The Sorrow Of The Remaining Crusaders (First Fic)

by Ribgf

Chapter 3

The Sorrow Of The Remaining Crusaders - Chapter 3

It was sunday morning, finally a beautiful day after quite some time.

Sweetie Belle woke up from Celestia's sun shining in her eyes. She sat on bed for a while, thinking about yesterday, after a while she walked to her window and looked outside.

It cheered her up a bit.

She yawned, walked out her room and walked down the stairs.

It was quiet in the Carrousel Boutique, Rarity is probably grocery shopping.
Just as she was downstairs she heard somepony knocking on the front door.

"Coming!"

She opened the door and saw Applejack with gloomy expression, with her cowpony hat in her hooves.

"Hi Applejack, what's up?" The little unicorn asked the farm pony.

"H-hi." Applejack said with a low depressed tone. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, but Rarity is not home, I guess you're here for her?

"Actually, ah wanted to talk to you."

"Uhm..okay, come in."

She stepped aside to let the gloomy farm pony in.

"Take a seat. Would you like some tea?"

Applejack took a seat on the sofa and answered the filly's question.

"No, but thank you."

Sweetie hopped onto the sofa next to Applejack and looked at her it frown.

"Sweetie Belle" AJ began. "Ah don't like telling you this, but the sooner, the better Ah guess.

"Hmm?"

Applejack looked at the filly, tears rolling down her cheek.

"Y-your f-f-friend Apple Bloom k-killed herself last n-night. S-she sat in bath and t-trew a electric razor into the w-water. Ah couldn't stop her. Ah'm sorry."
She looked down and cried.

Sweetie Belle looked at her friend's sister with wide eyes, while her heart sank as deep as it could. Her mind processed what AJ said and bursted into crying also.

She lost both her two best friends in just a week.
The rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Her classmates.
The ponies that brought her hapiness in this world.

Her....friends.

Applejack and Sweetie Belle, hold each other, crying into each other's shoulders. After what seemed like hours crying, Rarity walked in with levitated grocery bags around her. She heard the sobbing and turned to the two crying, hugging ponies.

"Applejack, Sweetie Belle, what's going on?"

"Sweetie turned her gaize towards her sister and tryed to explain.

"A-a-applejack...came to....tell..me that A-apple Bloom k-k-killed herself last night."

Rarity's horn stopped glowing and the grocery bags fell on the floor with a loud thud . The contents scattered everywhere around the room.

"No...No no no no no, this can't... be.... happening!" Rarity yelled "Off all the worst things that could happen, this....is....the....worst!"

She trotted over to her friend and sister, sat down next to them and hugged them tight to comfort them. She wasn't crying, but still emotional.

__________________________________________

Epilogue

Today was two weeks after the funeral of another crusader. It was a tuesday afternoon. Celestia's sun shane above Ponyville and warmed the little unicorn Sweetie Belle on her way to the cemetery.

She was feeling better than the weeks before. The little filly spend alot of time with her big sister over the last week, she was right, it does help.

After a long walk, she arrived at the gates of the cemetery. It was peaceful there, quiet. There was nopony else besides Sweetie.

After a while of searching, she found the graves of the passed crusaders. They graves were right next to each other.

R.I.P.
Scootaloo.

November 19 2003 - April 5 2012.

R.I.P.
Apple Bloom.

February 8 2004 - April 11 2012.

She stood in front of the graves for a while. There was complete silence.
"Hi girls." Sweetie Belle said breaking the silence. "I brought something for you."

She put the plastic bag she had in her mouth on the ground and grabbed two bouquets out with hooves.

She put one bouquet against each tombstones.

"Please know that miss you girls very much and that I love you both very much."

There was a silence again for a while.

A tear rolled slowly down her cheek of her white coat.

"I hope that you two keep crusading up there. I will too down here, but it's not the same without you, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom.

I will make you guys proud, Pinkie Promise."

The End.

Comments

[tubaguy]

have not read, want to read

[Rainbewwdash]

tears were shed. might want to read over it again though, small errors here and there. But still, made me cry like a little filly.

[BronyGuy]

Eh... is this a troll fic? Because I feel slightly trolled....

[tubaguy]

now have read, am in tears

[Hodd]

Wow. I'm not going to lie, the plot for this fic is actually pretty haunting. Most fanfics make either 1 or all of the Crusaders die, but if 2 of them and only 1 remains to pick up the pieces, that makes for the base of a truly heartbreaking story, so kudos on the plot! That being said, there are some things that should be worked on. The pace, for me, was a bit fast. Fanfic writers often put a single death and repercussions of a pony in 2,000 - 3,000 words, to let the event sink in. Due to the shortness of this one, it kind of killed it for me. Also, try and include as much imagery and figurative language as possible, and remember to use complex and compound sentences. Simple sentences don't get the point across as well. All in all, however, this is a good first fanfic! I look forward to your next one!

[Hodd]

295850

oh go easy. It's his/her first fanfic

[BronyGuy]

296016
Ok sorry
And you pretty much summed it all up.

[Hodd]

Oh, and ribgf, I don't see a lot of gore or objectionable content, so perhaps look into lowering the rating 1 notch. Just a suggestion.

[Ribgf]

Thanks for the replies.

I know everything went a bit fast, I was trying to make every sentence as long as possible, but they all still came out short.

I also should have described the surroundings more and well, the converstations are awful I know, I should have added more emotions than happy and sad.

[Twystron500]

297580 Great fic. It really moved me. It almost melted my solid, icy heart. Have you had some tramatic experiences in your life to fuel your writing. That's what it seems to me.

[Ribgf]

296481
Thanks for the tip, I changed that

[CrazyIan]

Tears were shed

But awesome story!

[Skywing the Mutant]

You offed Scootaloo the same day I turn Twenty-one. Conspiracy?... nah, just coincidence. Did you pick that day at random, or is there more to it?

[Ribgf]

301763
Hehe, no there's nothing behind the date of the upload. Happy Birthday btw.

[Ribgf]

298431

Well, my own life has inspired me a few things in my stories.
Thank you btw

[Sweeticus_Bellicus]

I made it without tears until the very end. That part.............