Wow

I'm liking this, have a like, fav', and mustache.

Some spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but overall not a bad story. Will not fav it, but will certainly keep it on my watch list.

(-_-) Twilight has 2 earth pony friends, taught magic by an alicorn and she doesn't know about earth pony magic... But, I guess it is necessary for whatever you want to do.

Haiku of the nestled grove:

Scent of a young mare
Peering into forever
Sharing clouds and rain

OR

Am I looking for clop in all the wrong places!
Please update!

Something is telling me that Twilight is teh mother of Celestia and Luna from this story

4687180 agreed

4687303
She knows of earth pony magic, just not the kind Platinum is talking about.

4687728
Because she woke up as an alicorn, as this story takes place right after she got zapped with the elements of harmony, which sent her back in time.

4687799
There will be clop later, but it will be a slow build up to that clop, so you will just have to wait.

4687303
Also she will be learning of that earth pony magic more in depth next chapter, but suffice it to say, there is a reason why Chancellor Pudding Head believes this storm is the work of the Pegasi.

I have a feeling the prophecy told Hurricane he'd get more than a savior from the deal

it rhymes with ducky

Hmm. Moving fast but not too badly yet. Being a figure of prophecy and salvation does kind of sweep you up in things, and I'm rather curious how you'll pull this off.

Only gripe is Twilight "just knowing" that she's immortal, which feels just sort of slapped in there without development or discovery. It'd be more interesting to have her feel driven to return to her own time.

The shipping bit ... seems little too convenient, and feels a touch contrived. Something more gradual would be easier to accept, but again, I'll wait and see how you handle it.

4688640
Oh you dirty little..........

“How many dam legends are there about me,”

If you were talking about the profanity use it's spelled damn. Don't know any legends about actual dams. xD

However, it is a nice story, which frankly doesn't have the BEST pacing, but I also have problems with pacing myself.

Look forward to the next chapter!

...P.S:

"I have waited for you for so long," which will be illuminated on later.

MLP ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED.

4688824
There is a reason it feels contrived, for both Twilight and Hurricane are both being driven by outside forces, Twilight's being a myth, while Hurricanes is something else. As for the immortality thing, more will be explained latter, but while Twilight is aware she is immortal, she has not totally accepted it yet, and will be testing it in more depth later.

4689169
Looking forward to it. It just feels odd without any setup, considering Twilight literally just became an alicorn, and it is mentioned merely as an aside when it seems like it'd be a bigger deal for her. You say you'll explain, so... Let's see what you do. :)

4689145
The pacing is the way it is for a reason, for those often caught in prophecy feel that the world is speeding by them, often toward an abyss which they must one day be consumed by or be surpassed.

Princess Platinum heard of the legend due to being royalty, and it is the reason her mother wanted a stallion to be on the throne before this event happened.

lol

4689600
yeah, her mother wasn't that bright.

4689218 That... was actually quite beautiful.

Well played sir. Well played.

4689904
Thank you.

4689924 m.memegen.com/rzij67.jpg

Huh. I'll follow this story now.
but why is it mature? (please no clop )

4692600
sorry dude, there will be clop latter, I am after all a adult fiction writer, I cant help it, so if that is not your thing, this may not be the fic for you.

4693055 Well, I'll survive.

4693133
I am glad you are so understanding.

Okay Twi, bigger than Big Mac, I see where your mind is you dirty little minx.

4694027

Come on that was funny.... I really like your retelling of the early history of the ponies in Equis. You are painting a unique picture of the world. I love the story que sera, sera. I read it now and then when I need a good cry. So, keep up the good work.

Twilight Sparkle x Commander Hurricane.
Alright.

Somehow I am getting the impression that the "hearth warming" story that Twilight is familiar with is about as accurate as all of those movies about the shootout at the OK corral ...

how different? Platinum is not a bitch for one (like the one Rarity played) and Hurricane is not a dick (that could have been RD being RD).
who is left? Pansy, Puddinghead and Smart Cookie...

I also get the feeling that this is going to be a darn good yarn.

4696892
You would be correct, a lot of what was reported about the original hearths warming even was greatly distorted by time (at least in this story,) so a lot of the ponies are going to be different. Platinum and Hurricane are both level headed leaders, due to how they have been raised, unlike how they were portrayed in the play, and many of the other characters will be similarly changed, but not all.

If Twilight is the mother of Celestia and Luna.. where is she in the future? I mean if that would be true then there are at least 2 Twilights. But what if she, because she was known as Clover ( and Clover practicaly dissapeared from history ), disguised herself as Celestia and Luna could be her daughter or a random Alicorn.

hmmmmmm

4697153
All will be revealed, fear not.

What, is Commander Hurricane the pony version of Daredevil?

4702543
It has to do with his magic, which will be explained latter.

I like the concept, but I believe you are trying to rush through the story, the pacing is too fast and to many characters conveniently know things or want things with the overtly obvious reason of pushing the story where you want it to go. (Princess Platinum wanting to abdicate her throne, Hurricane wanting to jump her bones: these are things that should be developed as the story moves along, not just made a fact within a couple of paragraphs at the beginning) Also spelling and grammar mistakes are sprinkled throughout. I think it has potential, but you probably should try and find some pre-readers and editors to help you develop and polish the story.