The ending. · 1:23am Sep 20th, 2020
What a stupid month.
My dad had a pulmonary embolism yesterday. He'll be dead this week, odds on. I can't go down to see him right now because Covid-19 is hugely spiking in my state and getting on an airplane is asking to give it to him, my 60 year old half-sister who is taking care of him, and my 70 year old mother.
We're arranging a video-chat system so I can spend his last days talking with him. I'm just glad I got to see him a couple months ago. That was good. Helped a lot. I took several people's advice and recorded about eight hours worth of conversations with him. Just private moments where we told each other we loved one another and forgave old fights and it was good. I'll have those as long as I live. Sticking them on Google cloud so they're always there.
I'm sorry if the final chapter comes slow. I've got to deal with probate - not that there's a lot, thankfully. He's dying poor, but rich in friends. He never thought he'd have friends, but this 55+ community he moved into has some really good people in it.
Anyway, to the story!
The ending of Starlight Over Detrot has always been a bit of a sticking point, though we knew more or less how it would end, but not when. There have been a few changes since the original ideas were laid down. The fight with Diamante was set to be on a rooftop in the rain, but I decided I liked the 'perfect dark' and more alien setting of the city beneath the Shield. It was also supposed to be much more brutal and angrier, but...honestly, I like how it turned out pretty well.
What happens now is still a bit of a question in my mind. You might have seen the swerve at the end of the last chapter and that does mean introducing, effectively, a new character. I'm going to try to keep that short since I don't think there's a whole lot new I can say about them.
Many of the readers in the Starlight chat have helped me by providing me lists of their personal fears. Best believe, I will be tweaking those hard.
It may end up running a bit long. The election is in 6 weeks and I am setting a goal for myself of having Starlight done by then. If I can throw down 1000 words per day, it should be no problem.
To all those who've kept me afloat this long, I thank you. There will be other books. Maybe even other pony books. I hope never this long, but who knows? Thank you all for your patience.
Also, if you want to add any personal fears you don't mind me potentially exploiting in the final chapter, feel free to leave them in the comments.
-Chessie
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Need to vent?
I’m sorry you can’t go see your dad face to face Chessie. I’m sure the video chat will be the next best thing to bring there.
I’ve always had a fear of swimming in water that’s clear, but gets dark and murky as the water gets deeper and has seaweed rising up from the dark depths. It always made me think of a hidden sea monster raising its tentacles up to grab an unsuspecting victim, and pull them down to into the darkness.
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I'm okay. This was my big 'vent'. I just want to get the story written so it's out there for ya'll.
I had to see my grandmother be pulled away by ems as her caretaker for things. Im sorry another has to be apart for a matter like this. It bloody well sucks.
And you can speak to him in small mercies. I never got to before she crashed and went, and it the worst kind of lingering hurt.
All I can offer is my well wishes.
I’m so sorry about your dad. I know it means little coming from a stranger on the internet, but I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
5359158 It means a lot, honestly. My dad's condition is pretty rough. I don't know how long he's going to be alive and the waiting is terrible. Thank you, though.
5359152
I really appreciate your well wishes. They do help immensely.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Months before my dad died because the staff infection ate his heart valve, my uncle and aunt finally talked him into spending time in a recording studio, they played with him for a couple of songs, but there was at least 5 hours of music that was just him
He died Dec 19th
His siblings had already made everybody a copy of thier music and wrapped it up
They then made a copy of just his music, gave it a special cover and presented it to thier mom and my step mom
I wish Google drive existed back then because I've prob moved at least 20 times since then and I couldn't tell you when I lost the cd.
And I dont have access to any computer I saved it on either
I just asked my step mom for a copy, I found my forever home finally my gypsy heart has settled
That conversation video you have with him, I can tell you its going to become something very precious. I know you saved it to Google, but go buy a cute or fancy thumb drive, and then a key chain thumb drive, and save it there too
Put the key chain on your keys so hes always with you
Put the fancy one somewhere safe so you always have a copy incase the internet ever dies
5359245
Also I hope that you don't have to sign a piece of paper saying he didn't want to live on life support because he hand wrote on his living will.
I was 19
Someday it still feels like its my fault he died
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Stay strong.
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Fortunately, we had a long-ish time to prepare for all of this.
-Chessie
Oh, dear. I'm sorry.
I'm glad he's with friends, at least, and will very hopefully have communication with you even if you can't be there, and, indeed, had that recent visit.
Good luck, to all of you, in the field of possibilities you have.
And I'd second the suggestion from 5359245 of storing multiple copies of those recordings in multiple places, including at least some under your control rather than on the usually reliable distant servers of a large corporation, if you want to be that sure of having them. The Google cloud can keep them safer from local problems, and the local copies can keep them safer from problems with the cloud.
Sorry you have to go through this. My own dad was just diagnosed with Lyme disease, which is nowhere near as dire as this but discomfiting enough. I'll pray for you and yours, whatever that's worth.
...Also, I don't actually know if you meant it, but I just got the double meaning of the blog title.
All I can say is, condolences.
By the time I saw mine he didn't recognize me, but I had put some effort into seeing him before, as you have.
I'm so sorry. I would have wished an easier path for you but clearly it ain't up to me. Good for you about being wise in the ways of covid, that'd be the last thing your family needs on top of this. Honestly I'm not worried about the timeframe of your last chapter: your book wouldn't be what it is if you didn't care about people and things, so it'll be what it'll be and it'll finish up when you can do it. If it means anything to you to bang it out during all this, by all means carry on
While I appreciate that horsewords can be an escape for when it gets too rough IRL; please don’t feel like you owe us anything on any sort of schedule. We’ll be here whenever it’s done.
I will not patronize you with empty platitudes... but...
As much as I hate it, entropy comes for everyone and everything eventually... and there’s nothing I can say to make it all OK. All I can do is to stand with you (even though we are separated by geography) for you to know that you are not alone in the darkness.
I’m a bit late, but I’m really worried about deaths:
All of Canterlot+Princesses
Hardy
Equestria
I feel like one of these will die. I’m not sure which, though.
Condolences on your father.
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We shall just have to see, won't we? Best not try to predict the author too far. She's crazy.
-Chessie
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Oh no, this is no more then gut. I’ve only predicted a few things in this novel successfully, and those were obvious, anyway.
In all likelihood something fucking crazy nobody could have expected happens. Mayhaps Hardy ascends to God/Alicorn of Guilty Drunkards, or Sweets starts dating the ancient evil, or any number of other things.
You know, actually, the alicorn idea isn’t half bad. “Alicorn of Justice” has a nice ring to it.
I have been coming to this site every day to check for any updates on the things I'm reading. Your story is one of the top of my list that I'm hoping to see when I pop open the fave menu.
No that I want you to rush or anything. I hate a rushed story. I love a good, long story that I hope just has one more page even while the stack is getting dreadfully thin. My wife tells me I remind her of one of the Doctor Who's that has a hard time reading an ending because I don't want it to end.
I have the same problem with writing, I tell you. I can make a good story, I just can't end it. Lol
I'm sorry to hear about your father. I'll admit I don't keep up with blogs; I'd much rather have my nose buried in a good book and forget the troubles I see. My dad just lost the closest thing to a decent father figure a couple of weeks ago and he's still not okay. I don't know weather to punch him in the shoulder and tell him they'd rather him not be miserable or just hug him and let him cry. I have trouble with understanding and expressing emotions, you see. I end up stuck with a blank face and a numb pit in my chest. I care... I just don't know how to show it.
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I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long. Getting it right has been an absolute beast. I found my motivation over the last couple days and have been working hard on it. I needed some mental incentive to focus. The last few months were a god damn hell-scape.
I promise to get it done in the next week or so. This might not be the final chapter and there's, of course, the denouement and epilogue to write. Those will be their own things.
-Chessie