Everyone in Ponyville knows how competitive Rainbow Dash is, but nobody knew that she would steep so low, as to make a bargain with the Devil himself.
Chapters (4)
RainbowBolt
Joined 27th Sep, 2013 ·
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Pretty good, an interesting read, indeed.
3443714 thank you, its my first one, so its got its ups and downs!
I think your story would benefit greatly from a proofreader.
By happy coincidence, I happen to be a proofreader (funny how things work out like that). Would you like me to clean up the grammar in here for you?
3445745ok,what do you mean?
3447536
Better than describe myself, I will show you what I mean. For absolutely nothing, I will proofread your first sentence for you. Prepare yourself: Your story is about to get a thorough forking (not as illegal as it sounds). Here are all your grammar mistakes with suggested corrections:
Offending sentence:
"It was the annual Ponyville races, usually won by Rainbow Dash, nobody even enters, they know their no competition against Dash, but out of the phew competitors that try their best, Dash thrashes them with ease, but this year she is competing with her old flight school buddy; Gilda."
What's Wrong with It:
-Run-on
-Confusion between they're/their/there
-Confusing a "ph" for an "f."
-Improper semicolon usage
How to Fix It:
All right, this sentence totes quite a few errors, so let's take it slow and look at them one-by-one.
(1)It's a run-on. That means the words are arranged in such a way that this sentence has gone beyond expressing a thought and has become a bit of a jumbled mess. Try to limit each sentence to one idea. Look how much nicer this passage reads when I rip the run-on into a couple smaller sentences:
"It was the annual Ponyville races. Because Rainbow Dash always won, almost nopony even enters, for they know they're no competition against Dash. She usually thrashes the few competitors, but this year she is competing with her old flight school buddy, Gilda."
(2) They're, their, and there are all pronounced the same (the official term is homophones), but they're not interchangeable. In this case, you meant they're, but you used their. What's the difference? Allow me to elaborate:
-They're=A contraction of they and are.
-There=A term of relative position
-Their=A possessive pronoun indicative of a group.
(3) You spelled "few" as "phew." Ph and f make similar sounds, so most people who are learning English as a second language have trouble when to you use one or the other. When in doubt, trust the dictionary, not SpellCheck. As it turns out, "phew" is also an English word, and it is meant to express relief. SpellCheck didn't recognize this word as incorrect because, for all it knows, it is what you meant.
(4) You ended the first sentence with a semicolon that didn't belong there. Semicolons don't show up too much in modern writing, but I will provide you a list of the only times they are used nowadays so you know where to put them:
-To connect two independent clauses without the comma-conjunction construct
-To separate items in a list when the list contains internal punctuation
-To make winking faces ;)
If you want more help like this, please PM me.
3447863 wow, i didnt realize id done that much wrong! ive always been bad at writing, but ive had a good imagination, i will try to follow your advice, thank you
It's good. I would have liked it more if the chapters were longer or if it was just one big story instead of cut into bits.
3448248
Happy to help! And your writing is not as bad as you think.
3451986 but thats the thing, if you look at my chapters, it is a part of the story!
3452428 thank you, you have been a big help!
3455860
I know
but they are quite short but good!
3455883 its not about length, some stories have a mere page as a chapter
3456601 I know, I know.