The Cassandra Crossovers

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

"Everypony, I want you to pay real good attention, because today's assignment is a particularly difficult one." Cassandra had gathered the other members of the Mane 7 in her house for a briefing.

"Might it have something to do with your impressive and large collection of anime and manga?" asked Twilight.

"Sharp as ever, Twi! Yes, today's assignment takes us straight into the world of Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Lucky for you, I know this particular anime backwards and forwards."

Rarity swooned, "Cassandra, I'm in awe over how sophisticated your tastes are! I only wish I was so refined in my tastes, but alas, I am naught but a simple plebeian."

"Ah don't see what's so great about aminee" said Applejack, mangling the pronunciation, "ain't they cartoons fer little kids?" The others glared at her, daggers in their eyes.

"Applejack, your shallowness never ceases to amaze me. They're not cartoons, you uneducated twit!" Cassandra picked up a beetle that was scuttling across the floor. "As punishment for your impudence, you have to eat this bug." The others winced, but they knew it was only fair, Applejack had seriously disrespected all of Japan with her remarks. "The rest of us get Pocky"

---

When they arrived in the new world, Cassandra gave each of them a Babel Fish. She didn't need one because she was fluent in Japanese,

"Don't feel bad" she said to the others, "you have many redeeming qualities in spite of your shortcomings." The group was approached by a small white long-eared alien cat creature.

"Aww he's so cute" said Fluttershy, "I hope he's friendly."

"Careful now Fluttershy" said Cassandra, "He may look cute but he's actually a cold hearted monster called Kyuubey. He tricks young girls into becoming soulless witches by offering them a wish and magical powers."

"Incidentally, do any of you want to become magical girls?" asked Kyuubei.

Applejack said, "Ah'm a businessmare, so ah know how ta spot a good deal, an' that sounds just like one! Ah wish fer-"

"Better hold off on that, Applejack." said Cassandra

"But why?" said Applejack, "ah was this close to gettin' a free apple!"

Just then, Madoka walked over. "Talking ponies? SO kawaii!~ I was going to wish for a talking pony, but now I don't have to."

"You know, you can still wish for more ponies," said Kyubei slyly, "a whole herd of ponies, even!"

"Wellll," said Madoka pensively, "it is true that Roseluck the background pony is my favorite pony besides Cassandra. But then again, I am a selfless person, and that would be a selfish thing to do :3." She skipped away singing "La la la la la."

Next Sayaka came along, and was about to wish for Kyōsuke's arm to be fixed, but Cassandra fixed his arm, so she didn't have to become a magical girl either. Despite this, Cassandra could do nothing about the unfortunate girls who had already signed contracts with Kyuubey.

"Hey, does anypony else hear something?" said Twilight. In the distance they heard Linkin Park music, slowly getting louder as a black-haired girl with a drawn face came towards them.

"Oh that's just Homura" explained Cassandra. The emotionally-complex and dark & mysterious Homura approached them.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii guyyyyyyyyyyys" she said monotonously, and gave a sigh so heavy it nearly knocked them off their feet. "No one understands me. Life sucks."

Everyone except Cassandra swooned, "Homura-chan, uguu!" they said.

"Stop it" she sighed, "I'm useless."

"Hey come on Homura, chin up." Her cheery friend Mami had just entered, "Life is about happiness and sunshine! We're saving the world from witches, and that's a good thing!"

Just then, a labyrinth revealed itself! "Stay back!" shouted Cassandra, "there's a witch in the area! It's only safe for us magical girls to be here!"

"Gasp" said Rainbow, "are you saying you're a magical girl, Cassandra?"

Cassandra gave them a deep dark look. "Yes, it is part of my dark past. I signed a contract with the incubators to become a Magical Girl and rid Equestria of all the witches. My wish was simple - peace and love for eternity in Equestria once I defeated the witches. It was a dark time, war and suffering ran rampant. But I persevered, and fought back the witches until they were no more in Equestria. But I couldn't live with the darkness that I'd become, so I shattered my soul gem. Normal magical girls would get killed by doing so, but miraculously, I survived! I was free of my contract, but I trained until my powers were strong enough that I could protect Equestria if the need ever arose again. Now get back before you get sucked in!"

"No Cassandra, we're here to help you" said a steadfast Rainbow Dash. The labyrinth opened, and they all got sucked in.

They found themselves in a plane with an endless black sky above. Everything was dark and roughly-drawn like the style of Tim Burton, but the landscape itself was made of all kinds of desserts.

"Ooh! Candy!" exclaimed Pinkie. She bounced over to a weird looking cookie and began to feast.

"Take it easy, Pinkie" said Cassandra, "We already have Rarity, we don't need two ponies chewing the scenery."

"Wait, I know this witch," said Mami, "this is Charloette, witch of demonic desserts!"

"Everything sucks" contributed Homura.

"Well anyway, let's defeat her quickly, because it's my last fight before retirement." said Mami.

"Really?"

"Nah, that just seemed like an innocuous thing to say. In actuality, I'm looking forward to living for many many years and making lots of happy memories with my fellow magical girls."

Charlotte was a swift and spritely little demon that resembled a child's doll. It easily dodged Mami's gunfire.

"I'll have to use my level 99 accuracy!" said Cassandra. She took one of Mami's guns and locked on, hitting Charlotte right between the eyes.

"Hooray! She's dead for real and there were no casualties!" said Mami

"Mami, look out!" cried Cassandra. She tackled Mami out of the way. Charlotte had emerged from the ground in her second form, a gigantic worm with a cartoony face but razor-sharp teeth. It chomped at the air where Mami had been moments ago.

"Being a Magical Girl is a strenuous burden" said Homura. She finished off Charlotte with explosives. The Final Fantasy 6 victory music played.

"So are we done here?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"You'd know the answer if you watched the show" is what Cassandra would have said, except she understood that the anime was too heady for some ponies. Instead she said, "No, we must still defeat Walpurgisnacht. She is the most powerful witch of all, a hater." Everyone gasped. "She employs the most powerful weapon of all: jealousy. She shoots red thumbs at the virtuous. But if we all work together, then I just know we can-"

"It's hopeless," interrupted Homura, "we could never defeat her in any of the timelines."

"Wait what?"

"Homura-chan can time travel" explained Mami, "We've fought Walpurgisnacht four times so far. Everything went tits-up, but Homura just went back in time so we could try again."

"Oh thank goodness" said Cassandra sarcastically, "for a minute, this show had a sense of urgency."

"It ended worse each time" insisted Homura, "one could even say, that In The End, It Doesn't Even M-"

"Don't finish that sentence if you value your life." said Cassandra.

"Ah know what'll defeat th' witch!" said Applejack, "th' Element of Honesty!" She approached Walpurgisnacht, "Ah ain't gonna let you spread yer hate anymore!" she declared, "an' that's th' Honest truth!"

Walpurgisnacht shot a red thumb at her, slicing her in half.

"Mami! Homura! Put these on! They'll protect you!" Said Cassandra. She tossed them each a fedora and a "Keep Calm and Watch Puella Magi Madoka Magica" t-shirt. They failed to defeat Walpurgisnacht several times, but Homura time traveled and they kept trying until they succeeded. Applejack stayed dead for reasons that weren't quite explained. Cassandra summoned up her own Element of Harmony, a golden suit of armor with a jewel-encrusted sword. Learning from her past mistakes, she dodged Walpurgisnacht's red thumbs of jealousy and plunged her sword in the beast's heart.

The day was saved. Everyone except Homura cheered. "All bliss is temporary" she said, with a sigh.

"Homura-saaaaaaan~" said a random schoolgirl, "you're so hot when you complain about things"

"Quiet, you" said Cassandra

"You know Cassandra" said Kyuubei, "I know you got out of your first contract with me, but if you signed another, you could be more powerful than even Madoka."

"Well..." said Cassandra, "I do have another wish, but you're not gonna like it." She decapitated Kyuubei with her sword. It was a special sword that prevented him from regenerating. She hoisted up the head like a trophy. "This'll go great next to Scrappy Doo, Joffrey, and Skylar White."

---

"I'm so booooooooored" said Scootaloo. She and Applebloom were lounging around in the clubhouse.

"Ah hope Cassandra gets back soon" said Applebloom.

"Applebloom! Scootaloo! Look what I found!" called out Sweetie Belle as she climbed the ladder exuberantly. She was carrying a DVD in her mouth. "Check it out! I got it from Rarity's room."

"I thought she said we shouldn't watch her DVD's because they're unsuitable for younger audiences." mulled Scootallo

"This one should be ok," assured Sweetie Belle, pointing to the smiling pink-haired little girl on the brightly-colored DVD case, "it's clearly a happy-go-lucky magical girls anime."

"Sweet!" exclaimed Applebloom, "ah'm feelin' emotionally fragile right now so this should be just th' thing ah need."

They declared in unison, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ANIME WATCHERS, YAY!!!"

Comments

[really pathetic]

why is it that i want to read the cmc watching it?