The Cassandra Crossovers

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Firefly

Chapter 8: Firefly

Malcolm Reynolds and his crew were hunkered down in an old abandoned lodge. They had been in the middle of a routine pickup for some goods that had been "acquired through clandestine means" when the local authorities caught their scent. They had dived into the nearest shelter they could find, but they couldn't stay for long.

"Just just come out with yer hands up!" yelled the sheriff, "we've got y'all surrounded!"

"Almost right, sheriff!" called back Mal, "You've got most of us surrounded. Now, Cassandra!"

The swiftest gunslinger pony in the 'verse whipped out of the sky and started laying the beatdown on the sheriff's thugs. Seizing the opportunity, the crew emerged from hiding and made a break for the ship, giving Cassandra some cover fire as they passed

"No bullet wounds!" ordered Cassandra, "these men are just doing their job." The crew complied and kept their shots to the dirt around the men's feet, while Cassandra continued to best them in hand-to hand. Once the crew was safe at the ship, Cassandra used her wings to kick up a mighty sandstorm that provided cover for their getaway.

"Just another day in the life" said Cassandra

******

"Well howdy y'all" said Applejack as the party returned to the ship.

"Howdy, Applejack!" said Jayne, who was in a particularly good mood today because for once he wasn't the dumbest person on the ship, "what's for grub?"

"Well, y'all don't have any apples, so there wasn't nothin' ah could make. We should get apples at th' next rest stop."

"I still can't believe that there are talking ponies here!" squee'd Kaylee, "You're so colorful and cute and shiny!"

"Hey! I am not cute!" said Rainbow Dash. They all laughed.

"Incidentally, where's Rarity?" said Cassandra

"I think she went off to chat with Inara."

"Men pay you do WHAT???" came Rarity's voice from the upper deck.

"If you're going to give me some lecture on your disapproval, rest assured I've heard it many times before," huffed Inara, "I know that my profession is reviled in some cultures, but I conduct myself with dignity, and refuse to service those who do not show the utmost respect."

"Oh no no no, darling I wasn't being judgmental, quite the contrary, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree with the whole dress business." Cassandra made a mental note to give Rarity a memory wipe after they left.

"So Cap" said Kaylee, "how did you and Cassandra meet?"

"Cassandra was the original leader of the Browncoats, and headed the rebellion against the Alliance" said Mal, "but she got called away to save Equestria from Discord, and I had to take the helm."

"Yeah, and we were destroying them when I left!" exclaimed Cassandra, "we're talking right on the brink of a glorious victory. I trust you had no trouble finishing them off for me, right Malcolm?" He looked away shamefully. "What? Did you have a couple casualties?"

"We lost the war." said Zoe solemnly.

"Wǒ jiāng hé nǐ de mǔqīn chéng dàngāo!!!"* exclaimed Cassandra. She took a breath to calm herself down, "well I suppose it explains why you're flying around in this hunk of junk."

"We're sorry for disappointing you" said the crew. Simon Tam the ship doctor ran into the room with a panicked look on his face,

"Wash just collapsed! Does anyone else know how to fly this ship?" Everyone looked at Cassandra. She smirked.

"Do you even need to ask?"

*****

Cassandra sat in the pilot's seat, furiously pounding buttons and moving levers. "Attention, crew" she said over the intercom, "we're coming to an asteroid field, and it's gonna take some real fancy footwork to get around, so you might want to hold onto something! Kaylee, everything working as it should be in the engine room?"

"Yes Cassandra" came her reply, "Wait, no... the catalytic converter's shot! We got about 3 minutes to fix this or this bird's goin' down!"

"Have you got a handle on it?"

"I don't know! I've never seen anything like this before!"

"Ok, don't worry. I'll be right there."

"You crazy?" exclaimed the petite engineer, "It'll take fifteen minutes for you to run over here!"

"It'll take you fifteen minutes, yes, but I am no ordinary pegaus. Now I'm gonna set this girl on autpilot, and I'll see you in ten seconds!"

"Autopilot? This ship doesn't have-" Cassandra cut off communications, and jammed a toy dinosaur into a lever's groove. She raced to the engine room, where Kaylee was still shouting into the radio,

"Cassandra, are you there? Answer me, Cassandra!"

"Right behind you."

"EEK! Cassandra, you startled me!"

"Wouldn't have, if you trusted that I could make it here. Now stand aside." She glanced over the complex machine. "Ok, give me your hairpin, your chewing gum, and three 12-inch bolts."

"Sure thing, here you go." Cassandra made a new catalytic converter out of the objects and hurriedly replaced it with the old one. The ship's turbulence subsided instantly.

"Wow Cassandra, that was amazing!" squealed Kaylee, throwing her arms around Cassandra, "I've learned a valuable lesson in trusting you." There was no time to celebrate though, because the evil dastardly Niska had found them and was in pursuit. They met in the war room to figure out a plan. River slunk into the room with Pinkie Pie gleefully bouncing next to her.

"I like River!" said Pinkie Pie, "She says funny things."

"Come children, let's fly to the factory in the clouds and make rainbows." said River.

"Mal, before you ask, I don't want to break form and take Zoe's place in the liaison party again." said Wash.

"If this Niska fellow is so well-read, he can't be such a bad guy" said Twilight, "I mean I've never even heard of this Shan Yu."

"Why can't we just shoot 'im?" said Jayne, "He's just one skinny Rusky and we're big damn heroes."

"Because" said Cassandra, "if we kill him, we are no better than him - are you not the crew that refused to steal an ailing town's medicine? No, this is one problem that cannot be solved with guns or handsome captains, though you have no shortage of either."

"It's a heavy load to carry." remarked Mal.

"The only true victory can come from the magic of friendship. This is a job for the Elements of Harmony!"

*****

"Captain Malcom Reynolds" said Niska, "I do not know why you are willingly let me board your ship, but I appreciate the compliance. Saves much time and aggro for both of us. If this is trap, I warn you now it will not work."

"No trap." said Cassandra, emerging from behind a pillar, "but you won't be seeing Mr. Reynolds just yet. Let's talk."

"What manner of trickery is this? I could take your ship and kill you now, and my patience is wearing thin."

"Just want to talk. How do you think it makes Malcolm feel when you electrocute him?"

"What do I care? He break agreement. I must punish him."

"But how do you think it makes him feel?"

"Like power plant."

"How do you think he felt when you cut off his ear?"

"Deaf?"

"No, think emotionally Niska."

"Painful? He scream like little girl when my man cut it."

"Yes! And don't you think there's something wrong with making him feel that way?"

"Of course not! He need to be, how you say, disciplined."

"What if someone cut off your ear?"

Niska gasped, "I would be sad.. and angry... and hurt. I would feel like I not whole man! " he became weak on his knees. "Is that how I make Malcolm Reynolds feel?"

"NOW GIRLS!" yelled Cassandra. The other six emerged from around the corner with their Element necklaces and crown. Cassandra's eyes glowed whit and she levitated into the air. She fired a beam of rainbow that wrapped around Niska as he cried out in surprise.

When the light cleared, Niska looked dazed and confused. "it feels like a fog has been lifted from my mind. I have done many many terrible things" he lamented.

"We have cast out the evil within you" said Cassandra, "and replaced it with the magic of friendship. You are wealthy and influential. Use your powers to take down The Alliance."

"I will. Thank you for teaching me lesson." Niska turned and stepped over the threshold back to his own ship. "Goodbye Caassandra!" he called as the door closed, "I shall never forget you!"

*****

The next day, the crew received a distress beacon from a ship. When they radioed it, they got no response.

"Think they're all dead?" asked Zoe

"Maybe" said Malcolm, "it'll make the salvaging a whole lot easier."

"Well what're we standin' around fer?" said Applejack, "let's go save 'em!" She smacked the airlock button open.

"Applejack no!" cried Cassandra, but it was too late. Applejack got sucked out into space and died. Cassandra quickly shut the door.

"Cassandra, Zoe, and me will go investigate, after we've docked with the ship" said Mal.

*****

"Keep your guns up. We don't know what we'll find here" cautioned Mal.

"I know I don't show emotion much, but I'm scared," shivered Zoe, "will you protect me Cassandra?" There was a clatter from across the room as some pans fell off the shelf and a shadowy figure retreated. The three pursued and soon pinned the mysterious man down, only to find it wasn't a man at all.

"Saffron?" said Mal

"Yeah it's me." said the sultry redhead bitterly, "of all the luck that you three would answer my distress call. Hello again Cassandra"

"You two know each other?"

"Yeah, we met before she started taking on assumed names and doing crimes." said Cassandra.

"What is her real name, anyway?"

"I'll spare her the indignity of that, and just tell you that it's a name worth hiding."

"Thank you, Cassandra" muttered Saffron

"What are you doin' all the way out here?" said Zoe.

"I got chased by reavers. They killed everyone else and damaged my ship."

"And you shook them off?"

"No, they're still following me."

"Tàiyáng gōngzhǔ de báisè yuán xíng fēngmǎn de pìgu!!!"** swore Cassandra

"Let's get her back to the ship" said Zoe.

*****

"The way I see it, only two of us are equipped to fight the reavers" said Cassandra, "myself and River. It's too dangerous for the rest of you. We need guns, big ones. Jayne?"

"It would be my honor if you took Vera into battle." He bestowed his beloved weapon upon Cassandra.

"The reaver ship's docked" said Wash. If you two are gonna cut 'em off, now's the time.

"Good luck you two" said Kaylee

"Alright, once we shut the doors, keep them closed until we come back." instructed Cassandra. She and River stepped out of the ship and closed the door behind them.

Instantly the reavers swarmed, but they were ready, blasting them full of lead. The reavers got closer, but they stood back-to-back and kept firing.

"They're coming too fast!" said Cassandra, "We've got to do hand-to-hand combat!" They put up their hands and forelegs and and started punching and kicking reavers.

"Cassandra help!" cried River, as the reavers began to corner her. Cassandra picked up River and spun her around so that she spin-kicked all the reavers unfortunate enough to get in her way.

"Only a dozen left now." said Cassandra. A reaver dived for her gun, but Cassandra grabbed his wrist as he pulled the trigger and pointed the gun at the rest of the reavers, cutting them where they stood. "This is the last one River, would you care to do the honors?" River grabbed him by the head and broke his neck. The two most badass people on Serentiy high-fived. The day was won.

Back on Serenity, the doors opened, and River and Cassandra stepped out. The crew cheered and hugged them.

"It is time for us to go." said Cassandra, "may we take Saffron with us?"

"Sure, we're not using her." said Mal.

"Wash, Book, I want you to take these." She handed them each a 1-Up mushroom.

"What are these?" asked Book.

"You'll know when the time is right." Cassandra opened up a portal, "come along, my little ponies."

*****

In town square, a portal opened and dropped out all but Cassandra.

"That was so awesome!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash, "I wanna get a Firefly and be a space pirate too! Think you can pull some princess strings Twilight?"

"Why don't you just go down to the lake and catch one?" asked a dazed Rarity, "they glow so brightly they're impossible to miss. Where were we, by the way?"

In Cassandra's bedroom, a second portal opened, dumping out Cassandra and a gold-yellow coated pony with a crimson red mane and a cracked heart cutie mark

"Hmm, I suppose being a pony could be worse," said Saffron looking over her new body, "no more back pain and I'm already used to being on all fours. I suppose you're going to ask for practice kissing now."

"Oh goodness no, that would be a squander of your talents & experience. On you I'm going to practice all the weird stuff that I'm too embarrassed to ask my friends."

"Do your worst."

"Oh I plan to, Saffron, or should I say Applejack?

Author's Note:

*I'll turn your mother into cupcakes

**By Celestia's round white plentiful ass

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