The Cassandra Crossovers

by CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Pretty Little Liars: Act 2

Hannah and her boyfriend Caleb were lounging around her living room, with Pinkie and Cassandra diligently keeping watch, unaware of Emily's kidnapping. Hannah was fiddling with Caleb's laptop.

"I bet he wishes she was fiddling with something else that's in his lap." commented Pinkie

"Pinkie, please" said Cassandra.

"Hey Caleb" said Hannah, "Why do you have a folder called 'My Little Pony Pictures?'"

"Don't open that" said Caleb evasively, "a virus put that there."

"A virus can make a folder full of pony pictures?" replied Hannah skeptically

"Well duh" said Cassandra, "why do you think it's called a Trojan horse?"

"Nice save" whispered Caleb.

"I made cupcakes!!!!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie, bouncing into the room, "Don't worry Hannah, I used the secret ingredient this time."

"Wut theecwet ingeedient?" asked Hannah with a mouthful of cupcake

"Throwup medicine, of course! I forgot it last time, and you had to spend almost an hour in the bathroom with your finger in your throat! It was super duper inconsiderate of me! ...hey, why are you looking at me like I did something I shouldn't have?"

"GANGWAY!" cried Hannah. The others looked quizzical "...what? I just marathoned Pirates of the Caribbean last weekend. Anyways... OH MY GOD!!! FUCK!!! TOILET!!!" She made it to the bathroom just in time and slammed the door shut.

"So Caleb... you like younger women do you?" said Cassandra, desperately trying to diffuse the awkwardness.

"Er, what? I'm the same age as her."

"That so? I see."

"I think I'm done!" called Hannah from the bathroom

"I'm getting the sense that I wasn't supposed to put ipecac in the cupcakes!" shouted back Pinkie Pie

"It's ok. Actually, it's pretty clever way of cutting out the middleman...oh and it looks like I'm not done, there's more coming."

Hannah's phone buzzed.

"Should I check it for her?" asked Caleb, "or would that be intrusive?"

"She looked at your laptop bro" pointed out Cassandra.

"Good point. Let's see what it....oh my god!!!"

"What?"

"I got her password right on the first try, it's 'Caleb!' That's way too easy to guess," he tsked, "now about that text message...oh my god, Emily's been kidnapped."

"Applejack." murmured Cassandra caustically.

*****

The Mane 7 and three non-kidnapped girls reconvened at a cafe.

"I found this. I think the kidnapper dropped it" said Rainbow.

"Hmm, this smells fishy." said Cassandra.

"No doy, everything smells fishy in a mystery drama" said Aria matter-of-factly

"Don't condescend me, Elf-vira" said Cassandra, "I meant it literally, it smells like Hannah's special place when she thinks about a triple-decker bacon burger." They were lucky to have such a smart friend like Cassandra. "Thank you by the way, for volunteering to drive across town to the address printed on this paper and investigate. Applejack, since you bungled up your guard duty, you get to go with her."

"Rainbow Dash dropped th' ball on that one too" objected Applejack.

"I know, and that's why the two of us are going to find some secluded space for some practice kissing. The rest of you, investigate whatever creepy things you can find. They tend to hold all the answers."

*****

Aria and Applejack were on their way to the mystery address. Spencer had been sent to go with them as a safety measure - if they met a hostile teacher, he could cripple the duo easily, by outwitting Applejack and seducing Aria.

"♪ ♫ 99 bottles of apple cider on th' wall, 99 bottle of apple ciderrrrrrr, ya take one down, pass it 'round ya got ♪ ♫ ....um"

"Zero" said Aria helpfully.

"Oh that's right! ♪ ♫Zero bottles of apple cider on th' wall!!!♪ ♫ Hey that's th' lowest number ain't it? Neat, ah never actually finished th' song before. Wanna sing another?"

"Let's talk about something that doesn't involve singing."

"Why? You got a cutie mark in opera don'tcha?"

"Humans don't get cutie marks" reminded Aria

"A singer with no cutie mark? Yer just like mah friend's sister."

"Why do you assume I sing?" asked Aria confusedly.

From the backseat, Spencer piped up, "the word 'aria' means an elaborate melody sung solo with accompaniment, as in an opera or oratorio. I presume that Applejack knows that because she once, in a shortsighted attempt to appear more intelligent, tried to read through the entire dictionary."

"Ah got all th' way to archeopteryx! There were a lotta words! Guess which one ah'm thinkin' of now."

"Apple?" said Spencer.

"Wow! Ah knew you were smart but ah didn't think you were psychic!"

"We're here." said Aria, stopping the car.

They found themselves at a supermarket, so they went to the meat counter and asked the clerk about the suspicious-looking piece of paper.

"I was told to give something to the person who brought this here. Let me go get it." He went into the back room and came back moments later with a small butterflied fish.

"Fuck." said Spencer, "it's a red herring."

"Poetic" said Aria, "but why would they drag us out here? Unless...oh my god you guys! I just remembered, there's nobody home at my house right now! A must have planned for that so she could steal the incriminating evidence! Come on! We have to get out of here!"

*****

Cassandra was guarding Aria's empty house. She had suspected that "A" would come to steal the incriminating evidence, and thus taken it upon herself to guard the place. A mysterious person wearing a black hoodie approached the house. It was trying to be sneaky, but Cassandra spotted it instantly.

"Hello there, A" she said, "I have to say I'm disappointed at how easily I figured out your plan. I hate to rub salt in your wounds, but you're going to be leaving empty handed." The mysterious person charged at Cassandra, but she ducked out of the way, and it fell to the ground. Cassandra grabbed her bo staff and pinned down the hooded figure by their throat. "Now, I know how mutually beneficial it is if the cops don't get involved, so I suggest you start talking." At that moment, a set of headlights emerged, blinding them both. Applejack, Aria, and Spencer stepped out of the car. The hooded figure used the distraction to escape. Cassandra chased after, and was just about to catch it when Applejack cried,

"Don't worry Cassandra! Ah'll help ya!"

"I've got this, I don't need help Applejack" said Cassandra

"Ah don't trust you, ah'm gonna ignore yer advice." She whipped out her rope and gave it a twirl, "Ah've gotcha now, A!" she cried and threw out her lasso, missing her target and snagging Cassandra.

"God dammit Applejack!" cursed Cassandra as the mysterious figure escaped into the night.

*****

The next day, the ponies accompanied the girls to school. Noel Caan came up to the group with a derisive sneer. "Your friend Emily is a lesbian, and also kidnapped" he said villainously.

"How dare you kick her while she's down!" exclaimed Hannah.

"Yeah, besides," said Aria, "she shaves her legs, does that sound like a lesbian thing to do?"

"well..." Noel looked pensive.

"Actually" cut in Twilight, "she shaves her legs because she's on the swim team."

Cassandra facehoofed, "For god's sake Twilight, do you never not speak out of turn?"

Noel smirked and them and slunk away, painting a letter A on a locker as he departed.

"I think he's somehow involved with this" said Rarity.

"Now let's not be hasty, that could just be the 'anarchy' symbol." said Hannah.

Just then, their phones all chirped at the same time. Aria's alert tone was the Van Halen song "Hot for Teacher." The message read,

"Emily can't come to the phone, she's tied up at the moment. You have 24 hours to publish your deepest darkest secrets.. ~A" Attached was a picture of Emily tied to a chair, with an unknown person wearing a doll mask watching over her. Most of the group went pale, but Cassandra kept calm, and her calmness was rewarded when she found a vital clue.

"I recognize that mask! I saw it in the window of that creepy costume store! Let's go!"

*****

They raced downtown to the store and burst in. The store was crawling with costumes that looked like a Geiger-Lovecraft collab, adorning every shelf and hanging from the ceilings. The low lighting made it hard for the girls to keep their bearings as they stepped around the displays uneasily.

"Welcome." They all jumped at the oily voice, and turned around to see a pale anemic man with cold hands, greasy hair, poor dental work, and eyebrows just a little bigger than they ought to have been. "A little early to be shopping for a Halloween costume, no? Don't go in the back room. Nobody goes in the back room."

"Do you know anything about this girl?" asked Aria, showing him a picture of Emily.

"I don't." said the manager.

"Well that was a bust," said Hannah. "Alright, we should get back to school."

"Hold on just one second" said Cassandra. She lowered her voice so that the manager couldn't hear, "I'm gonna run a theory by you, and it may sound crazy, but I need you to bear with me, ok?" They nodded. "What if, and hear me out on this, what if, that man...is lying?"

"Collective gasp" they all said.

"That was my first reaction too, but just look at this place. It's creepy as shit. And if you looked up 'suspicious' in the dictionary-"

"Ah didn't get that far."

"...anyways, I think he might be hiding something in the back room."

"Even if we did subscribe to your cockamamie weavings of yarn," said Spencer, "how are we to infiltrate his merchandise repository undetected?"

"Take notes girls, this trick works surprisingly often." Cassandra borrowed Aria's phone and dialed the costume shop's number. The manager hurried over to the wall mounted phone, taking his eyes off the back room..

"Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Er, hello?"

"Go now!" whispered Cassandra to the group. They sneakily made their way into the back room, where Emily was tied to the chair from the photograph.

"Emily!" they cried, and quickly undid her bindings.

"Who kidnapped you?"

"I don't know. They snuck up from behind and chloroformed me. I was out before I could see their face."

"HEY!" shouted the manager, "you're not supposed to be in he-!"

Cassandra grabbed him and pinned his arms behind his back. "Start talking! Who are you working for?"

"Ow! You're hurting me! Ok, ok I'll talk. When I set up this business, I underestimated just how niche it was. October was the only month I was in the black! I needed money, badly!"

"WHO???"

"If I tell you, they'll kill me! But what have I got to lose, it's-" He stopped suddenly and fell face down on the ground. They could see a red-tailed dart sticking out of his neck. At the opposite end of the store, holding a tranq gun, stood the hooded figure, A. Cassandra tackled it, causing it to drop the gun. She hastily kicked it away. The hooded figure picked up a nearby sword and waved it menacingly. Cassandra grabbed a lasso and charged. The hooded figure swung the sword at Cassandra's neck, connecting right on target.

"Costume shop, dumbass" said Cassandra as the sword bounced off harmlessly. "this rope however, is real enough. She hogtied the hooded figure, and it struggled to get away, but was no match for Cassandra's level 99 knot tying.

"Now" said Cassandra, reaching for the hood "Let's see who this A" really is. She pulled down the hood and everyone's eyes went wide. They all exclaimed,

"King Sombra!"

"Cryyyyystallllll!"

"I don't understand!" said Aria, "I thought A was one of our classmates."

"I thought it was Jenna."

"I thought it was not-really-dead Allie."

"And I lost ten bits!" whined Pinkie Pie, ripping up a betting slip labelled "Lucas."

"Explain yourself, Sombra!" demanded Twilight

"Cryyyyyyystal"

"I'd better help out" said Cassandra, "Those people all had roles to play, and you were right to suspect them, they are all hiding secrets, some bigger than others. But A never gets careless, has an unlimited budget, and is practically omniscient. Does that sound like a high school student to you?"

"I have trouble with compound fractions" said Hannah.

"They've gradually written themselves into a corner with every Machiavellian move that A pulls. If you aggregate every one of A's nefarious deeds,you'll see overlaps and inconsistencies everywhere, and it becomes clear that no human has the physical or mental capacity to run this 'A' operation. I mean seriously, there are countless times where A would have to be twelve places at once, or completely invisible! I have to wonder what they were smoking when they wrote some of these things."

"Crystal?" suggested Sombra.

"Well, I'm glad that's over with." said Emily, "Let's underage drink to celebrate!"

"You don't seriously think this is over, do you?" interjected Cassandra, "He's a highly-powerful magic entity, he doesn't just lose all his powers because you found out his identity. And you can't exactly arrest a shadow demon, can you?" She motioned at the discarded sweater and the shadowy wake of the escaping Sombra.

"So what now?" asked Twilight.

"Now," said Cassandra, "we ready ourselves for the final battle. It's time to take down King Sombra's stronghold. Prepare yourselves, we're headed for Ravenswood."

TO BE CONTINUED

Comments

[Jake the Dog]

MOISTURIZE ME!

[Cheshire]

Glorious,...

Simply glorious...