7254053

Thank you and don't worry I need to be kept on my toes honesty is far better in this theater.

7254053
Thanks! Glad you liked it ^^

Feedback 2: The Feedbackening (or, oh my god how are there so many stories this month I personally blame the excellent prompt and how much pressure is this going to put on the winner to choose an equally excellent prompt and how much am I going to complain when said prompt inspires a comparable list of stories)

7234643
I like the message of this one, and I enjoyed the tone too; the reflective moments and self-fulfilment resolution were the right levels of fluff and warmth. I'd echo what has already been said; there are some sentences and moments of repetition that rob you of word fuel that would have helped to give this a little more colour and nuance. Nothing a critical eye and some polish wouldn't fix, but even with that said, there is a lot to enjoy here.

7235361
I'm gonna use a cheat sheet here and say: "basically, what Astrarian said". The character interplay is nice, and you manage to produce a lot of it within such a tight framework. So on one hand, I really enjoyed reading about this encounter. And on the other hand, I'm left a little lost by the nature of the demon's appearance.

7235976
Eee, this was a darker brushstroke indeed. You really manage to convey a hell of a lot within the confines of the word limit, and for me it works. Dreams as protective prisons; I wonder what such a mechanism would turn a pony like Luna into. This was really good stuff indeed.

7238733
Dallas! Eee, now that was how you did a cliffhanger. Or bad writing. I forget which is which.

The setup and context and exchanges in this are great. It's perhaps a little heavy on the exposition (which I will say also works as part of its charm), and there are a couple of typos that could be smoothed out, but I really enjoyed this. I would also be jostling in the queue (social distancing be damned) for a first read if you ever expanded this to something larger.

7240680
So... I ended up spending most of my time reading this wanting to know what the dream with the wildcat-pig was, because that seems like an epic dream. Please go and write that!! I like the sisterly banter here, but like Astrarian has already said, tonally it feels like a bit of a muddle. I didn't know whether the ending was a punchline or a reveal about some clever Equestrian holiday-advert magic. If it's the latter, then please do write about that some more. And wildcat-pigs.

7241125
Snrk. This was great. End of.

7245336
Ah, I like the micro-fiction entries that manage to explore the motivation behind canon events. It feels more like a scene from a larger work, rather than a standalone short story, but that didn't detract from my enjoyment. I think with the luxury of more words this could become a nice slice of backstory life.

7249176
I genuinely think you could have trimmed this a little (not saying you should have, just that it could have been managed), but I'm also someone who hasn't submitted an entry to this contest before because it was over the word count and I didn't have the heart to savage it. So yeah, I understand completely. It's a cute scene, and I kinda like material that embraces and celebrates the things that would usually be considered (comparatively) mundane. Again, it has a feel of something taken from a larger body of work, but again I don't think it really harms my enjoyment of it. I'm certainly glad you still shared it.

7250426
Aww... Poor Ditzy. What's the quote from Legend again? "The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity".. Always sat with me, that line. Truly wonderful film, too. I felt her pain and frustration, which for 150 words is no small feat to achieve on your part. Nicely done.

7253781
Better late than never, hey? I think there's a decent Cool Runnings quote for this occasion, but alas, I've already met my one film quote per round quota.

I think you'll probably know what I'm about to say: neat concept, but this reads like a couple of thousand words story trimmed down to micro-fiction level. I'd certainly check out anything larger than comes from this, though, as it is definitely an intriguing setup. Regardless, I'm glad Scoots made it.

Phew. Feedback: done. Thank you all again for the fun reading material. Thus round has been a total blast.

7254053

but I don’t fully understand whether Luna’s role is as a representation of Twilight’s self trying to snap her out of it or something from the changelings trying to keep her inside the dream).

7254210

I wonder what such a mechanism would turn a pony like Luna into.

I spent a quoter of the story on Luna alone. She is what is presented in the story. Luna is a prisoner, just like the rest, but with the power to connect them all (that's canon). In reality, they are all powerless, but in the dream, they can protect their friendship and live in harmony.

When Twilight disregards Luna's warnings, she learns the dark truth. Everything she knew is a lie. She never became an Alicorn. There is no Equestria. It's just changelings feeding on ponies. That's the state of things, has been and always will be. All nine seasons of G4 were just a little dream.

When reality is too dark to face, a little dream is all one has left to hold on to.

7253818
Brownie points if you can name the relevant characters.

7253980
I actually am working on a few similar Ponyville Stallion stories with a thin thread or two between them. I want to publish them as an anthology as soon as I bother making a cover. I've also expanded this entry with a quote or two and fixed some minor details.

7254381

I've also expanded this entry with a quote or two and fixed some minor details.

Before or after the closing date? Because the rules (see "Timescale") only allow you to edit entries during the contest. (Obviously if this applies to your anthology version and not the one here, that's not a problem at all.)

That said, I accept that the rule is not expressed terribly clearly, something I'll fix for next month. I'm okay with allowing the entry as it stands, provided nobody else objects. If you did edit it after the deadline, though, please don't do so again. Thanks!

7254053

Glad you put something in for the prompt even if it isn’t eligible. This is a very interesting concept, though I don’t think I understood entirely what you were going for. I read it a few times. I would like to see it with more words so I can fully understand just what you are building. Thank you for writing and sharing this!

7254210

Better late than never, hey? I think there's a decent Cool Runnings quote for this occasion, but alas, I've already met my one film quote per round quota.

I think you'll probably know what I'm about to say: neat concept, but this reads like a couple of thousand words story trimmed down to micro-fiction level. I'd certainly check out anything larger than comes from this, though, as it is definitely an intriguing setup. Regardless, I'm glad Scoots made it.

Be careful what you wish for.

7254053
7254210

Less boastfully, I offer a sincere thank you for the feedback. I can't say in all honesty I was expecting any this time around, having not submitted an acceptable entry at all, so this is appreciated.

Neither can I disagree with your assessments. Not only was the first version of this fic thought up, written, and edited in about forty minutes (after my prior comment admitting three weeks of mental bankruptcy, at that), but I've always had a communication problem of that ilk. Alas, if I know what I mean, I wrongly tend to assume people will just get what I mean. Backstage knowledge works against a director, when that happens. I wasn't clear enough.

Anyway, I've given this one a second go. Hopefully, that should bring into the spotlight a lot of what was lurking behind the curtain.

7254399
I made a 300 word version of the story for my Ponyville Stallion submission. The fixes in question happened before the deadline, but were not propagated to the submitted version.

7254457
Then it's all good.

7254401
How exciting!

7254407

Alas, if I know what I mean, I wrongly tend to assume people will just get what I mean.

I tend to find that's par for the course, particularly with fiction written under tight word counts. Every revision and trim removes words, but of course we have the luxury of them still being in our head.

At any rate, props for getting a story out so quickly (should I be worried or impressed that it arrived so soon after this version!?) I've sat down a few times to pen something new but every time I've ended up turning back to my original projects. Which is great, obviously, except for the folk who are expecting something from me soon.

Just popping in to say that I'll be announcing the results on Sunday 28th this time. I know that's a bit later than usual, but that's your fault for writing so much!

7256082
Blaming the writers dear me I'm shocked, shocked I tell you hehe I somehow expect your secretly enjoying it.

7256082
My fault? Whatever you say, Tsundereberry.

7254903

One day, I shall have to invent telepathy just so we don't have this problem again. Of course, by removing all mental barriers amongst our kind, I might cause more and bloodier wars than have thus far been seen, but eff it. Science, you know?

I only produced it so fast because I had a lot of ideas worked out very quickly anyway. The expansion was just a matter of airing them and ironing out the creases. So ball's back in your court again: be worried or be impressed accordingly.

At least you've had a project to go back to whenever you stall on something else. Trouble is, when I stall, I stall on damn near everything at once. These days, I'm getting better thanks to some rearrangement of mental furniture and a more modest outlook, but I don't rule out a relapse just yet.

7256082

Ha, can't blame me for this one. My entry doesn't count. It's clearly the fault of guys like 7256416 and 7256476.

7256082
That's outrageous! I mean, technically each participant has written no more than usual, so... I dunno, maybe just read more instead of blogging?

7232280 7232465 7232650 7232776 7233420 7233430 7234544 7234558 7234643 7235361 7235976 7238733 7240680 7241125 7245336 7249176 7250426

Hello everybody. It's results time! First, of course, I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who contributed, including the ineligible Matthewl419 and Impossible Numbers. We had 16 eligible entries, which was outstanding. I would particularly like to thank those who had a go at this for the first time. I hope that you enjoyed the experience and that you feel like taking part again.

All right, now for the actual announcements. Every month the judging seems to get harder, what with so many people submitting such interesting and enjoyable stories. I had a horrible time narrowing down my choices this month. Two honourable mentions this time, and then the big winner!

Hon mensh 1: The Cloptimist -- even though I'm less of an "Oh my, the kirin are amazing and adorable and squee" fan than some, I still found this little piece delightful. I'm not much of a shipper either, so combining kirin and romance and getting it to appeal to me takes something. In this case, the tone and dialogue and general feeling of rightness. Luna felt so very Luna.

Hon mensh 2: DawnOfsnow -- I pretty much entirely agree with paperhearts' assessment here. Perhaps not absolutely as smooth as it might have been ("In bed, where I really am" is a tiny bit clunky) but the overall tone is perfect and fits the characterisation very well indeed. I love me some characterisation, and I really smiled while reading this.

Winner: The Red Parade -- You said it wasn't your best, but I adored this. I'll admit to bias in that I find the whole "Derpy used to be a great racer" thing fascinating and am delighted to see it here. But this just captured so much emotion, and I expect many of us have been in a position similar to Berryshine's at some point. I have. Plus that last line is brilliant.

Congratulations, The Red Parade! Please consider your choice for July's prompt and post it in this thread when you've decided.

7259730
Oh wow, didn't expect that one haha ^^

Also I totally didn't call her Berryshine instead of Berry Punch just so I could save a word :P

Uhhh, would 'After the Storm' work as a prompt?

7259757
Congrats!! I really liked your entry.

7259730
Thanks for the honorable mention! And the construction criticism - I appreciate it

7233420
So adorable - I really liked how gentle and sweet this was.

7259757
Sounds like a great prompt to me! I'll make the appropriate edits to the front page now, and the new thread will go up on Wednesday 1st July.

7259776
You're welcome! It was a satisfying read.

This thread remains open for feedback and related stuff, of course.

7259757
Congrats Red! It was a great little story. And that's a great prompt - look forward to tackling it!

7259775

7259880

Thank you! ^^

7259730
Oh my, thank you so much! I've never tried anything like this before, it was a lot of fun. Thank you for the honourable mention, and for highlighting this and putting it together in the first place!

I had an idea* I thought might work, wrote it down quite pleased with myself... and then upon counting, my first draft was something like 700 words long. This is much tougher than it looks!

*To anyone who wasn't sure - I chose kirin because I thought it'd be a neat final-word twist, that the narrator isn't simply nervous but that they physically can't tell anykirin how they feel; I liked the idea that in dreams they'd still be able to speak, and that Luna would be able to converse with them.

7259779
Aw, thank you! Yours was great, I love good characterisation so much.

7259757
Well done and congratulations!

7259972

This is much tougher than it looks!

It is, isn't it? A long time ago, I participated in several 100-word challenges, and I remember being frustrated on a few occasions that the length wasn't quite enough to get an actual story out of. When I was thinking about setting up these contests, I therefore decided to up the word count to 150. It seems to have worked out okay -- in that it's now just enough for a story, but it's far from easy to make it really work. Also, I don't know of any other contest that's used this particular word limit.

7259757

Uhhh, would 'After the Storm' work as a prompt?

*Suddenly is reminded that tomorrow is the start of the 12 hour shifts of physical labor that'll last 4 days.*
This is going to be an interesting one.

7259972

700 words?! My gosh, that must’ve been torture to cut down to 150 i think you should consider expanding it. I’d love to read a full length version of that - and it’s a really good story idea. I mean, being in love without the ability to express it? Golden.
(And thank you for your comment )

7259757

Nicely done! Congratulations on your victory this month, and thumbs up for that prompt too.

Congrats congrats on the win! Twas a fun round too, with lots of enjoyable stories to read.

Though with that said, I think it'll probably be the last round for me. It's been fun over the course of my two accounts here, but I kinda want to start consolidating my writing energies on other priorities, and despite the fact that it's only 150 words a month, it's a surprisingly big creative distraction.

All the best! It was fun locking micro-fiction horns with you.

7260386
Just FYI I think you're replying to the wrong person - Red Parade won the contest with the excellent Derpy story. Just mentioning it as they won't have had a notification and so may not see your nice comment!

7260388
Yes just spotted that apologise that was my other enthusiastic finger mashing on my phone :3. Still do hope to see more from you too on here, that still stands. And hopefully got the right post now XD

7260390
?

No no no, I'm next month's winner. Let me point you to the person who won this month... 7259757

7260433
*face palms hard* I give in today I think my brain is more frazzled than I thought

7259757
Right third times the charm for getting the right thread and person XD sorry for my derpness

Congratulations and really is a well crafted story, poor Derpy though. A nice prompt too by the looks of it too. Hope you do more of these you have the knack clearly.

7260438
I'll meet ya there in 22 hours, when I head into work at 6pm... and get out at 6am.

7260442
Eeh take care out there ya hear.

I finally found the time to brainstorm this prompt and to come up with an idea for it, so it's time to catch up before writing my July submission:
.
.

The beast's eyes glistened, filled with desperation and fervent hunger. They called it "monster", she called it a life who needs to eat. Scootaloo didn't mind being the prey herself now.
The beast stuck out its split tongue, hissing, then brought the last inches between it and the filly behind. Scootaloo dove to the left and the fangs bit air. She let the stud of the sword she was holding with her wing come down on the beast's head and hit it right next to its horn, before its purple snake tail could wrap itself around her, and the slit-shaped pupils became covered by eyelids.
Scootaloo looked at the unconscious lamia filly. "Everypony else wants to kill you, but I'm not like them. Now dream your little dreams while I get out of this forest." Scootaloo placed a chunk of raw meat from her satchel on the ground and left.