• Member Since 23rd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 7th, 2015

Sketch Heart


Hi, my name is Sketch Heart, I admire Rainbow Dash, and I love to draw. c:

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Source

During one of Applejack's sleepovers Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy decide to share a room, something happens that makes them both confused on their feelings for eachother.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 40 )

I don't like it when the Like/Dislike meter shows all red when no one gives it a rating. It makes the story look bad. :derpytongue2:
Also, I found an advertisement for the Xbox One right next to an advertisement for the PS4 on this page. You lucky dog. :rainbowlaugh:

Feedback? Man, I wanna know why Pinkie chose the couch with Twi, and why Rares decided AJ. Come on! Spill already! Where's the sequel?

3002572 I might do a sequel if this one gets good ratings :twilightsheepish:

It was a cold day in Ponyville as five pony friends stood in a circle in the middle of Sugarcube Corner while waiting for their pink maned friend to return after entering one of the sweet shops. The five ponies just stood there talking about their days until they heard a little bell ring. They all turned towards the sound to see Pinkie Pie emerging from the shop she had been in for such a long time with a bag filled to the brim with candy in her mouth.

I uhh...I don't get it, are they in Sugar cube corner or waiting outside a store? :rainbowhuh: Sugarcube corner is the name of the Cakes bakery.

Pinkie hesitated for a moment, putting her chin in the crook of her thumb and index finger, “I’ll share the couch with Twilight!” She squeaked.

Why does Pinkie have a hand if she's a pony? :rainbowhuh:

Oh Tank, what am I supposed  to say to her? I’ve never told a pony I felt this way about them before.” She panicked, looking at her pet turtle- I mean tortoise, Tank for some type of answer. “But I’ve felt this way about her for so long! I may not have acted like I did, but I have had the biggest crush on her. Ever since Flight School..”

You could have rephrased that, I don't think Dash Would say that and why did you write 'looking at her pet turtle- I mean tortoise' he's a tortoise :ajbemused: wrte it.


All in all, this fic was disappointing, :facehoof: poor plot line and out of character....characters. I don't mind a bit of FlutterDash but this....I'm putting this somewhere.

I'll give you a thumbs up because it's FlutterDash, because it's largely free of technical errors (which means you care enough to make it readable) , and because you came up with an idea that's original but somehow so obvious in hindsight.

However, if you want feedback on what to improve, there's frankly a lot to improve upon. If you like, I can give you a more thorough answer than that via PM if you want.

3002628 Yeah I'm not very good at writing.. this was sort of a test, when I first wrote it there were some things I had to change due to copyright, thanks for your opinion though.

3002570 the only Ads I get are for pony related things, NSFWallet.cpm and coins :ajbemused: soooooo interesting :facehoof:


I added this fic HERE, the FlutterDash fic clinic

3002641 I'd really appreciate that :pinkiehappy:

3002644

I know you were a big fan of my story, "A Life-Changing Blessing", and I just wanted to tell you, I will finally be continuing that story! I just thought you of all ponies should know. :derpytongue2:

ih1.redbubble.net/image.12179505.9201/sticker,375x360.png

3002662 .....

WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT HERE!?

Was it perfect? No. But it's a sweet story and you tried your best. Seriously, keep the criticism for PM's and stop trying to publicly attack somebody. It isn't easy to write.

I am just blown away at how this guys managed to write this without requiring any teen or adult themes into it (which are typical Flutterdash stories). I am the only other writer that I know of that can write Flutterdash stories like this, but I am bragging on him not me.

I bow down to this writer, due to the fact THIS WAS ONE of THE best, well written Flutterdash story, I had ever read.

Seriously, I mean this guy is just truly amazing at Romance.

Congrats, you are AWESOME!

Great story,
~Discord

Please continue the story.. :fluttercry:

that was a very good fic :D awesome job! Question, do you plan on making more? if so, would you want any help? Please reply

Nice job. I think you should continue this one, I'd like to see where it could go. You really did a nice story :twilightsmile:

3003195 3003000 3002898 3002845 3002572 Since you guys asked, I'll try to make a sequel. :twilightblush: But I'm going to spend more time on it than I spent on this one, using all of the advice people have given me. :heart:

Kinda irritating with all the skipping ahead going on and some parts could probably have been lengthened, but it was enjoyable none the less. Good Job.

3003310 would you want any help on it?

3003448 Eh no thanks, usually when people try to help me I just end up being really annoying s: Thanks for the thoughtful offer though :heart:

It was cute, but a little too classic : a pony is in love with another pony, but she's afraid she wont like her anymore if she tells her, but the other pony is in love with her too, so they live forever after... But I like the first part, it reminds me of Kisses Are Complicated. Like a said, basic but good for afirst fanfic :pinkiesmile:

It was definitely a cute idea, but it also had some problems. I'm not even going to point out the spelling errors, like when Twilight says "ruled" when it should have been "rules" (Okay... just that one, but that's it), or point out where you went from past tense to present tense when Rainbow dash was talking to Tank (Well... I just did, but that's not the important thing to take away from what I'm saying.)

The most Important thing you need to improve on is "showing" not "telling." You also seem to have down with a case of not-giving-enough-detail-itis; it's a nasty disease, but we can work through this.

A good example of when you just flat out told us something when it would have been much better if you showed it to us with the thoughts and actions of the characters, was when Rainbow Dash arrived at Fluttershy's cottage and peered through the window. You wrote "Rainbow Dash felt like she had to cheer her up," but it would have been much more engaging if you gave internal monologue of Rainbow Dash or elaborated on how Rainbow Dash felt about this and what it made her think of.

As for how you lack detail... At one point you ended a paragraph with "We have to get ready to confess to Fluttershy.. she told herself and began to get ready." This is jarring because of how vague it is. What did Rainbow Dash do to get ready? Just an extra sentence saying what it was that she did would have made the scene feel less abrupt.

Hope this helps you improve! :twilightsheepish:

This story is way too cute, followed you, waiting patiently for the sequel!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Tackle's Fluttershy*
:fluttercry: Fluttershy: Flame Why'd you do that for...? Me: HOW COULD YOU... KISS ANOTHER FREAKIN GIRL PONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rainbow Dash: Flame, Leave her alone! Me: NO! Fluttershy: :fluttershysad: ST-STOP IT! Me: FINE! :moustache:

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Hey guys! Been awhile :twilightblush:
I'm finally in the writing mood and thinking about writing the sequel to this, but I need some ideas.
I want to include some Rarijack in my story but I'm having some trouble about how to put that into action. :raritydespair::applejackconfused:
What do you guys want me to have Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash do? All ideas are appreciated and I will take each one into consideration!
Oh and I edited the fanfic last night taking care of some errors in my story and also made it just a bit more readable, if you're bored you could check that out.
Thanks xx :heart:

3002572 And in this sequel your questions shall be answered! :pinkiehappy:

'Twas a good story. Sweet. Despite the time jumps, it didn't feel too rushed.

It was cute and Flutterdash helps make it a winner :pinkiehappy:
Shame the story stops there (at the moment at least).

want more flutterdash...if thats ok

Comment posted by ZackRDS deleted Oct 28th, 2013

Best author's note ever XD
Yay for sequels! :)

Well, my d'aww quota has been met. :rainbowkiss:

As for ideas... I don't really know to be honest. We already passed becoming a couple and even telling the friends so I guess the only ideas I have would be the couple's interacting with each other. I can imagine Rarity and Fluttershy wanting to go on a double date.

It's hard to come up with ideas when I don't know the direction you want to take this. Is this a just a lovey-dovey romance, do you want some interesting conflicts, someponies not accepting them.

Gotta love Flutterdash :yay::heart::rainbowlaugh:

Ideas... well, Pinkie seemed like an interesting angle. The rest of Poniville will find out eventually. Anyone could be against it... Just remember, if you write the next chapter, make it how YOU want it to go/sound/read. It is your story :twilightsmile: You got this dude!

Take this as an idea: :twilightsmile::heart::pinkiehappy:

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