Working Towards The Future

by Dasponi

Chapter 37; I'm Not Okay (And I Refuse To Make This A Reference)

The rest of the morning classes passed pretty much like the first ones had. Diamond Tiara continued to get questions right and acted like the perfect student. She paid attention and didn’t try and distract the class or talk to anypony, not even Silver Spoon. The two were seen together at recess so it wasn’t like they had fallen out. Diamond Tiara was just behaving all of a sudden. Scootaloo took advantage of a particularly quiet time in class to lean over and talk to Featherweight.

“Hey, Featherweight, I got something I wanna ask you.” she said. The rest of the class were busy talking to eachother so she didn’t really need to try and hide that she was talking.

“If it’s about the work ask somepony else.” Featherweight replied. He was having a little trouble so if Scootaloo wanted answers about work, she wasn’t going to get them from him.

“It’s not that. I’m just wondering who the new Gabby Gums is. Do you know anythin’?” Scootaloo asked. She wanted to avoid letting Featherweight know how much it had affected her and Rainbow Dash. She acted like she was just genuinely curious.

“‘Fraid not actually. You aren’t the first to ask me that.”

“How can you not know who it is?” Scootaloo replied, confused.

“That one’s easy. They slid the envelope under the door along with a note saying that they would never come forward. They learned from your mistake of being found out.” Featherweight replied, looking up from his work.

“So you really have no idea?” Scootaloo asked. Featherweight shook his head. “So why’d you print it?”

“It seemed harmless enough and Gabby Gums was a big seller. I made the choice to print it and that’s all there is to it really.” Featherweight explained. Scootaloo couldn’t quite see his reasoning but her short time in journalism had shown her she wasn’t cut out for it. She sighed in resignation and returned to her own work. Once again, the investigation had been cut off before it had begun. Whoever the new Gabby Gums was, they sure were good at covering their tracks. Soon enough lunchtime rolled around, along with a conversation Scootaloo had been anxious to avoid.

“I really don’t get what Diamond Tiara is doing. You guys have any clue?” she asked her friends. They looked at eachother nervously and Apple Bloom nodded to Swetie Belle, signalling that she should say something.

“Um...Scoots?” Sweetie Belle asked nervously.

“First she says sorry and now she’s acting nice in class? Plus Featherweight says he’s got no idea who Gabby Gums is so that plan was a bust too. I bet Diamond Tiara knew he didn’t know anything.” Scootaloo said, a little louder to try and control the conversation. It was a trick she had picked up from Rainbow Dash and Star Shine. If you think you know what somepony is going to say and you don’t want them to, talk over them, talk quickly, and try and distract them. While it had worked during recess thanks to the intervention of Diamond Tiara and her friends sudden interest in her brace, it wasn’t about to work this time.

“Scoots, about yesterday...” Sweetie Belle said, trying to steer the conversation where she wanted it to go. Unfortunately for her it was a direction Scootaloo was trying to avoid at all costs.

“Yesterday? Yesterday was a great day. I had an awesome time. I’m getting a new dress, Rainbow Dash is taking me and Star Shine to dinner but don’t tell him. He doesn’t know. I talked to him actually. Spent the day with him. Let me tell you something girls, that guy is DE-PRESSED. I mean, seriously, I thought I was depressed but that guy is on a whole other level. At least I don’t...try to hide it...At least my parents aren’t...dead. They just...didn’t want...me” Scootaloo said, rambling at top speed until the end when she started to stumble over her words and begin crying. By the end of it she was laid on the ground with her head buried in her hooves.

“I thought ye were...better now.” Apple Bloom ventured, unsure of how to phrase it. She was tapping Scootaloo gently on the back. Scootaloo snapped up and shoved Apple Bloom’s foreleg away, making her and Sweetie Belle jump.

“Better? BETTER?! You don’t magically get ‘better’ from something like that!” Scootaloo snapped, making sarcastic quote marks in the air with her hooves. “Everypony just thinks this, and thinks that, and none of them know the truth.” she said angrily. “‘Oh she’s living with Rainbow Dash? They must be sisters or something. A strange guy moved in with them? Hey maybe it’s her dad and now he’s with Rainbow Dash. Oh we’ve never seen her fly? Well she must be able to fly. I mean, what kind of broken down, useless, worthless Pegasi can’t fly?!” she added in a simpering accent until screaming at the end and dropping back down to the ground when she was done. “Even you guys went and told everypony what I said to you in private. Star Shine let me down, Rainbow Dash let me down. Everypony just keeps letting me down and I’m getting sick and tired of it.” she said quietly. She really didn’t want to think badly of Rainbow Dash but the darker parts of her heart saw Rainbow Dash being unable to teach her how to fly as a let down. She knew Rainbow Dash couldn’t help it and she had reassured her it was okay but a lot of things were festering in her little heart. Even the lighter parts of it saw Rainbow Dash showing Star Shine her suicide note as a let down and betrayal of trust. Star Shine had been nice to her but he had let her down as much as everypony else had by telling her friends about the note. Part of her had moved past it, but part of it hadn’t; The part that had been in control when she was caught by Rainbow Dash. Right now that part was in control once more.

“Are you...are you okay?” Sweetie Belle asked when Scootaloo had stopped screaming. She was still crying.

“What do you think? Leave me alone.” Scootaloo said, sighing into the ground. Her friends looked at eachother in confusion and sadness, and backed away from Scootaloo, giving her the space they thought she wanted. “Wow. I can’t believe they actually left me alone. Can’t they see the last thing I need is to be left alone?” Scootaloo said quietly to herself as she watched her friends leave her. “I knew everypony would leave me in the end.”

“Of course they’re going to leave you if you shout at them like that and tell them to.” said a voice from behind Scootaloo, making her jump and spin around to see who was there. It was a pony she wasn’t expecting to see at all. Rainbow Dash walked up to her and knelt down on the ground with her, holding Scootaloo close. “You really think I let you down? I’m sorry if I did.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I don’t think you let me down...but I do...It’s so confusing Rainbow. I don’t even know what I think and feel anymore.” Scootaloo replied softly, crying into Rainbow Dash’s side.

“I can’t tell you that Squirt but I can tell you that I think you need to go talk to your friends again. They’re worried about you.” Rainbow Dash replied, motioning to something in the distance. Scootaloo looked across the playground and saw her friends were sat together watching her. “I think they’re waiting until it’s safe for them to come back over.”

“I didn’t mean to shout at them. I didn’t want to say that. I didn’t say anything yesterday cos I was afraid that would happen. In the end it did anyway. Way to go me.” Scootaloo replied, looking down at the ground dejectedly. Rainbow Dash reached a foreleg under Scootaloo’s chin and held her face up.

“I know you didn’t, but those are the ones you have to say sorry to, not me. You think you can do that?” Rainbow Dash asked. Scootaloo looked across at her friends and nodded. Now that she had calmed down she knew they meant well. Like Rainbow Dash had said to them the day before, Scootaloo knew what was true but when you get depressed and angry, the wrong thoughts take over your mind. It was an experience Scootaloo didn’t want to have to have again. “Besides, you have to make up with Sweetie so we can go to the Boutique with her later.” Rainbow Dash added with a smile. Scootaloo gave a small half hearted laugh but her mood was lightened a little.

“I guess so, huh?” Scootaloo asked. Rainbow Dash nodded. “Thanks Rainbow. Why are you here anyway?” Scootaloo asked, huddling up to Rainbow Dash. She wasn’t complaining Rainbow Dash had appeared but did still find it confusing.

“I’m not really here. I’m a figment of your imagination. I told you Squirt, I’ll always be here with you.” Rainbow Dash replied. She tried to say it seriously and keep a straight face but she couldn’t help but laugh when she saw Scootaloo’s shocked face. “I’m kidding Scoots. I was doing weather duties and I heard you shout so I thought I’d see what’s up.” Rainbow Dash explained.

“So I’m not going crazy?” Scootaloo asked, breathing a sigh of relief.

“No more than usual Scoots.” Rainbow Dash replied, patting Scootaloo on the head.

“I’m not crazy.” Scootaloo replied, indignant. Sometimes she felt it a little but that didn’t mean she was.

“Then go talk to your friends. I’ll see you after school okay?” Rainbow Dash replied, nuzzling up to Scootaloo. Scootaloo nodded, returned the nuzzle, and then set off for her friends. She turned back to wave goodbye to Rainbow Dash and saw her take off into the sky to take care of whatever weather business needed to be done. Scootaloo continued walking over to her fellow Crusaders, wondering just what she was going to say. When she reached them she looked into their sad and scared eyes and her mind went blank. She wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn’t. After a few seconds her heart kicked in and took over.

“I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you like that. I’m not better no. I really won’t magically be better instantly. But I won’t ever be better without my friends.” she said, looking down at the ground and avoiding looking at the two ponies she might have just scared away for life. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle didn’t respond and instead walked up to Scootaloo and cuddled up to her.

“I don’t think yer useless or broken. Why yer one of the best friends Ah ever had.” Apple Bloom said. Sweetie Belle nodded her agreement and assessment of Scootaloo.

“Do you...do you have outbursts like that often?” Sweetie Belle asked gently. She was trying to avoid another outburst but sometimes curiosity has to be sated.

“I didn’t want it to happen this time. I’ve only done it once. Can you forgive me?” Scootaloo asked. It felt like a silly question given how they were all squeezed together but it still had to be asked.

“Of course silly. Just tell us next time okay?” Sweetie Belle said.

“If ye tell us things then we won’ have to assume nothin’.” Apple Bloom added. “Ye can tell us anythin’ Scoots. That’s what friends are for right?” she asked, smiling. Scootaloo nodded her agreement and wrapped a foreleg around each of her friends. She started walking, admittedly very awkwardly on two legs, back to where the trio had left their lunch.

“Sure, but for now let’s just eat lunch okay? I’m starving.” she said, giggling. Her friends slipped out of her grip so she could walk properly and the three of them walked together across the playground. Scootaloo’s friends were something she hadn’t been in a long time; innocent and pure. The weight of the world had long since crushed Scootaloo but her friends were still very forgiving and willing to just put things behind them. They weren’t totally sure everything was going to be fine now. Scootaloo had pretty much said it wouldn’t be fine for a long time, but they were left feeling that from now on they wouldn’t be left out of Scootaloo’s life and that, if she needed them, they could be there for her. Things weren’t totally fixed, but they weren’t as broken as they were before.

“She’s right you know. What kind of...what was it? Oh yeah. ‘what kind of broken down, useless, worthless Pegasi can’t fly?’” Diamond Tiara said to Silver Spoon. Rainbow Dash wasn’t the only one who heard Scootaloo’s outburst.

Author's Note:

The only rewrite this chapter suffered was the interaction between Scootaloo and Featherweight. Original plans for this chapter did actually include Rainbow Dash (at least her appearance here) being a figment of Scootaloo's imagination. The plan was to have Rainbow Dash basically be her conscience. I figured it was way too late in the story to introduce an idea like that though, and scrapped it. I also planned to do a little bit more with DT, but felt it was too much, too soon.

Enjoy the little blow up with the CMC. As it's not really spoilers to talk about forgotten plans, and I've already mentioned two, I did actually plan a much bigger blowout in an entirely different setting, one akin to the one between her and Rainbow Dash, but she has matured emotionally since then and her outbursts are much smaller and more contained. I had a lot of outbursts when I was younger, sure (still do ) but they're more akin to this than a full blown explosion.

On two final notes, I'm actually beginning to be happy with my work. As I look through upcoming chapters to see if anything needs to be rewritten I'm not finding much. Huh, I'm happy with my work. Also the thing in brackets in the chapter title is a reference to my utter refusal to call this chapter "I'm Not Okay (I Promise) after the My Chemical Romance song.

Comments

[Frankie2]

I am so glad you didn't do the imaginary conscience thing. I am also glad to see Scootaloo express herself more. I also see that Diamond Tiara heard Scoot's outburst. I guess Diamond is just biding her time.

[Dasponi]

2853219
The greatest evil always does. Celestia knows I have been biding my time more than long enough. I did notice there was a time where the focus did kinda shift away from Scoots That's one of the major benefits of these chapters set at her school, there are no distractions and it kinda has to be about her (except one little scene coming up) so there should be more Scoots in the coming updates

[ShiningNova]

I'm having that kind of day today too scoots. Its been a crappy beat up on Shining kind of day. But that's not what this comment box is here for. This chapter is a good example of how this kind of emotional turmoil doesn't just disappear, you can bottle it up and hide it but sometimes its going to get out. Hopefully though Scootaloo can find strength in her friends to borrow to help her through the bad times like this. I'm glad you made the "imagination" part more of a joke, it seems like something Rainbow would pull. Finally I'm glad you are enjoying your own story as much as your fans (including me) have been.

[Dasponi]

2854185
I've always enjoyed the story, but I've also not managed to stop myself rewriting it. I really do enjoy reading it back to myself when I check for inconsistencies and such I'm having a pretty rough day myself so I feel your pain.

[MidnightCrew]

SHIT JUST GOT REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[Dasponi]

2854558
Not quite yet, but soon...sooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[twilightsparkle13]

MOAR
I-i-if thats ok with you that is...
hehehehe

[Dasponi]

2855499
Actually I do consider the next one enough of a transitional chapter to post it tomorrow

[Cold Spike]

DT......................

[ArcanMajic]

I KNEW THE REFERENCE! I KNEW IT WOULD BE TO MCR!!!

[StarryLight]

I will purge DT to the deepest layers of TARTARUS with all of the power in equesteria!?

[Sparkle Flash]

3794675 Right there with ya'

[D4shi3]

>> Sparkle Flash | Yup

[Dragon of Shadows]

“She’s right you know. What kind of...what was it? Oh yeah. ‘what kind of broken down, useless, worthless Pegasi can’t fly?’” Diamond Tiara said to Silver Spoon. Rainbow Dash wasn’t the only one who heard Scootaloo’s outburst.

shit is about the hit the proverbial fan