The Worst of a Bad Situation

by NLRscout

Enter Jay

Bushes, trees, and ground pass in a blur. Roars in the distance seem to echo everywhere around me as I run as hard as my lungs allow me.

"Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GO HOME AND JACK OFF!!!"

This probably sounds like quite the mess I'm in right? Well might as well go back to the beginning right?

It all started with me getting off of my job at McDonalds. It was a pretty regular night, no weird customers other than the three assholes who went coning INSIDE instead of doing it at the drive through, for those of you who don't know, coning is where you go anywhere they serve soft serve and when they give the ice cream to you, you pick it up by the actual ice cream and bite the cone. I'd like to find who invented that and dick punch him.

Anyways, as I was clocking out my boss said good bye as usual and I was on my merry way. I walked out into the parking lot and hopped aboard my 1995 vespa scooter. Driving down the highway was quite the experience. In that I mean it was terrifying, the first time I did it, I about shit myself. Self deffication aside, after a couple times, it wasn't bad. My fifteen minute ride to my humble abode, was going along swiftly as I remember it being every other time I've done it. Nothing out of the ordinary but faster than I realize, everything was black.

I assumed I had died and was experiencing an after death experience of some sort. I felt like I was floating for the longest time before everything came crashing down around me and I somehow found myself amidst the madness. The feeling of bone scraping on asphalt is not something easily forgotten. Unconsciousness helps though.

As I awoke from my unconsentual nap, I was not where I assumed I would be which were one of two places, the morgue, which wouldn't make sense because I was fairly certain I was alive. Or the hospital, which judging by the trees everywhere, was not the case either. As I took in the reality of the situation placed in front of me, I began to panic, naturally, this meant I couldn't think straight, which explains why I tried to stand up. I almost immediately fell back down on my ass with sharp pains shooting up my right leg. More specifically my calf. As I inspected the wound, I realized the severity of it. Almost half of the skin was either torn to hell, or gone. To put it in perspective just imagine hamburger. Yeah. That bad. The worst part was the blood, I can't deal with blood, even when its mine. I quickly take off the stupid tie they make me wear at McDonalds and tie it around the top of my calf, right below the knee. Slowing the blood flow to the point I might not die. I take a second look around and realize just how fucked I am.

I am literally in the middle of a damn forest, and if I remember correctly the closest forest to were I was is 150 miles south, so either I flew and landed smack dab in the middle or I got teleported here. I however was still panicking so I just figured when I was passed out, the person who hit me, put me in their trunk and drove me here and dropped me off to die and no one would have evidence of my death. In hindsight, I probably over thought that a little, I should have just thought I was dead, it would have been easier on my brain and sanity.

I sat there for a minute just screaming my head off, hoping for help. But of course sense my luck had just about shit the bed, instead of the sound I wished to hear, people, I heard some rustling noises in the bushes. I sat absolutely still with nary a sound coming out of my mouth. As the sounds got louder and louder, I became more and more scared. The rustling finally hit its peak and I got ready to meet my demise. But instead of a huge marauding apex predator, a cute fluffy bunny hopped out of the bush. Me about ready to shit myself breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Hey there little fella! I'm jay, and I promise I won't hurt you" I said as carefully and quietly as possible for reasons I don't understand. But for some reason the little bunny seemed more interested in a carrot he had found.

"Come here little guy! Oh you're so cute!" Not two seconds after I uttered that, did a huge lion with bat wings and a scorpion tail jump out the of the bushes and rip the bunny's head off with its mouth and eat it.

"HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSEVENTEENINCHDILDOBATMAN!!!" I screamed as my adrenaline kicked in and I took off like a bat out of hell. Ignoring the pains in my leg screaming at me to stop I ran with all my worth.

"I JUST WANTED TO GO HOME AND JACK OFF!!!"

And here we are. You now see the predicament I have been so unwillingly thrust into. Of all the fucked up things happening in my life, this took the cake. Running from some sort of abomanation I was positive only existed in fairy tales, I was bleeding to death, and I'm fairly certain my vespa is destroyed.

My main plan of action is to run in a random direction until I either died, or found something of interest like a house or ya know a hospital? After about two minutes of running I began to run out of breath, and my adrenaline began to fade. I was faced with the full force of the pain in my leg and it took every fiber in my being to not vomit and pass out, not necessarily in that order.

In what seemed like dumb luck I saw a house in the distance, I was kind of sketched out because the weekend before I had watched the cabin in the woods and I didn't want to be murdered. But the sounds behind me pushed me to take my chances. I finally reached the house and with the blood lose I tried to summon the most grace possible to knock on the door. By that I mean I ran straight up to the door and headbutted it furiously screaming for help before passing out from a mixture of fear, exhaustion, and head trauma from how hard I headbutted the door.

When I awoke, I was inside the house, which I assumed was a good thing after I checked my body to see if I still had my extremities, which I did. I looked around the house to see a surprising amount of animals around me and the house was actually in good shape, other than the kind of "natural" smell. I looked at my leg to see I had a bandage on it and it felt better. I heard someone talking in a sweet and soothing voice to someone named "angel", and from what I got from my eves dropping, he was a real dick bag.

"I know he's in your favorite spot but he's hurt Angel, so he can stay there for as long as he wants okay?" The sweet voice said. I heard nothing but a couple squeeks and gibbers in return and she gasped

"Angel!! Such language!" I had enough of the eavesdropping and hobbled into the room they were in with the intent to stop them from fighting but what I saw had me so shocked, I was speechless. All that were in the room was a butter colored small horse with a pink mane and butterflies on its ass and a small rabbit similar to the one I watched get eaten. Before I could say anything, the pony started talking and rushed over with a worried expression on its face.

"Oh my! You shouldn't be up and about with your leg like that, you need to rest and let it heal."

As soon as it talked I recognized the sweet voice as the one I had heard earlier and just stood there staring at her my mouth agape.

"You're a horse.... and you just talked..." I muttered out just loud enough for her to apparently hear.

"You can talk?!" She said as we both promptly fainted.

Comments

[damnaion]

lol yay