Well, you know my favourite parts already. I loved the whole thing, of course!

I guess Tom was...

*Sunglasses*

Rock hard!

YEAH!

...That actually raises really disturbing thoughts about why she called that big, hard rock Tom.

Excellent chapter! Hilarious, sweet and raunchy all at the same time.

And I love the character building you're engaging in, "fleshing" out Rarity and Fluttershy. The lingerie was an odd, but good touch. Given that both mares are quite delicate, it does make sense.

I'm going to assume said gift given was virginity of a sort. You break it, ya bought it kinda thing.

More, good sir! More!

epic! =D

1. So, ponies in lingerie is a thing. A surprisingly sexy thing.
2. I really liked how you wrote Fluttershy in this. Perfect mix of shy, loving and desperate to please.
3. “This is the best... possible... thing!” — This was a rather interesting mix of amusing and hot.
4. Curious to see what Rarity's guilt-tripping about. Well, I have suspicions, but with the quality of the writing so far I think you could make me like something even if it's a little cliché.

so hot.....well written too

So did Rarity get raped or something?

866173

Hm. They showed us Twi tackling AJ, roping down Fluttershy, everypony hauling off Pinkie, and tying up Dash. But all they showed of Rarity was that she was somewhere in her boutique, which insofar as we know consists of a downstairs studio and an upstairs bedroom, with Tom.

866666 Nothing quite as dramatic as that darling. There are many reasons a pony's heart can be wounded. Some of them self inflicted sadly. Have patience, all shall be revealed in time.

What happened to Rarity? Oh AJ, you mean well, but you done goofed.

I am getting overwhelmed by all of these feels man. The next chapter can only come soon enough if it is posted right....NOW.

:checks:

a.deviantart.net/avatars/o/k/okayfaceplz.png?1
866890
Would what happened to Rarity have any relation to Green?

867032 Green takes place several years after the events of the start of the show. Bechdel's takes place specifically up to the events of Look before you sleep. This Rarity has lead a different life from Green's Rarity. She'll be talking about that in the next chapter. They are related only in the sense that the same author "voiced" her.

Of course it can't end like that! AJ needs to share some good outdoor lovin stories.

867111
Aaaaah. Probably would have known that if I had read it. Its on my "list" though.

Hold on, I think I need to turn on the AC, or open a window. It's quite hot outside today, yes, outside...
I mean, the first two pictures, so cute/hot at the same time. All in all, this was a really sweet and sexy chapter. Looking forward to see what comes after.

No sign, solid black door... I see what you did there.

Oh, I see, Ariamaki had a hand in this.

868414 Just one of his many fans actually, although he did thank me for giving his shop an address

868448 we shall have to make it canon then.

That was an interesting chapter, although it was hard to gauge Fluttershy and Rarity's feelings. I mean first it's friendship, than admiration, to lust and finally love. In the story it wasn't clear when Fluttershy started to have romantic feelings for Rarity, during the flashback it seemed like she was only learning how to please a potential partner. And what's all this with Rarity not sharing Fluttershy's feelings? Is she afraid to fall in love because of too many failed relationships? I hope this is all cleared up in the next chapter.
Anyway, this was an enjoyable read, all of the pony's characterizations were good, although Rarity's was a bit off, but then again, the content in this story is much more mature than what's in the show and therefore calls for more mature personalities.
And Steel Resolve helped write this? Awesome! I love you man, Green is one of my favorite fanfics on this site!
Your writing skills are amazing Aurora, the words flow seamlessly and it didn't feel like 15,000 words at all. Also, I love the commissioned art! It's clear you put a lot of work into this chapter and it definitely deserves more views!

Okay, now I wanna see what happens next.

+ =

868536 You are correct, all your questions shall be addressed in the next chapter. As for Rarity... she is in character insofar as this is how the Rarity of Green would act if she had far more experience in relationships and sex in general. That's my consulting here, I pretty much wrote everything Rarity said and did.

Hmm...As much as I enjoyed this chapter, I have to say that it requires a fair amount of editing. I read through the chapter and noticed quite a few things that could use brushing up on, mainly lapsing into LUS (I think more frequently than last chapter). I'd go further into it, but being up 26 hours has made my eyes a little sloppy and made me impatient in general. With both your permission and Steel Resolve's, I'd like to go through this chapter with a fine-toothed comb and give any edits and/or suggestions for editing. I'll only go through with my proposition if both of you agree to it.

I usually dislike clopfics with Fluttershy; it's hard to write her convincingly in an intimate moment, I think. This chapter made the best attempt I've seen, though. I can absolutely see her talking to a sex toy as a coping mechanism.

You made the font change sizes! How did you do that?! I thought FimFiction wouldn't support that function!

I have to wonder why this fic is called "Bechdel's Law", since it's pretty much the opposite of that...

It looks like the amount of sexual adventures Twilight has been involved with has been...

*Sunglasses*

Sky high!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

"Purely out of Scientific Interest."

... I see what you did there.

Spectacular story! Bit ticked at AJ, but that is neither here nor there.

868536
Fluttershy's feelings are hard to fathom; she doesn't express them very well. I've tried to put subtle hints in, here and there, though. I believe most everything will be clarified in the next chapter.

Originally the whole Flarity saga was supposed to be one, long chapter - until it got so whopping big we had to split it up. So right now, you're not seeing the whole story yet.

869488
Any and all suggestions for improvement are, of course, more than welcome! Just get some sleep first, you silly. I've already made a few more minor corrections, myself, but that's mostly been formatting stuff.

869932
Thank you very much, that is a huge compliment! I tried very hard to stay true to her character, even in a scenario like this. I'm very glad to hear that someone thinks I pulled it off okay.

870287
FIMFiction supports more formatting options than are generally made available through the little button-based editors. You have to do it by hand, but you can use tags like [ size=12 ] to resize smaller sections of text (or [ color ] with HTML colors other than the default palette; even hex values like #818181 for example)

870682
Heheheh. I freaking loved that story.

You know AppleJack might have to something extremely low budget to tell her story. How can she compete with memory banks and mirror recordings!

871219
Hoof-puppets, maybe?

"No."

applause well done

869488 I have no problems with editing help, I am a big offender when it comes to LUS, I use it to compensate for a tendency to overuse the names which can get even more annoying.

870930
Aha, thank you! I'd tried it using [font] tags, but never just [size] alone. Thanks! (It's kind of an important functionality to have when you're writing Fluttershy...)

Off the wall guess: Sweetie Belle isn't Rarity's sister, she's her daughter.

871791
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/23112497.jpg

871240

YES.

871240 The only thing i will say is....

To quote, "IT'SSSS PROBING DAY!"

If you get the reference, you are awesome.

872935
Do I get the reference? Yes! Wait a minute... no.

I loved that show.

this is by far one of my favorite mature stories iv read. cant wait to read whats next!

870287

I was wondering about that, too, considering Chapter Two is Flarity, but methinks Chapter Three might explain a bit more, seeing as Aurora herself said that it had to be split up.

871446

Good to know that you at least acknowledge that you are a frequent user of LUS. I admit, I do use it myself to a degree, and when somebrony pointed it out and how it affects a story, I've actively tried to stop myself from using it. Although I agree that too much use of the name can get annoying, I find it seems to address the character better than the impersonality of LUS.

873047

Good to know I'm the only one that does this. When it comes to fics, I consider myself to be a Fleet Admiral in the FiM Shipping Armada. If the fic has a decently explained and/or well-written ship, then it's welcome in the fleet.

871219

Maybe Twilight can use a variation of the spell on Applejack, like what she did in "The Return of Harmony". Or somehow she asked Zecora for some powder they could throw in a fire and see visions of it in the smoke...or something else more far-fetched than what I've stated.

874218 The use of descriptors is not so much a problem, but it has to be handled carefully. The fact is if you see the same word in a grouping over and over it really looks redundant. LUS develops not from the use, but rather the overuse of the same descriptors. The polar opposite being just using the name every single time. I remember a fic for instance in which spike was repeatedly referred to as a Lythovore. It looked ridiculous. DH was recently talking about LUS, complaining to a EQD prereader that when he uses descriptors he is accused of LUS, and when he doesn't he is called repetitive! I was told a good trick is to come up with 7 different descriptors and vary the use throughout the paragraph, never having more than two of the same ones too close together. If you run a word count and find any one word accounts for more than 1% of your writing you likely need to use descriptors at least a little.

Lavender Unicorn Syndrome occurs when, instead of using a characters name or a pronoun, you repeatedly use other descriptors for them, such as "the baker," "the ninja," "the dragon."

Common in Fan Fictions, the term spawned from the Friendship is Magic /fic/ board where writers would refer to Twilight Sparkle as "lavender unicorn" rather than using her name to describe when she was doing something.
"As Twilight Sparkle walked into the room, the lavender unicorn lifted the book from her shelf with a wave of her horn."
That's Lavender Unicorn syndrome right there. We have pronouns for a reason, people.

To give a rebuttal however, we have this. "As Twilight Sparkle walked into the room, she lifted the book from her shelf with a wave of her horn. She sat down and began to read, but finally had to acknowledge that her eyes would not stop crossing. She was far too tired for this."

In this example we have an overuse of pronouns.

Now we have a third example, with a balance. "As Twilight Sparkle walked into the room, she lifted the book from her shelf with a wave of her horn. The exhausted unicorn sat down and began to read, but finally had to acknowledge that her eyes would not stop crossing. She was far too tired for this."

This one has about the right mix, not an overuse of names pronouns or descriptors. The hard part is achieving that balance.

872935 i thought the quote was "its probin time" if so then just tell em that paul sent you.

You really surprised me with that second chapter. Not in a bad way, mind you. Just bucked my expectations a bit. Nice.

874670 Thank you. Aurora will be thrilled as well.

874218
I guess the appropriate fleet rank for yours truly would be "Rear Admiral." Or maybe "Mess Officer"?

874670>>874852
Very pleased to hear that! Romance Reports and Like Fine Wine were both huge inspirations, as well as some of my favorite fics ever!

872095
Because look into your heart you know it to be true

875169

Lol @ Mess Officer. Rear Admiral might only work if I was exclusively into colt-cuddling ships, but I'm not. Fleet Admiral works just fine. :P

874309

Fair enough. I do see now that a proper balance is necessary. Thanks for clearing that up, and I'll try to keep everything in moderation in the future.

882429 Hey now, mares have rears too yanno.

882440

I stand corrected. Thank you.

883504 So you're saying no balance is ever possible because saying anything other than name or she is annoying. To me, that's incredibly annoying. You have a much stricter definition than I. I won't say you are wrong, but I do disagree with you.

Furthermore, for someone who finds it annoying... This is from one of your fics.

“Yer welcome. Now can we please stop with all the back an’ forth?” The earth pony shook her head and chuckled under her breath. “Ah’ll end up gettin’ dizzy if this goes on much longer.”

“As you wish,” Rarity said, taking another sip of wine. She sloshed the dark red liquid around in its glass before setting it down on the table again. The unicorn stole a quick glance at Applejack before pointedly looking off to the side at nothing. She looked back quickly, only to see the earth pony giving her an unamused look from her side of the booth. This process repeated itself twice more before Rarity finally spoke.

You clearly are trying to not be repetitive yourself.

883665 Well that is a more reasoned argument at least. So allow me to respond in kind. I believe you should in fact use character names and pronouns where ever possible. I agree with you that a vague descriptor is in fact annoying to read. That being said, in fanfiction it is commonplace to break paragraph for each speaker. It's a practice that is not used in mechanical fiction. As such, if you use the name once or twice per paragraph you get a strong connection to the character speaking and or being described. Then to avoid being needlessly repetitive you can use descriptors here and there to once again convey we speak of the fashionista known as Rarity without the reader getting mixed up about which she you are talking about. That is a balance. You are relying on no one thing overly.