Short Hand: Pony Religion 5 · 12:16am Apr 11th, 2021
Shepherd: "Princess Celestia, I need to ask you a question."
Celestia: "By all means, my knight. Ask away."
Shepherd: "It... Seems kind of weird that a lot of mares find me... You know... Attractive. As in sexually. I am a completely different species, after all."
Celestia: "Well, outside of the fact you are brave and a hero of Equestria."
Shepherd: "Yes, outside of that."
Celestia: "And your hands are delightful to be touched with."
Shepherd: "Okay, sure-"
Celestia: "And your sweat is filled with salt, which we ponies love-"
Shepherd: "Yes, okay, fine?!"
Celestia: "Well! One of the most enduring love stories in Equestrian history is between Daniel the Strong and Lady Surprise of Dream Valley."
Shepherd: "... Huh?"
Celestia: "Literally written down in the Book of Harmony, our most sacred text. It has been adapted thousands of times into multiple forms over the centuries. The idea of a Human Guardian of Equestria coming forth to protect and romance someone is a fantasy many a young mare had growing up, like Prince Charming on your world."
Shepherd: "Wait, so according to legend... But that's a legend!"
Celestia: "Yes... But thanks to recent genetic analysis by Twilight, we know that it is based in fact. Many human genes have been found in modern pony populations. So it is clear that humans were indeed once here on this planet, and they..." smirk "Contributed to Ponykind."
Shepherd: "... Not enough to be compatible though, right?"
Celestia: "Actually, very compatible. Especially with the aid of magic. After all, you've seen hippogriffs have you not? How did you think they came to be?"
Shepherd: "... So in other words, I'm completely screwed, aren't I?"
Celestia: beams "Probably quite literally, yes."
- - -
The Book of Harmony is basically the Equestrian version of the Torah, the Norse Eddas and the Bible: It recounts the creation of Ponykind and the world, the Human Protectors Megan, Daniel and Molly (though in suitably epic form) and their adventures in Dream Valley, the adventures of other humans in Equus and then the time they left, the coming of Grogar and his enslavement of Ponykind, his overthrow by Gusty the Great and her brief alliance between the tribes, which then broke down and they became their own kingdoms that warred with one another, the Great Freeze, Hearthswarming Eve and the founding of Equestria, and multiple other events up to the first defeat of Discord and the coronation of Celestia and Luna. So it will be used here (and feel free to use it in your own fics) as a suitable sacred text for Equestrians.
I liked it better when this wasn't revealed until Twilight was already pregnant.
Shep... you are so totally and hopelessly fucked. I hope you know that.
That said however I hope pony magic can repair your everything cause you're going to be run ragged when heat hits methinks.
Love it!
Wow. Now that would make for an epic tale...
Yeah, late to the party, sorry.
(Ahhh! That does help explain a lot! A rather massive amount actually, attraction to a human male is actually hard-wired into their culture.
Though, if I was Shepherd, I might step back on that 'wait, you ponies can tell that my sweat is filled with salt' thing. Maybe address the part where he's a walking drug?
And the Book of Harmony sounds like a good religious text name. Hmmm... I sometimes consider what different religions CAN exist in a fantasy setting of MLP. Harmonism and Discordism seem obvious... some forms of Animism perhaps. Alicorn worship could be separated from Harmonism or be a larger part of it... yeah, religious options on the whole interest me!)
They joked around a fair bit, and got imprisoned by the monkey villains together, but Danny and Surprise as a ship is mostly fannon. Not that I can complain. They're adorable.
https://derpibooru.org/search?q=dannyprise
*Tip's fedora* Don't mind if I do.
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Well, that was just the storybook version. The actual story involved a lot more magical energy blasts and fighting with spears and swords and sloppy make outs.
I mean, there's a bunch of people IRL who would probably screw a vampire thanks to some stories, so it's not impossible, nor even improbable.
But I'd take a warm blooded living sapient mammal over an undead abomination any day.