What You Don't Know

by Flaming Pulsar

Chapter 23--The Owl

Author's Note:

Because reasons, I will still be writing new chapters but they will come out when I get them done, not specifically on a set schedule. That is all for now. Go forth and live life.

Google Docs:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/119pzohwjZaIQ8QbIcqXjWfFIbi7_dfrEZOcJvNd925M/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 23--The Owl

As I returned home from my celebration with Applejack and the applejack--which I gave her permission to produce and sell as she so desires as long as she doesn’t blame me if she gets caught--I noticed the flickering of candlelight from under the door to the study. I assumed Twilight was being a dumbfuck and left the candle burning in a library carved out of a tree from when she was writing her report on the meteor shower that happened earlier that night so I went in to blow it out.

When I walked into the study, I saw an owl quickly and very conspicuously returning to it’s perch on a coat rack. Of course, I assumed what anyone with common sense would assume: this owl was up to something.

I tried talking to it since most creatures are at least sentient. “Who are you and what were you just doing?”

“Hoo,” it responded.

“Yes, that’s what I asked, who are you?” I asked again before I realized that I had just fallen for the oldest owl joke ever. “Alright, so you can’t talk. Write it down then.”

He hopped down the the writing desk and found a blank piece of parchment. Then, using one of his own feathers as a quill, he began writing. When he finished, I read the note which was written in surprisingly good handwriting for an owl. It read: ‘Hello sir. I apologize if my presence alarmed you. I have come from a far away land in search of a place I could call home. I saw a piece of parchment fly out this window and caught it to return it to its owner. The owner was one Twilight Sparkle who, upon realizing how cold it was tonight, allowed me to stay as her pet. She has given me the name of Owlowiscious. Before you walked in, I was writing a letter to a friend recounting my journey. Now that you know my story, would you be so kind as to tell me who--and for that matter, what--you are?’

“Owlowiscious? I guess that’s what you get when all the names in this place are fucktarded. You asked who and what I am, so I’ll tell you. My name is Síor and I am a human. The last human actually. So, tell me, who is this ‘friend’ you were writing to and what ‘far away land’ do you come from?”

He wrote another note. ‘His name is Riddocs. He lives in the land I come from known as Chertchi Oatmeal.’

“Those are both obvious lies though I’m not sure how you came up with such creative names. In any case, I’m too drunk and tired to really care so I’ll let you carry on with your business for now. But I’ll be keeping an eye on you. Blow out the candle when you’re done.” I went back to my room and collapsed on the bed without a second thought. Unfortunately, I should have thought because there was a certain changeling spooning a certain brown stallion with an hourglass cutie mark. When I felt the lumpiness of people being in my bed, I immediately got up and kicked them awake. “Get up and get the fuck out of my bed. And I mean that in a literal sense, too.”

“Oh, uh, hey Síor,” The Doctor said. “Sorry about this. The floor is a little uncomfortable and Qene is rather protective of his hay stack. Don’t worry though. I’ll have your bed cleaned and ready for you to sleep in faster than you can say Raxacoricofallapatorius.” He and Mim quickly set to work making my bed sleepable again.

“Good. And I want to hear a full explanation of this in the morning after I’ve slept and when I’m sober.”

“How were you even able to get drunk, I thought alcohol was banned in Equestria?” Mim asked.

“It is. That doesn’t mean I can’t make it.” The Doctor had come back in with fresh sheets after taking the dirty ones out. “Now Doctor, go back to your TARDIS and Mim, go sleep outside, you’ve lost the right to sleep inside.”

“But, it’s raining,” she stated.

I looked out my window to see that it had started pouring in the time that I had come in. “So it is. But I don’t really care. Outside. Now.” They both left and I was finally able to get some much needed sleep.

The next day--which was technically still the same day since I had come home around 2 in the morning--I woke up around 2 in the afternoon because sleep. Twilight had come in at this time and noticed that I was still in my bed.

“Wake up sleepyhead, it’s 2 in the afternoon,” she said. She then did the one thing that one should never do to a hungover guy, she pulled the curtains to let in the sunshine. “It’s a beautiful day and I’m not going to let you sleep it away.”

“Somebody turn down the sun,” I mumble into my pillow. “And fuck off, Twi. I have a major hangover right now.”

“What’s a hangover?”

“Nothing, you’ll find out eventually. I’ll get up but only if you make me lunch.”

“Ugh, fine what do you want?”

“How about two double hedgehog bacon cheese squirrel burgers with a side of huckleberry-drizzled pheasant.”

“I know you just went hunting but if you keep eating like this you’ll be out of meat again by the end of the week.”

“Yeah, I don’t really give a fuck. Go make my food woman.” She left, allowing me to sleep until the smell of bacon woke me up. I got up and went downstairs to see the owl making my lunch. “The fuck is he doing cooking my lunch?” I asked.

“Oh, good, you’re up,” Twilight said. “Síor, this is Owlowiscious.”

“Yeah, we’ve met,” I said glaring at the bird. “And I don’t trust him to do anything out of my site, especially if that thing is making me food. So tell me bird,” at this point a had walked up to the owl and got right up in his face as I stared him down, “what did you do to the meat?”

“Síor, Owlowiscious didn’t do anything to your food. He’s my new junior assistant to help me when Spike is asleep,” Twilight said. “And while I’m gone, he’s in charge.”

“What?! Why would you leave such a secretive creature in charge of your favorite human?”

“First of all, you’re the only human I know so there’s no point choosing favorites. Secondly, I don’t trust you to be in charge of my library and Spike is still asleep. And third, what do you mean ‘secretive?’”

“I found this owl writing a letter to someone last night. When I asked for the name of the recipient, he gave me a name that was clearly false.”

“And what was the name he gave you?”

“I don’t remember. I was too drunk. But he told me by way of writing it down so it should be on a piece of parchment in the study.”

“Well, that’s helpful. There are countless parchments in the study, how do you expect to find the right one?”

“Because I left it right on the desk.” I went into the study to get the parchment but it wasn’t there. I looked around the desk and in every nook and cranny but it was gone. “I don’t get it. It was right here.”

“Síor, unless you can provide me with physical proof that Owlowiscious is up to something, I’m gonna go.” She left and I made no effort to stop her.

I went back to the kitchen to assault the owl. “Oh you’re clever. Hiding your tracks so your new ‘owner’ doesn’t get suspicious. Well, I’m on to you bird and if you think for a second that you can get away with your sneaky acts then you're wrong. I got eyes like a hawk--which are technically not as good as an owl’s eyes, but you get the idea.”

“Hoo,” he said presumedly in understanding.

I glared at him until he finished making my food. When he was done, I took a bite. “Not bad owl, but I still got my eye on you.”

As I finished my first burger, Spike came stumbling down the stairs. “What smells so good?” he asked.

“Double hedgehog bacon cheese squirrel burgers with a side of huckleberry-drizzled pheasant” I answered.

“You mean meat?”

“Yes, when you eat a dead animal, it’s called meat.”

“I’ve never had meat before, do you think I can try some?”

“Wait, what? You’ve never had meat before? You’re a fucking dragon, how can you never have had meat before?”

“Twilight never buys meat because nopony she knows eats it. The first time I even saw meat was when you went hunting.”

“Ok we need to fix this. Yo cook, get spike here a burger.” The owl complied. “Normally I would give someone a steak to introduce them to meat but all the animals that I would normally make into steaks are sentient and I don’t kill sentient creatures.” Spike waited for his burger as I finished my second one and my pheasant.

As he bit into the burger he said, “Oh my gosh, this is amazing. It’s almost as good as diamonds!”

“Yeah that’s meat for ya. If you want, I’ll even take you hunting some time, if Twilight will allow it of course. Although, that means I’ll have to get you a weapon. Unless you feel comfortable with using your claws and teeth to kill something?”

“Eh, not really.”

“Alright, a weapon it is then.”

“Hey, what’s with the owl?”

“Oh yeah. This is Owlowiscious, Twilight’s new junior assistant but I suspect him as something else.”

“Junior assistant? What do we need a junior assistant for?”

“For days like this where you sleep until 2:30 in the afternoon.”

“Fair point but I still don’t like it.”

“I think you’re just jealous.”

“Yeah, sure. So what’s this suspicion you had?”

“Last night I came home to find the owl in the study writing a letter to someone he would not give the real name of. When I asked him what he was doing, he wrote an explanation down on a piece of parchment including the fake name that he had come up with. I tried to show Twilight but when I went to get the note, it was gone, clearly showing that the owl is trying to hide his tracks.”

“Hmm, sounds fishy.” We both glared at Owlowiscious to see him looking obviously nervous.

“But Twilight won’t believe me without physical evidence.”

“Well, I believe you.”

“Thanks for you’re support of my suspicions. If you need me, I have to go talk to Mim.”

“Who’s Mim?”

“You know, the ch--er I meant Pyra, my mind isn’t working well yet.” That was close. I have to be more careful with that kind of sensitive information. Especially with someone so close to Celestia.

“Ok. Thanks for showing me how good meat tastes.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” My mind was already focused on the conversation ahead. I had no idea where Pyra would be at this time of the day so I went to find The Doctor first. As usual he was in the TARDIS, which I don’t think I’ve mentioned is hidden behind Sugarcube Corner. “Doctor, come.”

“Síor, I can explain--” he started.

“You can explain when I tell you to. For now, just come.”

“That’s another thing. You see I’ve had to be careful about how often I leave the TARDIS because ponies have noticed a certain human who keeps coming behind Sugarcube Corner for long periods of time. You’ve brought on suspicion.”

“Sounds like a personal problem. You’ll either come willingly or I will drag you out by your second heart.” That compelled him enough to follow. “Now then, where does your accomplice usually go around this time?”

“Accomplice is a little harsh, don’t you think? What we did wasn’t criminal.”

“No, but it was pretty fucking close. Do you realise how dangerous any relation with changelings is when they are at the brink of war with Equestria? Especially with the amount of suspicion that you have already brought upon yourself.”

“Brink of war? But I thought changelings and ponies lived in peace.”

“Clearly you missed something in the past millenium because that’s not the case. Celestia refused an alliance on more than one occasion and this led to the building of tension between the races. I’m sure there’s more to it than that but that’s the most I got.”

“I see. I wasn’t aware of this. Mim--”

“It’s Pyra when she’s in disguise.”

“Ok, Pyra typically goes to the park to take a nap around this time.”

We went to the park and passed Rainbow Dash who was also napping in a tree. We found Pyra high in a tree suspended by her own legs transformed to be a hammock. “Pyra!” I yelled up at her. It was enough to startle her out of her slumber and she lost hold of the tree and fell. “Before I start reprimanding you, might I compliment you on your body hammock. Are there no limits to your transforming abilities?” We began walking as I led them out of the park.

“Actually there are,” she said. “Color variance is difficult; only the most highly trained intelligentsia are able to change their colors, the rest of the changelings are stuck with whatever colors we choose the first time we ever transform. Most first-timers choose a form that has multiple body parts so that when they transform into a creature with all those parts they will be able to color each part differently. For example, my first time, I transformed into a young dragon. Midnight blue scales, sky blue belly, yellow and orange spines, green eyes, and red violet claws. Now whenever I transform, I will always have those same colors unless the creature I transform into does not have a certain differentiation in the colors. Additionally, there are size limits. No changeling can be bigger than a full-grown dragon or smaller than a parasprite.”

“Huh, good to know. Now, down to business. What the fuck were you doing in my bed last night?”

“Each other,” Pyra smugly answered.

“Not what I meant. Why in my bed?”

“We told you,” The Doctor said. “The floor was uncomfortable and Qene wouldn’t let us use his haystack.”

“Then you do it in a fucking bush, not in my bed!”

“Well, you said you would be out late so we thought we had time,” Pyra explained.

“That’s no excuse. And Doctor, I thought you were better than this.”

“Well, remember how I told you that one of my best friends was a changeling? Well, let’s just say it was a little more than a friendship,” he said.

“Of course.”

“Hey Síor, where are we going anyway? I thought you were taking us back to the library.”

“I need to make a quick stop first, then we can proceed with your punishment.” They followed me as we went into the Everfree Forest and onward to the home of a certain potion master zebra.

I knocked on the door and Zecora answered in her usual rhymeyness, “A wonderful surprise, if truth be told. What brings you to my humble abode?”

“I need a few potions,” I told her.

“You are a wonderful friend, and I hope I do not offend, but my potions cannot be free. Do you have a way of paying me?”

“I have no money but I can Pay you in favor.”

“For now, that will do. What potions need you?”

“First, something to keep these two troublemakers from hearing my plans.” I pointed to Pyra and The Doctor.

“A deafening liquid is what you seek. With it, information will not be leaked.”

She gave me a murky gray potion and I made the other two drink it. After making sure they couldn’t hear me, I asked Zecora, “How long will that last?”

“The amount they each consumed, an hour I presume.”

“Good. Now I can tell you what this is all about. I caught these two fucking in my bed so I’m trying to give them a proper punishment. Next, I need a sleeping potion.”

She gave me the purple liquid. “Three hours this will last, hopefully enough to complete your task.”

“That should be long enough. Next, I need--wait, what do you know about changelings?”

“A shape-shifting creature that feeds on emotion, in Equestrian history they caused a commotion. But I am rather trusting of the lot, from one of them, my skills I was taught. What provokes this inquiry? It seems rather eerie.”

“Well, Pyra’s actually a changeling and her name is actually Mim. I need a way to keep her from transforming for a while.”

“A morph-block is what you require. Your foresight is one to inspire. One week this will last. After that the spell will be dashed.” She gave me the black and blue potion.

“I always try to think of everything before planning something. Do you have anything that can provide nutritional sustenance for a changeling?”

“Emotion in a glass. Any preference I ask?”

“Lust if you have it.”

“A lust filled potion you desire but the main ingredients I still require. To make a potion to simulate lust, lust in its purest form is a must.”

“So what’s the purest form of lust?”

“I like to call it ‘essence of sex.’ The orgasmic fluids that are the effects. The ejaculation of both female and male will make this concoction not fail.”

“So someone needs to have sex?”

She nodded.

“And we have to collect the cum?”

Another nod.

“Well it ain’t gonna be me. I’m saving myself for someone special.” She doesn’t need to know about what may or may not have happened that one night at Fluttershy’s cottage.

“I believe your two friends here will do. Have them make love to complete the brew.”

“Fine.” I turned around to see Mim and The Doctor somehow holding cards and playing poker with rocks. I charaded to them that they needed to have sex and collect the cum. They went to the room Zecora said they could use and did their thing. Some time later, we had what we needed. Zecora made the brew and gave me the blue liquid that resulted.

“That should give one week of sustenance, so long as the consumer is not gluttonous.”

“Oh she won’t be, I can be sure of that. Now, do you have any rope?” She gave me 50 feet of rope. “And one more thing, what do you know about owls being used as spies?”

“A sneaky bird the owl is. And a good head is his. Many have suspected him of being a spy, but none have come close to proving this but I. I do believe that the owl does sneak, serving someone and giving them a peak. But who they serve I do not know. My investigation comes to a plateau. Beware the owl and all he does, or nothing will be as it was. He will tell his master what he wishes to hear. Then the world as we know it will disappear.”

“I need to figure out how to get rid of this owl then. Bye Zecora, I gotta go.” I left dragging the other two with me. Sometime on the way back the deafening wore off so I could talk to them normally. “Your punishment will begin once we get back to the library. If you resist any of the potions I give you, I will force them down your throats.”

“OK,” they both said.

We got back to the library and I dragged them to my room to begin the punishment. “First, Mim drink this.” I gave her the morph block and she drank it hesitantly. “Good.”

“That tasted disgusting, like sadness mixed with anger.”

“Consider that taste a part of your punishment. Next, both of you need to drink this.” I gave them the sleeping potion and they were out before they hit the ground. “Huh, powerful stuff.” Next, I got the rope and used it to hang them both from the ceiling by their front legs as I strung the rope across the ceiling to make sure they hung on opposite sides of the room. That took a couple hours because The Doctor was pretty heavy and I had to find something to balance the weight on Mim’s side. I had about an hour before the sleeping potion would wear off so I decided to get a little snack. And by get, I mean make the owl make it for me. And by snack I mean meal. I may not trust him with any information but he sure knows how to cook my meat right; Twilight always makes it too well-done. I finished eating and went back just in time for my prisoners to wake up. “Ah, glad to see your finally awake. Your punishment is hanging from my ceiling for a week. Take note that your ropes are attached so if you move too much it will affect your fellow inmate. Also, the potion I gave to you, Mim, was a morph block, it prevents you from transforming and it’s supposed to last the entire week. I have also gotten some liquid lust to feed you, Mim, and I have some extra food I can give to you, Doctor. Any attempts to escape will end in a longer and more suffering punishment. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go hunting.” I grabbed Qene and we hunted for the rest of the day. I should mention that hunting in this time period is difficult because it seems that just about everything on four legs is sentient. I’ve been living mostly off of pigs, birds, and fish as well as various small mammals. I went to bed to the complaints of my prisoners.

I woke up the next morning to some sort of commotion. I went downstairs to see what it was and also to get some breakfast. That owl may be a spy but at least he knows how to cook bacon without burning it. As it turned out, Spike had accidentally burned one of Twilight’s books and then lied to her about it, Then she found out and got mad. I ate my food and brought some up to The Doctor. When I got back down from feeding the inmates, I heard Spike mumbling something about getting rid of the owl.

“I agree,” I said as I ate some bacon. “He may be a good cook, but I can’t afford to have a spy watching me.”

“Spy?” he asked.
“Yeah, I asked Zecora about the mysterious letter and she said that he’s likely a spy for a mysterious someone. Neither of us know who but I have my suspicions. The only question is why he’s spying on me.”

“How do you know he’s spying on you?”

“Because, no offense, but I’m the only one here that’s interesting enough to spy on.”

“Well, either way, he’s gotta go.”

“True enough, any ideas?”

“Well, you know Rarity’s cat?”

“Opalescence, what about her?”

“She has a toy mouse. I was thinking we could steal it, rip the stuffing out, spread some feathers around, and pour some ketchup on it to make it look like Owlowiscious killed it.”

“That’s good in theory but instead of a toy, why don’t we use a real mouse? And then we could use the actual blood instead of ketchup.”

“Ok, sounds good.”

We went about setting our plan in action but just as we were almost done, Twilight walked in and caught us in the act. Spike decided to play innocent and try to sell it by saying, “That poor little field mouse! Who would do such a thing? It must have been Owlowiscious! ‘Cause owls eat, y’know, mice.”

“I don’t believe you two,” Twilight said. “I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you would try something like this or that you actually thought this pathetic attempt would work. What is that, ketchup?”

“There wasn’t enough blood to make it convincing,” I explained.

“Síor, clean this up. Spike, go to your room and think about what you’ve done.”

We did as we were told. An hour later, I was studying Clover the Clever’s journal to see if there were any clues as to who this owl worked for when Spike came down with a hobo sack. “Where ya goin’?” I asked.

“I’m running away,” he said. “Twilight clearly doesn’t want me here anymore so I’m gonna try to make it on my own.”

“Ok, good luck with life.”

“You’re not gonna try to stop me?”

“Nah, if you’re right and Twi doesn’t want you then you can be free to live your life, if not then she’ll come looking for you. Either way, I don’t really give a fuck.”

He just nodded and left, leaving ketchup footprints in his wake.

Around nightfall, Twilight came in and asked where Spike was. I told her to follow the footprints and of course she dragged me along with her. We found him in the Everfree being chased by an adult dragon because he was eating the other dragon’s gems. Owlowiscious saved him by distracting the dragon while Twilight teleported us out. Twilight decided to through a party for Owlowiscious tomorrow for saving Spike. I figured it was pointless to try getting rid of him now so I’ll just have to be careful what I say around him.

The next day, after the party, I went to go talk to the dragon. As I walked into his cave, his voice boomed out from inside. “Who dares enter my cave? Another youngling trying to eat my gems? No this smell is different. But also familiar. Speak, who and what are you?”

I was just about to the main part of the cave now so he could surely hear me. “Síor, human.”

“Human? Could it be? After all these years?”

“In the flesh. I take it you knew humans once?”

“Long ago, in my youth, I was raised by a human, he taught me the ways of the humans and how to be kind and helpful. A personality which I keep hidden for risk of being banished from the hoard.”

“I take it being banished is a bad thing?”

“Being banished usually results in death. The other dragons do not take kindly to outsiders knowing their secrets.”

“I see. Do you remember the name of the human that raised you?”

“The last great wizard, Merlin.”

“Merlin? Then that means you’re--”

“Aithusa, the kind dragon.”

“If you’re Aithusa, why are you green?”

“My reputation is too well known amongst the elders, I have disguised myself to hide my true identity.”

“Elders? you mean there are dragons older than you?”

“Indeed. Dragons are immortal in a natural life though they can be killed in battle if one is strong enough. The last recorded death of a dragon was by King Arthur Pendragon, and he only did so by wielding Excalibur.”

“I really need to read that story again. Tell me, do you know the red dragon that once slept in the mountains nearby a few months ago?”

“You mean Draigoch? Did he forget his name again? Yes I know him, he is a good friend of mine though forgetful.”

“Well, he’s going to the Mareidian Party in the spring and I was wondering if you were going.”

“I shall, though while I am there, you must refer to me as Fafnir, it is my disguise name.”

“Fair enough. I’ll see you there then.”

“Farewell, Síor Human.”

On the way back I was stopped by someone. “Ah, is it not the human we see before us?”

“The one and only, who’s asking?”

“We are Princess Luna, Nightly Princess of Equestria.”

“So you’re Luna,” I said looking at the midnight blue alicorn. Her hair waved in the air as though it were being blown by some invisible force much like her sister’s did. “It’s about time we finally met. I’m Síor. How can I help you?”

“Thou mayst begin by explaining unto us why thou dost not use our proper title.”

“You mean why I don’t call you ‘princess?’ Because I don’t care about titles. As far as I’m concerned, titles are just a way of forcing respect out of people. I don’t use titles because respect should be earned not forced.”

“We understand thy reasoning. We hath come to thou for another reason.”

“Name it.”

“We request that thou teachest us how to ‘fit in’ in the modern society.”

“Well, you can start by talking normally. No one uses ‘thee’s or ‘thou’s anymore and why do you refer to yourself as ‘we?’”

“It is traditional to use the formal ‘we’ when addressing our subjects. It is also traditional to use THIS MUCH VOLUME but considering it is night and most of our subjects are sleeping, it would be unwise to be voluminous.”
“Fair enough. Tell you what, there’s a festival of some sort tomorrow--something similar to Halloween from my time. Meet me outside the Ponyville library and I’ll teach you all about fitting in.”

“Very well. Until tomorrow, Síor.” She flew back to Canterlot and I went back to the library.”

A message from this guy (you can’t see right now, but I’m pointing at myself with both of my thumbs).

If you hadn’t guessed by now, the owl is my spy. There is only so much I can learn from inside Síor’s mind so I decided to send a spy in to see what can be seen. After Trixie failed me, I needed someone with a little more stealth. The goal for my little spy is to see just how much Síor knows about me and also to test how strong Twilight and her friends become in their friendship. The Elements work best when the wielders have a powerful bond--usually that bond is the will to defeat me in order to survive, but friendship is a powerful bond as well. Anywho, my plan to break out is nearly complete and I should be seeing all of your lovely faces by spring. until then, keep the chaos going.