Target: Moonlight Shimmer · 6:21pm Jul 17th, 2020
“Alright fellas, I have another target for you.”
“Is it that Pentagon guy again?”
“No Tempest. It is not.” *Points to the board, where an Alicorn's picture sat* “Moonlight Shimmer!”
*Spits up coffee* “What?!”
“Yes Pharynx. We’re hunting Moonlight.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“Look man, she’s bothering you. If you ain’t takin' action, we are.”
“Would anyone mind telling me what the buck’s going on here?”
“Uh...”
“Oh for Chrysalis' sake! Pharynx is being tormented by some Alicorn claiming to be his girlfriend.”
“To put it bluntly, yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“That doesn’t matter! She’s stopping by everyday asking random changelings where I’m at!”
“Thankfully, she can’t find us here. This place is impenetrable.”
“True that.”
“Yep. So anyway— Dagger? Why are you looking at her picture?”
“Dude. Why the hell does she look like the offspring of Sombra and Nightmare Moon?”
“That’s kinda what she is.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s in her backstory or something.”
“Huh. Edgy.”
“Eh.”
*Raises hoof* “I have a question.”
“Yes Zenex?”
“How do we kill her? I mean, she is an Alicorn.”
“Good question. Luckily, I come prepared.” *Presses nearby button* “Introducing, Random But Very Cliché Alicorn!”
*Chained Alicorn raises up outta the stage* “H-Hey! Where am I?!”
“Huh. Where’d you get her?”
“Oh, she was one of those random Alicorn OCs that stop by Ponyville and what not.”
“Huh. But I still thought Alicorns couldn’t die.”
“Ah. That’s where you’re wrong. They’re immortal, but can die.”
“Whaaa?”
“Basically, they don’t die by age, and they’re shields are pretty strong. But they can die by other causes. Such as...” *Pulls out 44. revolver and fires at Alicorn* “Firearms.” *Pulls out mace (the club, not the spray) and hits her in the side.* “Bludgeoning.” *Pulls out a few more weapons and attacks* “Knives, crossbows, crushing, poison... You get the idea.”
“What about fire?”
“Well, it depends on what Alicorn it is. Like Celestia: the sun is her personal pool.”
“Well, Miss Perfect is the daughter of Nightmare Moon and Sombra.”
“So hellfire it is then.” *Writes something on a clipboard.* “Alright Fangs, move out—”
“Stop right there!”
*Sigh* “Dangit Luna.”
“Wait, how do you know it’s Luna?”
“Oh please. Anyone could recognize her voice from a mile off.”
“Touché.”
“What do you want Luna?”
*Grabs clipboard from Hero and signs her name* “Here.”
“Uh... Thanks?”
*Walks off*
“I can’t believe Luna’s one appearance was just to sign approval of her supposed daughter assassination.”
“Well, she signed. Not let’s go rain hellfire!”
“Hura!”
*Later, Hero picks up news letter* “Breaking news... blah blah, Alicorn, yada yada, found dead, so on and so forth, hellfire. Heh, nice job fellas.”
Well, at least Tempest and Pharynx can live in peace.
5311433
“Yeah. Now to calm him down...”
“Free! Hahaha! I’m finally free! Hahahaha!”
Yay! Now Tempynx is free!
5311443
Oh uh...
5311436
“I’m finally bucking free! Hahaha! I’ve never felt so happy! Hahaha!”
5311446
“I think he’s gone a bit... Y’know.”
5311445
“Yes! Hahahaha! No more! I’m finally free hahaha!”
5311453
Um...Tempest, you might wanna get over here and calm him down before he starts singing or something...
5311455
“I think he’s way past that...”
5311458
“Okay, fine.”
5311457
Fair enough...still, it's only a matter of time before Thorax comes over to see what he's doing and he lets slip he basically murdered a princess...
5311461
“Screw that! All that matters is that I’m free!”
5311461
That was no princess; that was a phony.
5311464
“True.”
5311463
5311464
Eh, true.
5311468
Yep.
5311468
5311464
5311458
How funny would it be if the original author found this?
5311473
Dunno. They might be proud of their story for all we know. Though it would probably be the tiniest bit hilarious.
5311473
No idea
5311478
That’s probably true.
5311479
Heh, yep
5311480
True
5311481
Yeah. Though it may be they just never bothered to delete it, in which case them finding this would probably be really funny
5311485
Heh, yeah
5311491
Yeah