Review of "Avoidance" by Bicyclette · 3:25am Aug 5th, 2022
Today, I will be reviewing “Avoidance” by Bicyclette. Gosh, it has been months since my last review, but I have been really busy. I was working on my finals, and during my holidays, I was writing a research paper review. I couldn’t pass up that opportunity! Anyways, I have to apologise to the author; this request was made months back, and I was scrambling to make time for this. Well, I guess better late than never, right?
Beware of spoilers ahead! Do check out this story before proceeding with the review. I must also include a warning of self-harm that will be discussed herein.
Summary
Pony Wallflower Blush wakes up in a desolate and empty world, cuffed to Princess Skystar. Everything feels so wrong. She tries not to think about it too hard. As the characters transit through the necessities of the plot, they wonder: does it even matter that they were destined or driven to this journey outside of their volition?
Content
Centrally, the story is catered to the randomly generated characters stated above. To begin, the examination of these characters would be prudent, followed by the authenticity of their interactions. In short, I greatly appreciate the multi-dimensionality of these characters. Firstly, you have Princess Skystar who was not just portrayed to be a blindly cheerful individual. She was sensitive to the changes in the environment or the state of the conversation, casting doubt on herself if she felt that she had offended Wallflower or when she felt that her cheeriness was unwarranted. This relates well to her character; one must acknowledge that she had been socially isolated, not by choice, but by circumstance. As a result, she would be eager to converse with someone else to satiate her desire to interact. This would have telling consequences in the plot.
On the contrary, Wallflower Blush was socially isolated by her own choice. She felt that she had a better connection with her plants than interacting with others. Of course, it can be argued that circumstances brought her to be socially reclusive by her own volition. Nonetheless, the author was able to implicitly explore this aspect of her character through the way she carried herself in conversation; she was often to the point. Indeed, much of her character was explored through her dialogue. Even though she was straight to the point, one can see how limp or weak her responses were, an evident sign that she essentially had had enough of this setting that they were in. So much so that she decided to do something radical to break the ceaseless cycle that they were in.
Hence, the juxtaposition of these characters made their interactions interesting. Moreover, their conversations sought to supplement each other’s characters. A quick example would be how Wallflower had great reservations on Princess Skystar’s friendliness to her. Wallflower likely had not received such from others around her during her day-to-day job. In fact, Skystar’s demeanour exacerbated this; her strong desire to interact with Wallflower told the latter that she was only interacting with her because she had no one else to talk to. This drove Wallflower’s intrinsic insecurities as an aspect of her personality, but also helped to show how apologetic Skystar was at her apparent faux pas. It is clear that they were not likely partners, but out of the need of the story, they were placed there and chained together.
This reminds me of how the story makes many implicit statements with regards to typical romance fics, or even stories in general, which I find very clever. The fact that the characters were chained together seemed to imply that they were forced to be together, which is reminiscent of many romances. Characters were just made to be together for a relationship to be brewed through an embarrassing interaction, as an excuse for romance.
With how Wallflower and Skystar were active in seeking “pillars” throughout their journey in an unknown land, it shows how the characters were driven to gravitate towards the milestones outlined by the author in the story. Again, it goes back to the story’s stance on how characters were, by plot convenience, enabled for romance by doing things together.
These “pillars” also magically generated the equipment that the duo would require for them to conduct the necessary activity for them to bond closer together, and therefore build the romance. For example, in the initial part of the story, they provided sustenance by placing food of the duo’s own preferences for them to survive in the unknown environment they were tossed into and also spark conversation.
With that in mind, the more intriguing aspect would be how the characters were aware of how ridiculous this was. Similarly, due to the duo’s differences, they had different responses to this stimulus. Wallflower, being more insecure, was incredibly distressed and bothered by the ambient surroundings around her. Her mind was active in attempting to put the pieces of the puzzle together, but she realised that it was utterly illogical. Skystar was also aware of this, but she was willing to follow the glowing “pillars” in a bid to solve the mysteries of this place, which to her seems worthy to explore. Again, this adds nicely to their characterisation.
To me, the author intended to show how the forced romance as a result of these conveniences would be detrimental to the story, by showcasing how detrimental this was in the context of their own story. As Wallflower could not justify how this was happening to her, she would only pin it down to how it was a form of punishment to atone for her sins. When you tie this in with her character, it makes good sense, which frankly amazes me.
When she thought of how this place was intended for her to suffer under Skystar’s kindness, her instincts told her that she had to get out of this place. But she did not want to hurt Skystar’s feelings. Socially isolated as she was, she had developed some sort of superficial bond with Skystar, which she did not want to hurt. Radical, irrational thoughts streamed into her mind of self-harm as a form of escapism. When she made her decision, she wanted them to part ways so that Skystar would not have to witness her attempts at self-harm.
While I could see how this was possible in this context, I felt that there was an insufficient amount of foreshadowing that would lead to this. She was portrayed to be morose and gloomy, but that was expected of her. I would not have expected her to do it, till I had reasoned with myself in the prior paragraph’s rigour. Perhaps that was the author’s intention to make the reveal satisfying, but I would have preferred if the author had dropped a few hints or had some minor development for greater foreshadowing. It would have made unpacking the piece more enjoyable and accessible. More pivotal would be its effect on setting the stage of the climax with some rising tension.
To tie everything together, the chains which they had initially wanted to break free from become a sign of their desire to look out for each other and be with each other. Even self-aware, they embraced it in spite of the differences in their upbringing and heritage, to brave through the difficulties each other might face. And strangely, or serendipitously, they were bonded into such a peculiar relationship.
The story concluded with how it all did not matter. Sometimes you do not need special occasions to drive a relationship, and such matters can blossom from banal events typical of daily life. Such occasions could be a catalyst, but there must be more than that, right? I ponder.
Regrettably, I felt that the final scene was a little too contrived. Compared to the leap of faith that Wallflower had invested into, the reconciliation between Wallflower and Skystar was a little too on the nose to steer them into this relationship. The scene was not very impactful because of the ease of resolving the climactic conflict. I felt that the resolution was a little too simple for an attempt at grievous self-harm, which prevented me from understanding how her rationality was able to overcome her emotions. It was therefore harder for me to empathise with Wallflower, for I had expected greater doubt from her that was consistent with the author’s earlier development of her. This was also complicated by the insufficient development of the lead-up to the conflict. It was hence not too emotively resonating to me. Further work in these aforementioned areas would be prudent in improving the impact onto the reader.
Flow
I felt that the story can be a little inaccessible for some, owing to the symbolism and density attached to various entities in the story. Furthermore, the initial description of the “pillars” and the origins of the food the duo were consuming were a little unclear, which would make the overall scene a little hazy. It can also be said that that was the point; to show how illogical it was to the characters as it could be to us. Nevertheless, some light descriptions to paint the scene would help in some scenes, particularly the first, would help. Certainly, there must be a balance to maintain; the conversation between Skystar and Wallflower should still remain most salient for the reader’s attention. A good treatment was in the second scene, when the duo were heading to the next “pillar”. However, overall, I believe that, if you give the story a chance, you will revel in it after unravelling it.
Language
Few mistakes are noted in this story.
“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant at all! I mean, walking’s good, too! It’s, uh…” She laughed. “I’ve actually never walked as much before as I have been this little past while? It’s a different perspective! Something to appreciate, you know?.”
“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant at all! I mean, walking’s good, too! It’s, uh…” She laughed. “I’ve actually never walked as much before as I have been this little past while? It’s a different perspective! Something to appreciate, you know?”
Tentatively, Wallflower rolled onto her side to get herself back up, but suddenly, she felt one of Skystar’s hooves pinning her left forehoof to the ground. .
Tentatively, Wallflower rolled onto her side to get herself back up, but suddenly, she felt one of Skystar’s hooves pinning her left forehoof to the ground.
Stance
This is a decent, refreshing piece that I definitely enjoyed as I was unpacking the implicit messages the story sought to convey. I just wished that the climactic conflict was more impactful to drive that emotional strength this piece deserves.
Content/Plot: 6.5/10
Flow/Communication: 6.8/10
Language/Readability: 7.3/10
Overall: 6.9/10
Verdict: Enjoyable
yeah, this was a straight shot from Skystar's movie characterization! it's her base personality mixed with how she has grown in the years since then.
and yes, depressed and existentially horrified Wallflower is the core of the story! very important for that vibe to soak through.
yeah, they were really fun to put together. in retrospect the RNG really did bless me with this one
yep, loved how meta this was! a worldbuilding contrivance whose blunt obviousness is the point of it
it's interesting since my original plans had an entire backstory for Wallflower growing up with deeply religious earthpony parents, with religious practices similar to what i had in mind for the Pie family, and though she doesn't believe in it anymore, still having those thought patterns to wrestle with. but i ended up cutting all of that, so it's amazing to me that any of it got through!
oh yeah could always use more foreshadowing! what i have is Wallflower pushing Skystar away in the previous section, and Skystar's experiments with the cliff face in the section before that. thinking about it though, i don't think i would want tension in the last scene. i want to emphasize the casualness of what is the next obvious, logical step to Wallflower.
oh that's interesting since it was the other way around from what i intended! Wallflower's turn is a leap of faith into the absurd. giving into her emotions instead of following her rationality. but i guess that itself could be thought of as the triumph of a meta-rationality!
i agree. i wanted to avoid getting bogged down in exposition dumps, but with more skill and finesse i could have given a clearer picture of this strange world.
yeah i have no idea how those periods keep sneaking in! i'm pleasantly surprised there weren't any more obvious and worse ones tho.
yeah, i think the key here is in that final conversation, and maybe laying out more biographical details and connections between the two (great opportunity for "environmental storytelling" but with details in how they interact and move in the world). stories can always be made better!
and thanks so much for such an in-depth review! it's really awesome seeing someone engage with the themes more deeply, and all the effort and skills that go into that. i appreciate it greatly!