Octavia fought back the desire to let her face drop straight onto the table in front of her. Besides being unladylike, it would definitely make a spectacle of herself in the outdoor café. She wasn't entirely sure why she was here to begin with. The tea was far too expensive for everyday consumption, even more so now that she had to watch her spending. She had tried everything else within reason, though, and the expensive tea was her last resort. She was still extremely wound up from screaming at Scratch, and getting some cheap swill just wasn't going to cut it.
Coming here was still pushing her budget quite a bit, especially since she had screamed at Vinyl that she could keep her bits earlier. She heaved a long sigh, and stared at the tea balefully. She really should have been drinking it while it was hot, but every time she reached for it she found herself distracted by the events of her day. Disaster was the only word that seemed to fit. She should have demanded her pay, instead of walking out on the job completely. Without the bits from Vinyl, she might not be able to pay for the next month's rent, and that was before the tea.
Asking for the bits then leaving would have made too much sense, she admitted to herself with a sigh. She brooded on this for a moment longer, then finally picked up the tea cup in her hooves. Of course it was expecting far too much for her to make sense with anything she did these days. She finally tipped the cup back to her lips, and nearly retched as the tepid liquid rushed into her mouth. She fought back a cough, and put the cup back down with a clatter. She grumbled in disgust at the cold tea, and tossed the bits onto the table as she mentally berated herself for wasting so much time.
That was a decent chunk of bits gone, on top of the time wasted, and she didn't feel any better for it. If anything she felt worse. She was shaking slightly as if she had drank too much coffee, and was having a hard time standing still. She chalked it up to being consistent with the rest of the days events, and shouldered her double bass carefully. She sighed as she looked back at the wasted bits, then trudged her way back towards her apartment.
Octavia didn't really want to go back to her apartment, even if it was already later than when she normally headed home. The thought of walking into that horrible building was filling her with a keen sense of dread, especially when paired with the stark realization of being jobless. She was afraid that it was tantamount to walking into her own cell, and locking herself in. She didn't even know if she'd be able to find any decent work in time to save her. If she couldn't find even some small gig, she'd be forced into stooping to odd jobs just to pay rent. If that happened, it would be the end of her career.
The moment somepony saw her working any cleaning job, or any such menial labor, the Canterlot socialites would make sure she really never did get a job in music again. She sighed again, and trudged through the streets trying not to look at the buildings. She needed to start looking for auditions again, and that meant dealing with the sneers, and snarky comments. The insinuations to her character, asking if she was still playing foal's tunes. Worse than that, the ponies who flat out said no. The ponies who didn't even listen to a word she had to say, and rejected her on the spot were the hardest to deal with.
Octavia was made of tough stuff, she had to have thick skin in order to make it in the social scene of Canterlot. She could deal with ponies who said terrible things about her; she'd dealt with it in the past, and was still doing so now. It was just so difficult when they didn't even let you speak. If they insulted her, then at least they were talking. It was a hoof in the door, an opportunity to show them how professional she was, and maybe convince them to give her a chance.
She tried to push all these worries from her mind as she drew closer to her 'home.' For tonight, she really should just focus on getting some food, then a good rest. She was going to need it if she was going back on the job hunt again in the morning. There wasn't enough time to waste for her to take an entire day off, and she had already wasted most of a day after yelling at Scratch. She had been counting on the bits from Vinyl, if nothing else just to give her more time before she had to jump back into job hunting. She shook her head, and mentally berated herself for going back down that path again; she tried to keep her head clear as she resolutely began the slow climb to the tenth floor.
Octavia let out a loud groan, and rolled over as she tried to get rid of the dull pain in her back. This mattress was terrible, and caused her to have to shift positions every couple hours if she didn't wish to suffer such a fate. Her back wasn't hurting badly enough for that to be what caused her to wake up though. She wrinkled her face in confusion, and she tried to figure out the cause. Her eyes were stubbornly staying shut, but her ears perked up as she heard a series of loud, pounding, knocks on her door.
"Whoever the buck that is, they better have a damned good reason for waking me up at... four in the morning? Someone better be bucking dead," she swore darkly, and struggled to get her hooves out of bed and onto the floor.
She plodded along drowsily, with her eyes cracked just enough to see where she was going in the dark apartment. She pulled the door open suddenly without any warning, getting ready to give her best death stare to whoever it was. Her eyes slid slightly out of focus for a second, and her pupils dilated when she recognized which pony was standing in front of her. She had no issues contorting her face into an angry stare, and focused her eyes back onto the unicorn in front of her.
"What in the name of Celestia are you doing here, Scratch? Give me one reason to not slam this door in your face right now..." she warned under her breath with an intense tone of voice.
"Hey, I know now's not the best time, but I wanted to talk to you an-"
"IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING SCRATCH, GO HOME!" she yelled, and threw the door shut with a loud slam that echoed down the hallway. She turned, but didn't get more than two steps before the wretched pounding resumed once again. This time, standing so close to the door, the loud noise reverberated through her entire body; and triggered a massive throbbing headache. She muttered dark swears about everything vile and unholy, then turned around to wrench the door open again.
"Damn it Scratch, go away! Didn't you get the idea that I don't want to talk to you?"
"Do you have any idea how long it took me to find this shit hole? Plus it's not like I could sleep. Either way, I'm not leaving until I've told you what I have to say. So can I come in or what?" Vinyl stated stubbornly.
"Fine, but I'm not getting you a coffee or anything, make it quick."
"Sure sure, it's not like you'd have good taste in coffee anyways Octobutt."
"You're on thin ice already Scratch..." she said through a grumble, and she finally stepped aside to let Vinyl through. She threw the door closed with a loud slam, then strode past the unicorn to throw herself on the couch.
"Dear sweet Celestia, you actually live here?" Vinyl asked with her mouth, and eyes wide open. She glanced around the room in shock, and then back at Octavia. Though the mood was tense she had to suppress a chuckle at the sight of Vinyl obviously fighting the urge to cover her nose with a hoof.
"Yeah, nothing like home sweet home..." she answered bitterly, and made a point of taking a long theatrical sniff. "If you don't mind can we get around to the point here? So maybe I can, you know, try and actually go back to sleep?"
"Err... Right, here," Vinyl stated simply, and produced what looked like a pouch full of bits. She floated it to the pony on the couch.
"What exactly do you think you're doing Scratch?" Octavia asked incredulously, and stared at the proffered pouch.
"I'm paying you, that should be quite obvious."
"For what? If this is some kind of hush money, then you can get out of my bucking apartment."
"What? No, I don't care what you said before, you worked hard. Harder than most of the ponies I employ, you earned your pay so just bucking take it," Vinyl insisted as she thrust the bag closer with her magic. Octavia eyed the pouch for a moment, but only had a moment of internal conflict before she snapped.
"I thought I already made it clear to you Scratch, I don't want your dirty money. I may be in dire need, but not so dire that I need your bucking charity. I quit already, the job wasn't done yet, and you told me you didn't like wasting time. So why the sudden change of heart? I don't buy it."
"It's not charity!" Vinyl said loudly, and thrust the pouch at the earth pony who swatted it away with a hoof, making it fly back at her.
"Listen to me! When I hire a musician, I generally plan on them getting frustrated with me and quitting before we can finish everything I plan out. I always make sure to have more content than what we're going to get through, do you understand what I'm saying here? It doesn't take a lot of music samples to remix into one song. I have enough from Resonance to make a song easily, maybe even a second one if I get creative. From you I could easily make an entire album," she explained as she turned and picked the pouch back up in her magic.
"You already did more than I expected, so just take the damned bits Tavi!"she added emphatically as she floated it back towards the gray mare.
"So now you're insisting that you underpay me? You don't make any bucking sense Scratch, are you even sorry for what happened? I haven't heard a single shred of remorse from you yet."
"Of course I am, Tavi" she yelled suddenly ripping her sunglasses off, and threw the bag of bits onto the couch with her magic. The action caused other mare to flinch slightly, and hold a hoof up in front of her face before she realized where the pouch went.
"Didn't seem like it earlier," Octavia said bitterly, as she reached over for the pouch of bits. She considered it for a moment.
"Hello? There's something called shock Tavi. I was still in disbelief that it even happened, I was struggling to process what even went down. I couldn't believe that she had been hurt so badly, and worse yet that it was my fault... Then you come out of left field screaming at me at the top of your lungs, yelling about how I'm a terrible pony. I didn't know what to say, okay? Either way, I don't care if you bucking believe me, just take the damned bits!" she exclaimed, and stamped a hoof on the wooden floor.
"Being sorry that she got hurt isn't the same thing as being sorry for causing it Scratch!" she exclaimed angrily, and threw the pouch at Vinyl full force. Vinyl barely managed to move her head to the side, and it flew past to burst open on the opposite wall. There was a loud thud as the half full pouch fell to the floor, followed by the clinking of several coins around it.
"Just listen to me damn it! I'm not bucking sorry for yelling at her okay? But I am sorry that I pushed her too far, I never meant to do that. Normally I can push ponies, but stop short of causing anything bad to happen. I am sorry that I caused it by pushing her too far, but I refuse to apologize for yelling. It was for her own damned good."
"Her own good?" Octavia demanded incredulously. "Yeah she's certainly WAY better off now Scratch. In the hospital. With her leg in a cast!"
"Will you stop being a stubborn ass and just listen? Yelling at her was for her own good because it's something she needed. I took it too far, and for that I'm sorry. The musicians I work with leave as better musicians, and they are better ponies to deal with Canterlot as well."
"Better ponies? Are you even listening to yourself Scratch? She's in the bucking hospital, and will probably have serious issues with trust once this is all said and done. Sure they learn how to work under stress, and maybe they are slightly better musicians but they are not better ponies. If anything they're worse ponies, they become cynics. You force them to take on a grim view of life, their craft, and this city.. I fail to see any of "for their own good" here."
"Maybe they should have a grim view of this awful city! You ever think of that?" Vinyl screamed suddenly, and a single tear slowly left its mark down her left cheek. Octavia reeled slightly at the sight, and examined the other pony closely. She had her face screwed up, and her eyes scrunched shut as she yelled back. She stamped her hooves a few times before she continued.
"Listen to me, not everypony is as lucky as you are Tavi. They're better off not thinking that this city is all hunky dory, and this is where dreams are made. Everypony seems to think just because the princesses live here, that everypony is nice, kind, and wonderful. News flash! They're not! This is a wretched excuse for a city. Its full of ponies that will squabble, fight, and do anything just to get a single smile, or even a nod from a princess." Vinyl kept her eyes shut as she ranted angrily. Another tear trailed down her cheek, followed by another one from the other side of her face. Vinyl shook her head and wiped away the tears with a hoof in an attempt to compose herself before she continued.
"This city is a battleground, nopony here cares about anything but themselves, and their own personal status. Anypony who doesn't isn't anypony at all. Those ponies out there will use you, abuse you, then toss you into the garbage pile. Anything to improve their own personal standing. This town doesn't give a single shit about anypony besides the royalty, and themselves. You should realize this after the way the media abused you," Vinyl added angrily as she stepped closer, and pointed a hoof at Octavia.
"Like it or not, I teach them all of this. When they leave my studio they know to only look out for number one. Maybe they shed a few tears in order to realize it, but in the end if they find out they're better off by themselves then so be it. Not everypony is so bucking talented that they can go straight to the top like you did Tavi. The rest of us have to plod through all the shit this town has to dole out in order to get there."
Octavia sat there for a long time, her eyes open wide in shock as she stared at the suddenly vulnerable unicorn in front of her. This wasn't the type of outburst she expected from Vinyl at all; it struck her speechless as she struggled to try and say something, anything.
"Vinyl..."
"Look, I don't want to talk about it okay?" Vinyl said firmly, holding a hoof out to stop the concerned look spreading across the earth pony's face. "Shit happened, I learned from it and moved on. I learned that nice ponies really do finish last in this town. So I stopped being nice, I look out for myself now, and in doing so I teach the new ponies a valuable lesson. I'm not sorry for yelling at her Tavi, I stand by my methods; but don't even try to say that I'm not sorry for causing it. I pushed her too far, and I regret it. I'm truly sorry that my actions caused her to get hurt like that, and I can't bear the thought that it could have ruined her career..." Vinyl concluded sadly, and wiped the tears from her face with a hoof.
"Are you sure you're okay Vinyl?" Octavia asked with concern dripping from her voice, even as she was conflicted on how to feel about this development.
"Sunshine, and bucking roses. Anyways, that's not the point. Your money is there." She gestured a hoof over to the mess of coins behind her. "You bucking earned it, so stop trying to give it back. No matter what you do with those bits, stop by the studio again okay? We can figure out another job for you. If you don't want to work for me, then I can probably find you something. A talented mare like you does not deserve to be lost in the slums like this..."
"Vinyl, what hap-"
"NO!" she yelled loudly and stomped her hoof again through tears. "You don't know me well enough to ask me about what happened okay!? I've said my piece. You claimed you wanted to sleep earlier, so I'll leave you to it Tavi," she answered angrily, then pulled the door open with her magic. Octavia winced slightly as Vinyl stormed out angrily, and slammed the door behind her.
Octavia sat there for a long moment, thoughts of wanting to go to sleep lost in the confusion over what just happened. Her eyes kept flashing to the bits scattered across the floor, and she contemplated everything that occurred. Over the top of every other emotion inside of her annoyance kept finding its way to the front. Vinyl wasn't supposed to be a regular pony like everyone else. She wasn't supposed to be vulnerable and have weaknesses. It made it harder for Octavia to dislike her, and that more than anything was the reason why she found herself grating her teeth silently.
It had been so easy before; Vinyl was a monster, she could channel all of her hatred into the mental image of Vinyl Scratch. Now though, Vinyl had forced her to rethink things. Her mental image of a gigantic evil white unicorn was starting to crumble around the edges, distinct cracks were making their way up her thoughts as well. Forcing Octavia to have to reconsider Vinyl was the most annoying thing that she could have done.
The longer she sat there and thought about the interaction though, the angrier she became. Vinyl had literally just strode in, thrown money at her, and then expected forgiveness just like that. She had a hard time believing that even a pony such as Vinyl would believe that she could be bought like that. Octavia wasn't even sure if those tears were genuine now that she thought about it, she'd known many a pony to fake crying when it was convenient. Now she was so pissed off at her that there was no way that she was returning to sleep. What kind of terrible pony did that kind of thing anyway? She strode around her apartment trying to vent the anger, but all that happened was she got more worked up and the mental images of the evil overlord Scratch solidified once more.
Octavia very nearly gave up and just made herself breakfast, but she hesitated with her hoof mere inches from the cabinet door. That would be giving in, that would be allowing Vinyl's mind games to get to her, she realized suddenly. She shook her head wildly and stormed off towards the bedroom. She wasn't entirely sure if she would be able to actually return to sleep, but she'd be damned if she wasn't going to try.
And things begin to get complex! Another excellent chapter and I eagerly await the next
yeah update
I still side with Octavia. Giving in, or up, perpetuates the misery and cynical politicking that drives the system Vinyl claims to hate. Forcing ponies to accept what is not a logical absolute or a physical law (the only really absolute things aside from pure mathematics, which is itself merely representational of physical things) is tantamount to approval or even promotion of the system she claims to hate.
fantastic as usual
Well... That was surprising. Chapter 4 I mean. I was settling in for a slow pace slow burn kind of story but then chapter 4.
Talk about a change of pace.
Definitely good so far. Future chapters may have trouble re-balancing the relationship between Octavia and Vinyl but I'll judge that when the time comes.
But then again to you I'm just a random douche-bag on the internet with one crappy fanfic to their name. So anything I say should mean zilch to you.
aaaand.... TIME TO GET COMPLICATED
Wow another amazingly intense chapter! I love reading these, I never skim read them like I do other things
And being a sucker for traumatic back-stories, I can't wait to hear Vinyl's tale!
The shouting match was well done and your characterizations of them are really growing on me.
Celestia Damn it I want the next chapter now
(Take your time though obviously)
Mother of goodness...
why is this so awesome!?
So Vinyl is going the jerk with a heart of gold route instead of defrosting icequeen route in this story, not unexpected (few people make truly unlikeable protagonists, or even major supporting characters, unless they want them to be hated).
Loved vinyls rant btw, though love and training from hell combined in one torturous package.
Looking good so far, keep it up.
And another proof to why this story has rightly earned no dislikes.
I am happily looking forward to your next chapter. I like this character progression more than that of the other VinylxOctavia stories on this site. It feels like a much more real interaction. And with that said another love at first sight story would of made me yawn and walk away. This conflict makes it much more worth the time it probably took to create it.
This is probably the best octavia/vinyl story i've read so far; its a lot more in depth than most. Well done sir, well done.
"Shit happened, I learned from it and moved on. I learned that nice ponies really do finish last in this town. So I stopped being nice."
That's one of THE most powerful lines I have ever read. It speaks volumes about Vinyl's character and the wretched pony-eat-pony dark side of Canterlot...
434958 Vinyl is usually a defrosting ice queen? That's usually how Octavia's written in the fics I've read. I'm actually frequently dismayed, as Vinyl tends to get written as kind of a bimbo. I've liked a few fics where she's the typical crazy party animal, because they steer clear of making her seem unintelligent. In far too many though, she's shown as dumb-but-lovable, which I'm not really too keen on.
I agree though. While I was originally put off this story by how Vinyl acted at the start, I figured I'd keep going anyway. I'm glad I did. There's certainly a fair bit more depth to her character than in most OctxScratch stories, and it's interesting to see Octavia down in the dumps as well. I loved Allegrezza, sure, but sometimes it seems like most of the stories involving them try to follow the same plot, which makes them rather uninteresting.
Oh dear, (why don't we have a blushing Fluttershy emote?) that's a lot of really in depth comments.
I obviously can't comment on most of them so thanks it's nice to know the story so far is getting to you guys so much.
435953
I think one of the things about Allegrezza is that so many people liked it so much that it became their headcanon for the pairing. So a lot of the stories about the two follow the same kind of pattern because of it. This is what leads to so many of the octy goes to bar, sees scratch, love at first sight(or they get drunk and wake up together;) style of fics. It's one of the things that was really annoying me before I started writing this actually.
I went and searched for recent taviscratch stories on FIMF, there were something like 8, and in 7 of them they met in a bar. At that point it gets a little bit ridiculous.
435953
Not what i meant, i agree that it's usually Octavia who is goes for the "Defrosting Icequeen" route, while Vinyl does the "Jerk with the heart of gold" routine.
But before this chapter, i was wondering if this one was going to buck the tradition so to speak.
However, not saying this is cliche or ordinary, Vinyl seems to have upped the jerk factor in this one, while still keeping it within limits of not becomming hated, and Octavia seems to avoid the Icequeen routine completely.
Vinyls as a party animal (but smart one) is my usual favorite portrayal, but this one seems to have lot of promise, can't wait for more updates.
I was listening to a song that fit this perfectly as I was reading and cried. Heavy stuff.
436022 Yeah, that was the main reason I pushed through here even though at the start I thought I was going to seriously dislike your rendition of Vinyl. She's very quickly grown on me though. Another one I'm reading that seems to be taking a refreshingly different route is the University Days fic. Again, it's nice to see something other than more stories following their love-at-first-sight routine.
I've also taken to reading Lyra fics recently, since they seem to have some staggering variety. They're finally moving away from wants-hands-obsessed-with-humans. I've seen forgettable-cursed Lyra, mute Lyra, and shy-crushing-on-Twilight Lyra, just to name a few of the serious ones. It's kinda nice when stories are written either about characters that most people don't have headcannon for, or ones that defy the tradition. Sure, I find Applejack and Rainbow cute together, but if I'd lost a finger for every time someone wrote a story about RD losing her wings, staying with the Apples, and falling for AJ? I wouldn't be able to type this. Then there are ones that throw wrenches in the mix, and it makes them so much better.
I think what I'm trying to say while rambling here is that you're writing a fantastic story here. It's a refreshing plot, a new take on both characters, and is very well-written to boot. I've seen far too many stories with good plots and characters ruined because I can't immerse myself with all the mistakes made. You have no errors that I can recall, and since my computer died halfway through this sentence, I don't remember what I was saying.
Tl;dr: This rocks, keep it up.
438293
I can kind of see where you're coming from, but I'm not sure if I agree. It's not like suddenly her entire opinion of Vinyl has flopped, which is why I added that last paragraph. I wanted to make it clear that this wasn't a complete and total reversal of opinion here. A bit of the personality that she knew Vinyl to be has crumbled away sure. Just in a situation like that, seeing someone show emotional vulnerability when you think them to be a cold heartless bastard it can catch you by surprise.
I am going to be going over these chapters and cleaning them up a bit before I send them to EQD, so it's possible I might make Tavi's reaction slightly different. If anything I probably need to rewrite the last bit going over her emotions after the outburst to make the complex stew of what's going on more apparent.
438435
438435
I wound up reworking the ending a little bit anyways TT it was bothering me, cuz I think I could have tried to convey it better.
I love the more realistic take on the city of Canterlot, after all you can paint a turd gold but in the end it's still a turd, and the interations between Scratch and Tavi are surprisingly deep. what can this lead to I wonder?
meh... gotta be honest... i would Imagen that octa is an uptight over class type that is a bit ignorant of how the world really works but her personality in this story so far has been downright awful and really offsetting. a story with a main char that is to perfect and somehow always seem to know everything that is going on and is pretty flawless to the story is a boring kind of char and normally it is better for at story with having a char that goes from zero to hero (so to say) but here octa is really much just unpleasant and blaming vinly for someone falling down some stairs and get hurt could happen even if she was a bitch or not, so it seemed pretty stupid/ignorant of dropping the shit on vinly like the way she has done it and that (to me at least) makes her feel very immature and well... downright dumb.
442750
Thanks for the link, but it's not anything I'm not aware of. I used to write more seriously, but took a long break. Now I'm fighting through trying to correct bad habits, and trying to struggle with self editing which is difficult. I am slowly improving, but trying to get help with cleaning it up the last bit before I submit the first few chapters to EQD.
Okay, I'm simply going to point out every flaw I come across in this fic.
i1041.photobucket.com/albums/b412/jankahl/Random/oh-boy-here-we-go.jpg
Besides being unladylike, it would most definitely make a spectacle of herself in the outdoor café.
Sentence two. You should decide whether you want to write "most certainly", or "definitely". A mix-up sounds just awkward, and is commonly said by agitated sportsmen.
She had tried everything else within reason though, and the expensive tea was her last resort.
I personally dislike the idea of not putting a comma in front of though. It feels like it's something missing. I know that it's considered as modern style if you swallow the one in front of though, but still it seems odd. Aside that, I highly recommend that you stop using as much "thoughs" as you did in the previous chapters. I'd omit it simply by starting the sentence with "but" - "But she had tried everything else within reason, and [...]". If you think that using a "but" at the beginning of the sentence sounds odd as well, you could still use "however" at the beginning of the sentence. Or simply at the same spot as "though", but with a comma on each side, please. Still, try to omit the many "thoughs".
Coming here was still pushing her budget quite a bit; especially since she had screamed at Vinyl that she could keep her bits earlier in the day.
No semicolon needed here. No semicolon allowed here.
She should have demanded that Vinyl pay her, and then walked out on the job after that.
Sounds fairly odd.
Without the bits from Vinyl, she might not be able to pay for the next month's rent; and that was before the tea.
Once again, no semicolon needed, nor allowed. Both parts of the syntax separated by the semicolon have to be able to form a sentence on their own.
Asking for the bits, then leaving would have made too much sense though; she admitted to herself, and finally picked up the tea cup in her hooves.
Here's a second bracketing comma needed, right after "leaving". However, that's not relevant, as well as the "though". The thing that's bugging me is the semicolon, or rather the way you approached the sentence as a whole. You should formulate the part before the semicolon as a thought, written in italics, of course, and replace the semicolon itself with a comma.
That was a decent chunk of bits, and time wasted, and she didn't feel any better for it; if anything she felt worse.
Firstly, you mentioned just a line above that it was much time wasted. Secondly, the semicolon is still not successfully placed. Even if it had been, you should have placed a comma after anything. I recommend a full stop after "it", and the if-clause as a fully separate sentence.
Octavia didn't really want to go back to her apartment; even if it was already later than when she normally returned from recording.
I'm going to stop pointing out semicolon relevant mistakes now, since I think that you get the picture. I think that you're unconsciously using it as a caesura...
With the stark realization of being jobless, walking into that horrible building was filling her with a keen sense of dread.
I'm not going to explain it, I'm going to give you another version.
"Walking into that horrible building, while getting followed by the stark realization of being jobless, was filling her with a keen sense of dread.
Given the circumstances that your version was a run-on sentence, I swapped the clauses, and inserted the conjunction while, to get rid of it.
She was afraid that it was paramount to walking into her own cell, and locking herself in.
"Paramount" doesn't seem to be the right word here. Try equivalent or something else.
She was going to need it if she was going to back out on the job hunt again in the morning.
I think you forgot to add a "go" between "to" and "back out". This way it seems like you misspelled "backing out of smth.", which wouldn't make any sense even if it was written right.
"What the buck are you doing here Scratch? Give me one reason to not slam this door in your face right now..."
Comma needed between "here" and "Scratch"
"Do you have any idea how long it took me to find this shit hole? Plus it's not like I could sleep anyways. Either way I'm not leaving until I've told you what I have to say. So can I come in or what?"
Anyway ≅ Anyways
Anyways ≠Anyway
You're searching for anyway here. Aside that, you have to add a comma in front of "anyway", as well as after "Either way".
"I didn't know what to say okay?"
Comma needed in front of "okay".
That would be giving in, that would be allowing Vinyl's mind games to get to her she realized suddenly.
Second Bracketing Comma in front of "she realized suddenly" needed.
I'm quite positive that I didn't catch every mistake, I intentionally let slip about two or three, after all. There's much work to do before you send this off to EqD.
443447
Thank you
I've been trying to find someone to specifically do this kind of thing for a while now and failing. It is extremely helpful, thanks for taking the time to do it.
443485
Well, there are always "Writer-Groups" out there, as well as two or three groups solely for the purpose of providing authors with people willing to proofread. Beside that, the IRC is mostly a warm-hearted place, although with the circumstances that it got flooded by newbies lately... Hm, that's another topic for another time.
This is a fun story to follow, but it could really use an editing sweep.
326807 what is TCTAC?
549540
Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, a fic of epic proportions, size-wise, still unfinished, and looking very good. It's more about Vinyl and Octavia after they've done the "meeting and falling in love" bit and are now working on what comes after. Plus, pregnancy.
549693 Pregnancy?! But... Their both mares!
...I shall read this, soon.
550511
That's part of the fun.
By the way, I love your avatar. But I love canid types in Equestria. I think Diamond Dogs are tragically under-used.
551548 Thanks. I would agree, but it just seems that their personalities weren't really fleshed out enough to be used feasibly in a story.
I figure the best bet at getting canines into equestria would be to find a plausible way to invent some. =3
...Now that I think about it, I might have to find a way to work that in to my "ultimate project" (once I finally feel I have enough stories under my belt to write said project, that is.)
if that happened to me i wuld been like....
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(-_-)
o <---coin
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FREE MONY!!!!!!!!!HELLZ YEAH NIGGAZ!!!!!!!!!
static.typesupply.com/img/portfolio/lettering/more_main.png
please
... You sir have produced untold depth of which this site has rarely seen.
And you pretty much damn near blow mine out of the water.
And look, you even got a proper review. That's rare, but if you got one, it means that you are
indeed worthy to continue writing in the ways of the fabled.
I certainly intend to keep an eye on this story, you provoked more than
a few ideas for my own OctaScratch story. Hope you don't mind me yoinking your ideas.
Gotta use them while they are still fresh after all.
Bravo good sir. I only wish my abilities were up to par with your caliber.
deviantart.com/download/209876985/octavia_gif_by_mihaaaa-d3gye49.gif
574115
Somehow I missed this comment, anyway thanks. I should have another chapter out soon... I'm really sorry about the huge delay. Just happens sometimes I guess.
will there be more anytime soon?
657587
Yeah sorry about the delay, it's in the works.
this looks to be a pretty good story i cant wait to read more keep it up
I think there was too much swearing in this chapter. I mean, come on, Octavia doesn't swear, that would be stooping down to Vinyl's level.
Also, clearly Vinyl has never met Fancy Pants, because otherwise his opinion on rich and upper-class ponies would be completely different. I'm pretty sure Fancy Pants is an exact contradiction to everything that Vinyl said he hates about rich people. Fancy Pants is just such a good guy! In fact, I would bet a thousand bits that if Fancy Pants knew of Octavia's plight, he would fund her and offer her room and board while she got back onto her feet.
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
ha vinyl says she only looks out for herself if that were the case then she wouldn't even try to aclimate new ponies to canterlot standards
... Knew it... I mean, in a general sense, that is. *Keeps reading*
Mental rigidity in a protagonist is a delicious and underutilized concept. I noticed it before subtly, but you just took it to full measure, and I'm loving it
It had been so easy before; Vinyl was a monster, she could channel all of her hatred into the mental image of Vinyl Scratch.
I'm confused, now. Didn't Oliver already tell Tavi that Vinyl acts how she does to help ponies to become better musicians? The whole "they leave better than they arrived" conversation DID happen, right?
Reading Tavi's rant in the last chapter made me think she was just overreacting, but instead it's like she just completely disregarded what Oliver said.
Hmmmm. Interesting sequence, there. This certainly doesn't seem to be the typical shipfic. I'll give you that much.
I actually find myself siding with Vinyl, strange as it may seem.
She's obviously been through something that makes her act as she does, and Octavia just doesn't realise that.
I was already enjoying this story, but what I just read there...yikes.
I welcome our new evil Overlord
Hail Scratch
Then I wuz like, Octavia needs to stop looking for reasons to hate Vinyl.
My reaction to the end: Oh Sweet Celestia. Octavia. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE DAMN HATE-CLOUD, BUCK! Vinyl has OBVIOUSLY been through more shit than YOU HAVE SO BUCK YOUR DAMN PRIDE AND GET OVER IT, VINYL IS NOT EVIL.
Yup, gotta hate it, or love it, when stories get ya emotional.
Awesome story though