It was a cold day in Ponyville as five pony friends stood in a circle outside of Sugarcube Corner while waiting for their pink maned friend to return after entering said shop. The five ponies just stood there talking about their days until they heard a little bell ring. They all turned towards the sound to see Pinkie Pie emerging from the shop with a bag filled to the brim with candy in her mouth.
“mmph!” Pinkie tried saying something but realized she still had the bag in her mouth, after the realization she placed the bag onto the ground in front of her after approaching her friends and tried again. “I bought candy for everypony!” she giggled.
They all laughed along with their pink maned friend each taking a piece of candy and popping it into their mouths.
Applejack looked up at the overcast sky, “Ah think it’s going to rain soon.” She said.
“Yeah the weather team scheduled a light rainfall this afternoon.” Rainbow Dash casually said while grabbing some more candy.
“You decide to announce that now?” Rarity glared at Rainbow Dash, obviously annoyed.
Rainbow ignored her annoyed friend and continued stuffing her face with candy.
“How ‘bout y’all come over and spend the night at Sweet Apple Acres?” Applejack suggested.
Twilight beamed at the idea “Ooh! My second sleepover but this time with all of my friends! ”
Rarity chuckled awkwardly “I suppose that would be more preferable than walking all the way back to my boutique and risk getting my mane wet.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, “I don’t really have anything better to do so I don’t see why not.”
“I’m always up for spending time with friends!” Pinkie squealed excitedly with a few pieces of candy jammed into her mouth.
“.. I uhm guess that would be alright ...” Fluttershy whispered almost too quietly.
A cold wind hit the six friends and they were on their way to Sweet Apple Ares.
~About five long minutes of walking in the cold~
The six ponies sprinted into the barn and immediately went to the already lit fireplace, all of them were shivering as their coats were slightly damp from the cold air outside.
“AJ you’re finally back!” cried an excited Applebloom as she ran in for a hug from her older sister. “Ah see you brought your friends too!” She added glancing at the five ponies huddled by the fireplace.
“Hi Applebloom!” Pinkie sang out as she pranced over towards the filly embracing her in a warm hug.
The rest of the group turned around after a good amount of warming up and greeted Applebloom, making conversation by saying things such as “How was school today?” and “Do you and the other Crusaders have any plans as to how to earn your cutie marks?” things like that.
“Well it was fun seeing y’all again! Ah think it’s time for me to hit the hay, ah’m mighty plum tuckered out.” Yawned a sleepy Applebloom as she treaded up the stairs to her bedroom.
“Now that she’s gone, what do you girls want to do?” Rainbow Dash asked while creepily rubbing her hooves together.
“Ooh we could do make overs!” Rarity said joyfully
“Or tell ghost stories!” Pinkie laughed.
“We could have a pillow fight!” Twilight said almost too excitedly.
“Or maybe we could all just go to sleep..” Fluttershy muttered, earning a shocked look from everyone in the room.
“Is something the matter sugarcube?” AJ comforted Fluttershy.
“N-no I’m fine.. it’s just-“ the shy pony started to say.
“I’ve got it!” Rainbow Dash shrieked, “Let’s play Truth Or Dare” she chuckled with a hint of mischief in her eyes.
“That’d be great!” Rarity, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie said in unison.
Fluttershy cowered in the corner of the room clearly not agreeing with Rainbow’s suggestion.
“Oh c’mon Flutters! Stop being a party pooper.” Rainbow said, pushing Fluttershy towards the rest of their friends.
After getting settled in the little circle on the ground, the six friends began to play the game.
“Pinkie Pie, truth or dare? ” Rainbow questioned.
“Dare!” she replied cheerfully.
“I dare you to..”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After exchanging a few truth and dares amongst the six ponies;
“Fluttershy dear, truth or dare?” Rarity asked the light yellow Pegasus
After thinking for a few seconds “Truth”
Rainbow Dash facehoofed, “Truth? Again?” she mumbled to herself with disappointment.
“Hmm..” Rarity thought aloud. “Do you have a crush on anypony?”
Fluttershy’s heart started to race at the question, a light blush creeping onto her cheeks. “..N-no..” she stuttered.
“Then why are you blushing?” Rainbow Dash asked suspiciously.
“Oh uhm. I’m not.” Fluttershy unconvincingly lied, blush growing deeper as the rainbow maned pony got nearer.
"This is truth or dare ‘Shy, meaning you have to tell the truth” Rainbow stated.
“Okay maybe I have a crush on somepony.” Fluttershy answered, avoiding Rainbow’s gaze.
“Oh! Who is he? What’s his name? Do I know him? Is he cute?” Pinkie said all in one breath.
“Yes do tell us darling!” Rarity said, suddenly interested.
“B-but isn’t that two..three..f-five questions?” Fluttershy stuttered blushing like mad, not wanting to answer their questions.
“Asking two questions in a row is against the rules, only one question at a time. I memorized the rules in case I’d ever need them for another sleepover.” Twilight giggled while adorkably clapping her hooves together.
Fluttershy sighed with relief, then continued her turn. “Uh Applejack, truth or dare?” she asked softly.
“Dare.” Applejack replied.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Ah’m getting mighty tired, how ‘bout the rest of y’all?” Applejack yawned.
All they did was yawn in response then Applejack told them where they could sleep.
“Ah hope you like sharing, because ah only have one extra bed, one spot in my bed, and the couch.”
“Fine by me.” Rainbow Dash yawned.
The rest of the girls nodded to show that they all agreed.
“Okay, Pinkie, who would you like to share a bed with?” AJ questioned Pinkie.
Pinkie hesitated for a moment, resting her head on one of her hooves, “I’ll share the couch with Twilight!” She squeaked.
Twilight looked a bit startled at first but then she quickly gave in due to her being so tired from staying up so late with her friends. They both walked to the couch and put their heads the opposite sides of the large piece of furniture so only their back hooves touched, and quickly fell asleep.
Applejack scratched the back of her head awkwardly, “.. Why’d she choose the couch? Oh well.. What about you Rares? Wanna share a bed with either Flutters, Dash, or me?” She asked.
Rarity’s face turned very a light pink as she said “Er I suppose I’ll share a bed with you AJ.”
Applejack tenderly smiled at Rarity then said to the remaining pegasi “So Flutters and Dash you’ll share that bed over there” and motioned a hoof towards the guest room.
“Sweet! C’mon ‘Shy.” Rainbow Dash beamed as she extended a hoof out for Fluttershy to grab. She giggled as she accepted the cyan pegasi’s offer and pranced to the guest room while the farmer showed Rarity the way to her bedroom.
Fluttershy began to blush as Rainbow Dash crawled into bed with her. At first they both tried to sleep facing away from each other, but the window on the other side of the room was letting in an awfully cold breeze that caused Rainbow Dash to shiver, instinctively she turned the opposite direction of which the wind was coming from, that would be the direction Fluttershy was in.
Dash opened her eyes slightly “ ‘Shy, you asleep yet?” she whispered.
“Not really.. why are still you awake?” she murmured as she turned to face the cyan pegasus.
“I-I just got kinda c-cold..” she stuttered.
“Oh.. uhm me too..” Fluttershy said shyly, already beginning to blush.
Rainbow Dash noticed her friend’s face and how it was more pink than usual, and smirked. “Should we fix that? You know, so we’re not both cold.” She cooed, moving closer to the other pegasus.
“Oh s-sure… so we’re not cold..” Fluttershy’s face now turning a deep red as Rainbow moved closer wrapping a foreleg around the shy mare's waist, the other went around her upper back. Fluttershy was a bit shocked by these actions, I never thought she would feel so soft.. she thought. Returning the favor, the yellow pegasus wrapped both her forelegs around her best friend's sides. The rainbow maned pony was enjoying the moment, she lovingly nuzzled Fluttershy’s neck. They both soon fell asleep in their warm embrace.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Aww look at ‘em!”
“Isn’t that just simply adorable!”
“Were you supposed to cuddle while sleeping? It didn’t say anything about that in the book!”
“I didn’t think Dashie could be so romanticy like that!”
Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes to see what the commotion was about, once her eyes were fully opened she realized what her friends had witnessed.
“…Oh my!” Fluttershy squeaked, blushing once again.
Pinkie Pie swiftly ran out of the room, the noise caused a certain cyan pony to wake up “Morning Fluttershy..” Rainbow Dash said warmly, then she looked down and noticed she was still cuddled up against her. “Oh gosh..” Rainbow Dash said awkwardly, breaking their embrace.
“Aww I missed it!” pouted Pinkie Pie as she came back in the room and dropped a small camera from her mouth.
Fluttershy leaped out of the bed, pushing her mane infront of her now completely red face as she awkwardly walked out of the room, leaving Sweet Apple Acres. Did I just cuddle with Rainbow Dash? She thought to herself, half excited half embarrassed while trotting back to her cottage.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“You guys are so annoying, look what you did. Now Fluttershy’s gone..” muttered an upset Rainbow Dash, resting her head in her hooves.
“Does Dashie have a crushy wushy on wittle fwuttershy?” Pinkie cooed.
“Now Pinkie I think we’ve bothered Dash plenty about it,” Applejack glared at the pink earth pony.
“So ‘Dashie’ what are you going to do about her leaving?” Rarity asked.
“What do you mean?” Rainbow Dash replied lifting her head from her hooves.
“Well dontcha like her?” the farm pony asked.
Rainbow Dash bobbed her head in a nod.
“Then go after her darling!” Rarity shouted excitedly.
Rainbow Dash finally understood what they were talking about, I have to see her.. I have to tell her! … not while looking like this though.. she thought. “I need to take a shower and brush my mane first then I need to buy her some flowers an-“ Rainbow spat out.
“Sugarcube, take as much time as ya need. Just make sure ya don’t forget!” Applejack reassured her.
“Thanks guys.” Rainbow smiled warmly at them before leaving the barn, flying straight back to her cloud home in the sky.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Oh Tank, what am I supposed to say to her? I’ve never told a pony I felt this way about them before.” She panicked, looking at her pet turtle- err tortoise, Tank for some type of answer. “But I’ve felt this way about her for so long! I may not have acted like I did, but I have had the biggest crush on her. Ever since Flight School..” All Tank did was spend about five seconds blinking at the flustered pony in front of him. Rainbow Dash gasped “What if she doesn’t like me? What if she gets creeped out and never wants to talk to me again? What if she ends up hating me?” Tank tries to comfort Rainbow Dash by nuzzling her side but it doesn’t help. “I don’t want to lose her as a friend.. But what if she does like me back? Then we become marefriends right? ..But if she doesn’t like me, we become ex-friends..” She trailed off, Tank quickly became bored and slowly started walking in the other direction. “Traitor!” She shouted to him. Oh Fluttershy… Snap out of it Dash! We have to get ready to confess to Fluttershy.. she told herself and began to get ready.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Rainbow Dash sighed, I guess I’m ready.. and she started flying to Fluttershy’s cottage.
As Rainbow arrived to the house of a certain light yellow pegasus. She was about to knock on the door when she heard her friend talking, and decided to investigate. Flying around the cottage looking through all of the windows until she found the shy pegasus.
"Oh Rainbow.. If only I could tell you how I feel.." She mumbled to a rectangular wooden object while sitting on her bed.
Is that a picture of me? Rainbow Dash asked herself.
Fluttershy sat up and cleared her throat, " H-hey Rainbow Dash.. How are you today?" She asked the wooden object, then adjusted her voice making it a bit more raspy "I'm doing great 'Shy! How about you?" Changing back to her regular voice now, "Oh uhm I'm f-f-fine...Oh I just can't do it! I'm even nervous around a picture picture frame.." Fluttershy cried as she set the picture on her nightstand, then resting her head in her hooves.
Rainbow Dash felt like she had to cheer her up, so she flew back over to the door, knocking as if she hadn't seen anything. "Fluttershy? You home?"
Fluttershy's heart began to race and she wiped her tears away "Be there in a sec!" She almost squeaked, leaping up off the bed and walking towards the bathroom to wash her face. After doing so, she went to open the door. "Oh hey Rainbow Dash.." She said shyly, looking down at her hooves.
"H-h-heyy Flutters.." Rainbow stuttered while scratching the back of her head with a shaky hoof.
"W-what brings you here?" Fluttershy asks her, opening the door more motioning for her to come in.
"I uh.. wanted to talk about .. earlier today" She nervously replied.
Fluttershy began to blush as she remembered their little cuddle session. "Oh uhm.. what about it..?"
Rainbow Dash didn't reply, but what she did do was stare at Fluttershy's teal eyes, walking closer to her, heart pounding.
Oh gosh... Fluttershy gulped nervously
Soon their muzzle's were less than an inch apart. Both of the ponies blushing deeply, as Rainbow Dash leaned in.
During the kiss Fluttershy stood there motionless, not knowing what to do, as this was her first kiss. She didn't want to disappoint Rainbow so she shyly began kissing back.
After a few seconds of an awkward kiss Dash pulled away "I l-l-love you... Fluttershy.." Rainbow stuttered nervously, shutting her eyes as if she were about to be punched in the face.
Fluttershy grinned from ear to ear as she tackled the cyan pegasus to the ground. "Oh I love you too Rainbow Dash!" she squealed.
I don't like it when the Like/Dislike meter shows all red when no one gives it a rating. It makes the story look bad.
Also, I found an advertisement for the Xbox One right next to an advertisement for the PS4 on this page. You lucky dog.
Feedback? Man, I wanna know why Pinkie chose the couch with Twi, and why Rares decided AJ. Come on! Spill already! Where's the sequel?
3002572 I might do a sequel if this one gets good ratings
I uhh...I don't get it, are they in Sugar cube corner or waiting outside a store? Sugarcube corner is the name of the Cakes bakery.
Why does Pinkie have a hand if she's a pony?
You could have rephrased that, I don't think Dash Would say that and why did you write 'looking at her pet turtle- I mean tortoise' he's a tortoise wrte it.
All in all, this fic was disappointing, poor plot line and out of character....characters. I don't mind a bit of FlutterDash but this....I'm putting this somewhere.
I'll give you a thumbs up because it's FlutterDash, because it's largely free of technical errors (which means you care enough to make it readable) , and because you came up with an idea that's original but somehow so obvious in hindsight.
However, if you want feedback on what to improve, there's frankly a lot to improve upon. If you like, I can give you a more thorough answer than that via PM if you want.
3002628 Yeah I'm not very good at writing.. this was sort of a test, when I first wrote it there were some things I had to change due to copyright, thanks for your opinion though.
3002570 the only Ads I get are for pony related things, NSFWallet.cpm and coins soooooo interesting
I added this fic HERE, the FlutterDash fic clinic
3002641 I'd really appreciate that
3002644
I know you were a big fan of my story, "A Life-Changing Blessing", and I just wanted to tell you, I will finally be continuing that story! I just thought you of all ponies should know.
ih1.redbubble.net/image.12179505.9201/sticker,375x360.png
3002662 .....
WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT HERE!?
Was it perfect? No. But it's a sweet story and you tried your best. Seriously, keep the criticism for PM's and stop trying to publicly attack somebody. It isn't easy to write.
I am just blown away at how this guys managed to write this without requiring any teen or adult themes into it (which are typical Flutterdash stories). I am the only other writer that I know of that can write Flutterdash stories like this, but I am bragging on him not me.
I bow down to this writer, due to the fact THIS WAS ONE of THE best, well written Flutterdash story, I had ever read.
Seriously, I mean this guy is just truly amazing at Romance.
Congrats, you are AWESOME!
Great story,
~Discord
Please continue the story..
that was a very good fic :D awesome job! Question, do you plan on making more? if so, would you want any help? Please reply
Nice job. I think you should continue this one, I'd like to see where it could go. You really did a nice story
3003195 3003000 3002898 3002845 3002572 Since you guys asked, I'll try to make a sequel. But I'm going to spend more time on it than I spent on this one, using all of the advice people have given me.
Kinda irritating with all the skipping ahead going on and some parts could probably have been lengthened, but it was enjoyable none the less. Good Job.
3003310 would you want any help on it?
3003448 Eh no thanks, usually when people try to help me I just end up being really annoying s: Thanks for the thoughtful offer though
loved it
It was cute, but a little too classic : a pony is in love with another pony, but she's afraid she wont like her anymore if she tells her, but the other pony is in love with her too, so they live forever after... But I like the first part, it reminds me of Kisses Are Complicated. Like a said, basic but good for afirst fanfic
All of my D'aaawwwwwwwwww
It was definitely a cute idea, but it also had some problems. I'm not even going to point out the spelling errors, like when Twilight says "ruled" when it should have been "rules" (Okay... just that one, but that's it), or point out where you went from past tense to present tense when Rainbow dash was talking to Tank (Well... I just did, but that's not the important thing to take away from what I'm saying.)
The most Important thing you need to improve on is "showing" not "telling." You also seem to have down with a case of not-giving-enough-detail-itis; it's a nasty disease, but we can work through this.
A good example of when you just flat out told us something when it would have been much better if you showed it to us with the thoughts and actions of the characters, was when Rainbow Dash arrived at Fluttershy's cottage and peered through the window. You wrote "Rainbow Dash felt like she had to cheer her up," but it would have been much more engaging if you gave internal monologue of Rainbow Dash or elaborated on how Rainbow Dash felt about this and what it made her think of.
As for how you lack detail... At one point you ended a paragraph with "We have to get ready to confess to Fluttershy.. she told herself and began to get ready." This is jarring because of how vague it is. What did Rainbow Dash do to get ready? Just an extra sentence saying what it was that she did would have made the scene feel less abrupt.
Hope this helps you improve!
3006722 Thanks sooo much
This story is way too cute, followed you, waiting patiently for the sequel!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Tackle's Fluttershy*
Fluttershy: Flame Why'd you do that for...? Me: HOW COULD YOU... KISS ANOTHER FREAKIN GIRL PONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rainbow Dash: Flame, Leave her alone! Me: NO! Fluttershy: ST-STOP IT! Me: FINE!
3032031 3006341 3004909 3002898 3002572 3003415
Hey guys! Been awhile
I'm finally in the writing mood and thinking about writing the sequel to this, but I need some ideas.
I want to include some Rarijack in my story but I'm having some trouble about how to put that into action.
What do you guys want me to have Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash do? All ideas are appreciated and I will take each one into consideration!
Oh and I edited the fanfic last night taking care of some errors in my story and also made it just a bit more readable, if you're bored you could check that out.
Thanks xx
3002572 And in this sequel your questions shall be answered!
'Twas a good story. Sweet. Despite the time jumps, it didn't feel too rushed.
Defiantly a sequel
It was cute and Flutterdash helps make it a winner
Shame the story stops there (at the moment at least).
want more flutterdash...if thats ok
Gotta love Flutterdash