!!

Comments

[damnaion]

hummmm