4278410
4278386

Sorry, I've been having some pretty bad allergies that have been ruining my sleep and making my eyes burn for nearly the whole day. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but it might take a few days after that to make sure the allergies are gone and there's not anything else effecting me.

Until then, I probably won't be able to do much reviewing.

4278688

Yeah I know the feeling, I've been sniffling and sneezing all day. Now I'm getting a sinus headache...

Reviewed: SHOWDOWN! Mazinger Trixie Vs Getter Dash

Rejecting

"Trixie!" Twilight kick opened Trixie's room door, Kamina style. If you don't know who is Kamina stop reading now, this fic is not for you. Seriously, the Kamina reference is the most universal you will see here, if you don't got that you will be lost for the rest of the fic..

...If that beginning doesn’t say ‘Reject me!’, I don’t know what does. However, just in case, I read on a little bit. However, despite its short length, I wasn’t able to make it through to the end. When this story isn't throwing around references, it’s making grammatical errors and/or talking to the audience for no reason. (Why on earth should I care what bra you want Trixie to wear, author??) I know I usually try to look at positives and negatives for these reviews, but this story just lost me right out of the gate, and only got worse as time went on. Its pacing is sloppy (it barely gave scenes any time to breathe before moving to the next one), its grammar is just sad, and I have no clue what’s going on throughout the story. I’m sorry, but there’s no way I’m accepting this in its current state. My advice? Get an editor, put a damper on the references, and flesh out your scenes more. Until then, no way.

Reviewing: Once upon a time, during a holy night

4280174 I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Well, site's back online, so that's great. It's a shame the story I'm reviewing displeased me quite this much.

Reviewed Simply Rarity

Rejecting

Never before have I read a story that felt like it was supposed to be so good and so touching be so mind-numbingly painful to read. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's being bored, and whilst this story ticked all the boxes to make something genuinely interesting, it made the mistake of not getting out of dodge whilst it still had my attention.

Simply Rarity is a story about how Rarity came to be the element of generosity, and it's told in a way I've not often seen tackled here. It used a series of diary entries to show us what was going on in Rarity's life when she was younger. Whilst not a completely novel idea, I have to give the story credit: I've not seen this done at all in fanfiction before this point. I understand there are stories out there that do do something similar, but I've not read them, and that alone is a testament to how rare this idea is.

There is a problem with diary entries, though, and it comes down to showing and telling. Diary entries are the character telling the diary their thoughts, which has the potential to be pretty moving, sometimes. Other times it feels as you'd expect an entire paragraph of telling to feel like: detached and dull.

Boys are terribly silly ponies, aren’t they? Apparently I’m quite a popular topic for them as they do whatever boys do. I remember everything that Madam LeFleur told me and they find simple manners and grace quite fetching. Yet, I’m far more careful this time. I remember what happened before, and keep them at a hoof distance. Politely. Like a lady.
It’s been so long, I’m surprised that I remember how.

It's that last line that just takes away the joy of reading diary entries. Instead of seeing how Rarity is gradually changing over time (turning the diary reading experience into almost a detective game) it's bludgeoning me with all the facts. Which gets me to my second problem: for a sad story, this story is blatantly manipulative.

It's manipulative in how it wants me to feel sad for Rarity. From the get-go, once you begin reading the diary entries, you expect that Rarity's life is going to get trashed spectacularly, and this story does not disappoint. Between her father (presumably) killing himself, them losing all their money, ponies shunning them, her losing her friends, her mother abandoning her and her sister, her sister dying, the story pulls no punches in offering me the ultimate sob-story, and that's precisely why I never cried once during this tale. Maybe I'm heartless, but there was a point when I found all this borderline comedic in how it just. kept. going.

It felt like the story was trying so hard to get me to tear up, but kept on showing me all the things that are happening to Rarity. Sadness in stories is something I think is based off the feeling of not getting what you want, whether it's a loved one, an unachievable dream, and most importantly of all, time. This story does it backwards: we get given Rarity having everything, and then showing her gradually lose it. It's not sad because we so rarely see her want it, and sometimes she goes out of her way to say she doesn't want it any more. It's just endless scenes of watching a puppy get kicked in the mouth.

I have to give the story credit where credit is due, though: losing her sister was something done right. It actually showed us Rarity wanting her back, and made for an actually sad scene. It worked well and if the rest of the story had continued that trend, I think this would have been a very different decision.

But as it is, it feels like the sad version of a poor comedy: it's relying on it's content to make me react, like a poor comedy relies on Pinkie walking into a door for me to laugh. Maybe I'm a legitimately bad person, though: looking at the upvote ratio, it looks pretty obvious like I'm the only one who just can't stand the sight of this story, and so it surprised me so much more when I found I disliked it so strongly. I can typically find it in myself to like a lot of things, especially if they've earned that many upvotes.

But even after the sad stuff is gone, when Rarity is adopted by Darning, the story keeps on going. It felt like it was never going to end! Couldn't Twilight have just learned what she needed to about Rarity and then put the book down? Instead I got more bored than before.

For me, the most touching scenes were the first and last scenes: scenes were we can see things affect Rarity and Twilight without a diary hammering the point home. Things like Rarity being upset she wasn't able to get a good enough gift for Twilight, and come off as stingy, and be reminded of her oh-so-tormented past. There was so many layers to that scene alone I feel it completely stole the show from the more visually interesting, rarer, diary entries. Because it kept things simple, didn't tell me all sorts of tearjerker stories, and just showed Rarity wanting to get Twilight a gift and failing.

Maybe I'm alone in this opinion, but I'm simply rejecting this.

4280709 I'll admit it, as a sad fic, I enjoyed this one when most sadfics piss me off. But it also had a LOT of issues with canon that did piss me off. An overall enjoyable story, but not as grand a piece of art as some say. *le shrug* Oh well.

4280880 It just felt like a devastating combination of orphan scootaloo, Rainbow loses wings, and Applejack's parents die all wrapped up into one about Rarity, and I found it about as serious as that prospect sounds. I have no idea why I dislike this one to this extent considering that it's obviously popular, but if I had to find a word to describe it, it'd be 'draining'.

Not sad, just draining. I can, and have, explained why I felt exhausted, but what I can't explain is the vast difference in opinion between me and nine-hundred or so other users. That I don't understand.

What made this story work for you? I'd quite like to understand, if possible.

4280914 I think because I had been depressed once for about six months, and even though I hated being reminded of it, this was a huge flashback in many small ways that reminded me of how hopeless and useless I felt at that time. Now I that I look at it six months later and more independent of the situation, I feel more annoyed then anything else that I was manipulated so much by such a blatant sadfic. Bleh. I think the only part I still like, is the detached way that Rarity speaks in her diary.

4280932 That... makes sense. I suppose I hadn't considered that, and it did get the idea of helplessness across, I guess. Although I interpreted it as Rarity being unable to affect the story properly, which made her pretty weak to read.

In any case, there has to be something to like in there, because so many people have evidently enjoyed it, or been moved by it. I certainly don't want to take that enjoyment away from people but... I'm at a loss to find it myself.

4280954 I don't find it there anymore, myself. I think it's because I got caught up in the story the first time, back when I first started on fimfiction, but now that I'm reading it from a more distant position, I find I don't have the same passion. Probably because I simply am thinking about it and not feeling it anymore? Who knows. Meh. Shine on you crazy Diamond!

4280964 Fair enough.

And will do.

4280983

Reviewed: Once upon a time, during a holy night

Rejecting

I'm going to be honest here, I did this just for fun, without anything resembling a plot in mind (hence the random tag) and using DC Comics' Holidays Specials as a base (hence the crossover tag).

I don't think that's how those tags work, but whatever...

Anyhow, what's the story? Well, today's story is a Christmas story! Or at least the first chapter is (the other two don't seem to be connected to the first). The first chapter is about Trixie, who is walking alone through the desert. On her way, she encounters a couple, one of whom is "very pregnant". Trixie gets the duo to town, the duo have their baby, and three kings (represented by a Camel, Zebra, and Thestral) come up at random to give their gifts and play their roles from the biblical story. It's an interesting twist on the birth of Jesus if it happened in Equestria, and it was able to keep my interest, which was nice.

Unfortunately, the grammar alone was enough for me to reject this. I wasn't even trying to find errors, but errors are everywhere regardless:

Pulling a trailer by herself, the azure and silver unicorn know as Trixie was making the trip

Alone with her thoughts, and dreams.

but also she understood

But still, there were thing she still was missing.

For the crowds that used to love her, she couldn't find something to take its place.

Oh, and just a heads up, all of the above are found within the first 400 words.

"Maybe is time to start a family of my own."

The white light was coming from east

Any particular reason Trixie sounds like the Heavy from TF2?

Anyhow, I could go on and on about that, but I think I've made my point; it's like that throughout the story. Now, I will give some credit that this was done in one sitting, and considering that I'm pretty sure that the writer isn't a native English speaker, I can forgive the grammar to a point (it could've been far, far worse, given the circumstances), but unfortunately, it's still bad enough to reject. Too bad, since it's not a half bad story if you can ignore the grammar.

4280174
4281144
Hey there, author here. I just remembered that a friend/fan submitted various of my stories into the group.

For what I can see so far, my "all in one sit" one shots already managed to induce a couple of headaches, for what I'm sorry. Although the reviews are highly useful for further project, since I don't want to waste anyone's time I'll give this on the other stories to be reviewed yet:

I honestly think they could be GoodFic material
Stay: My personal Crowning Moment of AWESOME! In fact, this is the one I would like to be considered. Rage Review
Show MUST Go On!: This one is a very personal story and my personal favorite. A lot of character development.
My Deadly Shot: Trixie is Lethal: This the only one so far I've put actual work in the grammar department and where I had and actual active editor, so that's covered. On story levels, I've been told it's good, but the main character is OOC. Review and Author's response.

I'm not sure, you could read them, but I wouldn't recommend them:
Ponies and Robots Wars: Still in development stages. Also, the only real chapter is the last one since the other one is just a sketchbook.
The Doom Patrol: A Midwinter's Nightmare: Also in development stages. The only chapter depends on reading the prequel, but was also meant for new readers. Too much exposition and multiple POV's.

Not even I would try to defend these:
The Doom Patrol: First fic with all the beginner's mistakes and language bridge, up to eleven. It will give someone a headache.
Lightspeed Rescue: Nah, don't even try. This was written with a very specific fan in mind and way before I managed to figure out how does english work.

Hope it helps to save some time.

P.D.: In response to the reviews:

Why on earth should I care what bra you want Trixie to wear, author??

a) It's a mythology gag (like everything in the fic). b) A reflection of Go Nagai's (creator of Mazinger Z) style of writing.

it barely gave scenes any time to breathe before moving to the next one

Again, written in the signature style of most Super Robot's anime.

Any particular reason Trixie sounds like the Heavy from TF2?

Because the author has the same level of english of the Heavy Weapons Guy.

If you want to see these ones again I'll try to get an editor.

Reviewed: Apple Ninjas and Other Vital Concerns

Accepting

There are a lot of stories out there that try to be big and important. There are many stories that try to give huge sprawling adventures, ludicrous situations played up for laughs, and/or show the reader an immensely tragic situation in order to cause the reader to feel. There are many stories that try to make themselves bigger than what they actually are, if that makes any sense. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but occasionally it's nice to see something simpler than that; something which just wants to show characters living their lives. This story wants to do just that, and it does it quite well.

So, what's the story? In this story, Apple Bloom is bored because her friends are preoccupied with other activities, and AJ is too busy to do much of anything. As a result, Big Mac steps in and plays with Apple Bloom, turning what was a boring day into an absolute blast. It's a nice look at the non labor portion of a day on the farm, which is something I haven't seen very often.

There were quite a few things I liked in this story. For starters, I really enjoyed the characters. I usually don't like the Apple Family very much in comparison to other Main 6 relations, but this story really made everybody likeable. Big Mac in particular was really well characterized. Instead of relying on his two word vocabulary, he's shown to be a really nice older brother here. He's fun, he has some good lines, he seems to know how to make his younger sibling's day, and he even is shown to be a bit regretful that he can't do more in the end, which helped to round him out. The author characterized Big Mac very well. In addition, AB and AJ are characterized decently too. They're both in character, and were also enjoyable.

Another thing I liked was the pacing. Although I think it dragged at points, it usually went just as fast as it needed to go. It showed us what we needed to see, but didn't go so slow that it dragged either, which was nice. Not much else to say; it was just well paced.

And finally, the big thing that sold me on this story was the atmosphere. Everything in this story just felt real. When the characters were happy, I felt it. When they were more laid back, I felt it. And finally, when Big Mac spoke more seriously in the end... man alive, did I feel it. I'll admit, that ending dialogue not only made Big Mac a more three dimensional character, but it also gave me a newfound respect for both him and AppleJack. It's rare that a story makes me respect a character more, especially with a story as simple as this one, but it somehow managed to pull it off.

This was a very nice slice of life. It did what it wanted to do, and then some. While it's not one of my personal favorites, it's still a well done story, and I'm happy to let it in.

4281260 I'm glad that you liked the story. I sometimes get annoyed that people write so many Slice-of-Life stories that seem like they aren't at all a typical slice of that pony's life. This story was my attempt to really see what would happen on that farm. I wanted it to be very low stakes, with not much really happening besides character interaction. Nice to see that it worked for you!

4281251

For what I can see so far, my "all in one sit" one shots already managed to induce a couple of headaches, for what I'm sorry.

Eh... only the Showdown! fic gave me a headache. I actually rather enjoyed the 'Once upon a night' fic, although again, it failed the grammatical requirements.

Stay: My personal Crowning Moment of AWESOME! In fact, this is the one I would like to be considered.

I've heard a lot of good things about that one. I was planning on doing that one next, actually.

Hope it helps to save some time.

I believe it will help us out quite a bit. Thank you.

Any particular reason Trixie sounds like the Heavy from TF2?

Because the author has the same level of english of the Heavy Weapons Guy.

I thought so. You're from Chile, if I'm not mistaken? For what it's worth, your translations are pretty good for someone who's not used to English. I mean, at least I can understand what you're saying throughout your stories, unlike some people (like jbond, for instance).

If you want to see these ones again I'll try to get an editor.

For 'Once upon a time, during a holy night', please do get an editor. As I said, it's not a half-bad story outside of the grammar, and if that were fixed, I think I'd be able to accept it. As for the Mazinger one... get an editor if you want, but to be honest, even if that one had perfect grammar, I'd probably still reject it, due to the fact that I'd still be completely unsure of what was going on in that story. That's my advice anyway. Up to you. Cheers

Well, the author recommended this one, so...
Reviewing: Stay

4281287

I sometimes get annoyed that people write so many Slice-of-Life stories that seem like they aren't at all a typical slice of that pony's life.

*hides first story under nearby rug* I agree. Just ignore the bulge under that rug; it was from a more ignorant age.

I wanted it to be very low stakes, with not much really happening besides character interaction.

Sometimes, that's really all you need to sell a good story, as was the case here.

Nice to see that it worked for you!

Thanks! I'm glad you wrote it; it was a nice little piece. Cheers

Reviewed: Stay

Accepting

Okay, I'm gonna be blunt here: the grammar for this one, as with the previous Wave Blaster fics, is pretty bad. If anyone wants to overturn my decision because of that, I'd completely understand. Before you do, though, allow me to explain my standards on grammar and rejections: I only reject a story for bad grammar if said grammar proves to be distracting. Yes, I found grammar errors everywhere in this when I started looking for them, but to be honest, the story was so well written and engaging that on my first read, I didn't give a hoot. Unlike the previous two, this story was so engaging I didn't even notice most of the grammatical errors until I actively looked for them.

Like 'Once upon a time, during a holy night', the chapters in this story are vastly different from one another in tone, and feel like two very different stories (although unlike the former, this one actually connects the chapters). As such, I'll assess each on its own merits, starting with the first chapter:
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Chapter 1

Story: This chapter centers around the changelings and a human. Yes, a human. Always a great thing to add to any story, isn't it? Anyhow, in the story, the changelings are on the cusp of starvation, and are hiding out in the desert, barely able to make ends meet, due to them getting crushed in the battle for Canterlot. One day, they find a human in the desert, who's in even worse shape then the changelings are. Because this human's emotions provided more nourishment than hundreds of ordinary ponies, the changelings take him into their hive. From there, a deal is struck: the human will be provided with protection, food, water, and whatever else he needs, in exchange for staying with the changelings, so that the changelings will be provided with a consistent source of nourishment. Eventually, however, the human (named James) wants to leave. Chrysalis, however, couldn't stand having him leave (he is their only source of food, after all), and tries to stop him. And that's all I'm willing to give away, as I seriously want to avoid spoilers.

So, what did this chapter do right? Quite a lot. First off, the atmosphere was incredible. I haven't seen a one shot with an atmosphere this gripping since Together in the End. I'm dead serious. Throughout the chapter, I felt every single thing that the characters went through; I felt the desperation from Chrysalis, I felt the determination coming from James, and I felt the innocence that came from the young Monarch (Chrysalis' daughter). Everything that a character went through, I felt, making engagement a breeze. I felt sorry for the Changelings, who would surely perish without James, but at the same time, I didn't want to see James stay there for the rest of his life either. The story presented an excellent moral dilemma, where there is no easy right or wrong answer, just various shades of gray. It helped make the stakes feel quite high, and made the story feel like real life.

Another thing that this story did well was the characters. As I said earlier, the moral choice presented was excellent, and that was boosted by the fact that neither side could be considered a bad guy in this. Chrysalis, despite her threats against James, was sympathetic in how she only wanted what was best for her subjects. It was clear that the only reason she threatened James as she did was so she wouldn't have to watch her subjects die, which really felt right for her, given her motivations. In addition, James was also portrayed realistically. Although he's admittedly lacking in personality, his motivations are still clear. He simply wants to get out of the desert, and experience a difference in scenery for once, instead of basically being more or less forced to stay there forever. It's quite understandable, and surprisingly enough, it didn't feel selfish at all. There was no villain here; it was just a clash of ideals, and it made for a good conflict, as well as good characters.

I also really enjoyed the pacing in this. Both chapters had decent pacing, but this chapter pulled it off slightly better. The pace at the beginning is fast, but detailed enough to tell us all we need to know, which made for an explanation that didn't drag, but didn't leave anything out either. The second half, however, moved a tad more slowly, as it showed the two sides in a battle of wills. Although the pacing occasionally went a bit quick (like when Chrysalis collapses), for the most part it fit well. Not much else to say except that the pacing here was good.

The first chapter, despite the bad grammar, was well written, interesting, and pretty heavy. It was a really good chapter.
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Chapter 2

Story: This story is about Chrysalis' daughter Monarch, who came in near the end of the previous chapter, taking place 15 years after the previous installment. And that's honestly all I can say without spoiling the first chapter (I'm sorry, I just really don't want to spoil anything.)

So, what did this one do right? Well, it ended the story quite nicely. The previous chapter ended on something of a cliffhanger, with the audience not really sure what would happen next. This chapter tied up all of the loose ends quite nicely, which made for a satisfying conclusion. Although it's not really worth a sad tag, the ending was satisfying nevertheless.

Also worth noting is the style the story was told in this one. Unlike the first one, this chapter told itself in a couple of different ways, ranging from diary entries to traditional third person. It works pretty well, and gives the chapter a more... fresh feel than the first one, which tended to stick with a single telling style. It hardly matters, given that both chapters are short, but it was a nice touch.

There's not a ton to note on the characters this time, though; they were good in the first chapter, and they're still good here, even though a few of them don't make an actual appearance this time around. Nothing to say except everyone was safely IC. Same goes with the pacing: good, fitting, but not exactly noteworthy.

At the end of the day, I preferred the first chapter. Sure, it was nice to see how things turned out in the end, and the characters were interesting enough to carry me to the end of the chapter, but this one didn't have the atmosphere that the first chapter did, instead opting for a couple of confusing leaps of logic here and there. It's tough to explain, but I just didn't feel quite as into it as I did with the first chapter. I still liked it, but it wasn't as good as the first chapter, mainly because it lacked the heavy morality of the first chapter. Still, it was enjoyable for what it was.
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Unfortuantly, as I said, this story does have one glaring flaw: the grammar could easily be considered distracting. Just to site a few examples from both chapters:

In a place like this it's hard to believe that life exists.

Without water nor plant, it's not a very likely scenario (this whole choice of words is awkward)

cactus that catch till the last drop of water in order to survive.

one that made the few who could still afford to think, to believe in miracles. (awkward wording)

Now, most of the sentient species the had meet required massive quantities of individuals to feed from their emotions

they would provide him protection and shelter and in exchange he would give then his heart

Well, some (poor choice of words here; 'a few' would work better) days ago,

The time of fear has ended (wrong tense)

However, this story more than made up for that with an interesting cast of characters, a strong moral dilemma, and a nice ending that wrapped things up quite well. While the grammar prevents me from putting this in the high quality section, the story still has enough going for it for me to let it in. It's a very good story, and one that I really feel is worth a read, HIE fan or not.

4281744 Well, I'm not about to overturn your decision based on grammar. I think that should be up to reviewer discretion.

If stories with good grammar can be failed based on other reasons, I see no reason why the inverse isn't possible, personally, although I haven't overlooked grammar myself thus far.

4281761 Normally, I would be more of a stickler on grammar. However, this story was, in my opinion, one of the best stories I've read for this group thus far, even with the grammar. I just couldn't bring myself to reject it, as it really was a great story.

4281761
4281782 I did the 0% rage review of stay. I wish I had the talent to edit because I loved the story and understanding the author is Brazillian (if I remember correctly. I know English is not his first language) makes how freaking awesome this story is even more impressive. Hopefully someday someone with the talent to edit fixes up his story, because it's one of only two HiE's I've ever enjoyed reading. Hell, back when I read it, there was only the one chapter. I was one of the voices who demanded the follow up.

4281744
Well, I absolutely thank you for giving Stay the green light. Again, I'm sorry about the grammar.
4281895
Also , if you guys have enough spare time, I would like you to answer a question. Here.

Back from the hospital ( routine tests mostly ), so back to reviewing!

Reviewing: Mort Takes a Holiday

Read: Six chapters

Status: Approved

Meet Mort, the most unlikely representation of the Grim Reaper one could possibly read. He's not grim at all, but in fact a bit diffident. Sort of like Fluttershy if she had his job. Though he's been performing his duties for millennia, he's never taken any time off for himself, and doesn't know how.

That is the heart of this story: how a shy Manifestation of Immortality reacts when faced with the opportunity (?) to interact with those he normally only deals with at the end of their lives. The author does a superb job of completing his OCs and their reactions with the Mane Six, as well as background ponies. I find myself filled with anticipation each time Mort encounters somepony new, and his efforts to keep his real identity a secret. To be honest, there are times I find his personality to be a bit overdone, and I found myself yelling "just TELL them who you are!", but the immersion is never broken.

I'd been meaning to get to this one for awhile, and it was actually on my Read Later file. I'm glad it showed up here.

4281895 He's Chilean. Also, I'd personally give it a 10 or 20% (grammar, y'know?) Still, yours was a decent rage review. Cheers

Reading: Hard Reset

Reviewing: Hard Reset

Read: All

Status: Approved

One of my standard responses to a pony story is that the cast all be portrayed in character. But what if the character is placed in a dark setting? Or for that matter, what if it was myself, put in an impossible situation where the choices are always death? Not only death, but a gruesome one, played out countless times. How would one's nature survive?

That's the scenario in which Twilight finds herself, and that's why for me she can be forgiven for not being the adorable dork she is from the show. This is a very dark and twisted tale, which does not back away from the gore, but it is not too graphic, nor gore for the sake of gore.

This is a time loop story done right. The choices Twilight have to make remind me of Bill Murray's character from Groundhog Day, if every day he had to decide how to save the world, only to end up being killed in horrible ways for each "reset." And be warned, the ending and especially the alternate ending are not all smiles and rainbows; like reading Twilight's Inferno I felt like all the happiness in me had been sucked out, and I had to find something cute and adorable to read.

If you don't mind reading about candy colored ponies being put through intense situations that are filled with visceral imagery, you'll have to search a long time before you read one more foreboding than this.

Maybe a good (hopefully) comedy will lift my spirits after that last one, even if it is an HiE, which I normally loathe.

Reading: Hail to the King

Reviewing: Hail to the King

Read: Two chapters

Status: Approved

This is an extremely well written piece by an obviously well educated author, but the humor is lost on me. I can only think of one instance where I actually smiled, and it was during one of the countless cultural references. So why did I approve this one?

Unlike the majority of HiE stories I've read, this one has a very original story arc concerning the Human's entry into Equestria, as well as a description of the plight in which the protagonist finds himself. I did not expect the transition from Human to Pony to be pulled off as well as it did, but it did. Now onto the plot itself.

The Human ( who is never named ) becomes King Sombra, again in one of the most original processes I've yet to come across. That's fine enough, but he then finds himself IN the Crystal Empire, with no idea who he's supposed to be, nor any notion of the trouble his former host has caused. Maybe it's me, but I found nothing funny about his adventures, yet I can see how they would be in different circumstances. Excusing that, I did find the story enjoyable, and hope that it will only improve and that the author will finish this tale soon.

Reviewed Alone

Accepting

Here is a story that, as often happens to me, satisfied me by being a believable romance between a favourite artist of mine and Luna, showing me with subtlety how Luna views her work creating the night sky by comparing it to how Vincent is portrayed here to view how he paints his night skies. It's a smart way to show how this works instead of just making Luna look like an artist, and it gives Gogh a great reason to be there.

But despite satisfying me, it failed to impress me, probably because I had very, very high standards for this particular story. Believe it or not, despite my penchant towards engineering and sciences, I used to (and still am) a strong appreciator of art, and would often go to the fondation Beyeler and Kunstmuseum in Basel to see some of the exhibitions there. Despite never having the fortune to see Gogh's work myself in the flesh, it wasn't hard for me to appreciate his work through photographs and lessons from my art class back when I was still living in France.

What I had wanted was to feel like it was a magnificent dream, what it may well have felt like living inside a canvas. It didn't: the story kept a lot of itself grounded (particularly the middle) and kept me rather stuck in 'reality'. It's first part and last were far more trance-like, and by comparison with the middle, definitely the best bits in my opinion. They also showed the most of how the author portrayed Gogh.

If the story had a weakness, it'd be it's tendency towards over-flowery description that sometimes collapsed on itself, and Luna, who was by comparison very dull, and even a bit unlikable. But despite me not being as happy with this story as I wanted to be, I have to give credit where credit is due: this is an enjoyable story, a fine character study for Luna, and can enrapture me very efficiently when it really tries (beginning and end).

4281744

Unfortuantly, as I said, this story does have one glaring flaw: the grammar could easily be considered distracting.

Irony.

4282460
I read "Mort" and instantly thought of that annoying lemur from Madagascar.

4283744
Great. Now I can't get him out of my head either.

4283744 Considering our decisions are designed to be functional first and foremost, and done preferably quickly, they do not require to look like a work of art or be grammatically flawless. Stories we review, however, are supposed to be works of art, and will be criticized accordingly.

In short, the points we make in our reviews must be acceptable, and the whole of the thing legible. The quality of writing is not a priority, because when you get down to it, reviewing is not our priority: finding good stories is.

On another note, reviewing Tearek. I feel that, as a stereotypical british person, this should be a breeze.

Waiter! Moar digestives pls! Jolly good show.

Accepting

I really did try to fight it, but it's too much. The story has a flawless understanding of using dichotomy and hyperbole for comedic purposes.

Dichotomy because Tirek is selling tea. I don't feel I have to explain that. This is made to work because instead of him being nothing but a kind and sweet tea vendor, he is also a ruthless villain. That's what makes it work. Not that he's either one or the other, but both at the same time. If all this was was Tirek (the one we know) at a tea shop, this wouldn't work. But him acting just like an ordinary tea vendor wouldn't work either: instead, we have him act as a normal tea vendor with the occasional outburst of evil. And that is funny.

Hyperbole because the way he works his business into everything is blown out of proportion. Like Twilight feeling she was getting embezzled: that was blown out of proportion. If Twilight was just miffed that prices were high, it wouldn't have worked. Treating it like it was bloody murder made it funny.

There is absolutely nothing else to this story. This is a story about Tirek selling tea. You will get what it says on the tin, and you will like it. If you want a debate on human nature, go see that weekly/monthly site post by the people with standards you can never fully understand (you know the ones). If you want to read a funny story, read this one. I was smiling faintly throughout the whole damn thing.

Reading: Solitary Pinion

Reviewing: Solitary Pinion

Read: Three chapters

Status: Approved

This one barely slipped by because it is a good story over all, despite having numerous problems. I decided to err on the side of caution, as I have an innate prejudice against Human in Equestria stories. I did not want to be unfair to the author.

The story begins with a fourteen year old German orphan named Viktoria. Her entry into Equestria and her subsequent transformation into a pegasus is done well, and I give high marks to the writer for her portrayal of Viktoria's predicament. If she had been immediately fine with her new body and able to function as if she'd always been a candy colored pony I would have stopped reading, as this is a trope that gets used far too often. Even so, the way it is written is quite compelling, even though the pace is very, very slow.

Besides the slow reveal there is a problem with frequent comma splices and run on sentences:

Normally it was a simple challenge to run inside the front and back out, others however would be more intricate such as to head into one of the upstairs’ rooms, to then show your presence by one of the third story windows to prove your worth.

Long stripped of furniture there was only a vague idea to go off, although Viktoria felt she had spent far too long in the creepy house as it is if she was now considering how best to decorate a room caked in dust.

This isn't a problem, but I found this interesting:

Viktoria continued to take in large mouthfuls of air, not trusting herself to speak but curious as to why the horses were speaking German. It did thankfully allow her to understand them, if only adding more questions to her attention.

As I said, the pacing is very slow, but I chalk that up to the author's writing style, and decided to give her a pass on this.

All in all, it is a good story with reasonable and believable reactions of a young girl suddenly finding herself in such a frightening situation.

Okay, well, considering that one of the stories that's trying to get in is based off of his work, and I can't properly let it in without the stuff it's based off being reviewed first, I guess I'm reviewing Calm Wind's massive 600K monster of a story.

It's, uh, SoarinDash, though, so I may not survive. I'm... allergic to ser pegasus Sentry, I'm afraid. Like some other people are allergic to humans in stories. And alicorn OC's.

My point is, I probably won't have anything reviewed for a while as I work through as much of this story as necessary.

4285274 Aww, someone submitted a story bigger then mine? Well screw that. I'll just have to work harder and add another 10 chapters, that should push my story over the 600k mark!

Reviewing: The Ship-Off

Read: All

Status: Approved

Now, this was an interesting concept. Nominally, it's about a disagreement between Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle about what makes a good story. That's entertaining enough to start, but then the author actually critiques fanfiction in general during the deciding of the winner. That sounds boring as I've described it, but it is anything but.

RD and Twi's prompt for their contest is romance, and each approaches the challenge in their own style. Each protagonist is in character as they both do the inevitable: Rainbow Dash tries to write a straight action story, with no buildup, while TS writes a weighty War and Peace size tome full of WAY too many details. I like how the author both captures their personalities, and makes an argument for what exactly makes a good story. There are appearances by each of the Mane Six as well, and each are also in character, especially Pinkie Pie.

It's a short ride but a merry one, and deserves a place in TGB.

4285402 The first in the series is only 50K words, the second 100K. and the third is 600K. It's like the author only writes this one series.

Thing is, even if I reject the first one I still have to check out the others to see if they don't rely on what's in there, so it could take a while.

4286594 yeah, I understand how that works. I'm almost done my chapter based on s1e7 Dragon Shy. It currently clocks in at 35k and I just started part 5 the fight with the dragon. That won't be very long probably only 2k tops. But afterwards? The fallout of defeating a dragon will probably last a while. I'd love to work on a lot of other stories and ideas but this one eats all my time.

4286594 Also: if the first part sucks but the second doesn't, even if it is based on events in part 1, doesn't that make it harder to accept or reject? Just my rambling thoughts.

4286606 The way I see it, if something relies on content from another story, said story has to be in the bin for me to treat that content as 'known'. If it isn't self contained, then it should at least be contained in the bin. That means that if the first one doesn't get in, but I'll have needed to read it in the later two, I won't let them in either (although I will still check).

That's why I waited a long time to review Broken: I wanted to give time to see if some of the stuff it was based off would make it into the submissions folders.

4286623 Sound enough logic to me. Good luck and remember, when clawing your eyes out, use and ice cream scoop.

That self submissions thread has been kinda barren huh

4287897 Very nice, but yer in the wrong bluddy thred, m8!

(britishness intensifies)

Self submissions are over here. Your audience awaits!

4287912
Aw, fk me that was a self submission?! goddamnit, hold on

4287914 If it weren't, it's supposed to be. Didn't I send you to hop over to self submissions whilst I was keeping numbers down over here?