Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #15 · 5:00pm Jun 13th, 2022
So, after having paused two episodes before the end months ago, I finally finished my glacial rewatch of Season 5 with The Cutie Re-Mark. And that’ll probably be it. I can admit Seasons 6/7 are just weaker continuations, not the dropping off a cliff of the following two, and something that’s still (mostly) watchable. I still don’t intend to do so with an eye towards reforming definitive takes on the episodes the way I have till now. If anything, I need to redo it for Seasons 1-3 more, my takes made for them in the year after the show ended do not hold up at all.
Anyway, The Cutie Re-Mark was an episode I had considered the pits for quite some time, so it wasn’t a surprise that it did improve on this rewatch, even if the major issues remain. Disjointed storytelling and structural transition from the fanservice alternate timeline hopping to the “what makes Starlight tick?” aspect; ignoring the dark aspects and nuclear terrorism present; squezzing Starlight’s redemption into the ending song rather then letting it play out over Season 6 (if EqG can manage that, there’s no excuse, especially with Starlight being a much, much better villain then Sunset ever was), and a terrible, terrible backstory justification. Yup, all still there.
What surprised me this go around was, not only did the spectacle, stakes and intensity still make it an investing watch one could lose themselves in, Part 1 was almost totally absent of these issues. Even the key issue of wasting screentime on the details of the alternate timelines doesn’t apply, as given the Sombra timeline is Twilight and Spike’s first time, plus the audience’s, we’re still figuring out and reorienting ourselves alongside them. And that they don’t hit on using the scroll to go back until they realise this is a dead end is organic. With that, the heightened stakes, Starlight’s pure rage, the narrower scope of a few characters and events (after so many two-parters fit to bursting with characters and incident, a problem that would not go away going forward), and the emotional intensity of lasering in on the Mane 6’s origin and changing it, they all really land. Even Twilight’s bland All-Business Princess writing doesn’t annoy as much… okay, it kind of does, but you have to make your peace with that after a fashion, or you’re writing off 70% of the show.
This is not the first two-parter where I’ve freshly found Part 1 to be stronger - for both “Friendship Is Magic and Princess Twilight Sparkle, Part 1 comes out ahead - but it’s the only time in the first five seasons, other than A Canterlot Wedding, with more than a small quality gap between the two, and even that’s small enough next to this. Not that big – even in isolation, Part 2 works better then, say Magical Mystery Cure - but quite big. I’m aware many adore this two-parter, not least for all the fanfiction fuel the alternate timelines provide (weird the changeling one has barely been used, though), and while it is still a sloppy, broken mess for moi, I can get the good parts out of it that bit more now. Especially as Part 1 gets to cheat by leaving the resolution of its setup to Part 2. Ah, to be crafty – this remains the main saving grace for Frenemies down the road, after all. Also, once I filter out knowledge of how this two-parter doesn’t really slot in with either The Cutie Map before it, not anything of Starlight after it (oh, Josh Haber…) it suffers a little less. Though there's an argument to be made that those elements should be taken into account. At least the first one. But any less-than-brilliant episode’s problems would stick out next to the amazingness that is The Cutie Map, especially with how disjointed the whole of Season 5 was.
Okay, onto the fics. Bit of a lighter batch this week, and four of these come in pairs of a one-shot and its sequel. Well, they can’t all be major batches, can they? Shouldn’t be too many more casualties of the backlog drop from when these reviews were written before we’re back up and playing with power, naturally.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
The Foalsitter byDougtheLoremaster
When Candy Met Chrysi by DougtheLoremaster
Wonderbolt by WovenWord
Cutie Mark Crusader Alcoholics! by zaponator
CMC Alcoholics 2: Next Stop, Canterlot! by zaponator
Weekly Word Count: 21,416 Words
The Foalsitter by DougtheLoremaster
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life (Alternate Universe)
Chrysalis, Cadance, Twilight
2,710 Words
May 2022
On the very evening Cadance is due to start her new foalsitting job, she is unduly ponynapped by her regular correspondent, Chrysalis, well overdue for another batch of love. With this disastrous timing, Cadance refuses to acquiesce to this feeding until she’s done her own duty first. Chrysalis is left with no choice…
This AU where Cadance and Chrysalis have known each other for a long time doesn’t trouble itself to provide much context, basically asking the reader to roll with it. Not remotely hard, given the fic’s focus on light humour and disguised Chrysalis being a surprisingly good match for bringing Foal Twilight out of her shell. Just fair warning that the AU changes are mostly for setup, a means to an end, though the mildly erotic nature of the banter and relationship between the two royals-in-training suffices to paper over.
Otherwise, this is light, amusing, and mildly cute stuff, nothing to write home about, but well-paced, and especially strong at making the reader want more of the Chrysi/Twi bonding and slightly saucy Cadance/Chrysalis, especially given the fic’s ending setup and situation. The sequel demands in the comments, long fic or otherwise, are understandable! And they’ve been met now. Fun and diverting stuff, and worth the 2,700 word count.
Rating: Pretty Good
When Candy Met Chrysi by DougtheLoremaster
Genre: Romance, Slice of Life (Alternate Universe)
Cadance, Chrysalis
3,155 Words
June 2022Sequel to The Foalsitter
So how exactly did Cadance and Chrysalis get their relationship of regular feeds going in the first place? How did they meet? Well, it all began when Cadance, on a shopping trip one day, saw through the illusionary magic of a young Chrysalis…
I suspect this prequel was only tagged as a sequel due to being written as a response to The Foalsitter; in any case, it’s still meant to be read second. As origin story one-shots go (an odd choice, rather then proceeding with Chrysalis-disguised-as-Cadance being Twilight’s foalsitter), it’s on thin ice a bit; there isn’t a shortage of other concepts added to the predator-and-willing-prey notions, not least Celestia and Luna knowing about it and about changelings (plus, Luna was never banished in this timeline, it would seem). But the variety between Cadance, Chrysalis and Twilight last time works better than this two-character piece. Meanwhile, the comedy seems rather reduced, or at least diluted. Which yeah, it’s not a comedy. But while romance, as it were, takes centre stage instead, it lacks the slightly-saucy element that made it work, being set with them as foals (or at least somewhat younger).
It’s got Cadance being nice and sweet, and Chrysalis being mostly a scared, timid little whelp, and not a whole lot more. Also, the prose style is rather spare and something poorly formatted and constructed, like this was written in a hurry and not sufficiently proofread and edited afterwards. Not a big problem, but it does contribute to it feeling somewhat emptier, and sticking in the mind less.
Rating: Decent
Wonderbolt by WovenWord
Genre: Romance/Sad/Dark (Alternate Universe)
Rainbow Dash, Twilight
3,393 Words
September 2012Listened to via Scribbler's reading
Magic has left Equestria, leaving behind an automated, industrious corpse. In this diminished, fragile husk, it’s all Rainbow Dash can manage to keep troubling thoughts at bay. Finally, though, she musters up the courage to let Twilight, the only pony left who she still cares about, how she feels.
This is a nice case where the story isn’t precisely what I was expecting – a deep dive into this industrious world that explains how it ended up this way – yet still felt immensely satisfying. Probably that’s because while the setup is mostly a backdrop, it is still as much of a lifeblood of the story as Rainbow’s feelings, and Rainbow’s narration on the parts she chooses to recollect, and how her friends reacted and adapted to it, feed into how she approaches Twilight on the matter.
It’s that narration, so finely-tuned to a sincere and heartfelt Dash in a depressing situation, straining with all her might to see the silver lining, that not only makes the fic really immersive, but also quite emotionally intense. You feel when Twilight speaks up, how Dash can’t look away even as the reactions just aren’t. Underpinning the whole piece, mostly as bookends, are Dash’s reflections on what it means to be a Wonderbolt in a world where pegasi can no longer use their magic to fly.
I’d say the shipping aspect is the least interesting aspect of the piece, despite the intimate character scope, and the sum isn’t quite up to the parts, but this is still a really interesting and intense reflective piece, and the hopeful note it ends on makes it transcend its genre appeal to post-apocalyptic fic fans.
Rating: Really Good
Cutie Mark Crusader Alcoholics! by zaponator
Genre: Comedy
CMCs
4,614 Words
November 2012
Next to getting their cutie marks, what the Cutie Mark Crusaders want most of all is to be grown-ups. So when Apple Bloom stumbles across Applejack and Rainbow Dash chugging cider from a secret stash, and is told it’s for adults only, she and her friends take that to mean that if they drink it, they’ll be adults too. This is sure to work!
Fair warning, this is a story depicting underage drinking. Thankfully, I find it’s done very tastefully, never advocating for it. Possibly because it was written while drunk (and cleaned up later), the plot gets gradually more delirious as it progresses, where things make sense only in the moment to the intoxicated ponies. It’s certainly less straightforward then you might expect; instead of pivoting on the grown-ups copping on and catching the CMCs to give them a stern scolding, we remain steadfastly from their POV all story, and end with deliberately unresolved threads. It’s an interesting direction, and while I can’t say it fully worked, I think it mostly did.
Thus, what really carries this material that could easily flounder are some cheesy-yet-comfortably-so pop culture references, and snarky digs at Orphan Scootaloo, Apple Bloom’s parents, and so on. It’s not a great one, but it is quite entertaining, and the bizarre digressions and lingerings throughout, while making it kind of a muddled, plotless mess, also make it an entertaining and amusing one. Not for everywhere, but I was sufficiently entertained.
Rating: Pretty Good
CMC Alcoholics 2: Next Stop, Canterlot! by zaponator
Genre: Comedy
CMCs
7,544 Words
December 2012Sequel to Cutie Mark Crusader Alcoholics!
In the aftermath of their drinking crusade via Applejack’s stash of hard cider, the CMCs join Rarity’s family on a trip to visit some Canterlot relatives. Bored out of their skull around all these snobs talking about finance on end, they explore the house and discover an even larger stash of the good stuff. Since their previous outing went so well, there’s no reason to suppose this one won’t go just as swimmingly. Right?
A mostly-standalone sequel to the above Cutie Mark Crusaders Alcoholics! (it picks up right after and refers to that story’s events enough in the setup that it can’t be pronounced stand-alone enough to be read on its own without feeling it), this has barely a quarter of that story’s views, despite being released only a month later. It’s not hard to see why; for all that story has charm in its warped approach to its comedy and concepts, it did wear out its welcome right around the end. Still, I was curious to see if a different premise would permit a different direction.
Sadly, not quite. The mixture of more of the same, across nearly double the length, certainly made this far more of a drag, but even within that, the jokes, be they of the “why not” or “what the” variety, don’t land as well. Scootaloo’s mortality is treated like it’s nothing, some autopilot jokes poking at the show, there’s a rooftop brawl with a hobo, a pranking attempt goes wrong, and then a Back to the Future crossover pops up like it’s nothing. Some of these ideas are amusing (the CMCs go to Narnia, apparently), but most of them land in a “I got that” or “I see what you doing” register. And with the comedy not landing as well, the warped, bleak, black comedy worldview, and many disturbing concepts, end up less charming and more… off-putting. That its end with severe consequences for the CMCs, one in seemingly perpetuity, leaves its ending rather muddled.
That’s about the best I can point to for why this one didn’t work nearly as well for me. I still laughed, and more than a few times, but this strikes me as a fic possibly better enjoyed in the same state it was written, under the influence. Though it’s more because the concept couldn’t stand a repeat entry done with minimal deviation.
Rating: Passable
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 2
Decent: 1
Passable: 1
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
Tell Your Tale: Commentary Corner
I’m sure I’m not the only one, upon seeing that title, to be reminded of the Sponge episode “Missing Identity” where Spongebob and Patrick search for Spongebob’s missing name tag in the Krusty Krab dumpster. Don’t exactly expect something remotely that good either.
Know how you can tell this Equestria has had much of the exciting fantasy leeched out of it? Characters watching television has now opened quite a few of these shorts. Yes, it’s a sporting event. Doesn’t change the point.
While Sunny, Hitch and Zipp watch this diving event, Izzy is hard at work (yeah, right), making something. And nicking rings from appliances around the Brighthouse as she does. Naturally, when the sofa tips over, they yell her name. Fair!
And the thing Izzy’s making is… the lamp she gives to Sunny in the Make Your Mark special? Okay, well, apparently whoever numbers these episodes needs to shuffle this one back at least two spots, because short 11 was right after that special. Say what you will about Hasbro during G4, they did know the show well-ish. Anyway, given how that plot point was one of the worst parts of the special, entirely down to the lamp being altogether new and now design-connected to the old one at all (ofh, if only Izzy had said “I’ll make her a new one!” rather than “I’ll fix this one!”), coming across as pure indifference on the staff’s part… yeah, not a good hope here.
In any case, Izzy’s pillaging of household rings that fit perfectly on the lamp’s top has mucked with the shower’s settings (she nicked the temperate dial, it would seem), causing her to scarper lest she face the wrath of Pipp. Yeah, I’d flee too.
Izzy drives… a delivery motorbike? Well, the Earth-ifying of MLP continues.
After a montage of Izzy dismissing most rings around town (one which really made me reflect on her voice actress still being stuck between doing a Kimoko Glenn impressions and finding her own take on the character; I suspect this’ll stick for a while), she zones in on Posey’s earring. Do I even need to point out it was added to her for this episode?
Poset may be the worst, but if a gleefully insane unicorn chased me for my earring, tackled me into Dahlia’s flower stand, and then dismissed it after closer inspection and got drawn to unicorn squirrels with a butterfly net, I’d be mad too! It’s a “Homer’s Enemy” situation, where you would NOT want to know Izzy (post-film, anyway) in real life.
So the horned squirrels were gathering debris at a dumpster then diving into it to scatter them… because why? Yeah, not wasting brain cells debating that. Izzy follows suit, and once she lands, we transition to a musical number, complete with freaky song images and colours.
The song is about finding useful things in trash. And it spells out “trash” as its chorus. And has psychedelic colours, landscapes and horned squirrel backup dancers (floaters) everywhere. Yeah, this is defying my ability to describe it. A song about literal garbage might do that. It is the longest uninterrupted song thus far, at 70-odd seconds, and unlike the others, there’s nothing about this that feels like it needs to be even slightly longer.
Izzy finally gets a gold ring that fits her fixed crafted from scratch lamp. Apparently her scavenged crystals and gems have magical properties, because when she puts in one, the lamp floats up, glowing brightly. And her cutie mark grows, because replacing a friend’s heirloom with something that shares no components is a wonderful act of friendship in this Equestria.
Turns out Izzy’s earlier scavenging put Pipp’s hairdryer out of commission. She’s not too pleased about Izzy running off to fix it. “No one can see me like this!” Pipp, be quiet. Looking presentable for your fans, fine. But you can live with your friends and sister. Not like they don’t see you with mane hair every morning. Sunny can attest to that being a thing in this Equestria.
Anyway, Izzy clearly just wanted to use that as an excuse to go dumpster diving into that alternate dimension and sing about trash again. Quirky girl’s gotta have a hobby beyond super-insensitive unicycling, I guess…
I’ll give Make Your Mark credit, the intent of Izzy’s gift was there in the writing, if barely. There’s no way that was the case here. Without hardcore fan levels of memorisation of Izzy’s gift there (how many kids will have that? Not many), this carries no emotional investment or context, just dumping (
) right into Izzy going on a trash-diving spree. More than any short thus far, it can’t even come up with business for her to do in her hunt, pulling a “Homer’s Enemy” on Posey and a song about trash (can you say manifesto for this webseries? 
) is all they can come up with. Terrible characterisation for Izzy unaware of how terrible it is, nothing events that don’t feel coherent or connected… the only thing keeping this from last place is that I laughed at some of what they were doing (ironically, of course), while the social media gunge of Clip Trot isn’t even bad-amusing.
Starting to wonder how much more of this I can endure…
- Foal Me Once (Ep. 7)
- The Game Is Ahoof (Ep. 12)
- Mane Melody (Ep. 5)
- The Unboxing of Izzy (Ep. 6)
- Zipp Gets Her Wingsl (Ep. 3) * Originally titled Zipp’s Flight School.
- MARETIME BAY DAY 2.0 [sic] (Ep. 11)
- Sisters Take Flight (Ep. 1)
- IT’S T.U.E.S. DAY [sic] (Ep. 9)
- A Home to Share (Ep. 2)
- Sunny-Day Dinners (Ep. 10)
- Nightmare Roomate [sic] (Ep. 4)
- Dumpster Diving (Ep. 13) NEW
- Clip Trot (Ep. 8)
I wanted to read Wonderbolt when it first appeared, but then I saw and was disappointed by how it was not, in fact, the much bigger story I was hoping for and decided to pass on it. Reading that review, however, has convinced me to add it to my lists.
I really liked The Cutie Re-Mark, even acknowledging it's many, many problems. But I think what I really liked about Season 5 was how, unlike the previous seasons, you could tell that the show writers were intentionally building up to that finale for the entire season. The Cutie Map, Bloom & Gloom, Appleoosa's Most Wanted, and especially The Mane Attraction, and Crusaders of the Lost Mark; so much of the season was devoted to cutie marks, destiny, independence and personal purpose. Sure, they didn't do it perfectly, but the fact that they tried at all made me feel as though Season 5 as a whole was one of the better ones.
Considering the money-hungry, giant toy conglomerate breathing down their necks, I appreciate that they at least made an attempt, you know?
Re: TYT, this is the Pinkie Problem all over again and amplified.
Who doesn't love a loud, screeching, completely unpredictable character with absolutely no sense of personal space or property, right?
The real tragedy here, is that there are hundreds of examples of the Wise Fool* written really well to take as a example, if not an outright model. This is a classic case of incompetent and/or lazy writers imitating the derivative aspects of a character instead of writing them based on understanding their desires, goals, and personality. When that doesn't work,** they double-down by exaggerating (poorly understood) behavioral tics, which results in an irritating if not outright revolting character.
Honestly, I'm giving up on TYT and mentally filing it away as a Pony Life type gag show that is purely incidental and unnecessary to the main series. I think it's the only way I'll be able to enjoy G5 as a whole, and (believe it or not) I really, really want to.
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* Or Manic Pixie Dream Girl, if you can't manage clever subtext.
** And in the long (or short) run, it never does.
My first foray into actually watching something TYT-related was the clip of that dumpster diving song. Everyone was talking about it, saying it was a high point of the series so far or whatever.
If you ask me, it was well overhyped. :B
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Ah, always a fair point in turning away. Truthfully, I would have passed on it too were it not for finding it via Scribbler's reading, which is always handy for putting alongside other tasks where multitasking is optimal. Worked out for me, and now for you! Life's sometimes nice like that.
I'd… actually never considered that element. Well, the link between the CMCs episodes, yes, but otherwise, nope; I just remained laser-focused on how the the three duo map episodes were all that was gotten of the "adventuring and spreading friendship beyond Equestria" aspect, and even aside from the quality of The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone, Made In Manehattan, and The Hooffields and McColts (that the latter two are almost universally considered largely dull and forgettable isn't a good endorsement), they weren't even doing Season 4's plotting-style with the Keys as well.
But dang, you lay it out like that, and I'm gobsmacked it never occurred to me before. I still don't think the finale actually feels of the same plot or arc space as what was being set up for it (and I'd felt that even before I cam across the evidence of the late-game shifts for their plan), something highlighted further by how different Starlight is written between the premiere and finale (to say nothing of Season 6 onwards) but as regards themes and pony emotions and ideals, I'm convinced. Especially as I found the emotional stakes and intensity driven by changing the Mane 6's shared origin that impactful this time.
And liking something despite it having severe problems is always fine; after all, I still got swept up in watching this, sloppy writing be darned, so clearly it's got the goods. Before now, I'd have put this two-parter near the season's bottom; now, I think it would inch into the top half. And, in a vacuum, now you'd more easily get me to watch The Cutie Re-Mark than the functional but frankly dull Princess Twilight Sparkle. That counts for something.
Still building up will to watch Make your Mark but ew ew that animation ew.
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You know, it was only after I posted this that I remembered "wait, I bet when iisaw reads this, we'll get a regurgitation of what he said as regards Izzy's characterisation in TYT over on Logan's blog". Lo and behold, here we are. Not that I'm complaining, your words are justified, and the opinion shared.
But yes, even given writers' tendencies to double down on character's annoying, loud, and abrasive tendencies, it's amazing how bad it is with Izzy here, how incoherent the writing is in even starting and ending the character intent from a good place onscreen (as still happened when this writing affected Pinkie, with only a few rare exceptions). Without which, we're left with just… something that makes Frank Grimes and Squidward look well-treated next to Posey and others unfortunate enough to end up in Izzy's path. Never thought I'd say those words.
I'm not in a position to outright stop watching the webseries, at least not now. But I am giving serious thought to stopping spending an hour each week watching slowly them with frequent pauses, drafting up 800-odd words on why it blows, and linking to images. Ranking stops meaning much once we have this many anyway; after that point, just counting the non-insufferable ones (of which we have three, and that's stretching it) is the only worthwhile point. I'll see about it after next week.
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100%; I can only assume people were getting ironic fun mixed up with actual fun, or liked getting a song that didn't cut off abruptly. Or they liked the warped audacity and weirdness of Izzy singing about trash on repeat. The complete lack of sincerity, honesty and energy in that killed it for moi, making it just sit and die there on the screen. It's so limp.
And as for high points, only the top two rated episodes there qualify, and even then, they only really get to "limp genre pastiches", landing at the quality of a "meh" EqG short at best, and lacking that series' better voice acting, technical execution and writing formula. So you can continue to remain ignorant of and stay away from TYT.
We'll see after next week, but I think unless this picks up and sustains not-awfulness in the next few shorts, Commentary Corner will close up shop.
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My review on the special actually focuses mostly on why the animation being what it is affects the special beyond being visually distracting; the juxtaposition between better rendered/lit/animated moments alternating with badly-done ones on a shot-for-shot basis doesn't help, but the insanely high frequency of moments where the visuals are conspicuously not boosting the script through proper timing, staging, layout, acted moments, etc. only spotlights the script's limitations. Good animation can boost a lacking script, a good script can make you not pay attention to poor animation. But when you have neither…
That review barely discusses the plot at all, not in the way most folks here would (instead it focuses on why the mistakes drag it down) so while it isn't spoiler free, you might get some more info out of it. But probably best to just watch it instead, if you can build up the will. Not an easy task, I grant.
Sure, the special doesn't even apply post-production blue to character and camera movements correctly; you don't realise how much character animation in CG needs at least some of that to avoid seeming too stiff and focused. And I understand that is not an expensive thing to do, in fact it's quite quick. If someone told me Hasbro put the series up for auction and gave production duties to the studio with the lowest bid, I wouldn't be surprised at all.
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Really? Maybe I should have brought it up sooner, but I didn't because I thought I'd be preaching to the choir. I mean, what is Crusaders of the Lost Mark but a reminder of the cultural importance of cutie marks to ponies? What is The Mane Attraction, and to a lesser extent Appleoosa's Most Wanted and Canterlot Boutique, but confirmation that the best thing for a pony's well-being is to follow the call of their cutie marks and be true to themselves? Even Hearthbreakers has a message of not judging people based on your own values, in opposition to Starlight's "my way is the only way" focus. And when you get right down to it, underneath all the bombastic fan-pandering, The Cutie Re-Mark is a firm and confident demonstration of the value of cutie marks and accepting your reality, a direct and vehement contradiction to the beliefs of Starlight's cult in The Cutie Map.
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At least I rephrased it for the overlap crowd, right?
I will keep reading your reviews, and if there's an outlier in terms of enjoyability, I'll give it a look. Dumpster diving may be taken as a metaphor for the series itself, and if I can get other people to sort through the stinky trash to find the
gemsunopened packets of crisps, that's a win for me!5664425
At this point, I won't even mourn its passing. You need to let yourself off the hook if need be!