Ah, I do so love these results threads. It seem like just yesterday we were giving out the April results.
Wait a second...

Anyways! Let's get this done, aye? Now, I've been on meds for the voices a virus recently that really don't mix well with staring at a computer screen for hours. The practical upshot of which is that I don't like migraines, so decided to step down from the May judging. Thankfully, the ever-awesome Archonix stepped in to ensure we had a third judge (Csquared still being trapped in purgatory).
Without further ado, let's see those results!

Coming in at a very close third with an overall score of 4.4 is Feather Scratch, with his story The Price of Change! Nice to see some new blood in these competitions. Let's see what the judges had to say...

PLOT

Denim:
Nicely done! A story on the Windigoes, the great freeze-over told in the Hearth's Warming tale, AND (correct me if I'm wrong) an origin tale on the Changelings? The way you merged these three ideas together was great.

I do think that there could have been more focus here on the Windigoes. It was mentioned that creating mass-hatred would end up killing them off as well, but I didn't get feel like the Windigoes were in any danger of dying off. As far as I can see, their tragic event had yet to happen (which, I guess, could be the actual unification of the three tribes).

Bob:
You had a lot going for you here, but you managed to pull this story off wonderfully. Changelings and windigoes, along with the tale of Hearth's Warming Eve being incorporated, all told expertly in a single sitting. Only complaint is that I felt the Windigoes and changelings could have used more telling, but other than that this was an excellent read.

Archonix:
Origin stories always have a certain draw for them, especially when you can work in subtle hints to later actions by the protagonist. Retelling the Hearthswarming Eve tale from the perspective of the Windigoes and using that to originate one of the best-loved villains in MLP AND provide a possible motivation for her actions, AND throwing in the moral of the best intentions, AND... well. On it goes.

CHARACTERISATION

Denim:
A Cadance and Chrysalis tale before they became the characters we know from the show.

I enjoyed Cadance here; pure-hearted, loving, and a bit naive. Fitting for a filly who becomes an alicorn with magic relating to love.

As for Crystal, well, as far as I can tell, she has yet to be the power/love-hungry Changeling Queen in the show. This could be a prelude to it, and does give an explanation as to why Chrysalis invades Canterlot ages later. In a way, I almost consider this character an entirely different entity. Well done.

Bob:
For both Chrysalis and Cadence you managed to give interesting personalities that were sorely lacking in the actual show itself. Cadence herself had an interesting vibe and characterization going about her that preluded to her future as an alicorn princess with the magic of love. Crystal in turn had an excellent backstory and personality that was different than her future self in the show. Plus, I just love the way you incorporated in her future name.

Archonix:
I can only echo the others. You've laid the seeds for both Cadence and Chrysalis' future personalities and given them characteristics that would define them without hamming it all up.

MECHANICS

Denim:
I liked your style of narration here by use of first-person, and the back and forth between Cadance and Crystal. The dialogue was enjoyable and believable for the characters.

The pacing was good for the most part. Jumping between the present and past wasn't really jarring, either.

Bob:
The grammar overall was good, and the pacing you got spot down with only mild awkwardness when jumping between the past and present. The dialogue too was interesting and never felt boring to read.

Archonix:
Almost no complaints. The slow reveal of the protagonist's personality before the final name-drop was paced just perfectly. A couple of the scene transitions felt a teensy bit awkward but that barely detracts from anything.

WORLD-BUILDING

Denim:
While this did borrow elements from the already existing FiMverse, you did expand upon things like the Windigoes, which was nice. Instead of making them hatred-seeking beasts, you depicted them as intelligent, thinking, feeling entities.

Not only that, but you created an origin piece on the changelings (though I am curious as to what drove Crystal to become Chrysalis).

Bob:
You definitely pulled off a more complete and telling description of the windigoes than the show ever did. Different than what I usually see, since you gave them intelligent beings, which I greatly enjoyed seeing. Along with that was the origin story for the changelings, which was a nice touch.

Archonix:
Taking a thing and turning it just a little to reveal the details we knew were there, but were never previously shown. That's what you've done here. Adding a few flourishes can completely transform our perspective on something. You've implied a lot, and allowed us to infer a lot more without ever really directly stating. It creates the impression that there's a lot more going on behind the scenes.

FITS WITH FiMVERSE

Denim:
Yes, I can see this fitting the FiMverse, though you'd need to do more to better explain how a Windigo managed to create an entire race of creatures. Nevertheless, you blended your idea rather well with what is already canon in FiM.

Bob:
You managed to pull off the story well and still manage to have nice tie ins to the FiMverse. The mix of canon with this story and what is already known in FiM was an excellent job, and you managed to go more in depth about details the show never explained.

Archonix:
What can I say? It's essentially Hearthswarming Eve up close. It fits because it's already FiM, but with a layer of icing sugar on top.

Pretty good result for someone's first entrance, wouldn't you agree?

Onwards!

Next up we've got the ever-popular Demon Eyes Laharl's story, The Last Stand of Arnau, just slightly nudging out Feather Scratch with a score of 4.42. Man, is this month close or what?

PLOT

Denim:
I could tell from the beginning that this was a death-of-a-hero story. Okay, maybe the title gave it away, but still, from the beginning I had a feeling that this story was going to be one full of loss.

Overall, this was a neat last-stand battle story. I had no difficulty following it from the beginning to the end, and that hope for a better tomorrow was a fitting way to finish it.

Bob:
The story had an interesting mix of action and dialogue scenes, which worked well with the overall tone of an epic battle before the end type of vibe the story was going for. You left it off on a good foot with a new hope, and the entire story was an excellent read.

Archonix:
War stories are perennially popular for so many reasons. Last stands are a sort of war story drawn to its logical conclusion; they pit the hero and the villain in an epic contest that allows for so many great outcomes. The very best seem to be those in which the hero and hos folk sacrifice everything for an ideal, usually living just long enough to see the cavalry come over the horizon.

But any last stand always gets the heart pumping.

CHARACTERISATION

Denim:
Arnau definitely has the leader-like traits going for her. Standing strong against a vast and powerful enemy and fighting until she could no more; yeah, definitely a leader. And a warrior.

Even so, I think this piece was more focused on the fighting rather than the characters. We saw a bit of who Arnau and Fortis were, but a lot of the story was battling. Not a bad thing, but it left out some area for characterization.

Bob:
Arnau really drove the story along, and I just love her personality and leadership qualities. Though I do felt Fortis was lacking when compared to her. Overall their interaction really fleshed out their characters, which I enjoyed.

Archonix:
Arnau is a stand-out, the only character to really get any deep building. Some of those around and about do get a little too, but it's on Arnau that the story demands we focus and we get a nice pay-off.

MECHANICS

Denim:
At some points I think the pacing got a little bogged down with details. Some explanations could have been shortened a bit, but I still think you did a good job overall with delivery.

The way you set the tone for this piece was well done, and you were great with painting the scene out with the feeling before a battle begins.

Bob:
Grammar and spelling were nicely done, and the pacing never felt too rushed or slowed. You did a nice job with description and imagery, and have a capable hand detailing much of the battle. The tone of the story itself also helped drive it along, so nice job in this regard.

Archonix:
Well-paced, no grammatical or spelling errors I could see. The execution of the combat was tight and speedy, reflecting the confusion of a real battle nicely.

WORLD-BUILDING

Denim:
I liked the world-building here. You gave tidbits of the griffon royalty, the conflict that had happened between the Free Gryphons and the Blessed Lineage, and showed great depictions of what the military is like for the griffons.

Bob:
The world-building aspect of the story definitely had a lot going for it, and you pulled it off excellently. The gryphon lifestyle and class differences with the royalty system was interesting. Good job all round.

Archonix:
I can't add much. Your griffons are probably the most well-constructed I've seen and it's clear you've expended a great deal of effort constructing their world here.

FITS WITH FiMVERSE

Denim:
For the most part this fits, though I'm curious about this Cloven race. Where did they come from, and what is their driving force behind this conquest? Is it just a hivemind bent on consuming all sentient life or destroying it?

I did like that vision she had, and how she saw what else was going on around the world. Apparently war and strife was going on at a near-global scale. Kind of cool, if you ask me.

Bob:
From what I have already read of your Gentlemanverse, this story fits it in a very long ago tale of warriors of old. And from the show this works pretty well too, though a bit more gruesome than what the FiMverse shows. Overall it fits FiM and works good with the set universe.

Archonix:
It's hard to argue about this one. On the one hand this is set in the distant past and is about as related to FiM as I am. On the other... through the world you've constructed herein, it establishes and justifies so much of what we know about Griffon behaviour (particularly Gilda) that it's tempting to say it fits easily.

On the third hand, I doubt you'd see so much violence in FiM. At least on screen.

On the fourth hand... ah screw it. It fits just fine.

These results are looking really good so far. It must have taken a real cracker to beat this one...

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you all to give a hearty congratulations to The War and What Came After's author NorsePony for receiving the highest score we've given out so far, 4.62/5

Seriously, that's impressive.

PLOT

Denim:
Judging by your first two chapters, you've got quite a thing going here. Deer, living isolated from the rest of the world due to necessity and choice; it's pretty neat. The idea that they continue to resist the ponies, though, shows the direction this story will be taking.

The last few lines in the second chapter state that quite clearly; there's going to be some violence in the near future. Though, this violence seems to be out of retribution and a desire to take back what was rightfully theirs. Hard not to sympathize with that. Well done!

Bob:
You set off the plot excellently with just the first two chapters that set off a good start for the rest of the story. I am intrigued of how the deer will reclaim what the ponies have taken, and with the hint of even further conflict in the future, this story has me wanting more. Can't wait to see more of the story.

Archonix:
There's a lot to be said for a plot that pitches two nations against one another like this. Wars make a great backdrop on which to build very personal stories, and you seem to have set out to do exactly that. We get a training montage and the first flourishes of friendship against the background of a nascent conflict that threatens to destroy everything these characters have known.

CHARACTERISATION

Denim:
The two main characters here balance each other well, and I like how they are associated with their respected gods as well. Ember, the calm, collected, and gentle doe, and Ghost, the fiery, determined doe with a desire to make the ponies pay.

They are their own characters here, but their desires seem to only further shape them. That conversation between Ghost and Ember both showed this and helped cement their friendship, it seems. In some ways it's like they represent the People's culture; fire and the forest.

Bob:
The two characters here balance each other out perfectly, and their dialogue only further shows this with how they speak to one another. Ghost with her determination for vengeance against the ponies works well Ember's more easy going and calmer personality. While so different, it seems these differences themselves are what makes their friendship work.

Archonix:
What interests me apart from the two protagonists are the supporting cast. Often writers will neglect them, resorting to crude sketches, but each character with more than a few lines is individual and often quite memorable. I want to learn about them just as much as I want to learn about Ember and Ghost.

MECHANICS

Denim:
I rarely give out 5's but I think you earned one here.

I couldn't find any major errors here. The pacing was great; you didn't give too much at once, and kept the reader hooked throughout. The setting was a bit unclear at first, but you cleared that up quickly as the shaman continued to speak in the first chapter. I have ideas about where this is, but I won't say until I've read the other chapters.

Overall, you have great mechanics. This story was great as is, but your style of delivery and use of imagery, pacing, and language was powerful and made this story even more enjoyable with the attention to detail. I was clogged up with description, but I wasn't left to guess everything either. It was just right.

Bob:
Grammar and spelling were all good, and pacing was very nicely done. Your detail and description were impeccable, along with the settings and tone of the story that leave me wanting more from the story. Great job and looking forward to more of how this story turns out.

Archonix:
Your style is flourished without being florid. Descriptions of place and time craft the image in my mind so clearly that I can almost believe it's a place I've seen with my own eyes.

WORLD-BUILDING

Denim:
You did well here, too. The idea of deer living close to nature seems appropriate. Biology and antler arguments aside, you managed to create your own version of deer in the Equestria-verse and presented them nicely.

The idea of deer having magic that is channeled by deities into their horns is quite unique. I like the idea that the deer live close to the natural world because of its ties to their gods.

The overall feeling of this story was a rather primal, natural feeling. Considering that it's all taking place in a dense forest, I'd say you did your story justice in regards to world-building. Great job.

Bob:
The deer here are an interesting culture, with the close relationship with nature making sense. Their magic use was also a fresh concept with how their horns work and the inclusion of deities gave an interesting spin to it. So excellent job done here.

Archonix:
As the first commenter on the story made plain, you managed to start building your world from the very first two words, and then you kept going.

I won't say "these deer are like elves" because that's a cruel cliché. They are, however, very like the fae of old; raw, primal and hardy and still covered in the soil from which they sprang. And that's good stuff.

FITS WITH FiMVERSE

Denim:
Another depiction of ponies in the past being cruel and greedy. I like to think the ponies are a bit kinder than that, but seeing as this story seems to be taking place a few centuries after the Hearth's Warming Eve events, I imagine the ponies are still learning things that will lead them to become the much kinder society that they are today. Even so, aside from the idea of villages being burned and the creation of firearms, I can see this happening. That, and the firearms aren't metal and gunpowder, but natural material. It fits your universe well without clashing too much with the Equestria we know.

Bob:
While the events of Hearth's Warming Eve are only a few centuries in the past, the ponies felt weird here by being shown as still being self-centered and greedy. But still, the story fits in well with the FiMverse, so nice job here. Doesn't seem too far off, and the deer themselves seem like they could work well in the show.

Archonix:
I tend to be schizophrenic about stories that portray the ponies as bad guys. On the one hand it makes sense that they wouldn't be all sweetness and light. On the other, they're freakin ponies man. It's hard to see them as anything other than sweetness and light.

You've managed to pull it off - just - by presenting the ponies as implacable and unknown to the deer. This works better than making them personally cruel as might be the temptation.

It's not really dealt with in the parts I read, though. I suspect there's more motivation for the ponies behaviour than "they're mean", but I can't base my opinion on what might happen in the rest of the tale.

That's some pretty heavy praise coming from the judges. I may have to give this one a shot when tomorrow when I'm off my meds...

Anyways! Hearty congratulations to all those who entered, with an extra-special round of applause going to this month's winner. Good job all-round, I reckon.

Now, I should be safe from migraines from tomorrow onward, so I'm going to spend the whole of that day feverishly judging the June entries and finalising the July prompt (it's gonna be a doozy!)
Hopefully, you can expect both either tomorrow or the day after.

If you have any other questions, or would like to see your own score, feel free to send me a PM/hit me up on skype

Stay awesome!

~World-Building Alliance Admin Team (and Archonix)

Oh look, it's overly-attached Rainbow Dash.

Ah, finally got that over with. Now to check my list to see if I'm free for the next judging session.

Looks like I am!

1229365

Aren't you the busy bee! Already got 100% of your list done before you even knew it.

May I have my results plz =3

Man, didn't even place this time?

Well, fun as these are, guess I'll take it as a sign i've lost my edge. Gonna go back to my corner and stay there for now. Might come back later.

1229835 I got a 3.85/5. I'm pretty happy with that, being my second ever attempt at writing seriously.

How did you do? Have you gotten your results back yet?

1229878

Didn't ask, will probably see about grabbing them at some point *shrug*

1229835

"This time"? I've never placed ever xD No reason not to smile

1230186
True... Just disheartening since I worked the hardest on this entry out of all of mine

1230337
Me too Fangy...me too *hug*

1230377
*hugs back*

Aww, thanks to the judges. : ) I'm happy you liked it.

Congratulations, NorsePony, for winning the May Contest!

Also, congratulations to Demon Eyes Laharl and Feather Scratch. Nicely done.

Congrats to all the winners!

1229301
I don't see a link to the second fic; nor do I see a link to that author's userpage (where I would expect to look for the fic); nor have they commented in this thread. Have I missed something?

(Maybe the folders will help; I'll have to check.)

1250199
Whoops, cheers for pointing that out.
As for the commenting, DEL is more active in our skype group than on the site

Congratulations to Norse, Feather, and Demon eyes! you guys kick ass! I'm glad the results are posted, now I feel I can go back and put more polish on my turd--er--story.

Grats again!

Aaaaah sorry. I'm new here and i'd just like to ask... what's this?

1297653

The May Contest results.