Rainbow Dash is late for her weekly meeting with Fluttershy leading to unexpected consequences. Rated for near rape and violence.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmmm, this seems like it is going to be a rather interesting story. I can't wait to start reading it.
This didn't really grab my attention, forcing me to stop after Applejack bought the rope.
Probably just me, but the Applejack seemed a bit out of character. You nailed Fluttershy and RainbowDash, but Applejack just.........wasn't right.
Anyway, R+ for the concept.
PS: You need an editor
2867463 *throws pie at face*. Haha
2867463 Thanks
2868612 Will be updating in next couple of weeks as I finish the next chapter
2869340 I'm sorry if it seem's A.J. is a bit out, but I haven't written a pony fic before so I might make a few errors here and there As for needing an editor, well let's just say I did give my first chapter to someone to Beta read, the file they sent back had Celestia and Luna in a romantic involvement, they'd removed the applepie romance. Pretty much re-wrote the entire chapter. so I will be having to rely on myself for a while.
2869445 Now why waste food like that? an where's my slice?
2869464 *throws another pie at face* here you go!
2869464
It was a great effort for a new author, make no mistake!
Probably just my 28 hours no sleep attitude earlier so don't worry too much about it.
And look at it this way, you managed to get RainbowDash and Fluttershy's characters spot on! Those are harder personalities to write than Applejack and 2/3 is awesome for a first time! Besides, Applejack's southern accent is hard to type in
If you need help with editing, I can volunteer
"Swallowing a big gulp as she saw her marefriend taking Fluttershy to a seat on the end.
“Ah think ah will take up that compensation offer if it’s still available.” Applejack said as she sat in shock."
Who's marefriend (I'm guessing Applejacks) and who is the marefriend? (Oh should have read comments it is Pinkie Pie). And who the #$%& does editing by rewriting the damn thing?
Not sure if you need the mature tag since this is "near rape" and there's no explicit details. Also, there's several instances where you didn't capitalize the beginning of a sentence or dialogue. Not to mention when Rainbow Dash calls Fluttershy "Flutters" you didn't capitalize the nickname.
That out of the way, this is a fairly interesting story. First time? Yeah, Applejack might be quite difficult to write at first with little to none experience.
2870005 The person who did the "editing" for me was a friend, needless to say we have both agreed that in future I will not ask them to edit.
2870300 I know what you're saying with A.J. and being difficult to write, but just as she'll keep apple buckin, I'll keep tryin'
I'm a bit worried about comments people are saying for me being a first time writer - Sorry if I put myself across like that, what I mean is this is the first time I've written a pony fic, I mainly write Harry Potter or Ranma 1/2 over on Fanfiction (dot) net, under the name skipsophrenic, sorry for the confusion
I feel exactly how Luna felt.
THAT STALLION NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON!
Holy sh!t, you actually started it...
I'm experiencing many emotions right now.
2882508
Nice story. The beginning was really good. Applejack's flash back threw me off a bit, although nicely done and sweet. Big Mac, don't kick you little sister in the face. LOL. Rainbow and Fluttershy were really in character. Ponies get serious with attemtped rape, that stallion is doomed!
I didn't read any of the other comments so I'm not sure if this is mentioned, but Fluttershys eyes, are blue (technically teal) , AppleJacks eyes are the green ones.. other than that, I love this story so much!!!
I wish those convicted of sexual assault were gelded in real life. That might keep them from doing it.
2875535 Don't worry I'll handle this bastard *starts to walk towards him with a sword in hand*
Rereading
It’s been a few years…
Glad you came back.