The elements of harmony stopped a mad scientist's plan, but in the aftermath of the battle the life of one of them will change significantly. Not only her own but one of her friend's lives as well.
Eh, yes? I mean, it's not like the horn of a Unicorn or the tongue of a pegasus are explicit parts of their bodies in need of censorship, else the horns and tongues in the show would be black blocks, right?
I chosed this picture because it fit the premise for my idea so perfectly, read chapter 3 to see why exactly if you like to. I hope this picture didn't turned you off to continue reading. I have chosen it 'cause I found it quite funny with its perfect fitting for my story.
I'm sorry, that it doesn't pleases you. But I will keep it for three reasons: 1) It fits the story like a clenched hand on a black eye and usually it's not that easy to find a great cover for your fic's premise. 2) I asked others and the Fimfic stuff if this picture is appropriate for Fimfic's standards. Turns out others likes it and that it's okay with the rules. And honestly, I've seen way more sexual pictures as covers than this one here. Even clop-pictures just with quickly added censor bars to them. 3) I like it.
I hope you can see past the cover and enjoy the fic for what it was written for. After all, you don't see the cover anymore once you click on one of the chapters. Thank you for taking your time to comment. :)
this is good as the last 2 and the use of the horn for healing like that is a nice idea it make since that such a wound could not be healed by a simple spell that twi's magic would need to be condensed in order for it to be more useful. (as some if not the bulk of it would have be burned up by dashes body in the changing from one aura to anther) a great balance between the act of helping a friend and pleasing a friend
I think you may need to get your editors to recheck this chapter in particular. There are quite a few mistakes in here, and at points it was rather distracting.
*sees cover art* If I didn't know any better I'd say this was going to be a clop.. *reads first two chapters* you're gonna go there, aren't you? *reads this chapter* yep, you went there.
In all honesty, it's an interesting and original idea. Even if it is a tad predictable. On a side note, I really hope Rainbow will find out what Twi's doing before it's too late. I really don't want this to end with Twi without her magic. Then again, in it's own right that could be interesting, though you'd either have to end this on a cliff hanger or it'd end up being very, very long. I vote for options either 1 (Rainbow finds out and stops Twi) or three (Rainbow doesn't find out and you make this very long to deal with Twilight coping with the lack of magic).
But anyway, great chapter, I think you'd do well writing more adult themed chapters/fics, and I'll await the next chapter eagerly.
Thank, I'm glad you love it. I'm sorry to say though that this fic was planned and so far written to stay within 25k words. I hope that's not too short for your likings.
Thanks, yeah I liked the idea that Dash had to do something to get her healing done and with I don't mean to lay still for Twi to use her spells on her wings to heal them. With magical wounds that can't be treated any other way than getting magic, I could make it so that RD had to do something to Twi to get her magical treatments to be able to fly again - the horn-sucking idea was born. XD Also I liked it that RD would really be no longer a pegasus with such grave injuries, that she can't even nap on a cloud - unimaginable! In many other stories she "only" loses her ability to fly but she is still a pegasus in the end, here's she's just a pony, with no magical power whatsoever. A colored-up donkey if you want to mean. And the idea to make magic become some sort of fluid which you can gulp up and even have a "magical" taste to it was too good to pass up. <3 I was a bit surprised though when I readed over the chapter and found it more perverted than I had it to be in my mind when I started writing it.
Yeah, I've read that story too and I enjoyed it very much. You know that it got a comic too? It's on deviantart and on derpibooru if you want to search for it and got the same name as the fic. With alicorn i didn't meant the race but the stuff Twilight's and all Unicorn's/Alicorn's horns are made of - alicorn. This had been one of the side-debates in hte bronydom whenever the writers meant with "alicorn amulett" an amulett "made of alicorn", the stuff, or an amulett "made with the image of an alicon=princess in mind". With S3Ep13 where Rarity spoke to Twilight that "she became an alicorn", the debate ended but I still like to use the word for the stuff their horns are made of which it was originally used for. In male terms Twi's alicorn member would be a "meaty member".
Oh, I'm sorry for that. :c I'll have either Timber or Ody once they have the time for it. Could you please point out some of the stuff for me so that I can send the examples to them? Thanks.
You'll get more once I'll get notice of ch.4 being proofreaded. And chapter 5 is in the workings. Hopefully I can finish it in time before the competition ends.
To be fair, it's not really clop, it's "cloppy" at best and "saucy" at second best. I tried to make sure that there wouldn't be any explicit words or sex scenes and with keeping it to horn and tongue, which we see in very MLP episode thus not "mature sensible" parts of their body, I could keep it teen. Though it ended up to be way more perverted than I had it expected it to be. ^^
Chapter 4 is on his way to be proofreaded, at least I'll poke my editors to speed up a little, then you can see for yourself what will happen next. Also your comment gave me a nice extra idea for chapter 5, thank you very much both for the little muse kiss and the kind comment.
3346101 There's a few examples and most of them follow the same pattern; using the right word, but the wrong tense, so like "I didn't wanted her to feel like this," where it should be "I didn't want her to feel like this." I'll paste some examples below.
Why did I blamed her for this?
Should be "blame"
Even if she didn't found a way to heal my invisible wounds
Should be "didn't find"
Better get used to be able to fly only in my dreams.
This one just strikes me as weird, a better way of putting it would probably be something like "Better get used to only being able to fly in my dreams."
Afterwards, Twilight can thank for whatever it is she feels thankful for
Should be "thank you"
"What did you thanked me for, Twi?"
Should either be "Why did you thank me, Twi?" Or "What did you thank me for, Twi?"
It's basically things like that. I hope I've helped in some way.
For some examples, there were quite alot. Thank you for your help and taking your time to point me to my mistakes. So i noticed that after every "do another-do word" if I make it "didn't wanted" then it's wrong, but if it's "didn't want" then it's right? So changing the do into did or didn't is enough and I don't need to the other do-word in past tense anymore? In that case I made the work for my editors way harder than it should be.
But to be honest, I don't quite get the "thank you" part? How would that make sense in the context Spike speaks to Twi and RD?
I'll go and add those changes right away. Then other readers can have a more pleasing read than you had to endure.
Haha, they were minor distractions at best, they just sort of stuck out.
For the thank you part, "thank you" does work, if Spike is talking to Rainbow, if he's just speaking out loud, something like "Twilight can be thankful for whatever it is she feels thankful for" also works.
3343711 No, don't worry. I don't even know who your editors are, so no, they didn't give me anything. At least, not to me...
A very interesting story concept. Not sure if Twilight will dye her hair now though... What I definitely see coming are Rainbows protests when she finds out what Twilight is doing. Or, if you take the foreshadowing from the dream literally, she won't realize what is going on until it is too late... I don't like sad endings...
Unless...*flash of inspiration* What if the stone Twilight recovered from the machine, the thing that rewrites the the basic laws of nature in Equestria, that caused that whole mess in the first place, enables them both to get back on their full strength?
Good to know they didn't.^^ Thanks as for the dye, Twi did that only to prevent anypony finding out that she's overworking her own aura in order to heal RD faster. I needed something to cover up the silver hair and dye made more sense than another magic spell given that Twi's magic is mostly spent on RD daily. Close, very close again. You're sure you're not getting any notes from my editors or having another way to see in my brain?
Like "okay, Rainbow. There's a way for you to get back your horn. Thing is for that you need to suck your friend's horn. Don't worry; it's not sexual, just platonic medical sucking, is all. What you gonna do?" and then RD: "I gonna give Twi the best hornjob ever if that means getting my wings back!" which later ofc turns to "dayum, Twi's so cute/adorable/sexy/lovely/etc whenever I suck her horn or cuddle with her afterwards~~~". <3
3338712
If any of my editors gave you the files to ch.3 you are allowed to whistleblow me who it was and I will deal with him.
Seriously though, enjoy chapter 3 and congrats to your imagination!
3338716
I heard you. My editors heard you. MLP heard you. And you shall receive - Chapter 3! Fresh out of print! Enjoy!
3339944
Then you don't need to wait anylonger, 'cause here it is.
Hope it's to your liking, have fun.
3343214
Eh, yes?
I mean, it's not like the horn of a Unicorn or the tongue of a pegasus are explicit parts of their bodies in need of censorship, else the horns and tongues in the show would be black blocks, right?
I chosed this picture because it fit the premise for my idea so perfectly, read chapter 3 to see why exactly if you like to.
I hope this picture didn't turned you off to continue reading. I have chosen it 'cause I found it quite funny with its perfect fitting for my story.
Now this is just me, but I find the image to be a major turn-off. You should change it.
3343776
I'm sorry, that it doesn't pleases you. But I will keep it for three reasons:
1) It fits the story like a clenched hand on a black eye and usually it's not that easy to find a great cover for your fic's premise.
2) I asked others and the Fimfic stuff if this picture is appropriate for Fimfic's standards. Turns out others likes it and that it's okay with the rules. And honestly, I've seen way more sexual pictures as covers than this one here. Even clop-pictures just with quickly added censor bars to them.
3) I like it.
I hope you can see past the cover and enjoy the fic for what it was written for.
After all, you don't see the cover anymore once you click on one of the chapters.
Thank you for taking your time to comment. :)
I gotta say im loving this story so far ^.^
Just dont cut it short like so many authors of good stories do
this is good as the last 2 and the use of the horn for healing like that is a nice idea it make since that such a wound could not be healed by a simple spell that twi's magic would need to be condensed in order for it to be more useful. (as some if not the bulk of it would have be burned up by dashes body in the changing from one aura to anther) a great balance between the act of helping a friend and pleasing a friend
Simplemente exelente historia, me encanta la convinacion que usa XD
3337797 Yeah MAKE HIM DO IT...
3338568 According to gdocs i did all teh work... and its odycay
Great story, love it, now MOAR for Celestia sake MOAR
Also this remember me to Dawn of a new Day, the second TwiDash fic that I've read
I thing it should be unicorn , Twilight isn't an alicorn yet.
I think you may need to get your editors to recheck this chapter in particular. There are quite a few mistakes in here, and at points it was rather distracting.
I need more of this. It just got very interesting.
*sees cover art* If I didn't know any better I'd say this was going to be a clop..
*reads first two chapters* you're gonna go there, aren't you?
*reads this chapter* yep, you went there.
In all honesty, it's an interesting and original idea. Even if it is a tad predictable. On a side note, I really hope Rainbow will find out what Twi's doing before it's too late. I really don't want this to end with Twi without her magic. Then again, in it's own right that could be interesting, though you'd either have to end this on a cliff hanger or it'd end up being very, very long. I vote for options either 1 (Rainbow finds out and stops Twi) or three (Rainbow doesn't find out and you make this very long to deal with Twilight coping with the lack of magic).
But anyway, great chapter, I think you'd do well writing more adult themed chapters/fics, and I'll await the next chapter eagerly.
3343823
Thank, I'm glad you love it.
I'm sorry to say though that this fic was planned and so far written to stay within 25k words. I hope that's not too short for your likings.
3344243
Thanks, yeah I liked the idea that Dash had to do something to get her healing done and with I don't mean to lay still for Twi to use her spells on her wings to heal them. With magical wounds that can't be treated any other way than getting magic, I could make it so that RD had to do something to Twi to get her magical treatments to be able to fly again - the horn-sucking idea was born. XD
Also I liked it that RD would really be no longer a pegasus with such grave injuries, that she can't even nap on a cloud - unimaginable! In many other stories she "only" loses her ability to fly but she is still a pegasus in the end, here's she's just a pony, with no magical power whatsoever. A colored-up donkey if you want to mean.
And the idea to make magic become some sort of fluid which you can gulp up and even have a "magical" taste to it was too good to pass up. <3
I was a bit surprised though when I readed over the chapter and found it more perverted than I had it to be in my mind when I started writing it.
3344504
Sorry for the misspelling, I'll change that then.
3344901
Yeah, I've read that story too and I enjoyed it very much. You know that it got a comic too? It's on deviantart and on derpibooru if you want to search for it and got the same name as the fic.
With alicorn i didn't meant the race but the stuff Twilight's and all Unicorn's/Alicorn's horns are made of - alicorn. This had been one of the side-debates in hte bronydom whenever the writers meant with "alicorn amulett" an amulett "made of alicorn", the stuff, or an amulett "made with the image of an alicon=princess in mind". With S3Ep13 where Rarity spoke to Twilight that "she became an alicorn", the debate ended but I still like to use the word for the stuff their horns are made of which it was originally used for.
In male terms Twi's alicorn member would be a "meaty member".
Here's the link if you'd like to see it for yourself: Alicorn - one term for two means
3344312
I understood that, yay!
¡Muchas gracias! :)
3344921
Oh, I'm sorry for that. :c
I'll have either Timber or Ody once they have the time for it. Could you please point out some of the stuff for me so that I can send the examples to them? Thanks.
3345432
You'll get more once I'll get notice of ch.4 being proofreaded. And chapter 5 is in the workings. Hopefully I can finish it in time before the competition ends.
3345617
To be fair, it's not really clop, it's "cloppy" at best and "saucy" at second best. I tried to make sure that there wouldn't be any explicit words or sex scenes and with keeping it to horn and tongue, which we see in very MLP episode thus not "mature sensible" parts of their body, I could keep it teen. Though it ended up to be way more perverted than I had it expected it to be. ^^
Chapter 4 is on his way to be proofreaded, at least I'll poke my editors to speed up a little, then you can see for yourself what will happen next.
Also your comment gave me a nice extra idea for chapter 5, thank you very much both for the little muse kiss and the kind comment.
3346101 There's a few examples and most of them follow the same pattern; using the right word, but the wrong tense, so like "I didn't wanted her to feel like this," where it should be "I didn't want her to feel like this." I'll paste some examples below.
Should be "blame"
Should be "didn't find"
This one just strikes me as weird, a better way of putting it would probably be something like "Better get used to only being able to fly in my dreams."
Should be "thank you"
Should either be "Why did you thank me, Twi?"
Or "What did you thank me for, Twi?"
It's basically things like that. I hope I've helped in some way.
3346133
For some examples, there were quite alot. Thank you for your help and taking your time to point me to my mistakes. So i noticed that after every "do another-do word" if I make it "didn't wanted" then it's wrong, but if it's "didn't want" then it's right? So changing the do into did or didn't is enough and I don't need to the other do-word in past tense anymore? In that case I made the work for my editors way harder than it should be.
But to be honest, I don't quite get the "thank you" part? How would that make sense in the context Spike speaks to Twi and RD?
I'll go and add those changes right away. Then other readers can have a more pleasing read than you had to endure.
Haha, they were minor distractions at best, they just sort of stuck out.
For the thank you part, "thank you" does work, if Spike is talking to Rainbow, if he's just speaking out loud, something like "Twilight can be thankful for whatever it is she feels thankful for" also works.
3346191
Ooooh! That feels so much smoother than my "Twilight can thank for whatever it is she feels thankful for". Thanks for that one too!
Ehh slightly sad its gonna be so short but at least you plan on finishing it ^.^
Oh jesus I see a bad future that may harm twilight irreversibly
Im gonna take a big guess and say English isnt your first kanguage?
She didn't quite KNOW what she should tell Twilight
Theres a lot more than that, so many that i cant be bothered to go back and find em, some people have pointed them out though
3343711
No, don't worry. I don't even know who your editors are, so no, they didn't give me anything.
At least, not to me...
A very interesting story concept. Not sure if Twilight will dye her hair now though... What I definitely see coming are Rainbows protests when she finds out what Twilight is doing. Or, if you take the foreshadowing from the dream literally, she won't realize what is going on until it is too late... I don't like sad endings...
Unless...*flash of inspiration* What if the stone Twilight recovered from the machine, the thing that rewrites the the basic laws of nature in Equestria, that caused that whole mess in the first place, enables them both to get back on their full strength?
I had to stop reading and just sit in my chair after I was done. It went from serious;
Wow my life sucks, I lost my wings pity me forever
to;
ERMAHGERD we're having totally platonic magical sex!
...LOVE IT!
3347443
Good to know they didn't.^^
Thanks as for the dye, Twi did that only to prevent anypony finding out that she's overworking her own aura in order to heal RD faster. I needed something to cover up the silver hair and dye made more sense than another magic spell given that Twi's magic is mostly spent on RD daily.
Close, very close again. You're sure you're not getting any notes from my editors or having another way to see in my brain?
3349655
Yeah, that was what I wanted to get.
Like "okay, Rainbow. There's a way for you to get back your horn. Thing is for that you need to suck your friend's horn. Don't worry; it's not sexual, just platonic medical sucking, is all. What you gonna do?" and then RD: "I gonna give Twi the best hornjob ever if that means getting my wings back!" which later ofc turns to "dayum, Twi's so cute/adorable/sexy/lovely/etc whenever I suck her horn or cuddle with her afterwards~~~". <3
Glad to hear you loved it!