Chapter One
Twilight Sparkle was not a happy camper. A dozen ponies were now trapped on an alien world with no way home and no help coming to them until the equipment could be repaired, and a new amulet made up. The broken machinery and ruined amulet did not make her make her mad, but despondent. Still, she knew she could fix it all with the help of her team. The fact that until such a time as the items were made working again, the ponies who had trusted her to be able to bring her back safely would be at risk was killing her. Not in the literal sense, mind you, but it felt that way to her. Damnit! Two of her closest friends are on that team, and because she was not cautious enough, they may not make it home.
Sighing, she set the clipboard down and walked out of the room. The needed items would be placed on order, and the devices would be fixed or rebuilt. As for the amulet, she would start the process of creating another gem in the morning. For now, she wanted to head to the infirmary to check on her brother. He had suffered a broken leg and shoulder from when the alien had impacted with him. On top of that, he had received a nasty cut on his head which required numerous stitches. To do this, they had to shave his mane, and he was not very happy about that.
She also wanted to see the creature that had come back with Shining Armor. This had been one of the things which she had hoped would be found; a sentient creature from another world. Well, she hoped to find that it is sentient. It would appear that it is though. Clothing is a pretty strong indication of some form of intelligence, and there is also the item that came with it. It was something that had been manufactured, and that takes intelligent thought to do as well.
Those thoughts were set aside as she entered the infirmary room where her brother was recovering from having his broken bones set back into place. In spite of the drugs and a pain easement spell from his wife, you could tell he was still in some discomfort. But he would not willingly let such discomfort show. Shining Armor was a proud stallion, and one who always took it upon himself to be the strong pony that was always there for everypony else. That was just part of his nature, and why he was looked upon as a leader among ponies. Still, to those who were closest to him, the look of worry and discomfort was plain as day.
“Hey, Twilie! Good to see you,” came his greeting as she walked in.
“Thank you, Shiny,” she replied, gently hugging him, careful around his broken shoulder and foreleg. She then turned to Cadance, and wrapped her in a hug as well, though it was a bit of a strain, whereas her sister-in-law was carrying twins, and expected to have them any day now.
“How are you holding up, Twilight?” asked Cadance. She had known Twilight ever since she was a little filly, and could read Twilight as easily as her own family could. Still, being able to read somepony’s face and expressions was not the same as hearing it directly from the pony’s mouth. Hopefully, talking about the things going on in her life would help make things a bit easier to deal with.
“Honestly, I feel like a wreck. I feel like I should have been better prepared for something like this to happen. Now, because of my failure, the exploration team is trapped on that alien world, and it will take at least six months before we can get them safely back.” She sighs, dejected, before continuing. “I should have planned this out better, but, because I didn’t, we could lose them for good, and it will be my fault!” she exclaims, with a stomp of her hoof out of frustration. She was a princess, damnit, and a princess does not make foolish mistakes like that.
Cadance wraps her forehooves around the young princess. “Twilight, you must not blame yourself for what happened. Shiny already told me exactly what happened, and nopony could have foreseen such an event occurring. What matters now is that we all do whatever it takes to get them all home. We will do this,” Cadance assures Twilight.
“Yeah, Twilie. It’s not like you’re gonna be sent back to Magic Kindergarten or anything. And they will survive. Spitfire is a good leader. She’ll take care of them until we get there to get them home,” her brother adds.
“Thanks, guys. This is what I needed to hear,” she tells them.
* * * * *
After her visit with Shining Armor and Cadance, Twilight decides she wants to get a closer look at the alien creature. Fortunately, its injuries had not been as serious as they had suspected, and between the doctors and Celestia, they were quite confident that it should recover fully. She was hoping that would be the case. They will need answers, and the only one with any possibility of giving them the answers would be the strange creature that came through the portal.
Twilight greets the guards with a smile as she walks past them into the room where it is resting. Inside, the room, the infirmary’s medical officer is discussing the creature with Princess Celestia.
“It’s remarkable, Princess, how similar biologically he is to us. Blood chemistry, organ placement, its nervous system. So many similarities, you would think that it evolved here. I would be willing to wager that he can even eat the same foods that we eat. I would love to continue studying him.” Dr. Clover notices that Twilight has entered the room. “Good evening, Princess Sparkle. I must say, this creature is simply fascinating. I could spend years studying him,” he tells her excitedly.
Twilight looks to the creature on the bed. It looks so strange compared to anything else she has seen during her many adventures. From its shape, one would guess that it did not walk on four hooves in the way a pony does. The claws were definitely shaped for holding objects in the same way that Spike was able to do. They were not something a pony would walk on.
Other details stood out as well. It seemed to have a mane, but it was cut short, and it had the thick whiskers of a beard and mustache growing in as stubble along its face. Other than that, it did not appear to have much in the way of a coat. A thin layer of fur on its upper limbs, and some on its chest area, but beyond that, she could not see due to the blanket covering it partially. Maybe that is why it wore so much clothing. Discretely, she telekinetically lifts the blanket to look to see just how much the lack of fur extended.
“Checking to see that he has all of the important pieces, Twilight?” Celestia jokingly teased.
“Hush, you. I just want to inspect and learn, for science and all that. And, yes, plainly evident that it is a male. He seems to have a very unique structure to him. I am guessing that he should be nearly as tall as you when standing. Looking at his claws, I would guess that he is very adept at using them. They look quite dexterous.” Twilight finds herself wishing for her notes, so she can record her thoughts on her preliminary inspection of the new creature. “Just what were his injuries?” she asks.
“He suffered a few broken ribs when he collided with Shining Armor, as well as some nasty bruising, but it seems that he had a helmet on which prevented any head injuries. That, I am thankful for, because brain injuries are something we have yet to manage to cure. I’m surprised that he was not hurt much worse though, considering how badly your brother was injured by the collision. He will be hurting when he finally wakes up.”
The two princesses continued their talking, the conversation moving on to other topics. After a little while though, their discussion was interrupted by a pained moan from the alien in the bed. After a few moments, he slowly started shifting around, gaining consciousness. And then his eyes opened. He looked around for a second, until his eyes fell upon the pair of alicorns in front of him.
Eyes suddenly open wide in shock and terror, he lets out a horrified scream, and scrambles out of the bed, paying no heed to his injuries. He scrambles across the floor to huddle in a corner in sheer terror. Twilight decides to take the initiative, and slowly approaches the creature. “It’s going to be ok. You can calm down,” she tells him softly. This does nothing to calm him. Instead, it just seems to send him into more of a panic. Without any further warning, he bolts past the two alicorns, colliding with one of the guards outside the door. In a tangle of limbs and legs, they go down, both crying out, one in ongoing terror, and the other in pain as he lands wrong on his wing. The bipedal being quickly gets up and attempts to run away.
Even as the Sun Princess called out a command for them to stop the panicked creature, the other guard, a unicorn mare, lit up her horn and captured him with her telekinesis. Fortunately, she was able to hold him without aggravating his injuries any further.This did little to stop him from struggling still, and his panic grew worse with the realization that there was no escape.
From down the hall approaches Cadance, her horn glowing softly as she attempts to calm the still struggling alien. Being the Princess of Love, she had the ability to empathically sense the emotions of others, and influence such emotions to some extent. After a few minutes, she was able to calm him enough that a simple sleep spell put him under, so that he could be placed back in the bed.
Once that was done, Celestia called for the doctor to return so that he could check for further injuries. Turning to her niece, Celestia thanked her for the assistance she had provided. “I do not think either Twilight or I could have calmed him as you did. Thank you, Cadance, for your help here,” she said with gratitude. “When he comes around again, I think it would be very helpful if you were here to help.”
Twilight sits and ponders the situation before her. This creature obviously was scared out of his mind. Trapped by creatures that are completely foreign to him, with no means to communicate, or understand... Then it hit her. She would have to find a way to teach him to understand Equestrian. But how would you teach a language to someone without any common understanding between the two species?
“Princess Celestia, I think I have a plan to help us communicate with him, but I will need your assistance with this.”
* * * * *
In a field crouched two ponies in the tall grass. They had been exploring the mountain valley for the past two days, and after determining that no one was going to come back to the strange object before them, they were going to investigate. Approaching cautiously, they saw what looked to be some kind of four wheeled wagon, though it did not look like any wagon they had seen back in Equestria. In the back, there was a space like a wagon, but then it bulged up into some kind of enclosed space with a lot of glass. Beyond that, it sloped down for some reason. The wheels appeared to be made of some sort of rubber as well. Much different than any wagon they had seen before.
“What do you make of it, Fancy?” asked Spitfire.
“My guess would be a wagon of some sort. Where the passenger sits, I would not be certain. Maybe inside the enclosed space? I guess we shall just have to make an inspection of this and see what we can figure out.”
Spitfire thought for a moment, then made her decision. “Ok, it doesn’t appear that anypony will show up, so I guess it would be safe.” The two of them slowly approached the strange object. Upon reaching it, Spitfire jumps into the back section, and peers in through the glass window. “Well, I think I see where they sit, whomever it is that operates this. Fancy Pants, do you think you can figure out how to get inside this thing?” she asks the unicorn standing at the front of the strange contraption.
“One moment, Miss. I shall give it a go,” he replies circling around to inspect. Stopping at the right side, he decides that the door would be here, and takes a closer look. Seeing what appears to be some kind of handle, ge lights up his horn and uses his magic to see what happens when he pulls on it. To his surprise, he finds that the side of the object opens up. “Well, I did not expect to be able to find the way inside so quickly.”
Spitfire quickly jumped down from the back and jumped up inside. Crouching, she found she could barely stand on the seat, which resembled a park bench, only plush like a couch you would find in a living room. All the way to the left, there was a wheel sticking out, with numerous buttons, levers, and dials, as well as some gauges, all without any purpose that she could figure out. “I wonder, would somepony be able to move this around from in here? How would they control it?” she asks herself, as she reaches out towards the center of the wheel with her hoof.
The ear splitting noise was the last thing either pony had expected. In a mad scramble, Spitfire plowed over Fancy Pants in her rush to get out of the object, and flew a good fifty feet with the unicorn keeping fear induced pace with her before both had calmed down enough to stop.
“Captain Spitfire, I believe that we might be best off calling this mission over, at least for now,” Fancy Pants suggested, with the Wonderbolt Captain agreeing. Trotting back to the treeline, the two approach another pair of ponies. Faber and Dusty had been watching from a hidden spot, ready to jump in at a moment’s notice.
Faber, a cyan unicorn with bright, orange mane and tail, is huge. As tall as Big Macintosh, though not quite as bulky in built, he still towers over most unicorns. The closest in size would be Shining Armor, who himself is considered to be large as far as unicorns go. Standing next to him is Dusty. A brown earth pony of average height and built for his tribe. He has a proud stance before him, from his time serving in the Equestrian Rangers. He had proven himself on numerous occasions to live up to his cutie mark, showing opponents that he was very skilled with the spear he carried. When combined with the brute strength and berserker fighting style of Faber, along with the big broadsword he carried, any threats to the team would find themselves in grave danger.
“What in Tartarus was that noise?” asked Dusty as Spitfire sat down next to the pair. “You jumped up into that thing, and the next thing we see, you had Fancy Pants on his flank as you scrambled out of there.”
“Aye lassie, an’ Ah suspect ye left a brown trail ‘alf the way back ‘ere as well!” Faber added, laughing heartily in his thick Scoltish brogue. Faber was known for his wild antics, but he was also very capable of taking care of those he considered his friends, and a strong sense of loyalty that could be matched by very few. “Ah’m just glad it was no’ Fluttershy who went exploring tha’ thing. After tha’ racket, she would have flown ‘alf way back to Equestria by naow.”
“Let’s just head back to the camp. Hopefully, Big Mac and Caramel prove to be much better cooks than Trixie and Lyra. Last night’s dinner was something I wish I could forget,” the pegasus tells them as she starts trotting through the woods.
* * * * *
Dinner proved to be quite good this evening. Even the previous night’s cooks, Lyra and Trixie were agreeing that for now on, Caramel or Big Macintosh should be cooking dinner. Fancypants and Fluttershy would be good alternate choices as cooks, but nopony could compare to either Apple when it came to making a tasty meal.
As they settled in for the evening and the watch schedule established, Trixie and Cloudkicker stayed up for a bit talking. Cloudkicker was curious as to why the unicorn mare had joined the team. She seems to have changed since the last time she had come to Ponyville. On her last visit, she had been wearing a strange amulet which had increased her magic abilities considerably. Unfortunately, it had also increased all of her negative attributes, such as her rage, lust for power, and ego. It was only through Twilight Sparkle, and her friends that Trixie had been defeated, tricked into removing the necklace from around her neck.
“So, what made you join the team?” she asks Trixie. “After being beaten by Twilight twice, I would think that you would have been avoiding her like the plague, and yet, here you are.”
Trixie eyed the pegasus over for a moment, then looked down to the ground before she answered. “Well, it is not common knowledge, but after the incident with the Alicorn Amulet, I kept in contact with Twilight through letters. She was concerned for me, and wanted to keep in touch. At the time, I did not see why she would wish to do so, but as we corresponded, I have gotten to know her.” Her voice softens as she continues, “She is the first pony how has shown me real kindness. And she showed me forgiveness and friendship too. She showed me that I have more to my life than being a traveling showpony.
“I eventually settled down in Baltimare, and I found that I had the ability to make foals laugh with my shows. I started doing that more and more, and have become quite successful. If it was for Twilight showing me this side that I never knew I had, I never would have found the happiness I have achieved. I owe her everything.”
Cloudkicker thought about this for a moment. She would never had thought that Trixie, the once brash and overconfident showmare that had twice caused considerable havoc in Ponyville, would have changed so much. Still, Cloudkicker had reservations. Was there some ulterior motive for the former showmare to be here? “So, you joined the team because you owed her?”
Trixie looked the other mare in her eye then gave her reply. “Yes, I do owe her, but that is not the reason I chose to be on this team. Twilight thought that my magic abilities might come in handy, and also that I would enjoy the chance to participate in something as incredible as this. Besides, she is my friend, and she asked me. How could I say no?”
Once again, Trixie’s gaze fell towards the ground. “I can understand your reluctance to accept me, considering the trouble I have caused in the past. I know I really do not deserve to have it, but I would ask for forgiveness. My actions in the past were inexcusable, and for that, I’m sorry.”
This caught the pegasus by surprise. This was not the same mare that had come to town a few years ago, full of bravado and cockiness. Cloudkicker had expected arrogance, but had found humbleness, mixed in with the pride of somepony who has found purpose and meaning in their life. She could also see that the request for forgiveness was a genuine one, and with that thought, Cloudkicker decided that it should be granted, which she did, along with a gentle hug.
They sat there for a while longer, talking about various things within their lives. Soon, it was time for Cloudkicker to take her spot on watch, and Trixie decided that she should get some sleep. They bid each other goodnight, and went their separate ways.
* * * * *
Two alicorn princesses, one violet, one midnight blue, sat at a table discussing how they might be able to learn to communicate with the alien being that was currently under a spell induced sleep within the medical facility within the castle. It had taken a bit of thought, but Twilight had come up with a tentative plan. “My plan will require the help of both you and Cadance. I will need Cadance and her ability to induce a calming effect to keep him not only calm, but hopefully, his mind open to suggestion. While she is keeping him calm, you have the ability to enter dreams, and to influence them if need be. We shall use that as a portal into his mind. Once you are in, can you bring me in as well?” she asks. When she receives a nod of affirmation, Twilight continues. “Ok, I am working on a spell that will find the areas of his brain that focus on language, and I shall read just how his mind speaks. From there, I can use a translation spell, and teach my mind to understand his language. From there, I can do the same for him, so he can understand Equestrian, including reading and writing the language. What do you think?” she asks her fellow princess.
Princess Luna gives this some thought. She thought it to be a well thought out plan, but she did have some ethical concerns. “I feel that this could work, Twilight,” she said, “but we have to consider the ethics about invading another creature’s mind, as well as any potential risks. The mind can be a very fragile thing, and if we did him any harm, I would have a very hard time forgiving myself.” Taking a sip of her coffee, she continues, “We should talk to Tia about this. A decision with such potential consequences, and with the potential risks to the mind, we cannot lightly jump on in.”
“Yeah, you’re right. We could speak with her as soon as the sun is raised in the morning. If all goes well, maybe by tomorrow evening, we shall finally be able to talk to him, and start getting answers that will help us get the team back safely.” Twilight levitated her cup to her lips, only to find that it was empty.
Well, I guess that this is a sign that I should consider getting some sleep. I don’t need to be nodding off when we are talking to Celestia tomorrow morning. Goodnight Luna,” she says as she leaves the table.
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Still as good as it was before
And let me say.. that image... Holy. Fuck. It's amazing
cant wait for more
2763522 Have it planned out (the next chapter)
Will be working on it as well as my other stories, which are in need of updating lol
Do you have entire story planned out or at least ending?
I have to say, this looks promising.
Did you get permission from VariusMayhem to use his cover art?
You might want to change this stories name. It has already been taken.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/80924/when-worlds-collide <--- Story that already has this stories title.
Awesome!
2764383 You know how many times I have seen books and movies that are completely different with the same name? MANY times. So I do not think it will matter a whole lot, to be honest.
2763950 It was done via a random Google search, and by placing on the net in such a way to make it so readily available, it has kinda entered the realm of it being public domain. As long as I am not using it for any monetary gain, then I shall be fine.
2764421
>gets informed of using someone elses image
Nah the owner will not get angry that I used it without giving him credit.
>gets informed of having same name of other story
It isn't a problem. Not like people looking for his story will find mine (or vice versa).
You're story 100,000 according to the URL
HOLY HELL! What kind of black magic did you use to get 100000????
Tell me, mentor of darkness!
BTW: Awesome story
OMG this is impressive! And why is your story number 100000? Lucky son of a mare...
I like the aviator Reference.
Hmm... This story has a lot to like; it's a cool concept, but also has a lot of things I find a bit questionable.
The writing is sort of terse and sketchy, could use more descriptiveness and fleshing-out of scenes and events. Also, some of the dialog is a bit awkward. I mean... "And how will we be getting home now?" That's awkward. "And how are we gonna get home now?" would sound more like RD.
I'm confused by the importance of the amulet, which wasn't explained well. I could see it being needed for them to return home -- but even if Twilight makes a replacement now, it'll still be in Equestria, not with the stranded ponies who need it. How does that help? Will they have to send another pony through with the amulet, then he finds the rest and brings them all back?
The explanation of why Trixie is there was appreciated, but I was actually more startled by the presence of Fancy Pants. I hope we find out how that came about.
I'm a little irked by all the Twilicorn and Season Three (AKA Season Bogus) references, but I guess that's something I'll just have to learn to live with from now on, in a lot of fics.
2764769>>2764970>>2765477
I actually planned for a long time to get story #100,000. Stories are numbered by when they are created. So, I just typed in www(dot)fimfiction(dot)net/story/9999x, and when it came up that 99,998 was created, I typed in 99,999 and kept refreshing until it changed from "story does not exist" to there being a story created.
Once 99,999 came up, in another tab, I had it ready to go, and I hit the create story button.
Trip, just ask Kim how long I kept hitting the F5 button lol
2767590 Yeah... I gotta work on my writing skills some more.
As to the importance of the amulet, that will be explained further. Some via revision, and more in later chapters
Fancy Pants, his story comes out soon. But, if you consider how he is in the show, it would make sense that he would enjoy the idea of joining in on something as momentous as this. (though I think he would have been blocked from joining by his wife had they actually thought there was a real risk)
As for Twilacorn, and S3, welp, it happened. And, having happened, a LOT of writers are gonna use it. Granted, three of my stories completely ignore that S3 and the Alicornification ever happened...
Some notes:
You switch between tenses erratically
And
Are in different tenses. I would recommend sticking with the first tense shown (the past participle), as you did for most of the chapter.
The human's reaction to seeing Celestia is rather overblown. Considering their eye/head ratio, most humans would find ponies absolutely adorable, and therefore nonthreatening. Even if ponies were terrifying, consider this: seeing some variety of scary alien, would you be more likely to sit in stunned silence, trying to comprehend what's hapoened, or immediately scream and flail without considering whether this is some sort of dream or hallucination?
Show, don't tell, especially concerning dialouge. For example, instead of tacking on "she said excitedly," focus on interjections and exclamation marks. Dialouge should be able to carry the speaker's emotional state on its own. Showing and telling is redundant, and clogs up the dialouge, so chopping off the telling makes your dialouge smoother overall.
E.g.
Since we knew that twilight was entering tthe room from the previous paraghraph, and this is shining's first line, your readers would assume that statement is a greeting, making the addedum partially redundant. That statement could be changed to
Here, you could remove the "in his thick Scoltish brouge." You've already shown that Faber talks in a brougue, so it isn't necessary to specify that it's thick. Inforing us that it's a "Scoltish" brouge instead of a "Scottish" brouge could be necessary, I don't claim to know you intentions, but sacrificing dialouge flow for a pun is unecessary.
Finally, we know barely anything about the human, besides hinting at a dark past and a love for hang gliding. Make sure to not fall into the trap of making your charachter based entirely on his dark past though, there are far too many angsty charachters with tragic backstories, and while darker charachters are interesting once in a while your charachter wouldn't really stand from all the others.
That bieng said, I wouldn't have bothered trying to critique your fanfiction if there weren't redeeming qualities. I liked that twelve ponies made it to the human side, so they can rely on each other and not charitable humans. I also appreciate you including alicorn twilight: I'm not a big fan of the transformation, but people will have to deal with it eventually. Furthermore, It's nice seeing Celestia as regal and wise,but not an all knowing mary-sue or an evil dictator.
By the way, you'll likely have to pose some sort of height limit on the pegasi on Earth, I figure that since magic is far less on earth and pegasi absolutely need magic to fly, a sudden drop in magical availability would hinder their ability to go to far from their power source.
2769605
Yeah... that is a difficulty I have yet to overcome. Have the issue is how my mind works, I am working on that flaw of mine!
A part of this seems to be influences by our (us humans who will unfortunately never make it to Equestria) already influenced notions of cuteness, reinforced by daily exposure via the interwebz. Yes, when we see them pastel colored horsies that fly, do magic and talk, we all feel a little D'AWWW inside our hearts.
Let us take a look at this from a different perspective. In this story, there is no show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. So, even how cute they may look to us when we watch the episodes, in this guy's situation, he is suddenly confronted with strange creatures that look like horses, but with some MAJOR differences, and they have him on a table...
I am certain you have heard a few abduction/anal probe stories along the ways lol
Yes, I think terror is an appropiate reaction, but I also think I could have done the scene better.
As for the Human, Where did I hint of him having a dark past? lol And that dark past would NOT have any bearing on the story. A few dark things might happen to befall him as the story progresses, but I would imagine his dominant thought is that he just wants to go home.
Reads about them thinking about tge creature being the key to taking over the other world, me:LOL bitch please, theres 7 billion of us
To make it more conplicated you should make him trilingual , and perhaps some morse c
2796913 Chapter 2 is being edited as of now.
The grammar needs a bit of polishing, but it's not too bad.
So far it's interesting, I'm guessing the truck is Huffington's?
In a pre-school; not a Death World.
Provided they aren't disease, poison, virus, venom, ranged, or more dangerous and aggressive than a pissed kitty. To be fair, that is saying something. Come to think of it, lots of predators on earth survive by redefining the word "berserker" while combining it with cunning, planning, speed, strength, and weight. Sometimes even even groups.
I can't wait for them to run into the endless perils of Terra. Seriously, compared to their world, ours is Catachan.
*snirk* Who wants to bet she starts screaming almost immediately?