What You Don't Know

by Flaming Pulsar

Chapter 21--The Running of the Leaves

Author's Note:

I was originally going to include the 'experiment' in this chapter but after seeing that I was at 4000 words by the end of the race, I figured I should find a stopping place. I guess that's what happens when most of the content is canon. I plan on writing the next chapter quickly so expect to see some booze making soon. Until then, enjoy life.

Also, if you feel like looking, there's a very small Gravity Falls reference. I recall there being one other reference to something else but I don't remember what it was. Oh well, enjoy.

Google Docs:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VFa0s2spWXOEdmtBBkBG3QUbc2GoPZZqqmCIGOhBoCI/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 21--The Running of the Leaves

It was nearing the technical end of summer--meaning September 23-- which meant that it was almost time to start our experiment. The Running of the Leaves was scheduled for the 23rd but I wanted to make sure everything was in order before we began. The day before the race, I went over to the farm to find Applejack.

When I got there, I found her and Rainbow Dash playing horseshoes. I idly watch as they finished.

Dash pitched her first shoe and got within a foot of the post. “Woo hoo!” she cheered.

“Hoo-wee! Not a bad pitch for a pony who works with her head in the clouds,” AJ said.

“Oh yeah! Think you can do better cowgirl?”

“I know I can!” She pitched her shoe and got not quite as close as Rainbow’s. “Oh for Pete’s sake!”

“Heh! Looks like the pegasus can pitch better than the workhorse. The object of the game is to get the closest to the stake.”

“Alright, alright. You got one more throw there, ponygirl.” AJ said, placing a horseshoe on Rainbow’s nose. Rainbow threw it a little too far and it hit a tree in the distance. “Wow, Rainbow! You couldn’t hit a barn door with that kind o’ throw!”

“Yeah, yeah. I still have the closest throw, Applesmack. Just try and beat it.”

AJ threw her last shoe. As it flew through the air, it took on a spin before landing on the stake and ringing around. “Yeehaw! It’s a ringer! That’s how you do it down here on the farm.”

“I lost.”

“Ah, don’t feel too bad Rainbow. It’s all in good fun.”

“I hate losing.”

I decided to step in at that point, tipping the cowboy hat from Appleoosa that I decided to keep. “Alright,” I said, “let the master show you how it’s done.” I collected all four horseshoes and went back to the pitching line. “Four ringers, that’s my call.”

“Four ringers, eh?” Rainbow said. “Care to place a bet on that?”

“I have no money to bet.”

“No, but I know something you have that I’d like.”

“And what might that be? All I have is a cell phone which is useless for anything except a paper weight, a charger for said cell phone which is useless because there are no outlets in Ponyland, an extension cord for times when the phone crager isn’t long enough which is useless for the same reason, a coin pouch filled with worthless money, a wallet filled with more worthless money and a bunch of cards that have been expired for 6 billion years, a disposable lighter that has about 93% fuel left, a multi tool pocket knife, a few pencils, a notepad, some paper that has notes on it that you probably wouldn’t understand, a dagger, a sharpening rock for said dagger, some wood carvings, some gloves which you can’t wear anyways, a crossbow which you can’t use, and a bunch of clothes. All conveniently kept in a magical bag of holding. What of that could you possibly want?”

“I don’t want any of that. I want your help with something.”

“And if I win, you have to help me with something.”

“Deal.” She spat on her hoof and held it out for a traditional spit shake. I did the same with my hand and we shook.

“Alright, let’s do this.” I then set forth to prepare my throws.

First, I checked the wind. Next I looked at the elevation differences. Then, I eyed the distance between myself and the multiple trees that were around as well as the distance between each of the trees. Finally, I saw four geese flying overhead. I quickly pulled out my crossbow and shot the geese. As they fell I threw a horseshoe at each. The shoes ringed around each bolt that was still stuck in the geese before flying off, bouncing on three trees and finally circling the stake as each of them rung around it. I turned to the ponies who were standing there with their mouths hanging open.

“There you go, four ringers and dinner.” They were still just staring. “So about that favor…”

“Alright, you won fair and square,” Dash said. “What do you want me to do?”

“Well, AJ and I are planning a bit of an experiment and we need a test subject. So, now that you owe me a favor, that’s how you’re gonna pay it off.”

“I dunno. That sounds a little dangerous.”

“I assure you it’s nothing that will hurt you. At least not long-term.”

“Fine. But if I get hurt, I’m getting my revenge.”

“Fair enough. What do you to have planned for the rest of the day?”

“Well, even though you’re obviously a better athlete than both of us--”

“Better athlete? You mean what I did with the horseshoes? That wasn’t athleticism, that was simple physics and geometry. All I did was calculate the distance between the each of the trees and myself. From that I determined the angle at which four falling geese with bolts in them would need to fall to have a shoe on each fly off, bounce on the trees and ring the stake. Then, all that was left was to time the throws at the falling geese and make sure I actually hit the geese with the crossbow. Simple as that.”

“Yeah, simple. Anyways, I was wanting to see who the better athlete between me and Applejack is.”

“An’ how d’you reckon we do that?” AJ asked.

“With an Iron Pony Competition,” Dash answered.

“A what?”

“A series of athletic feats to test our strength, speed, and other athletic attributes.”

“Sounds good. Whataya say this afternoon?”

“Are you sure that’ll be enough time for you to get ready?”

“I can be ready anytime.”

“Alright, we meet in the park at noon then.”

They spit-shook and left to get ready.

I went to the park around noon to watch the competition because I had nothing better to do. Apparently they had time to set up a scoreboard because there was one where there wasn’t one before. I saw the Rarity and Pinkie sitting in some bleachers that also weren’t there before. Fluttershy was apparently manning the scoreboard and Twilight was apparently the ref and Spike took on the role of announcer, using a stick as a microphone. I took my seat in the bleachers as the competition was about to begin.

The first event was a barrel weave. Rainbow won that because AJ nudged one of the barrels and got a 5 second penalty. Next was the strength test which is just like a strength test at a carnival except they kicked the target rather than hitting it with a hammer. Dash rung the bell but AJ shot the bell out of existence due to her years of applebucking. After that, there was the bronco buck in which they had to buck Spike off their backs. Rainbow won this. Then there was the lasso contest where they had to lasso and hogtie Spike. AJ won this though Dash tied herself up in a tree by accident and asked if it counted. It didn’t. Next, was the ball bouncing contest which Dash won due to her nearly-record-breaking streak. AJ won the hay bale toss. Dash got the arm wrestle--or hoof wrestle, I guess. AJ got the football kick because apparently football exists in Ponyland. Dash won the push up contest but only because she used her wings to give her one more--you’d think Twilight would call her out on that. After that, each event was won by Rainbow mainly because she used her wings. AJ accused her of cheating--rightfully so--and challenged her to race in the Running of the Leaves the next day.

The next day came which meant I didn’t die in my sleep. Twilight, Spike, Qene and I were headed to the Running of the Leaves race thingy. Spike wanted us to hurry so he could be the announcer again but that job had already been taken by Pinkie. She let him be her co-reporter, though, and they gave some very interesting announcing. And of course Twilight decided she had to surprise everyone and signed up for the race.

“Fillies and gentlecolts,” Pinkie announced, “welcome to the annual Running of the Leaves! This is Pinkie Pie, your official p-eye-in-the-sky announcer here with my fellow announcer Spike.”

“Glad to be here, Pinkie,” Spike said.

“As everypony knows, the Running is a very important tradition for without it, the autumn leaves of Equestria would never fall.” Yes they would. “So get ready ponies, the Running of the Leaves will begin in five minutes.”

The racers took their places at the starting line. Pinkie and Spike were using Twilight’s hot air balloon so they could report form the sky. Luckily for me that meant that Qene and I could watch the race from the platform Twilight had installed beneath the basket. We flew up there and took our perch as the race was about to begin.

“Alright ponies, are you ready?” Pinkie announced.

“Get set,” Spike said.

A bell rang signalling the start of the race. “And they’re off! Welcome to the official coverage of the Running of the leaves! You know, Spike, despite its name, the leaves don’t do any of the running. No, that’s left to my little ponies.”

“Why, yes, Pinkie, it’s the running of the ponies that causes the leaves to fall.” No it isn’t. I’ve often wanted to just get up on my soapbox and tell all the ponies what’s wrong with some of their beliefs. But I figure that would cause a rather major paradigm shift. One step at a time.

“Ugh, those lazy, lazy leaves. But this year, the run is about more than the weather. It’s about the race to the finish and the two ponies who want to win it: Applejack and Rainbow Dash.”

“You know, Pinkie, these two ponies have a bit of a grudge match they’re trying to settle. Trying to prove who’s the most athletic.”

“Yes, and grudge rhymes with fudge.”

“Yes, it...does. What?”

“And I like fudge! But if I eat too much fudge, I get a pudge and then I can’t budge without a nudge from a drudge.”

“So...no fudge?”

“Oh, no thanks. I had a big breakfast.”

“Hey Spike, I’d like some fudge,” I called up to him.

“Síor, I don’t actually have any fudge,” he called back.

“Well, then why are you offering some?”

“I wasn’t...whatever. Let’s get back to the race.”

“Checking in with our two competitive ponies, Applejack and Rainbow Dash,” Pinkie said. “Having come fast out of the gate, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are evenly matched running neck and neck. But what’s this? Applejack is making a move, she’s now ahead by a nose. But rainbow Dash won’t let Applejack take the lead. She’s ahead by half a nose. Or maybe three quarters of a nose. No, about 63.7% of a nose.”

“Actually, I think it’s closer to 63.14159265%. Roughly speaking of course,” I said.

“Applejack sees this move and pushes forth with her strong workhorse legs slinking ahead by 350 noses!”

“Ho-hold your horses, Pinkie! Rainbow Dash is catching up to the front runner Applejack!” Spike said.

“What an upset. I thought Applejack had this in the bag.”

“Oh, that’s gonna be costly. Applejack just tripped over a rock! She’s now at the back of the pack.”

“Yes, Spike, but she’s working hard to catch back up.”

“And I don’t believe it. After that huge setback, Applejack is back at the front of the pack fighting Rainbow Dash once again for the lead.”

“She’s the head of the pack alright. The pick of the litter! The cat’s pajamas! Oh wait, why would Applejack take some poor kitty’s PJs? That’s not very sporting of her.”

“Maybe the cat was being mean so she took it’s pajamas to even the score,” I suggested.

“But Applejack knows that two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“But three rights make a left.”

“Ok,” Spike said. “Let’s get back to the race.”

“And what a race it is! Applejack and Rainbow are still neck and neck. But wait! Oh no! Rainbow Dash tripped on a stump. She takes a hard fall but she gets back up, not ready to quit yet.”

“This year’s Running of the Leaves is brought to you by the season autumn. Everything dies so it can come back in the spring.”

“And by the number snyeven. It’s a seven with a little squiggly above it.”

“I don’t think that’s a real number, Pinkie.”

“The world may never know!”

“Anywho, I think this commercial break has lasted long enough.”

“Right you are, Spike. Welcome back Ponyvillians, it’s me Pinkie Pie.

“And Spike. Looks like Rainbow Dash is doing her best to catch up.”

“I’m not sure how ketchup is going to help her in this contest. Now, in a hot dog eating contest it can make those veggie dogs nice and slippery, but personally, I prefer mustard. How about you, Síor?”

“I prefer bratwursts,” I said. “Spike?”

“Uh...I...like...pickles?” Spike said, hesitantly.

“Aaand it looks like Applejack has found herself in quite a pickle as Rainbow Dash overtakes her,” Pinkie said.

“As the racers enter Equestria’s Whitetail Woods, Rainbow Dash is back in the lead.”

“The racers have to be careful going through these woods. There’s lots and lots of low branches that they could run into.”

“Ooh, that’s gotta hurt! Applejack has just been hit by a branch after Rainbow Dash pulled it out of the way.”

“I don’t know about you Spike, but I think Rainbow Dash might have done that on purpose.”

“That may be so, but Applejack is using that tree branch to her advantage as she slingshots herself to the front.”

“As the racers work their way through the woods, the signs will point them where they need to go. But what’s this? Applejack is nowhere to be found. As the rest of the racers follow the signs, Rainbow Dash stops for a rest while the other ponies pass her. She soon notices this and takes off again to regain her lead.”

“Applejack has been spotted atop a cliff.”

“Applejack, what are you doing up here?”

“There aren’t even any trees.”

“Well, no but the sign pointed this way...Rainbow. Mind givin’ me a lift?” AJ asked.

We lowered a rope for her and brought her back to the front. Rainbow wasn’t very happy about this, though.

“I must say, Spike,” Pinkie said, “this has been the most interesting Running of the Leaves in Equestria History!” How would she know? Equestria’s history has been covered up so much that no one even knows any part of the truth.

“With the most interesting announcing,” Spike added.

“But it’s not the running that’s been fascinating. It’s the lack of running!”

“Right you are, Pinkie. Applejack and Rainbow Dash are so caught up in finding new ways to get the lead that they haven’t even noticed that all the other racers have passed them.”

“That may be so, but now they’re just trying to beat each other. And once again they’re neck and neck, jockeying for position. Applejack inches ahead, now it’s Rainbow Dash, it’s Applejack, it’s Rainbow Dash, it’s Applejack--”

Rainbow bumped AJ. “Oh no, she di’int,” Spike said.

AJ bumped back. “Oh yes, she di’id,” Pinkie said.

They continued bumping each other as they approached the finish line. Rainbow pulled AJ’s tail to pull her back. AJ tried to repeat this but instead grabbed the ropes tying down Rainbow’s wings. Rainbow took this chance to use her wings but AJ wasn’t going to allow that so she tackled her to the ground and they fought their way to the finish line, each claiming to have won until we landed next to them and Spike said, “You tied!”

“Tied?” they asked together.

“For first?” AJ asked.

“For last!” Pinkie said.

“Last?!” they asked together again.

“Then who won?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight walked over to them bearing a medal around her neck. “You?!” Dash and AJ asked, directed towards Twilight.

“Oh, no,” Twilight said. “But I did get fifth place, which is pretty good considering I’ve never run a race before.”

“What?” AJ asked. “How’s that even possible?”

“You ran so slow, and looked at the scenery,” Dash added.

“Exactly,” Twilight explained. “I paced myself, just like my book said. Then at the end, when all the other ponies were worn out, I sprinted to the finish.”

“I don’t believe it,” Dash said. “Twilight beat us.”

“Well, with all your horsing around, it was quite easy,” Twilight said.

“You’re right, Twilight,” AJ admitted. “Our behavior was just terrible.”

“We weren’t very good sports,” Rainbow added.

“Sounds to me that an important lesson was learned,” Celestia said as she walked up to us.

“Princess Celestia?!” Dash and AJ said together as they bowed.

“Hey Cellie, what brings you ‘round here?” I asked.

“Fall is one of my favorite seasons, so I came to celebrate the Running of the Leaves,” she explained.

One of? There’s only four seasons and you have multiple favorites? And besides, the Running of the Leaves is just a scam anyways, the leaves fall on their own.

“It’s still a wonderful tradition. And you know I can’t let the ponies think that anything works without the work of either myself, Luna or them,” Celestia’s voice said inside my head.

I suppose that’s true. Wait, how are you able to communicate with me through my head?

“When I teleported you to get your trace, it also allowed a telepathic link to form. It only works at close range though.”

Huh, good to know, I guess. But your intrusion into my brain reminded me that there was a voice in my head that I needed to look into.

“Maybe it’s your conscience. You should try listening.”

Haha, very funny. Now get the fuck out of my head bitch.

She glared at me but consented to stop reading my thoughts.

“I'm sorry you had to see us being such poor sport, Princess,” AJ said.

“That's all right, Applejack. Anypony can get swept up in the excitement of competition,” Celestia said.

“It's important to remember that the friendship is always more important than the competition,” Twilight added

“Exactly, Twilight. Now, unfortunately, because the two of you were busy tricking each other instead of shaking down leaves, many of the lovely trees of Equestria are still covered.”

“Why, Princess, I bet we can knock those leaves down for you lickety-split,” AJ said. “Whaddya say, friend? Wanna go for another run?”

“I'd love to stretch my legs,” Dash said.

The two of them ran through the woods again while I chatted with Celestia. “So, Síor,” she said, “I hear you made a new friend during your recent trip to Appleoosa. I believe her name was Pyra.”

“How’d you know about that?” I asked

“You should know by now that Twilight tells me almost everything.”

When she mentioned Twilight, I realized that she wasn’t there anymore and I assumed she had gone back home. “I suppose that’s true. So what of it?”

“Well, it’s just that I don’t have anypony with that name in my census records. Where did you say she was from?”

“She doesn’t talk much about her past. She used to be a servant to some queen but that’s all I know.”

“I see. Twilight also mentioned that Pyra is what you might call sexually liberal.”

“You mean about her being a slut? Yeah I already talked to her about that. As long as she doesn’t sleep with anyone that’s married or in a relationship then I’ve given her free range.”

“I see. But you know this is my country so if anypony will make the rules about what somepony can and can’t do, it will be me. The guidelines you set are fine, just so long as she isn’t terrorizing my citizens.”

“What’s with all this ‘my’ business? I thought you were sharing the throne with Luna again.”

“That is true. I haven’t gotten used to having another ruler. It’s been 1000 years since Luna was my coruler so it will take some time.”

“Just remember, you’re not the only one that matters anymore. Hey, random question: now that you are no longer the sole ruler of the land, have you ever thought of starting a family?”

“What are you implying Síor?”

“Not with me, I’m already dating Fluttershy.”

“How is that going, by the way? Twilight says you make a nice couple.”

“Well, with everything that’s been going on since we started dating, I haven’t had a lot of time alone with her but we try to meet every so often to have tea and talk. We’ve gone out for dinner a couple times as well. Of course, I have to borrow money from Twilight because my money is worthless.”

“That’s right, you don’t have any Equestrian money. Have you tried looking for a job?”

“Well, it seems that all the jobs are determined by the pony’s cutie mark, which I don’t have. And at any rate, none of the skills I have would be useful. I’m a theoretical physicist and in a world that runs without electricity, it makes it hard to physically theorize anything.”

“I have no idea what a theoretical physicist is. Or electricity, for that matter.”

“My point exactly. I have no way of earning money with the skill set I have.”

“Well, you could always work for me. I always have something that needs to be done.”

“I’m sure. No offense, but I’d rather not work in Canterlot. The people there are too stuck up and rude.”

“I actually agree with you on that. I guess that’s what happens when they live in the rich capital city. Well, if you don’t want to work in Canterlot, I could always have you doing things here in Ponyville.”

“What kinds of things would I be doing?”

“Well, I could have you patrol the streets as a guard.”

“Don’t I have to be knighted for that?”

“Traditionally, yes. But I hear that my First Lieutenant Fancypants had informed you that I was looking to knight you.”

“That’s true, he did tell me that. He also said that Luna wanted to knight me.”

“So the rivalry begins already. I suppose you’d have to make a choice between the two of us.”

“Yeah, first I need to actually meet Luna. And besides, I wasn’t planning on making that decision until after the Meridian Party.”

“That’s not great timing. My niece is planning on getting married that spring.”

“Ah, a royal wedding. I can see how that can complicate things. Well, maybe I could be knighted after the party but before the wedding.”

“That’s possible. I’ll have to see if she would be willing to push the date back to June. The party is scheduled for May and she wanted to have the wedding right after but we could work some things out to make room for your knighting.”

“Now I just have to decide who I want to pledge to. Is not becoming a knight an option?”

“Sorry, but the only way I can employ you is if you become a knight. Unless, of course, you want to go back to finding your own job?” Now that’s just trolly, fucking Trollestia.

“Fine, give me a few months and I’ll try to decide by then.”

“Fair enough. It looks like Applejack and Rainbow Dash are done. You looked like you wanted to talk to them so I’ll leave you be.”

“Alright Cellie. TTYL.”

“What?”

“Talk to you later.” She left and I was able to talk to AJ and Dash. “So, AJ, Rainbow, let’s talk about our little experiment."

Comments

[SPACENUGETZ44765]

The part where he was talking about all the horseshoes technical shizwaz, I was all like; physicist. Applied or theoretical.

Totaly called it.

[Flaming Pulsar]

4065686
I guess in a way he kind of portrays both sides of the coin. By profession, he is a theoretical physicist but he practices applied physics as necessary. This is mainly based on myself at the time when I started writing this in the same sense. I wanted to be a theoretical physicist but I also saw the practical uses of applied physics so Síor is like: I choose both! 'Murica!!